eeyore Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Hello everyone, I've got this problem and was wondering if anyone has any advice or experience with this kind of situation. I've been talking with this girl from America (I’m from England) for 4 weeks now. We met online and have been writing and phoning each other everyday since. This girl is the greatest! She’s smart, funny, talented, romantic and everything else in-between. I’m never going to find another girl that I have so much in common with. I left it till only yesterday before I asked for a picture of her. (Maybe I left it so long because I was worried I wouldn’t find her attractive) Well, I don’t find her attractive at all. I just want to die!! I ****ing hate myself for this. What the **** is wrong with me?? I have no clue what I should do. She’s the sweetest girl in the world and I couldn’t even begin to think what I’d say if I was to break-up with her. She’s moving to England in 2 weeks for schooling and we are supposed to meet up soon after. I’m worried that when we meet she might notice from my body language and other things that I don’t find her attractive. I really don’t want to make her feel bad and I’m so confused at what to do. I've run-up a £250 phone bill this month because I love talking with her so much. All I want to do is call her right now but I’m worried about getting too attached to her when this relationship is doomed to fail. I’m not the best looking guy in the world but I’m used to dating attractive girls that are mostly stupid, boring and irritating. I don’t know if it’s mostly me who doesn’t find her attractive or that I’m concerned about what my friends and family would say. I don’t want to put her in that kind of situation where she feels like she’s not good enough for me. If someone made a comment about us together I wouldn’t stand for it at all. I can just imaging so many awkward situations. Do you think that when we meet her personality would shine through and her looks wouldn’t bother me? And then say **** to everyone else and don’t care what they think? Or should I end it now so we don’t get any closer and make it even harder to break up? I have no one else to talk to about this and it’s making me so sad. Does anyone have an experience with this situation? Thanks David XO Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 A little perspective might help. You met on the internet & have known each other for 4 weeks. It doesn't stand to reason that.. I’m never going to find another girl that I have so much in common with. ~~~~~~ I couldn’t even begin to think what I’d say if I was to break-up with her. I'm confused. How can you break up with someone you haven't even met? The internet can be a tool for meeting people but it's just that, a tool. Until you've actually had some real face-time together & spent time with each other in the real world you have no idea how things are going to turn out and neither does she. Do you think that when we meet her personality would shine through and her looks wouldn’t bother me? Who knows? What you should do however is back off. Stop any talk about a relationship or being a couple - be friends. Meet up & see where things go from there. She may just decide you're an awful disappointment & run screaming. She may be so busy with a new environment & further education that she doesn't have time for you anyway. But in reality I don't think it really matters - you've already said it: ...I’m worried about getting too attached to her when this relationship is doomed to fail. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Don't let your hopes build up too much and definitely wait until you see her. Some people look nothing like their photos. I have friends who take terrible photos who are much more appealing in person. You may well find the sparkle in her eye enchanting. Or you might not. Or she might not find you attractive, as bluechocolate suggests. Take it slow, wait until you meet, and then see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
she_9325 Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 "I’m not the best looking guy in the world but I’m used to dating attractive girls that are mostly stupid, boring and irritating. " there you go. stupid, boring and irritating. who cares what this girl looks like, if she's wonderful, you'd be a dunce not to go for it simply based on physical appearances. sorry to be harsh but BAH! Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 naw man, if the sexual chemistry ain't there, there's no point in wasting one another's precious time. Feelings just can't be forced and you gotta like your SO's entire package, which, of course, would include her face. I find a lot of girls nice to talk to, but it sure doesn't mean they are g/f material. Link to post Share on other sites
