Taking it slow, but how slow? Should I be concerned?

[Artscrafter]

I've been dating this girl for a month or two. Hard to give exact time because we'd just started dating before summer break and went 3 months without being able to see each other. We're both each other's first significant others (a fact I'm very happy about), and by extension both virgins.

 

We've agreed to take it slow, i.e. not rush into the physical aspect really fast. This is fine by me, since I'd like to get to know her really well and be sure I loved her before sex came into the picture. The problem is that our ideas of taking it slow seem to be differing a bit. At present we cuddle a lot and kiss occasionally, but I'm lucky if it gets any further than exchanging quick pecks. She'll allow me to rest my head on her chest and massage her legs up to where her skirt begins.

 

Now I'd be okay with this except that it seems to be going absolutely nowhere. She doesn't seem to have much of any interest in even considering any further physical stuff. She never kisses me first, and when I suggest that the deeper sorts of kisses might be more satisfying if we were to get in more practice at them (neither of us having had any experience before this) she shrugs it off and says that it's a possibility, but (here I'm paraphrasing what she said to me tonight) it wouldn't be all that much of a problem if we didn't ever get much better at it.

 

Now that last one had me rather shocked. I'm okay with taking it slow, but I'm not okay with that much indifference towards having a physical relationship at all. I don't want to leave her because if that because we're so compatible everywhere else that it's not funny, but what should I do? Talk to her about it (and if so, what do I say)? Just give it more time? Or what?

 

Oh, and if it helps, I'm 20 and she's 19.

[bluechocolate]

...but I'm lucky if it gets any further than exchanging quick pecks.

 

Pecking is what you do with grandma's & sisters.

 

She'll allow me to rest my head on her chest and massage her legs up to where her skirt begins.

 

She'll allow you.....?

 

She never kisses me first, and when I suggest that the deeper sorts of kisses might be more satisfying if we were to get in more practice at them .....she shrugs it off and says that it's a possibility, but (here I'm paraphrasing what she said to me tonight) it wouldn't be all that much of a problem if we didn't ever get much better at it.

 

There's inexperienced & then there's cold & indifferent. Be careful with this girl. I suspect she may not have as strong a feeling for you as you do for her.

[Artscrafter]

Allow, as in she doesn't raise any objections if I do, and sometimes seems to enjoy it. This is me gently pushing at the boundaries a little to see what she's comfortable with.

 

She really seems to like whatever physical stuff we're in the habit of doing by now though. At least, when she's mentally there to enjoy it. Which reminds me of the other frustrating thing about it: Half the time when we're cuddling or whatever, her mind is off somewhere else, and she randomly starts talking about something funny that happened today, or an idea for the story she's about to start writing, and so on - all otherwise topics I'd love to discuss, but right then I can't help but think "shut up and enjoy the cuddle."

[fundamental]

Allow, as in she doesn't raise any objections if I do, and sometimes seems to enjoy it. This is me gently pushing at the boundaries a little to see what she's comfortable with.

 

She really seems to like whatever physical stuff we're in the habit of doing by now though. At least, when she's mentally there to enjoy it. Which reminds me of the other frustrating thing about it: Half the time when we're cuddling or whatever, her mind is off somewhere else, and she randomly starts talking about something funny that happened today, or an idea for the story she's about to start writing, and so on - all otherwise topics I'd love to discuss, but right then I can't help but think "shut up and enjoy the cuddle."

 

she could be nervous or she just may not be into you. she seems nervous though. either way it's up to you to decide what you want and how long you will put up with her. i'm not saying she is a bad girl or that you should force her but it doesn't look like you two are seeing eye to eye with the relationship. if you are willing to go at her pace, then go slow, but it seems like you are starting to become concerned--perhaps you feel that she is not into you?

[JS17]

Actually she sounds nervous to me. She hasn't had any experience physically and it does make a lot of girls nervous. She's probably waiting for you to make some moves on her so my suggestion is to do so. I doubt she'll stop you if you do so. Obviously if she strongly objects than stop. IMO, the only thing you need to talk about before you engage in it is sex. Otherwise just do it!