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How to ask out a very obese girl?


Starkey

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So, I’m a 23yo guy, and have kind of a fetish for very overweight girls. I’m not into stuff like weight gain or feeding, and I find slim girls attractive too, but for some reason a big belly or large rolls of fat on a girl seem to turn me on the most. Please don’t judge, it’s something I’ve always had since I was small and I don’t think I have a choice in what I find attractive or what turns me on.

 

I get the train to work (UK, southern England). A couple of months ago, a really huge girl started getting the same train as me every day. I’d guess she’s about 20 and something like 150-160kg (about 330-350lbs). Sometimes she’s on her own, and sometimes she’s with a few female friends. As well as being big, she’s also very pretty and seems bubbly and vibrant when she’s with her friends. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I’ve developed a serious crush and can’t stop thinking about her. I see her on the platform every day, but I usually avoid getting on the same carriage because I don’t want to be like a stalker or something.

 

I’ve had two previous relationships, both with slim girls, and I’ve never really met anyone close to this girl’s size, so this never came up before. I really want to talk to her and ask her out, but I’m worried I might come across as a creep, because won’t it be obvious that I’m asking her out because I’m attracted to her weight? Do big girls find this okay? I don’t have any experience with larger women.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I would think you could just start talking to her like you'd talk to any other girl. Don't avoid her carriage, sit near her and strike up a conversation a few times, then ask her out.

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I also like chubby girls, not as large as you described.

They are more hot and appealing then slim and thin girls for me.

Any way, I have dated some and always at the first date I

said to them that I know it is strange thing to say but I like chubby girls and think they are very beautiful. it is enough to boost their confidence and to make them intrigued by me.

Other then that, date them as you would date any other girl.

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Generally, a fetish means you're sexually aroused by a particular aspect or action, not particular to an individual. As example, if two obese women were sitting side by side, you'd be sexually aroused because of their obesity, not because of their being individuals who happened to be obese. They'd be interchangeable.

 

If you find this woman attractive and want to get to know her better, easy enough to make small talk and, if discerning mutual interest, ask her out. It doesn't have to be complicated. In your case here, apparently what caught your attention was her weight. It could have been her breasts, legs, hair, face, eyes, voice, whatever. There's always a start point. Accept it and run with it. Good luck!

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Generally, a fetish means you're sexually aroused by a particular aspect or action, not particular to an individual. As example, if two obese women were sitting side by side, you'd be sexually aroused because of their obesity, not because of their being individuals who happened to be obese. They'd be interchangeable.

 

If you find this woman attractive and want to get to know her better, easy enough to make small talk and, if discerning mutual interest, ask her out. It doesn't have to be complicated. In your case here, apparently what caught your attention was her weight. It could have been her breasts, legs, hair, face, eyes, voice, whatever. There's always a start point. Accept it and run with it. Good luck!

 

True but the OP has a point.

 

He's thinking this girl probably doesn't get hit on regularly and when she does, she might be thinking that the guy is hitting on her because he wants to experience a roll in the hay at least once with a large woman.

 

You can frame it however you want but I think it's quite possible she would have that thought process to some extent.

 

Anyway, like another poster said. Maybe after you have chatted a few times, you should just be honest and tell her your into large girls and you always have been. I think once you have said that, she will respect you for your honesty and then you can pursue the relationship further if she is keen.

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The OP noted his relationships have exclusively been with slim girls so, if the interest in larger women exists now, it didn't preclude him from being attracted to, pursuing, and having relationships with non-larger women, and only non-larger women. A person's attraction start points can change throughout life, sure. He states he's attracted to slim girls too; to my mind and experience, that serves to minimize the strength of his fetish. If he was truly a fetishist he'd not find slim girls sexually arousing at all.

 

Having been married to a larger woman, I got a chance to watch her in action. She was very used to attention from men, for decades, and handled them well. She knew what they wanted, duh, sex. ;) This lady is undoubtedly the same. She may be younger but no doubt has plenty of experience with men. Just because a woman is fat doesn't mean she's a solitary celibate cat hoarder whom men eschew. IMO, the OP should approach her just as he did those slim women he had successful relationships with. Treat her as a person. Yeah, she's fat. She knows that. Still, a person.

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The OP noted his relationships have exclusively been with slim girls so, if the interest in larger women exists now, it didn't preclude him from being attracted to, pursuing, and having relationships with non-larger women, and only non-larger women. A person's attraction start points can change throughout life, sure. He states he's attracted to slim girls too; to my mind and experience, that serves to minimize the strength of his fetish. If he was truly a fetishist he'd not find slim girls sexually arousing at all.

