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Making me jealous? Head games?


blue636

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It's been quite some time since I've posted here! A very long time, actually.

 

Anyway, I've been dating someone for the past few weeks now and things are pretty serious, I'd assume. However, this girl is driving me insane! I like her a ton and she is beautiful but I'm not quite sure if she likes playing head games or if it's entirely unintentional. We have both made it clear to each other that we have no intentions or desires for other people and she knows exactly how I feel about her....

 

Having established that, she says things to make me jealous or uncomfortable. Last week she mentioned her ex wanted to go out with her; he was likely making an attempt to get her back. Naturally, she did not see him but why mention it to me? Last night she was at a party and she said her girlfriends (whom I've not yet met) were trying to set her up with another guy. The party was at a friend's house, some college graduation, and she told me in the middle of the night (2 a.m.), "They gave this guy condoms and it really pissed me off. I'm spending the night here and now I guess he is, too."

 

Why mention that?

 

At any rate, should I just drop her or talk to her about it? Sometimes it seems talking about this sort of thing upsets her. What is she trying to do?

 

Thanks, all.

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The next time she tells you about some incident where a guy's been flirting with her, just smile widely and say "honey - don't worry. I think you're gorgeous."

 

Please remember to report back on the results of this experiment.

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She could be telling you these things without even thinking about trying to make you jealous.

 

It's possible that she told you about her ex because she didn't want you to find out she'd talked to him, assume she wanted to get back with him, and get upset. And maybe she didn't want you to hear about that guy at the party and get mad about him getting condoms from her friends and her staying in the same house with him. "They gave this guy condoms and it really pissed me off. I'm spending the night here and now I guess he is, too." sounds like she called you before she even spent the night at the same place, which would have given you the chance to object to it if you felt uncomfortable about her being there.

 

She may have just been trying to be honest. If you've gotten a strong sense that she's trying to make you jealous or if she brings up every guy that hits on her, then maybe you should talk to her to find out. But otherwise, I think you should be grateful that she's trying to put your mind at ease and avoid conflicts where other guys are concerned.

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So about this party she went to, where her friends were allegedly trying to set her up with some guy..........and her telling you @ 2am that they'd given him condoms, that he was spending the night there and that she would be too.........I take it you weren't at the party and that she'd told you this on the phone @ 2am?

 

Do her friends know she's seeing you?

 

She sounds very very insecure to me.......and either really craves the notion that other guys are interested in her, or she's trying to make you jealous to see if you 'care'.............or else she's just a tacky hooch who doesn't have much class and respect for guys she dates and therefore tells them stupid things she thinks make her seem so "in demand."

 

So she spent the night at this party?

 

Frankly, regardless of the reason behind her telling you these inappropriate things, I think she might be one to move on from. You really shouldn't have to tell a new girlfriend that her telling you these kinds of things is "inappropriate" or making you feel uncomfortable.........a person with class and respect for her new boyfriend just wouldn't say them to begin with.

 

And if her friends were giving this guy that they're "trying to set her up with", condoms...........well it would seem to me then, that she's never told them about YOU and they just think they're being good pals to try and set her up with someone. So then that raises the question, why hasn't she told them she's involved with you?

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Originally posted by shygurl

Frankly, regardless of the reason behind her telling you these inappropriate things, I think she might be one to move on from. You really shouldn't have to tell a new girlfriend that her telling you these kinds of things is "inappropriate" or making you feel uncomfortable.........a person with class and respect for her new boyfriend just wouldn't say them to begin with.

 

I disagree with the inappropriate remark. Jealousy could happen to almost anyone, despite the non-classiness of it. Would the original poster (OP)have no issues with his gf, if she spoke to her ex, in whom she does not have the slightest interest relationship-wise? I imagine it would be real fun to meet the 'ex', if she would have hidden his existence and meaning to OP completely.

Or imagine OP reply "Oh, great some guy slept over at the party!", without entertaining a single shred of doubt as to her integrity, and be 100 percent confident that she was not interested at all in this guy.

