She playing games, have low interest, or... ?

[cereal_dater]

To make it as brief as possible..

 

Our 1st date a few weeks ago went really well, hit it off with amazing chemistry. 2nd date again went just as well. She's saying things like "we really click" and showing high interest. Still texting me the day after the 2nd date. Then couple days later I text "lets plan another fun date this week, blah blah" but she replies three days later saying "sorry I didn't respond, been really busy". I text her again the next day and she's extremely receptive, still showing high interest, and accepts my invite to go out again this past weekend.

 

So we went out Saturday night, have a really good time like the first two dates, her interest level seemed high as ever, tells me how comfortable she feels with me, acts sad when we have to say goodbye, etc. All seemed well. Then I send a follow-up text Sunday evening saying "Fun seeing you last night, here are those pics we talked about (in reference to something from the date) and now it's Tuesday evening with no reply. Maybe my text was too open ended or I'm overthinking but WTF.

 

Only outlier is she's a super traditional slow moving no sex until marriage type. Said she hasn't dated much. Asked if I was okay with it, said I was and respected it. Fact she shows high interest on the dates really throws me off when she is not congruent with texts, definitely just scratching my head on this one..

 

Any ideas?

[Seraphina87]

My first thought would be that perhaps she is already in a relationship or even married to someone else.

[d0nnivain]

Perhaps she really is busy.

 

See what happens when she responds. The next time you interact ask when her preferred method of communication is. Maybe she doesn't like text & would prefer a phone call.

 

For now, sit tight.

 

If you don't hear from her in another 48 hours you can send one more text . . . Hey, is everything OK? Haven't heard from you.

 

After that assume you have been ghosted.

[Zippy2000]

How did you meet her? Was it online? If so people have a habit of disappearing after changing their mind about you.

[cereal_dater]

We met on Bumble in January. She was only on it a few days before deleting her account, said she didn't like online dating.

 

I'll text her tomorrow and ask her out this weekend. Nothing to lose. Should I text straight away "Let's go out Saturday night and check out.." or chat her up first and see if she responds?

[PRW]

I don't see any big red flags here (which is shocking to me since I usually see them all over the place).

 

I know the type of girl that she is. I've dealt with a lot of them. When they seem hot and cold you have to give them space so they can think clearly and become comfortable with their emotions,...so back off,...they can't think with you jabbering in their ear (or texting or whatever you are doing to interrupt). When they get like this you have to fall back to the "default pattern" which is to contact them once a week around Monday or Tues and set the date for the weekend. Be specific about the date/time/place. It's your job to do the thinking and planning of the date, don't burden her with helping with your plans. Her job is just to show up and enjoy. Don't be chit-chatting everyday between when you made the date and showed up for the date, just leave her alone so that she can think about and anticipate the date and allow the anticipation to build.

 

Keep it once a week when it is you initiating. If you don't screw that up then around the 3rd or 4th week she will start contacting you more often on her own. When she does, take that as the "cue" to make the next date. At this point the dates are now "her" idea rather than yours like earlier on. She now controls how often you date by how often she contacts you. Just keep doing your job of planning and executing the date,...while she just shows up and enjoys.

 

It is very important with a girl like this one that you avoid any kind of labels (like boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, etc). Don't bring them up!! I am dead serious about that. You are not boyfriend/girlfriend at this point yet.

 

If you don't screw it up and don't make any serious mistakes, somewhere around 7-8 weeks (maybe longer) she will bring up the conversation about being exclusive and not seeing other people. That is her job to bring that up, not yours,...so wait for it. She may be coy and vague about it so ask her questions and get her to clarify what she is talking about. Once it is clear she is saying she wants exclusivity,...you can now agree to it,...and NOW,...finally you are actually boyfriend/girlfriend,...but not until then.

Edited March 15, 2018 by PRW

[carhill]

Voice. Call her and ask her out. Couch it as 'I'd love to take you xxxx'. If it rolls to VM, leave a brief but clear one. That's it. Ball in her court. She'll have the missed call tied to you and a voice mail tied to you if you don't speak with her directly.

 

I always tended to call women only to set up dates in the first month or so. Any chatting was done on the date. If there was intimacy and chemistry, things naturally evolved over time.

 

I wouldn't worry about trying to read her mind. Do what you do. If she's there with you, cool. If not, still cool. Life goes on.

[GemmaUK]

My first thought is - you are now OK with no sex until you two get married?

Are you 100% sure about that?

 

Second thought is - she is traditional - why don't you call her (providing of course the answer to the above is a yes)?

[PRW]

Calling/Texting is what is already making her skittish. Don't fall under the "Illusion of Action" where you think you have to "do" something.

 

You keep Calling/Texting you are going to get Ghosted. Mark it down.

You'll come across as just another needy inexperienced dude trying to get a little p***y. She isn't stupid. If she doesn't want sex till marriage then there is a religious background there and training as well that I'm reasonably certain you don't understand. There is family, friends, church friends, and probably church staff coaching her along the way.

 

Follow what I outlined above in my first post.

Edited March 15, 2018 by PRW

[Maggie4]

When dealing with human beings ( and yes, women are human beings, not science projects ), you need to be flexible. You have your own expectations of texting, that's you, she need not be the same as you. When confronted with differences, you can ask her to change, or you accept her as she is. People, women, are not all the same. Relationships don't all progress at the same rate. Don't think too much about it.

[Gaeta]

Our 1st date a few weeks ago went really well, hit it off with amazing chemistry. 2nd date again went just as well. She's saying things like "we really click" and showing high interest.

