HELP!! I think he likes me but I'm not sure if he's giving me signs!

[reallyconfusedgirl]

I've been visiting this forum for about a month now, but I've never posted.

 

I don't think I can keep this real short and sweet. I really need some feedback on this guy that I really like.

 

Before I get into him, you need to know that I've never really been in a relationship. I've gotten better at talking to guys and hanging out with a few, and I've sorta been on dates, but I never had a boyfriend. I'm old enough to have graduated college but I'm still not that far into a career or anything. This guy is really only my second ever crush and I think I have it really bad. The first guy, after months, I did come out and say something to him, but despite what seemed like he might have liked me (talking to me, hanging out at the bar just me and him sometimes, etc) and what my friends said, he wasn't interested.

 

This new guy, he definitely seems interested, but having had no relationships and not really having that feeling that any guys are attracted or interested in me, as guys are in my other friends who are girls, makes it hard for me to see why this guy would like me, but there are signs and those are the things I'd like to tell you about and see from anyone at this forum, if he's trying to tell me something.

 

Because of my lack of experience, I'm not really sure how to act. I know I've been flirty with him and stuff, but I'm not good at realizing signs or even making moves, like being touchy or something. I've kissed a couple guys and have even gone pretty far (was at a party once) once, but I want something real.

 

We've known each other for about a year. We talked a little bit at work, and he was always easy to get a long with, real funny and easy going. I never really gave any interest even when it started to creep up because I didn't figure there was any chance and it wasn't worth the effort.

 

But then he's kinda the one who started it. I noticed it at first when he'd start talking to me more and try to help me, or come up next to me and instead of handing me something he'd come up beside me and lean into me a little and give it to me. He'd touch my arm and sometimes make comments like if I wasn't working around him he'd be like "why aren't you working over here? that's it we're breaking up. i wont let you break my heart." etc.....He would be the one who'd talk to me a lot, tell me stories and stuff.

 

A couple of our co workers started making comments about us and just giving me/us looks, so when at first it really wasn't clear about whether he was becoming interested or just flirting to have fun, you know I started to grow increasingly interested in him, and I know that when *I* say something or flirt, I mean it but I'm not sure about it the other way around.....

 

We've gone out maybe 4 times. The first couple were group coworker things so it wasn't like him or I asking each other. The 3rd time I think I asked him and a couple of the other co workers out adn they came and met up with me and a few others. The 4th time I was going out with my friends and I asked him and some others if they wanted to come but only he came. He said the others were coming but they didnt. So I dont know how to read that....

 

Now he got another job so we no longer work with each other anymore. And I think I like him more than I ever did. We still talk like once a week. Usually he'll call ME. He's pretty good at calling me back too. At least within a few days. We joke and make fun of each other a lot. Like if he calls me and i answer, say hello he's like "hey, what's up dork??" or when i'm talking he'll be like "you're such a dork" sometimes he calls me a jack ass like 5 x in a convo, it's not a real nice term but i think he of course doesn't mean it that way, and I usally yell at him, like EXCUSSSE me, don't call me a jack ass," and so on...

 

I told him he has to come hang out since we haven't seen each other in a while and he was like "i wanna hang out with you" and i haven't made really a lot of effort to invite him out because i've been busy with my own friends and work and stuff. But he hasn't made any effort either, so i'm not sure how to take that....

 

But he's made comments like "so when are you going to invite me out" and he brings up the subject so i'm assuming he does want to be invited out?

 

He talks about girls and "eye candy" and stuff sometimes, and i'm not sure if that's normal (i know its normal but i feel awkward when I am a girl, he's talking to me, and he's talking about other girls in general he'll prob never see again) or is he like trying to make me jealous?

 

Sometimes I feel like he's trying to make compliments or maybe tell me something I'm not quite getting, like I need to read between the lines. It's like I'm getting these signs, but I don't know if I am reading into them too much.

 

Is it a bad sign that we have this friendship and this...tension (at least on my part maybe...) but we're not...initiating anything more? Or do things like this really take time and do not necessarily mean that nothing can come of it?

 

I think I'm going to be going out to the club pretty soon like one of these weekends and I'm going to call him on Monday I think and ask, but should I actually call. Text message, or what? and what should I say? I tried to ask last night when I talked to him but he talks a lot and then he had to get off the phone and i never got to get the question in. And being nervous didn't help...

 

I figured I'd pretty much say something like "hey, im going out this weekend, would you come with?" i'm just afriad he'll really have plans and not be able to and that in itself is fine, but then im busy again and dont know how long before the opportunity comes up again and i don't want to be a retard and keep asking him at all the wrong times.

 

And I can't ask him to go have lunch or something b/c well.....because i would never be able to make myself do it. But i think if he came out, then some of the tension would be broken...but then I still don't really know what to do......

 

HELP ME PLEASE!!!

[Copingsaw]

Hmmm ... the fact that it has been so long with nothing materializing is a bad thing. The fact that he shows interest in you is a good thing. Has he dated other women in the time that you have known him? If so, he probably isn't shy and, if he liked you like that, he would have made a move already.

 

You obviously have pretty heavy anxiety about guys. Sometimes you just need to take the plunge. Its the only way to start breaking out of your shell. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

 

I would suggest not asking him out to the club ... that's still a little too ambiguous. He's already agreed to meet you so ask him to meet for lunch or dinner sometime "to catch up". If he agrees, thats a good start and you've opened the door for him to make a move without feeling like he could get rejected. If it doesn't lead to anything further, he probably doesn't like you like that ... and you've got to make a choice ... tell him point blank you like him or move on.

[reallyconfusedgirl]

Hmmm ... the fact that it has been so long with nothing materializing is a bad thing. The fact that he shows interest in you is a good thing. Has he dated other women in the time that you have known him? If so, he probably isn't shy and, if he liked you like that, he would have made a move already.

 

He hasn't dated any other women since I met him. I'm pretty sure he hasn't. It's just one of those things I can tell. I'm not so sure he's really shy. He used to mention some of his girlfriends in stories he'd tell but I don't think he's dated a whole lot of women. I think he's had a few serious relationships but only like half a dozen. But I don't know how those relationships were initiated...he doesn't seem real shy but he could be one who is like all talk but no action.

 

You obviously have pretty heavy anxiety about guys. Sometimes you just need to take the plunge. Its the only way to start breaking out of your shell. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

 

I think that I have taken a decent amount of action. Maybe not real outright stuff, but I'm not running away like I used to if I thought someone might be interested...and they usually only needed to talk to me for me to run away, ha! But I'm more or less going after him I think. I'm trying to close that gap and get a resolution.

 

I mean there's a lot more little flirty things and signs that he's done that I haven't mentioned. Those were just a few. I think really it would take quite a feat to list all that he's done or said that make me think he's interested but at the same time I got that little person in my head telling me I'm a fool to think so. So I just keep going in this endless circle but....i don't know. I have my one friend to talk to about this, but i dont have any guys i could tell this to.