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I can think of only two possibilities:

 

1. She feels you are not giving her enough attention or the right kind of attention...there is something you are not giving her in the relationship that she feels she needs.

 

or

 

2. You are jealous of attention she gets from others...it doesn't really matter where that attention comes from.

 

 

 

You need to think about which one it is....be honest with yourself...are you generally jealous of others who get attention or are 'popular', well liked, etc

 

or are you not in love with her....

 

ps: if its both 1 and 2 or either 1 or 2....the answer is you are not in love with her.

 

it could be a combination of both 1 and 2....you need to think about all three possibilities....is there any truth to each possibility i have mentioned?

 

usually situations are not just one thing or another...but are rather a combination of things...so its never a cut and dry situation in relationships. there are always many factors.

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Well it seems to me that this girl is just trying to make you jealous. She is expecting a reaction from you, she wants to make sure you are as much into her as she is into you.

Don't stress about it so much, just let her know that you care. And if you have to let her no that yes, in fact all that stuff makes you jealous let her know. Thats what she wants.

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Originally posted by blue636

It's been quite some time since I've posted here! A very long time, actually.

 

Anyway, I've been dating someone for the past few weeks now and things are pretty serious, I'd assume. However, this girl is driving me insane! I like her a ton and she is beautiful but I'm not quite sure if she likes playing head games or if it's entirely unintentional. We have both made it clear to each other that we have no intentions or desires for other people and she knows exactly how I feel about her....

 

Having established that, she says things to make me jealous or uncomfortable.

 

1. Last week she mentioned her ex wanted to go out with her; he was likely making an attempt to get her back. Naturally, she did not see him but why mention it to me?

 

2. Last night she was at a party and she said her girlfriends (whom I've not yet met) were trying to set her up with another guy. The party was at a friend's house, some college graduation, and she told me in the middle of the night (2 a.m.), "They gave this guy condoms and it really pissed me off. I'm spending the night here and now I guess he is, too."

 

Why mention that?

 

At any rate, should I just drop her or talk to her about it? Sometimes it seems talking about this sort of thing upsets her. What is she trying to do?

 

Thanks, all.

 

Hi blue

 

I couldn't help noticing that it seems her friends and ex are possibly trying to break you and her up.

 

The second incident is pissing her off....because her female friends actually took control and gave her ex some condoms...ie setting her up....your gf does not want this....

 

your gf has some really bad friends.... what kind of friend makes decisions for you about who you will and will not sleep with?

 

I think she told you this because she is pissed off at her so-called 'friends'.... I would be too if my friends gave some guy condoms implying that they are giving him permission to get me into bed with him...They have no right to do that.

 

Why weren't you with her at the party?

 

Do you ever spend time with her?

 

Why aren't you more involved in this relationship with her?

 

Do you even care about her?

 

Do her friends hate you? Why?

 

Why do they want her back with the EX?

 

How do her friends feel about you?

 

Why are they interfering in your relationship with her?

 

Why are they running her sex life? Are they pimps? They sure are acting like it.

 

If I were in her shoes ... I'd dump those friends so fast and make sure EVERYONE knew what they did. What they are doing is despicable and totally unworthy of respect.

 

{They aren't her friends, or yours}

 

I want an update on what happened with this situation...

 

Also, are your feelings of jealousy coming from concern for her or concern for yourself?

 

Something isn't right about this situation and it bothers me that you are taking the position that she is at fault.

 

It doesn't look too good for you right now if you aren't pissed that her female friends gave her ex or some other guy condoms to make her get laid. It's obvious to me that her friends don't have her best interests at heart. They are BAD COMPANY.

 

She needs new friends and possibly a new boyfriend.

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Prim&proper

You know, it could be that she's not really thinking about it at all. I know some girls who are just like that, always talking about other guys. I think she's just insensitive without realizing it. But the easiest way to figure out what she's trying to do is to ask. Ask her what she's trying to do. Then you'll know your answer.

 

Btw, is she your gf? are you exclusive? if so, why can't you ask her?

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