 

Maybe fetish is the wrong word, then? It's not like I've been to a psychiatrist and been diagnosed. I just know what I like, and although I find most clearly feminine forms attractive, extra body fat really gets my attention and arouses me (although there is an upper limit to that).

 

I'm also attracted to girls with dark eyes and black hair, and neither of my previous partners had that either, although the girl who catches my train does.

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losangelena
Just because a woman is fat doesn't mean she's a solitary celibate cat hoarder whom men eschew. IMO, the OP should approach her just as he did those slim women he had successful relationships with. Treat her as a person. Yeah, she's fat. She knows that. Still, a person.

 

Well said.

 

OP, I think you should find the gumption to approach her. Treat her like you would any other woman. Do not comment on her weight—I'm a fat woman, and if a man eventually told me he preferred women my size, that's when I'd start to wonder if it was ME he liked, or just my fat body.

 

When a man initially shows interest, I try and suss out exactly what level he's on: does he seem interested in me as a person, or just getting in my pants? Does he only talk about sexual things? How willing is he to be seen with me in public or with his friends? How comfortable is he with public displays of affection? If I get the sense that he's genuine, and I like him, too, then it's game on. That's all a long-winded way of reiterating that if you approach her in a genuine manner, and she's keen, I don't see a problem.

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I'm a fat woman, and if a man eventually told me he preferred women my size, that's when I'd start to wonder if it was ME he liked, or just my fat body.

 

This is what I'm afraid of, and also that it'll be the first thing she thinks even if I don't say it. I'm some random guy on a train and don't know her yet, so why else would I be interested?

 

I'm not making any assumptions about how experienced she is with men or often she gets hit on or anything like that. To be honest, I don't know how often women of any size get hit on, as I haven't walked in their shoes and feel like I'm still quite inexperienced with women and with relationships in general. She doesn't look like a shy cat hoarder, as she's well dressed and seems confident, but I don't know anything about her. She could already have a partner for all I know.

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She will have np accepting a date from you. Go ahead, introduce yourself and ask her for her number. Sounds to me, just from what you described, she is confident enough in herself, and knows her value regardless of being over weight.

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You said that part of the attraction is that she seems bubbly and vibrant so try to focus on that part more when talking to her.

 

Good Luck :)

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I’ve had two previous relationships, both with slim girls, and I’ve never really met anyone close to this girl’s size, so this never came up before. I really want to talk to her and ask her out, but I’m worried I might come across as a creep, because won’t it be obvious that I’m asking her out because I’m attracted to her weight? Do big girls find this okay? I don’t have any experience with larger women.

 

I think she may like the fact that you are attracted to her weight because she won't feel self conscious. Don't you approach other women because of their looks? She sounds lovely and I think you should pursue her in front of her friends to further boost her confidence. Trust me, do it.

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FETSH:

a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.

"Victorian men developed fetishes focusing on feet, shoes, and boots"

 

Being attracted to a curvy larger/obese woman is not a fetish nor is it abnormal.

 

I knew plenty of obese women that had np finding Bfs or getting dates.

 

I'm pretty sure this woman has gone out on dates, been asked out before, had a BF or two.

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RecentChange

Few comments.

 

I have a good friend much as you describe. She is big, but vibrant, full of life, funny as really smart, also has a beautiful face and cool style. she's a great gal, but yeah, her weight has limited her dating (but not entirely!)- she would make a great girlfriend or wife for the right guy.

 

Meeting on the train? I ended up in a relationship with a guy I met on the train. Sit near her a strike up a conversation, that's what he did.

 

So, go chat with her! Don't bring up her weight, no no no. Just be flirty, lots of eye contact and smiles. If things progress, flirt more (light touches etc).

 

If you two end up on a date, then you can tell her you think she is beautiful - that honestly there is something about her that you simply find captivating.

 

If you really think a woman is beautiful - is women can tell. I am not a conventional beauty, I don't turn heads, but when I meet someone who thinks I am beautiful - I can tell through his body language.

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You said that part of the attraction is that she seems bubbly and vibrant so try to focus on that part more when talking to her.

 

Yes, this is definitely part of it.

 

My last partner, who I went out with for nearly a year at university, was quite shy and insecure, and in the end got very clingy. We ended up breaking up because she didn't like me spending time on my hobbies or doing really anything that didn't involve her. I suppose from her point of view I wasn't attentive enough, but we clearly weren't right for each other. So I'm a bit wary of shy girls now.

 

Of course, I'm in no position to criticise, as I have my own insecurities (or I wouldn't be here asking how to talk to a girl).

Edited by Starkey
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Well said.

