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My experiment for loveshack


Redguitar35

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Redguitar35

There's been several threads lately where guys have been strung along for multiple dates even though the girl had no intention of ever going to bed with them.

 

As I've said to my friends on LS before, unless a woman gives up sex on the first date, sex will never occur in most cases. I've also said that dates are an awful drain financially and psychologically, if sex isn't on the menu. Last night I had what was an okay get together as far as dates go with woman I met on tinder. We met at a sushi restaurant. The girl told me she had great time, but she had to head on home to finish some work related project. She suggested that we get together at my place the next night (tonight) to watch a movie. I said sounds good. Of course when I followed up with her this evening, she said she couldn't make it, which frankly I predicted would happen the minute I climbed back into my car the night before. I predicted I would never see her again. I said, well if she were interested, there would've been sex tonight. I was right.

 

On the one hand, I feel awful, because I dropped probably $20 on the meal (thank God we went dutch), and no sex occurred :(. Nothing to show for all that time, effort and money. It's money and time I will never get back :(. On the other though, I'm somewhat glad because I'm able to cut ties with her before wasting any more dollars on senseless dates that lead nowhere.

 

This is how I recommend guys reading this view this type of date before they waste energy falling into despair or worse attempting to set up another date with a woman who is lukewarm about them.

 

My point is, this is exactly what I've been talking about when I say sex should occur early on. I welcome any questions.

Edited by Redguitar35
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newyorker11356
There's been several threads lately where guys have been strung along for multiple dates even though the girl had no intention of ever going to bed with them.

 

As I've said to my friends on LS before, unless a woman gives up sex on the first date, sex will never occur in most cases. I've also said that dates are an awful drain financially and psychologically, if sex isn't on the menu. Last night I had what was an okay get together as far as dates go with woman I met on tinder. We met at a sushi restaurant. The girl told me she had great time, but she had to head on home to finish some work related project. She suggested that we get together at my place the next night (tonight) to watch a movie. I said sounds good. Of course when I followed up with her this evening, she said she couldn't make it, which frankly I predicted would happen the minute I climbed back into my car the night before. I predicted I would never see her again. I said, well if she were interested, there would've been sex tonight. I was right.

 

On the one hand, I feel awful, because I dropped probably $20 on the meal (thank God we went dutch), and no sex occurred :(. Nothing to show for all that time, effort and money. It's money and time I will never get back :(. On the other though, I'm somewhat glad because I'm able to cut ties with her before wasting any more dollars on senseless dates that lead nowhere.

 

This is how I recommend guys reading this view this type of date before they waste energy falling into despair or worse attempting to set up another date with a woman who is lukewarm about them.

 

My point is, this is exactly what I've been talking about when I say sex should occur early on. I welcome any questions.

 

Constantly repeating it doesn't make you right.

 

Most people (me included) don't have sex on the first or second date, and eventually, do end up having sex.

 

We get it, you want sex very early on. That doesn't mean women that won't give it up on the first couple of dates aren't interested in you. Somehow, you fail to grasp that.

 

As for the guys you mention in your example. A good way around that is to do cheap/free dates. I'm in NYC, and there is no shortage of those. Constantly dropping $100's of dollars on dates is their fault.

Edited by newyorker11356
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Question: Do you realise that the reason women encourage each other to hold off sex for a few days is to help them avoid men who think that paying $20 for a bite to eat should entitle them to sex? Yes, we help each other avoid men who have the attitude you just described.

 

Now, you're about to be hit with an avalanche of posts who say that they had sex with their partner on the third or fifth or whatever date. But apparently this never happens for you. Given that you're the outlier here, I can only surmise that after a few dates with you, women decide that you're not what they want.

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I'd say you're partially correct - you're right in saying that generally if it doesn't happen within a certain time frame, it probably won't happen because things will fizzle out. But calling it at the first date is far too early in most cases - it takes a certain level of comfort and trust for a lot of people (more so women but some guys have this too) to want to have sex, which often isn't built until multiple dates in.

 

I think some of the stories of "stringing along" from the guy's perspective might be, from the woman's perspective, vague interest at first to see where things might lead, and hoping for attraction to build. The intention might have been there, but after a few more dates. And then it fizzled out for them.

 

I'm not sure whether you can call a failed date a waste though - unless sex is the only end goal. Going into a first date, you know absolutely nothing about them. The idea is that you just get to know each other. If sex happens, it happens. But worst case scenario, you've spent a night and a little money on a nice meal (I don't think $20 is all that much... but I'm biased to insane Aus prices), trying to get to know someone, and you've learnt something new - that this particular person is not the right one for you. Sure, if sex is the only goal then it's a waste, but there's more to dating than sex.