noname Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 A little perspective might help. You met on the internet & have known each other for 4 weeks. It doesn't stand to reason that.. I’m never going to find another girl that I have so much in common with. ~~~~~~ I couldn’t even begin to think what I’d say if I was to break-up with her. I'm confused. How can you break up with someone you haven't even met? The internet can be a tool for meeting people but it's just that, a tool. Until you've actually had some real face-time together & spent time with each other in the real world you have no idea how things are going to turn out and neither does she. Do you think that when we meet her personality would shine through and her looks wouldn’t bother me? Who knows? What you should do however is back off. Stop any talk about a relationship or being a couple - be friends. Meet up & see where things go from there. She may just decide you're an awful disappointment & run screaming. She may be so busy with a new environment & further education that she doesn't have time for you anyway. But in reality I don't think it really matters - you've already said it: ...I’m worried about getting too attached to her when this relationship is doomed to fail. sound advice. attraction can play a big part in relationship building. i would refrain from making a relationship out of this before you have even met. and stop calling her so much. i don't even think i would spend 250 pounds a month on the phone with anyone... Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Maybe its a bad picture -- just wait and see. If you aren't stirred up, then a relationship is pointless. Link to post Share on other sites
Dean3922 Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Attraction is based on how you think you look. You think you are to cute for this women so the relationship IS doomed to fail. No matter if you have lots in common if you think she is not good enough for you. Let her go so she can find someone who finds her attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eeyore Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 I'm still just as confused as before. But I think I should back off a bit until we meet. Then see how things go. Thanks David XO Link to post Share on other sites
Jtizzle Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 I'm still just as confused as before. But I think I should back off a bit until we meet. Then see how things go. Lil advice since i have been in like "2" online relationships.. When i was younger i was so obsessed on looks and you had to be cute as hell to be with me. and then i met the love of my life my bestfriend still up to this date and its been 4yrs now..wen i met him..i fell for his personality, him as a whole..we dated b4 we even saw each others pic * dont remember why we did that*..but i would say 2 months into our relationship we finally exchanged pictures..and even though he wasnt the usual type that i would go for, that made me love him even more..and that time i got over the looks dept.. im not sayin he was ugly(he's not), but he just wasnt the type id go for usually.. ever since then, personality and sense of humor makes a man sexy to me. I used to work at Albertsons (grocery store), and the guys that came thru my line that would crack jokes while i rung them up and keep me laughing the whole time i found them sexy, even if they had a bald head 2 teeth and ashy ankles.. growing up and talkin with older folks at the sr center i volunteer at, i see that in relationships looks fade and its the inside that counts.. she may not be pretty to you through the picture, but she may have wonderful confidence and high self esteem about herself that will make her pretty to you in person. if she makes you feel good and yall have a nice chemistry you owe her that much to give her a chance, doesnt necessarily have to be at romance could be bestfriends status or something. oh yea and for ya comment, if you back off a lil bit make sure you have decent excuses for it, because if you back off a lil now she'll pinpoint that on you dont find her attractive and then ull be in a pickle..she'll b thinkin everything is goin great, then you decide not to call or talk as much and then shell be like oh well i havent done anything wrong he must think im ugly, and then if she thinks that, shell leave you alone Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Next time save alot of problems before becoming attached to someone online by requesting a PICTURE in the beginning. You can either A) Dissapear B) Meet her and maybe you can overlook what you dont like... Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 My advice for online dating is not to actually get "involved" until you've met in person. Keep it friends up to that point. Now how unattractive are you talking? Unless you find her hideous in her pic, then you might find her attractive in person. The guy I'm seeing now is gorgeous, but just doesn't look very good in pics. He doesn't look too bad, but if I were seeing a pic of him before we met, I'd think he was someone I wouldn't be attracted to. So if you just find that you're not instantly attracted to her pic, then in person that could change. But if you're repulsed, I'd say you should try to let her down gently before you meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Oh my God, my boyfriend is so goofy-looking in pictures. He has a very round face, a bowl-shape haircut, and more or less a unibrow. If I went by a picture alone I never would have chosen to date him. But he is so funny and so charismatic, and in person I'm very attracted to him. At least meet her. See what happens from there. You generally don't feel chemistry from a picture alone. