She told me she loved me. Then I dumped her.

[thegreatfuldead]

Posted on here awhile ago about my situation, but ill give you cliff notes.

 

Starting dating, she is rather lovely, and things are going great. But I slowly learn, she is flakey as hell. Thats fine, I dont need someone 24/7.

 

well, she blows me off a couple times. no courtesy call. I understand shes busy, but I make it clear that thats not cool and just send a text.

 

nothing changes.

 

then, she stands me up on a date. 2 days later she tell me her mom has cancer.

 

Ive been through it. My mom had cancer and passed.Told her im here, if she needs me and to be supportive. Took a step back, realize this has nothing to do with me.

 

But, communication stops almost entirely. We work together, and the only effort she puts in is at work. Its not a career job, just a side gig for me.

 

I confront her about it. ask her whatsup. Is everything okay. I ask if she wants to end it.

 

she tells me no, she wants to stay together. apologizes for the way she is acting. I told her to take care of her mom, but please just keep me in the loop. dont make plans and blow me off without a word. You know, an adult relationship.

 

she stands me up on vday. on another date night. Now these are nights we agreed to hangout. No text. no phone call.

 

a million unanswered questions. Never did get a straight answer. acting shady. somethings going on. This is a girl who is glued to her phone. Im not dense.

 

These events are in the double digits. I only asked her to be open and honest. I wont beg someone for attention, and this is a serious situation.

 

One night at work, closing up, she slips and says she loves me. I asked if she meant it. Didnt really say anything.

 

st pattys day, she shows up and actually calls and wants to hangout. My hearts all a flutter. She tells me she meant it. The love thing.

 

Except, she ends up staring at her phone all afternoon, not talking, texting her dumbass underaged sister who stole her ID, was drunk, and had it confiscated. She leaves an hour and a half later. Im livid and annoyed, and go home.

 

At this point im only with her because her mom is sick. he actions are understandable, but her behavior and her treatment towards me is inexcusable. by now ive asked her 3 times if this is what she wants, and tell her if she doesn't have an adult conversation with me Im going to end it myself. Each time she does this, I habe no idea where she has been or what.

 

Said she wanted to come over. Never showed. no text. nothing. I tried calling. asked if she was still comming. nothing.

 

I text her and end the relationship. all my gripes. she didnt fight it, didnt try. No explanation. Gave me the "i understand. You are a good guy. You deserve the world" Was like talking to a wall. Dropped off her stuff. She wasn't home. Doubt ill get my things.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if something else was going on. But its over, and Im better off. i told her we could be friends, and i did miss her and still wanted to be with her, but that i choose not to be because of her actions.

 

I feel guilty. I didnt ask for much. And i know that this is a life changing event. Gave her space. time. Made sure she knew i was in her corner. But, to give 110% and realize youre not even worth a text. Gave her enough chances. Offered an out. Didnt pressure her to do anything she didnt want to, hangout if she couldnt, and only talk...well, enough to know what was going on.

 

Though, i feel now that she was just waiting for me to get fed up enough to end it. Actions speak louder than words. I got got neither.

 

And I feel awful. Guilty. But, i didnt do anything wrong. I acted like a muture adult, and a caring supportive partner.

 

the last thing i sent, i asked her "Why was I not worth fighting for."

 

You can guess to my utter surprise, no response. Cleared her off my phone, fb, pics. Firm believer in nc.

 

Thats that. Cheers

Edited March 21, 2018 by thegreatfuldead

[heavenonearth]

I think if you love someone, you are allowed to make mistakes. You are also allowed to have a slump and go through hard times in which you may not be the best partner you can be.

But — if you love someone and they break up with you after they told you several times how they didn’t feel appreciated and how they needed things to change — you do NOT just say “ah ok cool”. You will fight for the relationship.

 

This woman never loved you.

I commend you for ending it.

 

I hope you will soon find someone who deserves you.

[Agonistes]

I don't like to criticize the man in the arena. You muddled through it but eventually got it right and dumped her. Congrats on doing the right thing for you.

 

I am concerned that your breakup message may have left the door open too wide so she will be back in your life soon. I think you need to be resolute and not become reinvolved with this one. She is not relationship material for you. Do not be her doormat.

[thegreatfuldead]

thank you. Ive been going back and fourth trying to figure out if I was being needy. or a jerk. doing the right thing.

 

I did the right thing. I am not a "good guy." I realized I am a good man. And, I am not upset. I didnt lose anything, but, she lost someone who loved her. So

[ChatroomHero]

Yeah, there was definitely something else going on there. Just don't fall into the trap when she comes back around promising to change her world for you, unless she's like 18 years old, who she is and how she acts is who she is and how she wants to act. What you see is what you get no matter what she says.

