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My boyfriend talked about how hot his ex was?


Lillyb

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So basically my boyfriend and I were talking today about his exes (I asked him to share his crazy ex experiences where the girl was insane/crazy) and he mentioned a few of them and brought up a drug addict ex of his. And he started describing how she was hot regardless of the fact she did drugs? And how her ass was so nice and plump... he didn't go on and on about it, he just said it for a minute. But it made me feel insecure because my ass is tiny and there he is talking about how nice and big one of this ex's asses were.

Do I have a reason to be upset?

 

It did not hurt me until now.

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No but hopefully you learned to stop asking loaded Qs.

 

Try remembering that her looks weren't everything & he's with you now

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No but hopefully you learned to stop asking loaded Qs.

 

Try remembering that her looks weren't everything & he's with you now

 

Yeah but doesn't that mean he isn't that into me if he's openly talking about another girl like that to me?

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Yeah but doesn't that mean he isn't that into me if he's openly talking about another girl like that to me?

 

No, it does not mean that. He should know better than to say what he did, but it doesn't mean he's not also into you.

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Yeah but doesn't that mean he isn't that into me if he's openly talking about another girl like that to me?

 

If he spontaneously brought it up, I'd say it would be problematic but he mentioned her because you asked about his EXs. If you didn't want to hear stuff like this, you were wrong for asking the Q. What did you expect him to do -- lie to you?

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If he spontaneously brought it up, I'd say it would be problematic but he mentioned her because you asked about his EXs. If you didn't want to hear stuff like this, you were wrong for asking the Q. What did you expect him to do -- lie to you?

 

Yes, but I never expected for him to bring up her body. I expected him to just talk about experiences where the girls he dated were crazy. In a way, he did randomly bring it up. I can't tell. But now I don't know what to do because I can't tell if he's into me anymore based on the fact he said that

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healing light

No, men can find multiple women attractive at the same time. Just because he described her best asset to you doesn't mean he isn't sexually attracted to you or isn't fully into you. It may not have been the most tactful thing to say but obviously she's an ex for a reason. At the end of the day, he's coming home to you. Hopefully he also compliments you on the features you have that do it for him.

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He's dating you, therefore he's into you. The fact that she had a hot body in his opinion doesn't mean that he doesn't also like you. There were other women in between her & you so he has choices & he chose you.

 

There's a saying lawyers use for a reason: Never as Question you don't already know the answer to.

 

This is what happens.

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Yeah but doesn't that mean he isn't that into me if he's openly talking about another girl like that to me?

 

No, it means you asked him about his exes and he answered you. There was probably no need for him to elaborate on physical attributes, but it doesn't diminish how he feels about you, guys can just be a little insensitive about stuff like that sometimes. I think young women are way too obsessed with their looks these days, and butts have become a trend because of Kim Kardashian, (looks like a centaur from the neck down). Don't worry about your small butt, giant butts will be out of fashion soon enough, as will inflated lips and those strange breast implants that look like two grapefruits stuck on an ironing board.

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No, it means you asked him about his exes and he answered you. There was probably no need for him to elaborate on physical attributes, but it doesn't diminish how he feels about you, guys can just be a little insensitive about stuff like that sometimes. I think young women are way too obsessed with their looks these days, and butts have become a trend because of Kim Kardashian, (looks like a centaur from the neck down). Don't worry about your small butt, giant butts will be out of fashion soon enough, as will inflated lips and those strange breast implants that look like two grapefruits stuck on an ironing board.

 

Yeah I'm quite a petite woman, but it appears he's more into those girls with juicier butts so sometimes I question why he's with me since my body isn't that amazing

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You didn't ask what she looked like, right? You only asked about crazy stories? IMO, he mentioned her hot ass so that he could make you a bit insecure.

 

Yeah I only asked about the stories. Never what his ex looked like. He brought that all up himself.

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He's with you because he likes you even if other women have a different body type.