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsCrazy Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 I think that once you get to know someone their outward appearance may be different in your eyes. I know that this may sound weird but it is my opinion. When I met my bf I wasn't instantly attracted to his appearance. As I got to know him I fell head over heels. Now, in my eyes, he is the most handsome man in the world! I have met people men and women who at first are very beautiful, but after talking with them for a few minutes they loose that initial beauty because you find out that they are shallow, rude, stupid, etc. I truly believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don't worry about what others will think of how she looks or how she isn't as pretty as some of your past gfs. If you really like talking to this girl then give her a chance in person. You may change your mind about wanting to be around her because her personality may be different, or you may change your mind and find her to be one of the most beautiful women you have ever met because the beauty that you find inside will begin to show on the outside! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
jdubinva Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 So how ugly is this gal? Why don't you post a pic so we can see what we're talking about here? Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted September 1, 2005 Share Posted September 1, 2005 So how ugly is this gal? Why don't you post a pic so we can see what we're talking about here? Thats what I was going to suggest.. post a picture so we can see what she looks like and maybe we can give you some input. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 First of all, I agree... in future, get the photo first. You can always just say "I'd like to put a face to the voice"... that's usually a good enough reason for anybody. Secondly, I agree... it may have been a bad photo. I've done the online dating thing quite a bit, and I've been pleasantly surprised a few times, after receiving a so-so photo. Also, in one case the woman was not quite as she looked in the photo, but we still had a great time (and great sex). It's fine to break it off on meeting her if you don't like the look. Sometimes things just don't translate into face-to-face -- that happens all the time. If she's moving to where you are anyway, then you haven't wasted her money or anything. A good friend of mine met a guy on the internet, and he paid to fly across the country to meet her and stay with her for the weekend. She knew it wasn't going to work the moment she picked him up at the airport, mostly for visual reasons. He headed back less than 24 hours after arriving. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 I have to say its just dumb for people who have never met via the internet to let this person stay in their home ! Sorry.....that person should get a hotel and then if its a no-go then all is not lost. But to eye someone for the first time at the airport and have them stay at your house ? No way dude Link to post Share on other sites
Author eeyore Posted September 2, 2005 Author Share Posted September 2, 2005 I'm not going to post a picture of her for everyone to analyze. I have more respect for her than to do that. Plus it's not gonna help with anything. Thanks everyone for your views. David XO Link to post Share on other sites
KelvinKDX Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 Yeah - i like the post a picture idea - then we can give you some feedback. Maybe she sent you a picture of someone else just to see your reaction. I know i've sent girls the most awful pics of me so that they would like me for my mind and not just my body. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 I know i've sent girls the most awful pics of me so that they would like me for my mind and not just my body. lemme guess.... yer still sittin' alone in the dark at night? our society is such a physical one I would be surprised if you can pull off a stunt like that Link to post Share on other sites
KelvinKDX Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 lemme guess.... yer still sittin' alone in the dark at night? our society is such a physical one I would be surprised if you can pull off a stunt like that I was not being serious. Even i have to admit that i am predudice towards physically atractive people. Link to post Share on other sites
Jtizzle Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 A good friend of mine met a guy on the internet, and he paid to fly across the country to meet her and stay with her for the weekend. She knew it wasn't going to work the moment she picked him up at the airport, mostly for visual reasons. He headed back less than 24 hours after arriving. lol @ that..damn..did she see a picture of him before hand? or did they do the visit with no pics and this was their very very very first time seeing each other? Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted September 4, 2005 Share Posted September 4, 2005 No, they'd exchanged photos and I guess the one he'd sent her was deceptively flattering. Also his personality didn't translate into one-on-one either. She learned her lesson from that. She phoned me in desperation the morning after he arrived... almost talked me into pretending to be her long-lost boyfriend who'd suddenly come back into the picture. Fortunately she decided to suck it up and tell him it just wouldn't work. Guess there's a lesson there for all of us! Link to post Share on other sites
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