suckered Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 I met a guy on OLD and it went really well. We had so much to talk about and he was cute too. He did seem a little nervous and he kept ordering these double drinks. By the end of the night he was slurring his words somewhat. Should I just next him because of the drinking? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 How about you suggest a date where alcohol is NOT served?? Museum, Zoo, Fair, Movies, (Family style diner for dinner, where no alcohol is served), Ice Cream shop, etc.?? Can you research what your town has to offer that is non-alcoholic?? See if he likes the idea?? He may have been overly nervous and drank too much accidentally?? Although, he did order doubles... hmmm... Still... I may try a non-alcoholic date suggestion and gauge his reaction. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wolf123 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 only 4? rookie numbers 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 How did you feel about him? 4 drinks in four hours is not excessive in my opinion. Ordering "doubles" is also not a big deal to me since restaurants typically do not make drinks very strong. If you like him, I'd definitely give him a chance at a sober date like Happy Lemming suggested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 (edited) Could be nerves, but I'd be concerned about that as a coping mechanism. It's one date so too early to tell, but it's a trade-off between the level of connection you guys had and possibility of an issue. Try and make the next date somewhere that isn't a drinking type venue and see whether you click the same way. Better still, ask him how often he goes out drinking with his friends, that's a more subtle way of gauging whether it's a problem. Snap! Edited March 15, 2018 by snowboy91 Snap! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 If it bothered you enough to write a post about it, next. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 When we go out for a date my boyfriend usually drinks about 4-5 drinks. But he would not slurr his words after that. That definitely would take him more drinks. He's 6'2" and 210 pounds though, so I suppose it depends on who's the one drinking the drinks... I definitely would be a bit tipsy after 4 drinks (not sure about slurring words). Maybe he was just nervous and couldn't handle what he ordered? I feel it may have been just that. I would try to see how it goes on the next few dates. Keep an eye out. But it doesn't appear too weird. I have to admit, I have been tipsy on first dates... Sometimes it's just people's nervousness that they want to try to overplay with some drinks, and that can quickly make one tipsy if they are not used to drinking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Yikes! If you are interested, I would give him the benefit of the doubt and go out with him again. Maybe try something with no alcohol - like mini golf! However, I would keep my eyes open... If he does it again and it becomes a pattern, then that tells you he is not nervous, he has a problem with alcohol. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Did he drive after this? If yes then block him. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author suckered Posted March 16, 2018 Author Share Posted March 16, 2018 Did he drive after this? If yes then block him. No, he took a train. Looks like he is not that interested even though yesterday he kept asking me to go to another restaurant after spending 4 hours together and he initiated holding hands. He said he would like to see me again. He did seem a bit socially awkward (he is a computer programmer). I texted him this morning, just chit chat in case he is doubting if I’m interested. He already said that he has plans for the weekend and then a work trip mid week and is coming back next Sunday. He suggested that we do something once he is back (nearly 2 weeks from now). I get the vibe that I won’t see him again. Given the drinking it’s probably for the best. He is 43 and never been married. I am not going to initiate again. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Glad to hear he didn't drive. Q: If he reaches out when he's back, will you go out with him again? If yes, I'd suggest a non-alcoholic date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author suckered Posted March 16, 2018 Author Share Posted March 16, 2018 Glad to hear he didn't drive. Q: If he reaches out when he's back, will you go out with him again? If yes, I'd suggest a non-alcoholic date. I probably will and will suggest an activity. If it still somehow ends up with him drinking, I’m out. 8 standard drinks in 4 hours strikes me as too much. I tend to attract alcoholics so I’m wary:( Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I'd give him another shot. 4 drinks isn't that much. Yeah, they were doubles, but as somebody said you don't know how strong they actually were. Doubles doesn't always mean double. Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 only 4? rookie numbers Lol. Seriously. I wouldn't even pay attention to 4 drinks in 4 hours unless it lead to him being drunk and being an obnoxious buffoon. If you liked him, but the drinking bothered you, try again in a different setting. 1 drink per hour (or two if you count the double) is not something to be worried about. Did you have a good date or were you too busy counting his drinks? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I'd give him another shot. 4 drinks isn't that much. Yeah, they were doubles, but as somebody said you don't know how strong they actually were. Doubles doesn't always mean double. But he was drunk at the end of the dinner evening, getting drunk on a first date isn't the best foot forward and if it is then look out. IMO 4 drinks isn't that much in 4 hours but he had 8 drinks in 4 hours not 4... 8 drinks is equal to 12 shots of 80 proof whiskey, 8 beers or 40 ounces of wine... No matter how you sum that up that is a lot to drink for a first date... It's obvious his life revolves around drinking.