 

 

Based on nothing other than my own experience, my first guess would be drugs. Her behavior would add up perfectly if she had a drug problem she was trying to hide. Generally when someone has a set date for things like Valentine's day, unless they are a complete sociopath with no social skills, they don't forget dates like that, routinely blow people off and do things that any normal person would consider very crappy. However, if drugs are involved they will do all of that because when they are using, nothing else matters. After, they have 'moved on' and in a lot of cases don't understand what they did, they were high and having fun, you were the one that was stood up and p*ssed off, it doesn't necessarily register with them. If they do remember, they will pledge the world to you and promise on their kid's graves they will never stand you up again, only to do it the very next time.

 

 

It's just a guess but it would be my first guess. As far as her mom having cancer thing, if she is using that would either by a complete lie or stretch of the truth to excuse her behavior. Sad but that's how it happens.

 

 

Obviously I don't know anything about her so it's just wild speculation based on what you wrote but if she ever dabbled in drugs or used or engaged in other shady behavior, that would be my bet.

[thegreatfuldead]

I can easily affirm its not drugs. Maybe she was cheating. Or talking with someone. Or maybe she simply decided or lost feelings for me.

 

But its pretty crappy to not end a relationship if thats the case. Ill never know the truth.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think she was ever really into you that much.

 

Her mom's illness has certainly and understandably affected her general disposition, but I don't think she was on board with this relationship to begin with.

[thegreatfuldead]

The only thing that sucks is how someone can be so callous and inconsiderate. noone with a brain stem with good intent would ever disregaurd someone to this extent.

its incredibly rude.

[thegreatfuldead]

I don't think she was ever really into you that much.

 

Her mom's illness has certainly and understandably affected her general disposition, but I don't think she was on board with this relationship to begin with.

 

If thats the case then on 4 seperate occations i gave her an out. clean break. no harm no foul. not once did she take.

Clearly youre not wrong, but why didnt she end it when i have her the chance.

[ExpatInItaly]

If thats the case then on 4 seperate occations i gave her an out. clean break. no harm no foul. not once did she take.

Clearly youre not wrong, but why didnt she end it when i have her the chance.

 

Because you were convenient when it suited her.

[Streetlight23]

The only thing that sucks is how someone can be so callous and inconsiderate. noone with a brain stem with good intent would ever disregaurd someone to this extent.

its incredibly rude.

 

One lesson to learn is that nowadays most people seem to have the emotional intelligence and maturity of a 2 year old. Alot of people are exactly like this. Its sad but it is how the world is now.

 

You did the right thing. It took a little too long to get to that conclusion but it was the right choice.

[kendahke]

You're far more generous than I'd be... the first time she blew me off would have been the last time she could reach me.

 

She should have been cut off a long, long time ago. You showed her that while you'll blast, you'll stick around, so that's why she never adjusted her behavior.

 

If all you say about how you want to be treated is true, then your actions didn't follow suit. You gave her way too many chances to prove exactly who she always and already was. Figure out why you refused to read the signs early on and act accordingly.

 

Sick mom or not, she never was that arsed to come correct with you.

[Versacehottie]

I can easily affirm its not drugs. Maybe she was cheating. Or talking with someone. Or maybe she simply decided or lost feelings for me.

 

But its pretty crappy to not end a relationship if thats the case. Ill never know the truth.

 

I think she was cheating or talking to other guys. You were the stable reliable one and whatever else she was doing was the exciting part. And there are people (a lot of women that screw with guys minds especially) who are adept at creating the highs/lows and drama that hooks someone in. They don't necessarily mean "I love you" when they say it. It's just more of the drama they love creating for themselves and wake of destruction they leave. I've seen women like this before. I think there is a huge dose of narcissism or perhaps BPD or bipolar. Even if it's pure selfishness and immaturity, she wasn't considering your feelings all along. Either when it was beginning and good or toward end and bad, she was just about the taking. Takers, they will get you every time:sick:

 

Good luck. Don't open the door for her back into your life.

[smackie9]

She may have been multi dating, or she simply had way too much on her plate issue wise, or she is just a bad GF.

 

I'm with Kendahke, I would have ditched her too after the first blow off. For me, first impressions count. I don't tolerate flaky behavior nor should anyone. If said person was going through some kind of trauma, then they are not in the right mindset to be dating anyways.

 

Also, don't date coworkers. I did it once and it was the worst mistake I ever made.

[Biscous]

Good job homie.