My Parents want me to break up with my boy friend all because he is in a wheel chair?

[adamsbabygirl]

I need some advise. Please help.

 

I am 20 years old. I have been dating this guy for 7 months. My parents hate him and wish for me to break up with him. First of all let me tell you about my man. He is 21 years old, and he is in a wheel chair. He has a disease called muscular disofiend. I am not sure if I even spelled that right. The only thing that he can not do is walk. He does not have the full blown disease. His brother has it as well but his sister does not. His family compelely adores me and likes me ALOT. My parents and my little brother say that I am messing my life and that I am much better off without him and that he will never amount to anything and that I am just wasting my time. I try and tell them how complety in love I am and how happy I am. He treats me like a goddess he is just so amazing I can not describe it, he has treated me the best out of every guy I have dated. He believes and supports me through everything. I tell him everything we are so very very comfortable with each other. He makes me a better women. I have given him the streghten to re learn how to walk and he is making progress. We push and support each other like no other. He sends me roses buys me things treats me so well. He would die for me and I would die for him and I buy him things and its just so perfect. Then there are my parents again telling me that I don't know what I want and they want nothing to do with Adam and I. It hurts me all the time and my brother doesn't help he will make jokes and I never thought that my family would be like this. I guess the people they talk to agree with them and people I have talked with agree with Adam and I. I don't know what to do anymore. I even told my parents that we broke up but we did not but its not working. I love him so much and he loves me very very much. I know my parents want what is best for me but Adam is so caring and takes amazing care of me and he loves me like no other man has ever loved me before. He tells me how amazing and how wonderful and beautiful I am,he makes me the women who I am now. I know they want was his best for me but I think I know myself little bit better then they do. Please help!!!!

[hoppy28]

you just brought a tear to my eye......................................................

 

i work with people with disabilities/handicaps. i deal with everything from MS to ALS to Vets with missing limbs. ive heard every bad story about people getting injured and there partners leaving them. just like that.

 

honestly im ashamed for your parents. how could they tell you such things.

you are an amazing person to be able to see past the wheelchair.

this guy knows how special you are. id do what you feel is right for you. your parents will never be able to tell you whom you shouldnt or cant love.

 

your an angel

[HokeyReligions]

All parents want their children to find partners who will and can do right by them. That means emotionally, physically, and financially. I can understand your parent's concern. They are afraid that caring for him will wear you down and you won't be able to have the things that they want for you. Not material things, but things like fixing up a house together, sharing child care, things like that.

 

My father had MS and I saw what my mother went through. Then I went and married someone with some handicaps and he ended up on disability and I have back problems from pushing him in a wheelchair so much. It's hard to be married to someone with a disiability in spite of ramps on public buildings and handicapped accessible 'stuff' designed to make it easier.

 

I love my husband and I made a commitment to him, but as I get older and have problems with my own health and some of those problems stem directly from caring for him, if I could go back and do it again I might have chosen differently and taken the heart-break.

 

I don't know about your boyfriends disease -- what the prognosis is for him, what direction this disease takes or what to expect, but think long and hard about it. Love, in spite of all the sappy songs and movies, does not concur everything. At best it provides a cushion for the landing but it seldom stops the fall.

 

That's not to say that you shouldn't see him or pursue a long-term commitment with him, but don't turn a blind eye (or ear) to your parents concerns because you don't want to hear them and want to deny them. Learn about the disease outside of what your bf and his family tells you. Do a little research on what to expect and then really think about yourself and your dreams and hopes for your life and see how they fit together. Its not fair to him either to pursue a relationship without knowing more about this and end up breaking his heart later on after you are worn down from a life caring for him or carrying the burden if that is the case.

[SoftDrink]

it's sad to me that someone who sees a person past their disability is considered "an amazing person." all people should be this way. unfortunately, they are not.

 

would it make a difference to them if he had a disease you couldn't see, like diabetes, or leukemia? what if you married someone who was in an accident and ended up paralyzed and in a wheelchair? would you be expected to divorce him?

 

your parents should be proud of a daughter who's not afraid to love someone beyond a challenge. if they can't get over it, get over them. you're an adult, and obviously a well-adjusted one.

 

good luck to you, really.

[amcabier18]

I'm the boyfriend, Adam.

 

 

 

I can't walk.

I can't drive.

I CAN cook.

I CAN clean.

I CAN fend for myself.

I CAN do anything and everything for myself.

I CAN and WILL contiue to love her no matter what.

 

 

 

If her parents forever hate me, thats fine with me. We can't all like everybody.

But they should respect me.

They should respect the love I give to their daughter.

They NEED to learn to respect their daughter and her desions in life.

[Stone]

I don't know what happened to my post

 

Anyways as a mother of a disabled child, I hope my son finds a g/f like you.. Your parents are jerks

[noname]

Sorry, i refrained from posting because it is a such a touchy subject and i didn't know which way i wanted to approach it, but since you reposted for input here goes...

 

let me start by saying that on this issue, there should be a lot more people in this world like you. it takes a lot to be able to look past a disability and give someone a chance.

 

I need some advise. My parents hate him and wish for me to break up with him.

 

what do you mean by they hate him? have they expressed that they actually hate him because he is disabled? that sounds horrible but also hard to believe. put the disability thing aside for a minute and try to see if there is anything else that they may dislike about him. maybe his personality is a little off for them. if they truly dislike him merely because of his condition that is pretty unacceptable.