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 8 drinks is equal to 12 shots of 80 proof whiskey, 8 beers or 40 ounces of wine... No matter how you sum that up that is a lot to drink for a first date... . It's a lot of drinking, period. I know there are big women drinkers out there that don't mind a man drinking the equivalent of 8 beers in one night, to me it would be too much. Alcohol has never interested me so a man ordering more than 2 beers would be a red flag, 8 ? I had left a long time ago. OP, if it's too much for you then it is. It's your standards and you are more than entitled to desire a man that keeps his drinking to a minimum. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 It would definitely be something I would pay attention to, but I don't know that I'd toss in the towel just yet. In a bar/restaurant environment, there are all kinds of stimuli, and you might not really feel the effects right away...and then you have that one that puts you over the edge...BTDT. His metabolism, size, and tolerance can play a role as well. Maybe he chose a different alcohol than he typically drinks (even brand) that affected him differently. It's a lot of alcohol to the point he slurred, and I would be on alert for issues, but I think if it were me, and things otherwise went well, I'd go for a second date. If dates are centered on alcohol consumption, and excessively, then you can put a stop. You'll have a chance to talk more about what he likes to do, and alcohol will come up if it's a major part of his life or if all his activities are focused around that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnaN88 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 If you really like him you should give him a second chance and maybe pay attention to his drinking habits during your next dates. I remember I once went on a first date with a guy at 10 am( weird I know).He suggested a pub and had 3 drinks in 2 hours. Drinking alcohol in a morning was a big red flag for me and I decided not to see him again. Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 It's a lot of alcohol to the point he slurred, and I would be on alert for issues, but I think if it were me, and things otherwise went well, I'd go for a second date. If dates are centered on alcohol consumption, and excessively, then you can put a stop. You'll have a chance to talk more about what he likes to do, and alcohol will come up if it's a major part of his life or if all his activities are focused around that. Agreed, it is a lot of alcohol. In my experience people don't drink that much by accident. I would proceed with a lot of caution. P.S.: Drinking too much on a first date is pretty stupid IMHO, as probably 50% of the women I dated were very sensitive in this regard. Or as my previous gf put it on our second date: "I strongly prefer sex over alcohol." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 OP said this man was slurring. I would like to bring to your attention that he is 43 years old, he's not a newbie with alcohol and he knows his breaking point he just doesn't respect it. Also OP you said you always end up with alcoholics well you know why now, you ignore red flags when you see them. You don't give a second chance to a man that drank double-shots of hard liquor all night and left your date slurring. You have a pretty good idea why he's never been able to maintain a long term relationship at 43. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Getting drunk on the first date is a red flag. In the beginning, people put their best foot forward. Makes me wonder what he'll be like once the honeymoon phase is over. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 I met a guy on OLD and it went really well. We had so much to talk about and he was cute too. He did seem a little nervous and he kept ordering these double drinks. By the end of the night he was slurring his words somewhat. Should I just next him because of the drinking? Yes. Was he driving himself home after the date, too? Then he's got dangerous judgment and should be left alone with his alcohol issues. And considering one's "representative" is supposedly on their best behavior on a first date... I'd hate to see what the real him is like when it's time for that to come to the fore. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 If you really like him you should give him a second chance Only if you're down for being his enabler. Otherwise, leave him be. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 P.S.: Drinking too much on a first date is pretty stupid IMHO, as probably 50% of the women I dated were very sensitive in this regard. Or as my previous gf put it on our second date: "I strongly prefer sex over alcohol." So true! Haha. I won't go home with a guy if he's drunk, more than anything because I know the sex will be bad! I always make them wait til they're sober. Last weekend I was at a friend's party, and a mutual acquaintance and I started making out. He was so keen to come home with me, but I eventually left without him because he was so drunk. I woke up to see he'd texted me at 4:00 am asking where I'd gone, but I was like, dude, there's no way I wanted to take care of your drunk a** when you inevitably start to get the spinnies and puke. That's not sexy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 This would bother me. A guy makes a woman uncomfortable when he stops being in control of himself. Whether he acted good, bad or indifferent makes no difference — I don’t care for the general message his behavior sends. And, btw, it’s not a great idea to text a guy to assure him of your interest. That one move on your part speaks volumes — that you’re handholding, you don’t trust, and that you can’t let a man be a man. Believe me, sister, most men won’t bolt just because he thinks you’re not interested after one date. If he’s interested, he’ll go out of his way to capture your interest. If he doesn’t do that, then he either isn’t interested, or he’s looking for a woman to mommy him. Either way, texting doesn’t benefit you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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