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Do all women with kids talk about them on dates?


SevenCity

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I had a date with a woman and as we were talking she told me she has a kid.

 

I was disappointed as I don't date women with kids, but I figured what the hell since anything I find on OLD is just a temporary venture anyway - it's unlikely to become a problem by the time things go south/I lose interest.

 

As the date progressed, more of the conversation topic was dominated by her kid. Went on a second date and "single mother" and the name of her kid were peppered throughout the conversation all night.

 

It made me realize one of the reasons I don't date women with kids. EVERY SINGLE ONE seems to talk about them non stop.

 

I'm curious if this is an anomaly (as I rarely date women with kids), or just par for the course.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I can only speak for myself, as a woman with children.....I do not do this. Not anymore than I'd talk about my mother or my job or my dog or my sister. But, I've never dated another woman so perhaps I'm abnormal ;).

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most women's lives revolve around their kids, so yes, this is par for the course

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hippychick3

When I was dating, I did not do this. I kept my mom life very separate from my dating life. I definitely made it known that I had 3 children (would never hide that). But beyond that, I kept that part of my life private. I am more than just a mom and frankly, it felt weird and wrong (in a protective way) bringing my kids into the date. I didn’t even mention their names unless I was asked.

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I don’t like it. I find that people who insist on refocusing the conversation to their kids constantly may have issues with boundaries, enmeshment with their kid... if they seem to be uncomfortable having an identity outside of the parent role. I find that unattractive.

 

However, I think it may be a bit understandable for a parent of very young kids to be very kid focused and they may struggle with leaving that comfort zone some or they feel that is the area in their life they want to connect with others about...or they are simply sharing aspects of their life and well, maybe that simply means kid stuff. Ok, cool, just not where I am at.

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When I was dating, I did not do this. I kept my mom life very separate from my dating life. I definitely made it known that I had 3 children (would never hide that). But beyond that, I kept that part of my life private. I am more than just a mom and frankly, it felt weird and wrong (in a protective way) bringing my kids into the date. I didn’t even mention their names unless I was asked.

 

That seems much healthier than I experienced.

 

It seems that the "Single Mom" badge is worn with honor by these women. I really lose interest when the conversation surrounds them. I mean, we are on a date....it's supposed to be romantic...kids are not.

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most women's lives revolve around their kids, so yes, this is par for the course

 

Agreed. The thing is I've got two main things in my life - my job and my dog. I mention them, but don't use them as topics for the entire night.

 

I don't get why women with kids don't get that it is not a good idea to do so.

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Don't remeremember a lot of early date talk about kids but later in the rs it ceryainly became a frequent topic. But I had kids too so I could relate.

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I had a date with a woman and as we were talking she told me she has a kid.

 

I was disappointed as I don't date women with kids, but I figured what the hell since anything I find on OLD is just a temporary venture anyway - it's unlikely to become a problem by the time things go south/I lose interest.

 

As the date progressed, more of the conversation topic was dominated by her kid. Went on a second date and "single mother" and the name of her kid were peppered throughout the conversation all night.

 

It made me realize one of the reasons I don't date women with kids. EVERY SINGLE ONE seems to talk about them non stop.

 

I'm curious if this is an anomaly (as I rarely date women with kids), or just par for the course.

 

That's probably why they are single again...

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I think it depends on the woman. Now, if a woman is a stay-at-home mom, she may not have anything else to talk about, and even if she's not, her kids are the main thing to her. I don't know why they don't realize they're not a topic of interest to other people except maybe other mothers, but some don't seem to realize that.

 

I'd say, "So what else do you do besides spend time with your kids?" Steer her away from the topic. But if you have any intentions whatever, be polite enough to say "Kids doing okay?" when you see her, because it's polite.

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I'd certainly be guilty of talking about my dogs, but if they weren't interested, I'd stop, although if they don't like dogs, they just went from a 7 to a 3. Because what's not to like about dogs? Seriously. You can't love a dog, you can't love anything.

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I'd certainly be guilty of talking about my dogs, but if they weren't interested, I'd stop, although if they don't like dogs, they just went from a 7 to a 3. Because what's not to like about dogs? Seriously. You can't love a dog, you can't love anything.

