I care for him so much, but I can't take anymore

[blue_eyes18]

Ok, what does it mean when a guy tells you you are coming on too strong. I mean, we dated some last year, and it has been on and off, and I don't know why really, except he has a past with heavy drug use, but is doing a whole lot better. Anyways, we are really good friends, and we hung out on a friend's boat over the 4th, even though we got in an arguement. He did really want me to go though. BUT, once again, he was acting like he wanted me to be with him and all this and that, then over the weekend he got ****ed up on shrooms and hasn't really talked to me, I have had to go and talk to HIM instead. He was supposed to call me today at 7 and no call. I guess he is just too busy with his friend getting ****ed up. He was going somewhere, I just don't know where, I could tell the way he was dressed. BUt he did say that. I am so confused, he used to confuse me last year, and I just can't understand why he would say that though, and when some guy called me the other day on my cell, he cussed em out and kept asking me who it was everytime my phone rang. I am just wondering why he is doing this. I know he likes me, but why does he act like he wants a relationship with me and then says I am coming on too strong? We have spent the last several days together and stuff, he is just confusing me. Maybe it's the drugs and stuff? He isn't dumb though, he knows what he is saying. . .

I am tired of this, I am thinking about moving anyways to do certain things with my life. He told me he didn't want me to move, lol. I know it all sounds messed up, but I really really really like this guy a lot! I always have, it's like when he came up to me like a year and a half ago, he asked me if I remembered him. He looked so different that I didn't recognize him, but anyways, a few months later, I ran into him again and he was calling me and ever since I have just been so ga-ga over him,lol. Naw, I just really do love him as a person and I want to be with him. I am reallygetting tired of this though, it's not fair to me. I just don't if I should give it time or what. And we hang out a lot without having sex, so it's not just that. I just think sometimes that he thinks his drugs are more important than any relationship, but what am I supposed to do, just wait on him or keep putting up with this? I can't help it, even though I have gone on before and had fun, we always run back into each other and I get the same **** everytime, but I have to admit, he seems to be straightening up more. I maybe giving him too much credit, I don't know. There is just something about him that is so different, and I just really want to be with him. I wonder if I should just say f*** it forever or just keep dealing with all this, maybe that's what he needs, and it might just take more time. If I didn't really care about him and stuff, I wouldn't even be contemplating this. I would have said screw off long ago. I know he really likes me, but if he can't have a relationship, I wish he would stop acting like he can sometimes. It is so messed up, I have always put up with this cause I knew he had a lot on him, and I have tried to understand. Maybe I should just give up and realize he is a good friend but won't ever be more. We've had our moments, and then he does some **** like he has done the past couple of days. He says I get mad just cause I don't see him everyday, I think we'll "be together" as long as I don't care when he calls or when he doesn't? AS long as he can stay gone for 2 days or something? Who ever knows with him. I just wish I didn't care for him so darn much, cause I am the one hurting over it. We are really close, but maybe it is my fault for expecting anything out of him really other than what I get. Hell, he is on drugs.

Then again, I am thinking he may just have hard time dealing with accepting some things. I guess I am just trying to figure out how he is feeling about all of this right now.

[blue_eyes18]

Actually, I think I am in love with this guy. It's so f***** up!

[RecordProducer]

Well you are the one who is suffering in this relationship so you should decide if you want to keep it or break it off and move on. If you don't feel that he loves you very much, if he doesn't spend a lot of time with you, if he makes you unhappy, and you feel that it's one-sided perhaps you could break up. He might wake up and realize he lost you, but then you will be the one to set rules. If you don't feel that being with him is the right thing then it's not right.

Maybe you're wasting your time with him, but you're also spending time with someone you love.

The drug problem sucks.

[blue_eyes18]

Exactly, I feel sometimes that I am just hurting myself, but I am happy when I with him! He makes me so happy, but yet this **** happens sometimes. I just tried to talk to him a few hours ago, and his drug-head friend wouldn't let me talk. He was being stupid. We have gone like 3 months without talking, but I know he has missed me. I found a letter he started writing me, I think now though he seems to be doing so much better, like he is not on as many all the time, really! It makes me happy, cause I do see a difference. But as far as him confusing me, like his mom even told him(he told me that the other day) it's just not right. He didn't call me tonight or anything. I mean, how am I coming on too strong by wanting him to call me when he says he will or something after all last week him telling me how he wants to be with me and all that. And even after not seeing him for 3 months or so one time, it was just like old times when we got back together. BUT, this other **** is so old, it really is. He shouldn't act like this to me like he did tonight, that's ****ty. And when I don't talk to him next time or something, he is gonna have some excuse or something. In other words, this is gonna keep happening to me if I let it I guess. I think he really does want to do right and stuff, and then other times after tonight and basically this past weekend, I just hate the fact that I ever spoke to him the first time!

Why does he say all that and **** and then just not talk to me tonight? I try to understand his side, but I am making excuses for him, and it's not fair to me. The worst part of it all is that I can't stay mad at him long enough to not ever talk to him again. Somehow or another, he always wins, lol. I know even his mom told me onetime, I was talking to her while he wasn't there, and she told me how upset he was that I had talked to this other guy(we weren't together, and hadn't really seen each other for a while) but anyways.

 

I just wish I knew what makes him want to do this to me. Maybe I am coming on too strong? It's his fault though, he knows I care for him. I think he thinks maybe he is on drugs too bad, but cares for me. He is almost 24, and I am 19. I am gonna stop rambling. I just really love him, the person he is, and it sucks I have to be done this way. It's ridiculous. And I can't even tell him to f*** off cause he is a good friend. Maybe I should just move outta town, lol. . .

[blue_eyes18]

THat's another problem, even though he acts like this sometimes, I don't feel like it's one-sided when we are together. Why can't I just tell him to get lost? He thinks he can just do and say whatever and it's just quite alright. . . I think next time he tries to talk to me, I am just gonna act like I don't care and everything. He will prolly see right through it though. But considering the fact that I am tired of hurting or being confused, it won't be hard to do. There have already been episodes of him running back saying he didn't really wanna break up and this and that. And yes though, I do think he is straightening up in ways, but then again I don't know if this waiting around kind of thing is working. It's prolly getting me no where, cause for all I know, he will always be this way.