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LoverOfDance

OP, I think your problem is that you're more concerned with sex than anything else. I don't think this is a good thing. Have you asked yourself why this is the case? You need to self reflect. We all need to self reflect from time to time to make sure we are not the cause of our own problems.

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Redguitar35
Constantly repeating it doesn't make you right.

 

Most people (me included) don't have sex on the first or second date, and eventually, do end up having sex.

 

There's no way I'd stick around for five dates before sex. In 2018. That seems excessive to me. Most people, especially online daters, know within seconds whether the person they met is sex material.

 

We get it, you want sex very early on. That doesn't mean women that won't give it up on the first couple of dates aren't interested in you. Somehow, you fail to grasp that.

 

Of course it does. How do you reckon what occurred in with this lady?

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Redguitar35
OP, I think your problem is that you're more concerned with sex than anything else. I don't think this is a good thing. Have you asked yourself why this is the case? You need to self reflect. We all need to self reflect from time to time to make sure we are not the cause of our own problems.

 

I'm not a relationship guy, to be honest with you. Tried it, didn't work for me. I'm satisfied with hook ups.

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I'd say you're partially correct - you're right in saying that generally if it doesn't happen within a certain time frame, it probably won't happen because things will fizzle out. But calling it at the first date is far too early in most cases - it takes a certain level of comfort and trust for a lot of people (more so women but some guys have this too) to want to have sex, which often isn't built until multiple dates in.

 

I think some of the stories of "stringing along" from the guy's perspective might be, from the woman's perspective, vague interest at first to see where things might lead, and hoping for attraction to build. The intention might have been there, but after a few more dates. And then it fizzled out for them.

 

I'm not sure whether you can call a failed date a waste though - unless sex is the only end goal. Going into a first date, you know absolutely nothing about them. The idea is that you just get to know each other. If sex happens, it happens. But worst case scenario, you've spent a night and a little money on a nice meal (I don't think $20 is all that much... but I'm biased to insane Aus prices), trying to get to know someone, and you've learnt something new - that this particular person is not the right one for you. Sure, if sex is the only goal then it's a waste, but there's more to dating than sex.

 

This. While I agree with your sentiments, OP. First date is far too early to say there will be no sex. Sometimes it happens on the first date, sometimes it doesn't. It's usually something you build up to. Develop some level of comfort, rapport etc. A good rule is by the third date.

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Redguitar35
Given that you're the outlier here, I can only surmise that after a few dates with you, women decide that you're not what they want.

 

Actually I'm the one who usually ends things. Either the person turns down first date sex and I move on, or we finish up sex and I move on, or they become clingy and I move on.

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newyorker11356
There's no way I'd stick around for five dates before sex. In 2018. That seems excessive to me. Most people, especially online daters, know within seconds whether the person they met is sex material.

 

 

 

Of course it does. How do you reckon what occurred in with this lady?

 

This lady ≠ all ladies

 

Also, someone can know a person is sex material for them, and still not want to have sex with them early on. It's probably mindblowing for you to hear, though.

 

No one said YOU have to wait for 5 dates to have sex. You're entitled to want sex immediately.

 

Where you continue to be wrong is claiming a woman that doesn't have sex within 1-2 dates is not into you, despite plenty of evidence on here and in real life to the contrary.

 

Regardless, I don't see the point of this thread. We're not going to change your mind, and you aren't likely to change anyone else's.

Edited by newyorker11356
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Actually I'm the one who usually ends things. Either the person turns down first date sex and I move on, or we finish up sex and I move on, or they become clingy and I move on.

 

You sound like quite the catch Redguitar.

 

So my takeaway from this is that if you move on from a girl who doesn't have first date sex, she can never have sex with you on a future date. You're proving your theory by dumping them before they get a chance!

Edited by basil67
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LoverOfDance

If you're only looking for hook ups then I don't see the point of this thread. You're not dating if all you're looking for is sex.

 

If sex doesn't happen on the first meeting (NOT DATE) then duhhhh, you should move on. You're not trying to invest after all so why should you be going on more meet ups??

 

There is no argument here to be honest. Posters are arguing with you because they think you're talking about dating but you're not. Hooking up and dating aren't the same thing.

 

If a girl doesn't hook up on the first meeting then OBVIOUSLY you should move on. Isn't that how it works?

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I'm older so over my lifetime I have known of plenty of men and women just out for hookups at stages in their lives or as a life choice.

What I find odd is that I don't know any woman - literally none who goes to meet someone for a hookup and doesn't hookup.

 

There's something you're doing which turns them off OP.

This keeps happening too because you keep posting about it.

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I'm not a relationship guy, to be honest with you. Tried it, didn't work for me. I'm satisfied with hook ups.