 

Well of course! But I'm talking about kids which I find a lot less appealing :laugh:

 

But I do realize that what is most interesting to me isn't neccessarily interesting to a date.

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If you're anything like me, hearing about someone else's kids is probably the most boring topic of conversation, ever. The kid did this today, the kid did that today....ugh. No wonder so many people are growing up to become narcissists. Their parents act like they are little rockstars.

 

I think I'm EXACTLY like you :laugh:

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Why didn't you find out that she has kids-- *before* making contact w her instead of *after*? Wasn't that on her profile? :confused:

 

You and she aren't compatible. This is a next.

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Happy Lemming
I had a date with a woman and as we were talking she told me she has a kid.

 

 

And my next words would have been "Check, Please" to the wait staff.

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You should probably state in your ad no kids.

 

I’m

A single Mom my kids are 13 and 9. Do they dominate my whole conversation I have with a guy? No but they are usually brought up once or twice or if asked about them.

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thefooloftheyear

I think if she never spoke of them or spoke very little of them, it would be a bigger knock on her character....to me, anyway....

 

People without kids should probably just avoid others with them as this difference in philosophy and life experience is just too much of a hurdle to overcome for most people, anyway...It's not a diss on either side,. it's just the way it usually goes.

 

TFY

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todreaminblue

before i date a person they are aware i have children...and grandchildren one i have partial custody of.......i talk about my children with friends my grandchildren too and they talk to me about theirs........its supportive and right to do this.......

 

when i go on a date i normally want to know about the guy i am on the date with and him to know me.... i can talk about many topics.....i have varied interests....and i love to learn about people

 

my children are grown.....if i am asked questions i answer them.....pretty much i haven't dated as of late because i have partial custody of my granddaughter...and to tell the truth....i am not looking to date....i feel like my dating days are over now....if the right guy were to trip over me ...maybe...i have honest friends who i love and they nourish my soul....i love my family and im not interested in guys looking for sex......

 

i don't get bored and i dont date for entertainment.....so yeah .....i feel my dating days are pretty much over...i dont see anything wrong with a woman/mother who talks about her kids as long as the same amount of time in conversation is getting to know the guy sitting opposite her an also that guy knowing more about her as a woman than a mother....personally when i did date i like to be treated like a woman and a mother.....respect for both and i guess i prefer to be seen more for the woman that i am than a mother figure..............deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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TheFinalWord
I'm curious if this is an anomaly (as I rarely date women with kids), or just par for the course.

 

In my experience dating women with children, this mostly occurs if they have drama with the father. Their life becomes a lot more complicated if they do not get along. In some ways I agree with TFY, if the dating relationship progresses and they never talk about them that's a bit odd too as her children are going to be the number one factor in her life, especially if the children are young and in school. But early on, it's a bit much to hear about the latest fight with the father.

 

TBH if they start talking about them early on, I just listen as it can tell you a lot about what you might be in for if you pursue a relationship. If she is the type of mom that is friends with her child, you might be in for a bumpy ride. If she has a healthy relationship with the father and she is a mom that sets boundaries for her child, it really is not much of an issue I have found, though to be honest that is really rare.

Edited by TheFinalWord
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No, not all women do this. I have two girlfriends who both have four kids each. One girlfriend talks about them all the time, to the point where I've seen people stifling their yawns, (I'm one of them, she doesn't notice the boredom, she's way too busy banging on about her kids). The other one barely mentions hers unless they're actually relevant to a conversation. The difference? Boring Mum sees parenthood as her reason for existing, but Good Company Mum has many other outlets and interests. Without meaning to be rude and condescending I think it's an intellectual thing. I figure some women are just Breeders & Feeders, steer the conversation away from children and recipes and they flounder.

As far as OLD goes, maybe you should just make it clear that you prefer a partner with no children. This is not a crime, though lots of women would feel it's unPC to say it out loud. Personally I think men should speak up more about how they truly feel about this particular issue, it could make more young women think twice before having kids in an unstable relationship and ending up a single parent. Some guys like the idea of an instant family, but most of the ones I talk to see it as a huge turn off.

