Emotional, Mental, Physical Space...how do I do it?

[JosiePosie]

I posted a couple days ago about my bf and I being at odds with one another. We both agreed to give each other space seeing that we were joined at the hip since the beginning of our relationship. I moved in with him about 1.5 months into the relationship. Predictably, we both have grown "sick" of each other.

 

I have committed myself to a path of healing and self-discovery. One of the issues in our relationship was that I am a "love matryr". I basically gave up my interests, friends, hobbies in order to be with him. I would keep upset feelings to myself in order not to rock the boat, etc. When I look back now, I realize that was the worse thing I could have done to myself and our relationship. There are also other past issues that need to be dealt with as well. I came across a quote that has been stuck in my mind "nothing happens until you decide". I see that nothing is going to change unless I make a change.

 

During one of our talks, I have asked if he wanted me to leave, to give each other space. Each time, he would say no, that he wants us to work it out. In order to rebuild myself, I have decided to take evening courses, attend group therapy, individual counselling, re-commit to my spiritual self, go out on my own socially, etc. Anything to get that self-love and appreciation.

 

Right now, things are still a bit tense between us. I leave for work in the morning and usually don't get home till sometime in the evening. Because of my past ways, I am not sure if I am doing this right, giving him space. A part of me wants to withdraw emotionally, I guess that is from my old pattern of "punishing". At the same time, I wonder if withdrawing emotionally for a bit will be help. We haven't made love in over a week when before it was almost every day. At times more than once a day.

 

We do talk but it seems more stiff and I don't like it. There are times when he comes and gives me a kiss when I least expect it. I don't know, I guess I am used to the "honeymoon phase" because now we are starting to see each other warts and all.

 

I am sad that we are not as excited to see and be around each other as much as we did. I feel like we are not as connected. I did tell him that I do not wish to give up when things get tough. Because it wouldn't say much about our relationship. He said that he doesn't want to us to get sick of each other.

 

Are we on the right path? Has anyone been through this before? Any suggestions?

[JosiePosie]

Anyone? I can use some advice.

[riceboy]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend and I are going throught the same thing. We lived together for about 1 years but together fro almost 6. She wanted to just leave and end it because she misses missing me and doesn't feel the spark anymore. She says she's lost and has low self esteem. We both have forgotten what it is to have a social life and we just do everything together and it is damn boring. Plus we both have given up our interest and individualism. This is all because we didn't communicate along the way to make sure we both met each other's needs. To cut a long story short we agreed to move out and live by ourselves to rebuild our personal lives. We aren't broken up but we feel that this is necessary so that when we move forward again we will at least know what it takes to live together. Living to gether is difficult. Just be patient.....many couples lose sight of themselves when living together and distance will help sort feelings out. So just be patient and remember to do your own thing and be yourself. Go out with your friends have a life....this way he will repect you more and its more of a challenge. Every couple misses the spark and thats all about respect and hope. Hope this gives you some comfort.

[sempirei]

I have never been in a long relationship or really had that urge to be in one, but I was away on business and ran into the most amazing girl i have ever met, and we clicked in almost every way. A year later of keeping in touch with each other, she ended up moving to my country and in with me. it has been a real big change for me, and it was something that even though it took alot to get used to, i enjoyed that challenege, enjoyed her company, and fell in love, which is unusual for me, as i prefered to be alone an entirely free. Months later she became different, more distant, less loving. When I finally got her to talk about it, it seemed like she needed space. i got so used to living together and being with her all the time but she didn't feel the same. right now i am just sitting here pondering the future. I love her, but she is all confused about what she really wants, and where she wants to be. i am going to try to give her space, try to make everything work, and hopefully everything works out for the best. these things are hard, a lot of the guys i know and have known are predators, in the sense that they look for relationships to break up and move in on, between this and the normal **** talkers, it aways makes me paranoid to think that even though she still has feelings for me, someone is going to come and exploit our current fragile relationship and make a mess of it. weird? or just overly paranoid. sigh. just had to get it all out.