My Parents "Hate" and "Judge" My boyfriend

[anlm16]

I'm 16 years old and he is 19. we've been dating for a while now, with out my parents knowing. The reason we're dating with out my parents knowing is because of his past. He "used" to do drugs but he doesnt do them anymore I've told my parents this over and over again and all they say is "hes lying, hes lying to you" they're being stubborn. I know hes not lying. I trust him a lot. And he makes me SO happy! And my parents have only met him once and only talked to him once. Anyways, my parents found out about us, they totally disapprove. I was talking to my dad, he said "if I ever find out you were with him im gonna give you a wupping" I'm also grounded, my parents dont trust me one bit. My dad thinks he is dating me for "pleasure" he says thats what druggies do, and he says they're selfish. My b/f and i already talked about that. We talked about how we're gonna take it slow.. and we have been I told my dad that he doesnt believe me at all! I really dont know what to do. I just feel like running away. They dont believe anything i say. And my older sister is much worse then me she goes out partying every night and makes out with boys everynight.. she gets it easy becuz she lies to them. its so unfair!!!

[slubberdegullion]

OK, a couple of things to consider:

 

First of all, seeing him on the sly automatically make this whole thing suspicious. That, and the fact that he's legally an adult and you're legally a child puts another spin on it. (I'm not suggesting you're immature, I simply mean 'child' in the strict legal sense.) Now combine that with his history of substance abuse.

 

What parent wouldn't be concerned?

 

Your dad, by the way, is absolutely right about substance abusers. They are users of people, of drugs, they are master manipulators.

 

Before you get all red in the face and start frothing at the mouth, I'm not saying that your current bf is all those things. If he had a habit, and he kicked it and has maintained the fortitude to steer clear of drugs, then that says a great deal about his strength of character.

 

So to the issue at hand: Your parents are the only ones on the planet that can be guaranteed to have your best interests at heart. Granted, they may not have the full story and they may be irrationally judgemental, but the point is that their concerns are based on legitimate worries.

 

It will be up to you to prove to them that your new beau is a wise choice as a potential mate. You'll have to be calm, rational, factual and clear-headed about this. So talk to them, adult to adults.

 

DON'T:

• Get into the "I'm a big girl and I can make my own choices" fluffery. That will only damage your case;
  
• Get your sister involved. What happens with her is entirely irrelevant;
  
• Get all upset and crying and teary and all the rest. Your logic will fly out the window when that happens.

DO:

• Keep it factual;
  
• Understand that you know where they are coming from and that their concerns, in their mind, are legitimate; and,
  
• Express your appreciation for their worries, because they truly do want to protect you from danger.

Good luck!

[battleworn]

You're description of him raises all sorts of red flags. I'm not surprised your parents are worried; they should be.

 

Doesn't matter if you're 16 or 60... when you are in love with someone you have blinders on, and may not see what is obvious to everyone else.

 

What kind of drugs did he do?

[sexiibabee]

my boyfriend has a pretty shady past too and my parents definitely did not approve of me being with him. there's only drama til they accept it. i moved out in a heartbeat and now 9 months later my bf and i have our own apartment and my dad still hasnt met him. i'm not saying move so fast like i did. i'm saying that parents will always be parents and even after a long time they may still feel the same way. it's hard to get something across to someone that doesnt want to listen but keep trying to talk with them and don't verbally retaliate. i found that the worst thing to do!! but grrr sometimes they just get you soo mad huh.

[anlm16]

he did pot. Just pot. He has tried some other drugs but that was an experiment type thing. He told me he didnt like doing pot all that much because it made him lazy. Today he told me that he had so many chances to do drugs but he said he turned them down. I actually believe him. Today we made an agreement that we were gonna wait for each other till im aloud to date. because right now im not aloud to. not until im 19. i think its a little REDICULOUS. but i can do it.

[edbravo]

well since you are still 16 yo, i guess you ought to wait until you have the right to be an adult so for the mean time stay cool and have fun....you dont have to worry too much being so young.....have FUN FUN FUN before its too late.