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Yes they do. Every single one I have met does this. As someone already said, their kids are the biggest thing in their life,...part of being a woman,...so yes they are going to talk about them. I think it is also strategic as well since they want to weed out guys like you that don't want kids and won't get serious with anyone that has any. No woman wants to subject their kids to a "step dad" (or potential step dad) that doesn't want anything to do with them.

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Ive dated a few single mothers and NOT all of them talk about their kids on the first dates. I think its a major part of their lives. For me its not a problem talking about them but maybe not let it dominate the whole conversation.

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In my experience dating women with children, this mostly occurs if they have drama with the father. Their life becomes a lot more complicated if they do not get along. In some ways I agree with TFY, if the dating relationship progresses and they never talk about them that's a bit odd too as her children are going to be the number one factor in her life, especially if the children are young and in school. But early on, it's a bit much to hear about the latest fight with the father.

 

TBH if they start talking about them early on, I just listen as it can tell you a lot about what you might be in for if you pursue a relationship. If she is the type of mom that is friends with her child, you might be in for a bumpy ride. If she has a healthy relationship with the father and she is a mom that sets boundaries for her child, it really is not much of an issue I have found, though to be honest that is really rare.

 

That’s a great observation. Along with the kids dominating the conversation, every one had ex husband drama which I had to hear about as well.

 

I agree that it is pretty much the norm to have a combination of both.

 

The last one I dated with kids, over a year ago, would go on and on about what an ahole he was. It got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. We stopped talking and several months later she reached out and we ended up going out to dinner. This was around yet another court date with her ex (it had been years since the divorce) so I got an earful about that.

 

Many months passed and she reached out again. This time I limited it to phone and got an earful about how she got into a fight with her kids (young). How do you get into a fight with your kids??? If I had kids it would be “go to your room” at the first sign of disrespect. Meh, maybe that’s why I never had any.

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No, not all women do this. I have two girlfriends who both have four kids each. One girlfriend talks about them all the time, to the point where I've seen people stifling their yawns, (I'm one of them, she doesn't notice the boredom, she's way too busy banging on about her kids). The other one barely mentions hers unless they're actually relevant to a conversation. The difference? Boring Mum sees parenthood as her reason for existing, but Good Company Mum has many other outlets and interests. Without meaning to be rude and condescending I think it's an intellectual thing. I figure some women are just Breeders & Feeders, steer the conversation away from children and recipes and they flounder.

As far as OLD goes, maybe you should just make it clear that you prefer a partner with no children. This is not a crime, though lots of women would feel it's unPC to say it out loud. Personally I think men should speak up more about how they truly feel about this particular issue, it could make more young women think twice before having kids in an unstable relationship and ending up a single parent. Some guys like the idea of an instant family, but most of the ones I talk to see it as a huge turn off.

 

Your post made me lol :laugh:

 

To answer your question, I purposely don’t list “dealbreakers” on my profile. The reason being is doing so can turn off women who may not have the deal breaker. For example, a woman might want kids, have a sister who is a single mom, etc and may take offense. So, even though she may be a match she can find my list off putting. Same reason why I don’t list that I only date thin women.

 

Same holds true for me - many women’s profiles state “you must be X tall”. Even though I meet the requirements, it’s a huge turn off to me.

 

OLD is a different animal for guys as we don’t get nearly the amount of hits as women. I don’t have hundreds of matches from which to choose.

Despite that, I seem to keep myself pretty busy.

 

Ive actually gone back and forth about dating women with kids from OLD. I have given up on finding anything meaningful through it so why not just open my options? But then I have to hear about them all night and it annoys the hell out of me.

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Eternal Sunshine

Men do this too, all the time. Two favourite topics of conversation are kids and ex wife and how awful she was. Occasionally they will talk about their divorce proceedings. I find all those topics boring as hell.

 

I don’t date men with kids anymore. The problem with men that are past 35+ and have never been married/no kids often are in this position because they have been rejected by nearly everyone, are bitter as hell and think all women are using them for a $20 meal :rolleyes:

 

I’m looking for someone that had options but doesn’t want to settle and is comfortable being single unless they meet the right person. Also must be educated, attractive and financially stable. Looking for a needle in a haystack...

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