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Should I be worried? (kinda long but help really needed)


HolLovesVols05

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HolLovesVols05

Hey everyone! I had a problem occur in my relationship on Thursday night and have since sought guidance. I did a Google search and came across this site. It seems like a great community and I am glad to have joined!

First of all let me give a quick into my relationship. I am 24 years-old and my boyfriend is a year older. We have been together for over a year (16 months to be exact). He has been talking to me lately about picking out rings and we have had the serious marriage discussions. We were planning for a wedding next spring.

Our fight started Thursday night when he told me that he wants to buy a motorcycle. He is in grad school right now and therefore doesn’t make much money. He is still paying off a lease on his car that he is over the mileage on. I am not trying to rush him into buying me a ring because I want for it to be right on all accounts. I am not some materialistic girl that needs to have a ring now. He should not feel like he has to buy me one, but he has mentioned he wants to soon and wishes he had more money for one. If that is true then why the hell is he trying to tell me he wants to buy a motorcycle? How convenient that suddenly he forgets his car payments. I was mad that he can’t be more responsible.

So we were fighting over that and as dumb as it may sound to other people it is important to me because many newlyweds fight over finances. Friday night he went with some friends from school to a kegger at another friend’s house. The party was an hour away. He who is over his miles drove there and he drove another girl. This girl has no clue he has a girlfriend because he has never told her. He claims there has never been a good opportunity to throw it into the conversation and he didn’t want to seem like a weirdo for just blurting it out. This girl dresses really slutty for class and has bragged to him about how many guys she has slept with. He is turned off by that kind of girl normally. She can talk about this with him and he can talk to her but I have never come up? Is there a reason for this? Does he not want her to know about me because he is attracted to her and wants something to happen? The worst part is that he talked about his psycho ex with her and still not me. It is like a slap in the face. Then he was at a party away from me and called me trashed. It was a very uncomfortable night for me because my suspicions got the worst of me. He spent the night at a party with other girls an hour away from me while we were fighting. Am I overreacting or do I have genuine basis for being concerned? I would appreciate your feedback, especially guys. Thank you.

-Holly

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Hmmm ... could be you have a reason to be concerned or it could just be a guy who is committed to you but still needs some freedom every once in a while.

 

About the motorcycle, it seems irresponsible to me too. Have you met his parents? How good are they about managing money? It may be he doesn't see the problem because he grew up financially irresponsible. This may be a long-term issue with any relationship you have with him and, if I were you, I would have a calm conversation about finances with him. Explain to him why it is important to you. If you don't see eye to eye, you can try to change him (difficult) or decide that you can just accept this character flaw. Don't make this about the ring and don't feel like you are being selfish here.

 

As far as the floozie, it is strange that he would not mention you to her. It almost seems stranger that he would tell you about it. He seems pretty honest so thats good news I guess. Its hard to give more feedback on this without knowing more details about their relationship and interaction.

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