Take away sex

[Ana622]

Hi, so I have a boyfriend and his communication is so bad. Do you think if I take away sex he'll improve in his communication skills? ( like texting back or calling) I've brought it to his attention three times in the past two months and still one ear out the other. What should I do? What should I implement?

[carhill]

I'll leave the communication resolution to others but will opine to be very careful with using sex as a tool or weapon in an established and loving relationship. Think it through. Good luck!

[basil67]

Please tell me you're joking.

 

First, sex is a way of showing love and affection in a relationship. It is not something to be used as a manipulation tool. All you will achieve is to further damage what is clearly an already unsatisfactory relationship.

 

Second, you've pointed out his lack of communication three times. Nothing has changed. Therefore, it's clear that this is who he is and no matter what you do, he's not going to change.

 

Just end it.

[Prue]

You just want a reaction from him, but this won’t solve the core issue of the problem, if anything resentment would increase. Sex can be the only way you guys even communicate emotions at all, and for men it’s a must since sex is their way of getting affectionate and loving towards you.

 

It’s like you taking the wheelchair away from a paralyzed man expecting him to get up and walk.

[snowboy91]

Hi, so I have a boyfriend and his communication is so bad. Do you think if I take away sex he'll improve in his communication skills? ( like texting back or calling) I've brought it to his attention three times in the past two months and still one ear out the other. What should I do? What should I implement?

 

Communication skills are something this guy needs to learn. You using sex as a weapon to make him learn is like an old school teacher using a cane to force a kid to learn. It's nasty and it simply won't work.

 

If this guy isn't fulfilling your need for open and constant communication, it's best for you both to leave him. The fact you've brought it up so often means he isn't willing to put in that effort for the sake of your relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, don't "take away" sex as a means of getting what you want from him. It's manipulative and immature. He's not a child whose privileges you revoke when they act up, OP.

 

You've spoken to him about the problem and it hadn't improved. So now it's your turn to decide if you want to continue the relationship knowing this is how he is.

 

Sex is not a tool to be used for your gain in other areas of the relationship.

[GemmaUK]

Reeling this all back a lot but I'm curious, what did he do when you communicated his lack of communication to him?

As in - what did his face and body language express?

[guest569]

This would just “break” another important aspect to your relationship.

 

How often do you contact each other? Text, email, phone, person? How often would you prefer? What did he say after you spoke to him about it?

[BaileyB]

You've been told in the past, if this relationship is not working for you... You need to breakup.

 

Withholding sex is manipulative and immature. It is not an effective form of conflict resolution and it will not change his communication skills.

[Zahara]

Is this the guy that won't commit to you or a new guy? If the same guy, this relationship should have been over. If a different guy, you seem to be getting involved in dysfunctional relationships and coming up with dysfunctional solutions.

 

What should you do? Walk away.

 

What should you implement? Better standards and values for yourself.

[Ana622]

Reeling this all back a lot but I'm curious, what did he do when you communicated his lack of communication to him?

As in - what did his face and body language express?

When were in the moment like in the argument he'll apologize and say that hell do better and acknowledges that he has a problem with communicating. His mom has also told me that he has a communication problem. It's not that it's not open, we do have an open communication relationship but my problem is, is that when we're not together and I text or call him he won't respond. In order to get my answer I need to see him in order or bagger him thru text until he responds. Then he says things like "I'll respond when I respond" that's basically him saying that I need to settle or deal with his lack of communication thru text or call. I can see him everyday, we both work and go to school so texting or calling is another way of us communicating

[Ana622]

This would just “break” another important aspect to your relationship.

 

How often do you contact each other? Text, email, phone, person? How often would you prefer? What did he say after you spoke to him about it?

 

It takes him an entire day or the next day to respond to one question that I text him. He says he prefers texting versus calling so I compromised and text him but not even with text he'll communicate. The only time we'll talk on the phone is if we're in argument. We have an open communication relationship but when it comes to text he's horrible. His mom also says he sucks at communicating and agrees with me that it's frustrating. We see each other maybe twice a week, we both work and go to school so we can't see each other everyday. I want to have a consistent text or call conversation. When I speak with him. He acknowledges that he sucks at communicating thru phone and says be will do better and tells me examples and ways that he'll improve. but then when he's not implementing what he says "I'll respond when I respond" that's not improving that you telling me that u need to settle or deal with your horrible communication

[Prue]

OP, honestly I don’t think the both of you are compatible. He’s just not the right guy for you. You’re unhappy and you’re hoping something changes and that’d one day he’d turn into the man you want and it won’t happen anytime soon.

 

All you’re doing is pushing and becoming miserable yourself, communication is a CORE thing to have in a relationship and I’ve dated a man like yours and it only brought me disappointments and frustrations and in the end, in my heart of hearts I only blame myself. He was who he was and I wanted someone different who can communicate more. I was in denial.

 

Hope the both of you can learn from this and make yourself the best you can for the next relationship.

[kendahke]

Hi, so I have a boyfriend and his communication is so bad. Do you think if I take away sex he'll improve in his communication skills? ( like texting back or calling) I've brought it to his attention three times in the past two months and still one ear out the other. What should I do? What should I implement?

 

That's game playing and it will result in nothing happening for the good.

 

His communication has been bad since you've been dealing with him, so why now are you wanting to play games?

 

If he's not arsed to change how he communicates, then dump him and find someone else who has a better grip on communication. But using the withholding of sex as a means to manipulate him into doing something he has no interest in doing says more about you than it does him.

[smackie9]

He's a bad BF...dump the chump because you are not happy. You tried, you communicated and all he does is lie to pacify you. Withholding sex will make you a bad GF, so never use that as a bargaining tool ever....with anyone.