 

My parents and my little brother say that I am messing my life and that I am much better off without him and that he will never amount to anything and that I am just wasting my time.

 

kind of the same question here. if they are that shallow to believe that he will never amount to anything because he can't walk, i say they have an issue. but if they believe that he is bad for you, you may be letting the disability issue cloud your abilities to see what else they are trying to convey to you.

 

I try and tell them how complety in love I am and how happy I am. He treats me like a goddess he is just so amazing I can not describe it, he has treated me the best out of every guy I have dated. He believes and supports me through everything. I tell him everything we are so very very comfortable with each other. He makes me a better women. I have given him the streghten to re learn how to walk and he is making progress. We push and support each other like no other. He sends me roses buys me things treats me so well. He would die for me and I would die for him and I buy him things and its just so perfect.

 

i'm sure that he is a great guy and that he treats you wonderfully. that withstanding, your relationship is fairly new and i would tell you to be cautious with how deep you get into it. you both need some time to grow before you start talking about being completed or dying for someone. regardless of their insensitivities, your family is family and you have to pick wisely who you allow to put a wall up between you. your BF is in a tough situation, but that is not what makes your relationship. no one knows if you will be this in love in a years time. it may all have fallen apart, and you may have done some serious damage with your relationship with your parents...

 

on a different note. looks like there is some hope for him to walk. good for him ! i hope it works out. best of luck to you both.

 

Then there are my parents again telling me that I don't know what I want and they want nothing to do with Adam and I. It hurts me all the time and my brother doesn't help he will make jokes and I never thought that my family would be like this. I guess the people they talk to agree with them and people I have talked with agree with Adam and I. I don't know what to do anymore. I even told my parents that we broke up but we did not but its not working. I love him so much and he loves me very very much. I know my parents want what is best for me but Adam is so caring and takes amazing care of me and he loves me like no other man has ever loved me before. He tells me how amazing and how wonderful and beautiful I am,he makes me the women who I am now. I know they want was his best for me but I think I know myself little bit better then they do. Please help!!!!

 

if they are making jokes and they truly hate this guy because of his afflicition then they are being a--holes. however, if your parents truly have your best interests in mind then it is understandable.

 

please don't misunderstand me. i am not saying that breaking up with him is in your best interest. what i do think is that you seem to be very into this guy

and that means that you need to look into what the future brings. it takes a very strong person to be able to deal with something like this. no relationship survives on love alone. i grew up in a household with a father who went blind. my mother was always a tough woman and she loved my father very much. they are still together but i watched the dynamics of the relationship. i saw what dealing with a partner with a disability can do to a person. i saw the love, but i also saw the pressure, the resent, the tears. i've had her confess to me that although she loved him to death she felt like she never lived. she told me that there were many times that she thought to leave but just couldn't out of duty and pity. and that is when i realized that a lot of that love may have been just that. she pitied him and felt it was her duty to take care of him. on the flipside, i saw what he went through as well, deep down he knew that although she loved him he could feel the sting of what she was going through. i don't know if he ever felt as though she didn't love him totally because he is too much of a tough guy to tell me, but i could tell that it ate away at his manhood to have someone he was dependant on and that affected the relationship immensely. regardless, they managed to keep it together. occasionally i see her lash out or jibe him but for the most part they are in love.

 

thank God that there are strong enough people in this world to do it. but not all of us are that strong. i know myself that it would be possible for me to fall for someone that had a disability. i would never base love on what hey could and couldn't do. but living through what i did. i have to admit that i would be reluctant to. not because i am selfish and i feel they are not going to amount to anything. but because i know what can happen. i am human and i cannot say definitively that i would feel no resentment in my future. or if we fall out of love that i would not just stay with her out of duty or pity. i consider myself a strong person. but will i be forever? i don't know and i feel that i would owe my partner a lot more than that.

 

and your parents (even though they don't express it the right way) may be thinking about that. maybe you are one of those people, maybe you are not, but you should at least be thinking about all possible outcomes. you owe it to you both...

 

and a big good luck to you both. i hope it works out in both ways. with the relationship and with him getting better...

[animo]

So a guy who can't walk can't provide for his family? What kind of horses*** is that?! O_o

 

I think if Adam can take care of himself then there is no reason to think he would be any kind of burden to you. From what he said it sounds pretty clear to me that the fact that he cannot walk has not stopped him from otherwise living a normal live, it doesn't sound like he needs a nurse at all... so i don't think that's an issue here...

 

Seriously, you two sound great together. Why let anything mess with that? The fact that you showed up here together makes it pretty clear to me that you are both fighting on the same side and are ready to fight anyone who comes to call, off together.

 

You are 2 grown peole, noone has the right to tell you what to do. They can whine, moan, flame and b1tch but in the end it's your call and frankly it seems to me like the only reason they are still whining and trying to win you over is because you are not 100% confident in your decision!

 

Stand firm. It's your life, your decision. Make your decision and stand by it. Make it clear to your parents that you made up your mind and althoguh you respect their opinions and you know they want what's best for you, this IS what's best for you and your mind has been made up (if that is indeed the truth!).

 

I hope you two get through this, i hope you are as good together as you make it sound and i hope it will stay that way... Because alot of people spend their whole lives looking for what you have and never come close to it...