 

OP, I think you should find the gumption to approach her. Treat her like you would any other woman. Do not comment on her weight—I'm a fat woman, and if a man eventually told me he preferred women my size, that's when I'd start to wonder if it was ME he liked, or just my fat body.

 

 

I think after a few good conversations, it's ok for the OP to bring up the fact he is attracted to larger women (when the time feels right).

 

Surely being truthful is best. Who wants to be in a relationship where you can't speak your mind.

 

And seriously, whether he brings it up or not, surely there will be a part of her that would have figured that out anyway.

 

I do see your point of course. But if he was dating a thin woman, my guess is you would approve of him saying he likes thin women but it's not ok for him to say he's attracted to large women?

 

Your saying he should approach her like any other woman but then your asking him to apply a different rule when it comes to speaking his mind.

 

From my experience, in the early dating phase, people usually will say stuff like "oh I liked your profile picture because of xyz". That's all part of the flirting and re-assuring them your attracted to them. If it's done right, people will take it as a compliment, or at least not feel like they were being objectified.

Edited by marky00
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losangelena
I do see your point of course. But if he was dating a thin woman, my guess is you would approve of him saying he likes thin women but it's not ok for him to say he's attracted to large women?

 

Umm, not exactly. I think if she were thin, there'd be no reason for him to state, "I like thin women," it'd be implied by the fact that he's with her. Never mind that in modern western society, it's "normal" for men to find thin women attractive. The only reason anyone would state, "I like bigger women" is precisely because it falls outside the norm of what's considered typical.

 

I have dated/been with a variety of men with bodies across the spectrum (size, shape, skin color, etc.). My last serious bf was Indian. I never said to him, "hey I really like Indian dudes." How would that sound to him? Like, she's into me because I'm of a certain ethnicity or "exotic" somehow, and not because she likes me for me? Why would I want to give him that impression? Especially because it wasn't true?

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Umm, not exactly. I think if she were thin, there'd be no reason for him to state, "I like thin women," it'd be implied by the fact that he's with her.

 

Exactly, so why did you say you wouldn't want a guy to tell u he liked large women because it would make u feel like your fat body and not who you were?

 

By the same argument above, surely it can be implied that a guy dating a large woman also likes large women. So whether, its mentioned or not, its known by both parties.

 

The OP doesn't have to bring it up if the time never feels right etc. But it might become the subject of conversation naturally one day which is when he could probably just make a passing comment that he finds larger women attractive.

 

In all my relationships with women, I didn't right off the bat make a comment saying I liked them because they were thin or whatever. But at some point or another the subject naturally came up. Maybe they were wearing a dress or w/e and I commented that they looked slim etc. Some women at that point would actually ask me what type of body type I was attracted to etc. Not something I would talk about on the first few dates. It would be a subject that could come up 1 or 2 months later.

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The only reason anyone would state, "I like bigger women" is precisely because it falls outside the norm of what's considered typical.

 

That's not the OP's fault.

 

If he's being authentic, that must be a plus. He doesn't have to follow the norms of society.

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My last serious bf was Indian. I never said to him, "hey I really like Indian dudes." How would that sound to him??

 

I've dated African girls, Asian girls etc.

 

I often told African girls I was attracted to dark skin. They had no issue with it whatsoever. In fact, it just built up the attraction on both sides.

 

People who get to know me realise I am totally against discrimination etc. When I date someone from another culture with a different skin colour etc, I simply didn't care. Probably why it was natural for me to compliment them on their skin type or whatever because it was the TRUTH.

Edited by marky00
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There is nothing wrong with saying that you are attracted to large women...She knows she's fat so you don't have to pussyfoot around the subject. Just remember to mention it with tact and respect.

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I feel it's a bit risky to say anything at all about her weight when I'm just getting to know her, as it could be a touchy subject, and I wouldn't be risking much by omitting it until later.

 

If I get to know her, I feel I'd have to tell her eventually in the interests of an open relationship, but it seems non-essential early on.

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I'm an old fat lady who was slim in her youth. I can just tell you that it doesn't sound to me like you have a fetish because when it's a real fetish, the fetish is all that matters and you are less obsessed and more open than that, so that's good.

 

I would find it hard to trust someone just coming onto me and might suspect them of being up to no good, so I agree with the other posters who urge you to just strike up a friendly conversation. Now, remember, you like her looks, but you'll just have to see if you like her personality the way everyone else does, by talking to her. After chatting her a few times, why not ask her and her friends to meet you for a drink later and then that may put her at ease. If they come, sit by her and make it clear she is who you want to talk to most. Good luck!

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