Jump to content

Is Tinder just a rat race?


dtla1992

Recommended Posts

I used to use Tinder regularly but I've found with each passing year, that it's becoming more and more worthless. A few years ago I could easily start a conversation and often get a date. I formed a few meaningful relationships - romantic, sexual, and even friendships. But it seems to be saturated now and is become kind of a joke. Case in point, my most recent interaction on Tinder. So I hadn't logged into Tinder for months but randomly got a message notification from someone I matched with 15 months ago! She replied "Wow you're really cute". I replied back and got crickets. Meanwhile, for $h!ts and giggles, I decided to swipe until I was out of free likes. I matched with a bunch of women, I've always noticed they stack up if you haven't logged in for a while. I started chatting with the only girl who replied to my dozen or so opening messages. I said a few witty things and was feeling a good vibe so I asked for her number and suggested we meet up that night. To which she replied "I'm a hot mess right now and have no pants on but may be able to pull it together. Where do you want to meet?" Although her profile said "no hookups", it sure seemed like this was leading to a hookup. Anyway, we met around 1130 on Wednesday night at a dive bar halfway between us and we really hit it off. During our convo, she said she didn't meet many guys from Tinder and that none of her friends took it seriously. She described how they played a drinking game where they swiped profiles and every time a guy was holding a fish or skydiving they had to drink. Anyway, we got progressively more touchy feely as the night progressed and after we got booted out at last call, we started making out in the parking lot. It was raining pretty heavily which we used as an excuse to heavy pet for a while to the point where I was finger banging her and we were both really turned on. Anyway, we decided not to go all the way and wait until next time. We exchanged really nice texts at 3AM. I texted her a little yesterday, but the responses were lukewarm. Last night and today total silence. I'm fairly certain it's dead now. All I can think is I should have just gone for the easy hookup when I had a chance. Stupid of me for thinking that she actually meant "no hookups" and was looking for something else...

Link to post
Share on other sites
cereal_dater
I used to use Tinder regularly but I've found with each passing year, that it's becoming more and more worthless. A few years ago I could easily start a conversation and often get a date. I formed a few meaningful relationships - romantic, sexual, and even friendships. But it seems to be saturated now and is become kind of a joke. Case in point, my most recent interaction on Tinder. So I hadn't logged into Tinder for months but randomly got a message notification from someone I matched with 15 months ago! She replied "Wow you're really cute". I replied back and got crickets. Meanwhile, for $h!ts and giggles, I decided to swipe until I was out of free likes. I matched with a bunch of women, I've always noticed they stack up if you haven't logged in for a while. I started chatting with the only girl who replied to my dozen or so opening messages. I said a few witty things and was feeling a good vibe so I asked for her number and suggested we meet up that night. To which she replied "I'm a hot mess right now and have no pants on but may be able to pull it together. Where do you want to meet?" Although her profile said "no hookups", it sure seemed like this was leading to a hookup. Anyway, we met around 1130 on Wednesday night at a dive bar halfway between us and we really hit it off. During our convo, she said she didn't meet many guys from Tinder and that none of her friends took it seriously. She described how they played a drinking game where they swiped profiles and every time a guy was holding a fish or skydiving they had to drink. Anyway, we got progressively more touchy feely as the night progressed and after we got booted out at last call, we started making out in the parking lot. It was raining pretty heavily which we used as an excuse to heavy pet for a while to the point where I was finger banging her and we were both really turned on. Anyway, we decided not to go all the way and wait until next time. We exchanged really nice texts at 3AM. I texted her a little yesterday, but the responses were lukewarm. Last night and today total silence. I'm fairly certain it's dead now. All I can think is I should have just gone for the easy hookup when I had a chance. Stupid of me for thinking that she actually meant "no hookups" and was looking for something else...

 

I've had that exact situation play out maybe a dozen times.

 

Fooling around but don't push to go the whole mile because "it's going so good there's no way she won't see me again which will lead to sex" but 24-48 hours later it dwindles down to nothing or she straight up doesn't reply. No matter how well the date goes or what happens, there's no guarantee you'll see or hear from them again. Definitely one of the very bizarre phenomenons of online dating.

Link to post
Share on other sites
newyorker11356

Yeah, at that point, you should have just gone all the way, lol.

 

Regardless of what her profile said, she was obviously down for it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Yeah, at that point, you should have just gone all the way, lol.

 

Regardless of what her profile said, she was obviously down for it.

 

Honestly I'm terrified of "me too". I was seeing a girl a few months ago and the night we broke up, she got really drunk and we still had sex after that. A few days later our texting got a bit nasty and she described our sex as "I barely remember it. I was really drunk." We never talked again and things never got really bad but what if she was the vindictive type... Anyway, if a woman's drunk I'm not going to go for it anymore unless she is the one begging for it. It just ain't worth the risk...

Link to post
Share on other sites

IME, "no hookups" means she is more likely to hookup. "No hookups" just means buy me dinner or at least talk to me before we have sex.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
TheFinalWord
I used to use Tinder regularly but I've found with each passing year, that it's becoming more and more worthless.

 

I honestly never consider it a serious way to meet anyone. It's just something to do when you're bored. Kind of like those spinner contraptions. Sometimes I swipe to a song stuck in my head...

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah, at that point, you should have just gone all the way, lol.

 

Regardless of what her profile said, she was obviously down for it.

 

I have found it means “I’ve hooked up in the past and felt bad afterwards so I won’t do it again. Unless you are cute and make me feel like you don’t only want sex then I will after 2-3 dates”.

 

Most of the profiles I see on Bumble have the disclaimer. It’s never stopped them from having second or third date sex when there has been no talk of a relationship.

 

Though I’ve never gone as far as fingering a girl and not having sex....well one time but it was because I ultimately didn’t find her attractive despite her having a great personality. That was my choice - she had already planned to come to my house the next weekend.

 

I should mention I don’t drink so they don’t drink a lot. If alcohol was involved it could be her sober mind feels it wouldn’t be a good idea.

Link to post
Share on other sites

IMO every dating website became a rat race.

It has nothing to do with the websites, since every single

girl learned how to use a smartphone with apps and learned that dating apps are safe and easy, they are using it.

I once met a girl who wanted a serious relationship and talked about it for the entire date, later that evening I f*cked her in an empty park and we stopped talking the other day.

She said that it never happened to her before.

Few month later I saw her again on a dating website and suggested to talk,

She accepted and again, one night f*ck and we stopped talking.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Calmandfocused

It is extremely rare that I find an opening post entirely halarious but I do this one.

 

Wasn’t you absolutely beside yourself with laughing when you read her message about being a “hot mess and having no pants on”... I find this very funny, sorry.

 

Anyway, I already think she gave you massive clues in relation to her intentions before you met. It appears her behaviour was consistent with her messages at least.

 

Not everyone will openly admit to wanting hookups in their profile. Not everyone will want to engage with you in the same way this woman did. I don’t know OLD etiquette particularly but not everyone will be/ want the same.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You had her in your grasps. You should have just gone all the way instead of trying to "date her".

 

It was supposed to be a bang. Nothing more. Oh, well. Next time.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Update. She texted me back on Friday afternoon and apologized saying she had a crazy busy Thursday. Whatever. I asked her out and we're going out next week. So maybe the long game is going work out after all though honestly I'm not holding my breath...

Link to post
Share on other sites

i just had a tinder match message me back after 2 weeks lol

 

she was like she replied but it didnt go through which is hard to believe as we were talking back and forth 2 days earlier this was when i asked her out for a date

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...