 

I was with a guy for years who loved huge boobs. I'm talking F+ basketballs. I'm flat chested & it did make me insecure but I'd always remind myself that bra size wasn't everything.

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mortensorchid

Don't ask questions / volunteer information about exes to the person you are with now. It's the past, true, and we are affected by the things in our past, but we're living in the now. You are a different person and you are bringing different things to the table. This relationship will not be the same as the last one or the one before that because you're all different people. Fact.

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You didn't ask what she looked like, right? You only asked about crazy stories? IMO, he mentioned her hot ass so that he could make you a bit insecure.

 

That's possible. Maybe He was a bit pissed off about the line of questioning, and had a bit of a dig to stop more of it.

 

Or maybe he felt he had to justify why he dated someone crazy.

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Versacehottie
Yeah I'm quite a petite woman, but it appears he's more into those girls with juicier butts so sometimes I question why he's with me since my body isn't that amazing

 

First of all that is about your insecurity--he can't fix that for you. He just awoke the beast by mentioning a physical attribute. It's better to not open up the subject of exes if you aren't sure you can handle what you will hear and you can't control what will come out of the person's mouth--so it might not be limited to just crazy and disparaging stories. Which might have been what you were secretly hoping for: that he'd tell you how crazy and awful they were as a way to reassure yourself that he's so much better with you.

 

He is WITH you. This is exactly where he wants to be right now. He's attracted to you even though objectively you have a different frame, which sounds great too and sure he thinks so! That's why I would never bring up the exes because even very confident people can get rattled by it. I think the SMARTEST thing girls can do is act like their guy is EXACTLY where he should be by being with them and lucky for it. You know how attractive that is?

 

*ps guys can kind of be brutally honest and insensitive. And literal!! He thought you actually wanted to know a story. To him, that's a detail of it. You don't want your guy to feel like he has to censor himself or he won't feel close to you. That's why you have to be careful if you are opening a can of worms for you. It's unnecessary info anyway--has no bearing on your relationship now. Just a silly story.

 

Let it go. Good luck

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heavenonearth

It would piss me off a great deal if my boyfriend would say stuff like that.

He constantly tells me how I am the hottest and most beautiful woman he's ever met/been with, and how lucky he is. That no woman has ever made him feel this way and that my body is the hottest body.

 

In the 9 months we've been dating, there may have been 2 or 3 instances where he mentioned another woman is pretty or hot (I think he said that Molly Rankin is odd looking but also kind of pretty in a way, and another time I asked him if he thinks Jean Seberg is hot, and he said "yeah, she's hot").

 

But these things are okay and I also sometimes talk about some actor/actress or singer being hot. But.... talking like that about exes is just a NO GO!

It's hurtful. I understand why you are being hurt and why it makes you insecure. I don't know why your boyfriend did this, but I tend to disagree with most of the posters here and say that it was out of line on his part, and you should not have to put up with something like that.

I don't know if he did it to manipulate you/make you feel insecure, or if he just has no respect for you or if he is just overall insensitive -- but if it hurt you, you should let him know. Your feelings are valid.

 

Some things, we just don't want to hear/know. It's better this way.

There should be boundaries.

 

Where I do agree with the other posters, is that you just should not talk exes with your partner. It's a downward spiral and it's absolutely unproductive in a relationship. Actually, it can only have a negative impact. Why would you need to know these details about his past? It will not make you feel better just because you know.

 

My boyfriend and I do not talk about exes unless it is absolutely necessary. This is in the past and we are here to enjoy each other now.

 

 

I hope you learned a valuable lesson here. Live in the now. Make sure to not bring up stuff like that again.

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Yeah I'm quite a petite woman, but it appears he's more into those girls with juicier butts so sometimes I question why he's with me since my body isn't that amazing

Don't sweat it. To be honest physical things like big buts and breast lose their luster after time and even though men may idolize them at moments, doesn't make it "better" than what he has.