 

And this is the heart of the issue right here. If all you want is a hook up, then that's what you expect from the first date. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that - some people want a relationship, some want hook ups. It's all dependent on the individual.

 

In a hook up scenario, of course sex should occur early - no need to waste time. If someone is wanting a relationship, generally they're willing to wait longer for sex with the right person.

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As I've said to my friends on LS before, unless a woman gives up sex on the first date, sex will never occur in most cases.

 

If you're looking for an indicator as to whether sex will happen eventually, first date sex is too binary, look for obvious attraction on the early dates. If, after a date or two, she's not kissing you in a way that suggests genuine passion and desire, that's a much better indicator. Even if the actual sex doesn't happen (for whatever reason) for another few dates.

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aussietigerwolf

Are these women aware that all you want are hookups? If you've met them on a place like adult friend finder and they still aren't hooking up with you then maybe you are turning them off somehow.

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The other guys are trying to find a girl for a relationship and you are for hookups.

There is absolutely no comparison of your experience with theirs.

So stop preaching!!

 

Secondly, I wonder what kind of women would be sleeping with you... You have so many issues - low self worth, insecurity, lack of respect, selfishness, stubborn, inability to accept the truth... i can go on but you get the point. Then of course you are attracting weird women. Normal women, like this woman, smell the trouble and go away asap. Which is what she did.

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No offence, but maybe you should try a professional. There's no time investment, and depending where you live it won't even cost that much. I have nothing against hook ups, but a guy who expects sex because he spent 20 bucks on his own meal would definitely turn me off. That's so crass it's almost funny.

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There's been several threads lately where guys have been strung along for multiple dates even though the girl had no intention of ever going to bed with them.

 

As I've said to my friends on LS before, unless a woman gives up sex on the first date, sex will never occur in most cases. I've also said that dates are an awful drain financially and psychologically, if sex isn't on the menu. Last night I had what was an okay get together as far as dates go with woman I met on tinder. We met at a sushi restaurant. The girl told me she had great time, but she had to head on home to finish some work related project. She suggested that we get together at my place the next night (tonight) to watch a movie. I said sounds good. Of course when I followed up with her this evening, she said she couldn't make it, which frankly I predicted would happen the minute I climbed back into my car the night before. I predicted I would never see her again. I said, well if she were interested, there would've been sex tonight. I was right.

 

On the one hand, I feel awful, because I dropped probably $20 on the meal (thank God we went dutch), and no sex occurred :(. Nothing to show for all that time, effort and money. It's money and time I will never get back :(. On the other though, I'm somewhat glad because I'm able to cut ties with her before wasting any more dollars on senseless dates that lead nowhere.

 

This is how I recommend guys reading this view this type of date before they waste energy falling into despair or worse attempting to set up another date with a woman who is lukewarm about them.

 

My point is, this is exactly what I've been talking about when I say sex should occur early on. I welcome any questions.

 

You sound like a real catch:o

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So what's the experiment? I missed the terms and conditions. :confused:

 

What I see is someone trying to convince himself that he doesn't want what he can't seem to get (a relationship) and latching on to what does come his way occasionally (hook ups).

 

A shame you gave up at such a young age, OP. But, from the viewpoint of others, it's probably for the best.

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Are these women aware that all you want are hookups? If you've met them on a place like adult friend finder and they still aren't hooking up with you then maybe you are turning them off somehow.

 

Being that men are supposed to be the logical ones I have assumed that he is logical about who he chooses to meet - as in - they are also looking for hookups.

I mean, it wouldn't be logical to go for women looking for relationships would it? The Op would be intelligent enough to know it's not going to be a high success rate, right?

 

Maybe it's the date part that you're doing wrong OP.

Thinking about it actually all of the women I have known who chose to go for hookup weren't interested in going on a date - not at all - it was all just about the actual hookup.

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I'm not a relationship guy, to be honest with you. Tried it, didn't work for me. I'm satisfied with hook ups.

 

Lol!! Are you?? Sure sounds like it.

 

How dare she not bang you, a total stranger, on the first date after you broke the bank. What a total waste of time and money. Oh wait, she is a human being.

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aussietigerwolf

That's why i was wondering...

Being that men are supposed to be the logical ones I have assumed that he is logical about who he chooses to meet - as in - they are also looking for hookups.

I mean, it wouldn't be logical to go for women looking for relationships would it? The Op would be intelligent enough to know it's not going to be a high success rate, right?

 

Maybe it's the date part that you're doing wrong OP.

Thinking about it actually all of the women I have known who chose to go for hookup weren't interested in going on a date - not at all - it was all just about the actual hookup.

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