 

For example I dated a girl who had H cups. They were nice as hell and nice to reflect on but I wouldn't trade in my ladies B cups for the world.

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You didn't ask what she looked like, right? You only asked about crazy stories? IMO, he mentioned her hot ass so that he could make you a bit insecure.

 

This is a good point. Some guys actually do this on purpose, and it's a nasty trait. As someone above said, if it's something he does regularly I'd be questioning his motives.

Aside from that, I think if you find yourself feeling unattractive when you're around your partner because of him banging on about other girls attributes, it's time to rethink the relationship. If you decide it's over and you want to leave him with something to think about you can always tell him your last boyfriend was hung like a horse and you just cant ever be happy with a Shetland pony.

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Yeah I'm quite a petite woman, but it appears he's more into those girls with juicier butts so sometimes I question why he's with me since my body isn't that amazing

 

Hon, if a guy is with you only because of your body then the relationship has no foundation. Does it not occur to you that it's the whole package of you which he's interested in?

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happyhusband0005

If you don't want the truth don't go down that road. Reality is the physical is what draw us to partners initially, but what comes next is what makes us stay. If he likes big butts and can not lie, and you have a small butt you obviously have other attribute that drew him to you. Don't be self conscious about this for a second. But do get into drugs and be a wasted wild woman. That was a joke. He's with you.

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You didn't ask what she looked like, right? You only asked about crazy stories? IMO, he mentioned her hot ass so that he could make you a bit insecure.

 

My bf and I talk about exes and experiences we've had with exes a lot. It's practically my fave topic in either direction and he enjoys it, too. I don't just volunteer those stories out of the blue, either he asks or it's relevant to the moment. But we're both pretty careful not to say stuff that might intimidate the other. So, never, never, never would I tell him that so and so had a big dick. I dont care if that was my fave thing about the guy or the story, I wouldnt say that to my boyfriend. I also wouldnt say "he was great at x," because I know bf's first thought would be "better than me?" There are ways to talk about these things without rubbing stuff like that in someone's face.

 

Don't ask questions / volunteer information about exes to the person you are with now. It's the past, true, and we are affected by the things in our past, but we're living in the now. You are a different person and you are bringing different things to the table.

 

I disagree with this. All the things that have happened before now have made me what I am. I want my partner to understand those things and I want to know those things about him. I do think it takes a certain level of maturity to feel comfortable with it, but if I can be mature enough to handle it I think with a little work anyone can be because I'm really pretty average. But in a couple, both parties should have some sense of what and how much the other can handle and tailor their story to that.

 

Im not saying that all couples should do this. If they're not interested in each other's pasts then there's no reason. I just don't think there should be some rule that couples don't ralk about past sexual or romantic relationships.

 

Most people think they will understand their partner better and feel closer to them if they know about their family of origen. And they will also understand their partner better if they know about important romantic/sexual events or relationships or dynamics from their past.

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Or maybe he felt he had to justify why he dated someone crazy.

 

This is what I'm thinking. Don't ask about the ex-gf again. If he brings her and her ass up again, then I'd recommend letting him go because he's stupid.

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Yeah I'm quite a petite woman, but it appears he's more into those girls with juicier butts so sometimes I question why he's with me since my body isn't that amazing

 

You know we're always our own harshest critic when it comes to our looks, right? If he's with you he must think you're hot too, give yourself some credit! ;)

 

But seriously, I just think he just stupidly didn't realise it's not a good idea to bring up the "hotness" of other girls this early on in a relationship. There is a reason why he's with you and not with anyone else - in this case the reason why he's not with this ex in particular is clear. It is a red flag but something to keep an eye on rather than a deal breaker in my opinion.

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So I should just see if he says something else like that again in the future and then break things off if he does?

 

I think so. People say a lot of stupid things due to not knowing better. What matters more is if he repeats this pattern. Be on the lookout.

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