 

So we went out Saturday night, have a really good time like the first two dates, her interest level seemed high as ever, tells me how comfortable she feels with me, acts sad when we have to say goodbye, etc.

 

Only outlier is she's a super traditional slow moving no sex until marriage type.

 

This woman seems to be a contradiction on 2 legs.

 

Traditional woman are usually not all over a new man telling them *Oh we click so well* and making sad faces when you leave the date. She sounds like a player and a tease to me.

[cereal_dater]

Sent her a text Thursday, asked her out Saturday night. She responded "really sorry but I'm debuting a remodel and will be a slave to work for a while". She did talk about her work on the first few dates and said it could be prohibitively busy at times.

 

What's funny is, I have a special computer she needs to scan her car and had previously offered to it for her (like a 2 minute job). She then asked if I'd still be willing help her with it. Wasn't sure if that was a slap in the face, or a good sign she still wanted to see me. Told her sure no problem.

 

So we text more yesterday Friday. Said she'll be swamped with work until April 1st. She tried to coordinate a few times to meet up in the evening to scan her car but I was busy, already had evening plans. Told her maybe I'd text later if I didn't stay out too late but never got the chance. Probably a good thing I wasn't so available for once.

 

So that's where it stands. Guess I'll just lay low and see what happens?

[smackie9]

Just date other women while you wait.

[newyorker11356]

Just date other women while you wait.

 

This.

 

Heck, it's something I usually do even if things seem to be going well with a particular woman.

[cereal_dater]

Alright thanks.

 

Should I text her now and then to keep the spark going, or lay low and see if she reaches out?

[smackie9]

Ask her out. If she doesn't have the time, then tel her to contact you when she can. Continual texting isn't going to keep anything sparking. Date other women. You might find a better option.

[SevenCity]

Perhaps she really is busy.

 

See what happens when she responds. The next time you interact ask when her preferred method of communication is. Maybe she doesn't like text & would prefer a phone call.

 

For now, sit tight.

 

If you don't hear from her in another 48 hours you can send one more text . . . Hey, is everything OK? Haven't heard from you.

 

After that assume you have been ghosted.

 

OMG this is the most needy, desperate thing ANYONE can say to another human being. Please please please never say this, especially to a woman. Nothing is wrong, they just have you low on the priority list. If you were more important, she would reach out. Don't further demote yourself by coming across as creepy.

 

This.

 

Heck, it's something I usually do even if things seem to be going well with a particular woman.

 

I find it so sad that we have to do this. When I was young, I don't recall ever having to multidate. Nowadays, I don't trust anything and like to keep my options open. I miss the days of sex meaning something....like you were headed towards a RL. Now it means slightly more than a handshake.

[newyorker11356]

OMG this is the most needy, desperate thing ANYONE can say to another human being. Please please please never say this, especially to a woman. Nothing is wrong, they just have you low on the priority list. If you were more important, she would reach out. Don't further demote yourself by coming across as creepy.

 

 

 

I find it so sad that we have to do this. When I was young, I don't recall ever having to multidate. Nowadays, I don't trust anything and like to keep my options open. I miss the days of sex meaning something....like you were headed towards a RL. Now it means slightly more than a handshake.

 

Usually, I do this before sex even enters in the equation. I only stop multi-dating (if I am doing that) when we agree to be exclusive.

[newyorker11356]

Perhaps she really is busy.

 

See what happens when she responds. The next time you interact ask when her preferred method of communication is. Maybe she doesn't like text & would prefer a phone call.

 

For now, sit tight.

 

If you don't hear from her in another 48 hours you can send one more text . . . Hey, is everything OK? Haven't heard from you.

 

After that assume you have been ghosted.

 

Agreed.

 

Sometimes, I like to play it off. I may send something like "Hey! Not sure if you partied too hard somewhere and got lost , but haven't heard from you in a while. Hope things are good!"

[SevenCity]

Usually, I do this before sex even enters in the equation. I only stop multi-dating (if I am doing that) when we agree to be exclusive.

 

My limited experience with OLD (18 months) I have had sex way before any talk of exclusivity.

 

Perhaps times have changed, perhaps it's the women on OLD, perhaps I've gotten good at charming panties off but when I was a younger dude, by the time I reached sex (for most) it was clear we were only seeing each other and were headed towards a RL.

 

That's not to say I didn't have short term flings, but it was pretty clear what it was.

 

Nowadays, I seem to be all or nothing. If I am going to call a woman my gf, she better have all the qualities most important to me - sexual compatibility is top on my list. Which is why I guess I don't want to be in a relationship unless we have demonstrated that.

 

I've yet to meet one who came close, or who held up to scrutiny when we started dating.

[cereal_dater]

Here's the thing about this girl, and it probably changes things.

 

Strict parents sent her to all girls school. Told me she hasn't dated much. She was asking how dating works these days. She hasn't really been sexual with men, if at all. No sex until marriage. Very bubbly personality but naive about dating and flirting.

 

And just another example of how she operates. This was probably 3 or 4 weeks ago now, but I went the entire weekend and didn't initiate a text with her. When I finally sent her a text that Monday night she said "thought I had lost you for a minute". Makes me wonder if I should keep texting periodically to show interest..

 

Not your average girl which is why I'm treading carefully and don't want to just "next" for the usual reasons.

[newyorker11356]

Here's the thing about this girl, and it probably changes things.

 

Strict parents sent her to all girls school. Told me she hasn't dated much. She was asking how dating works these days. She hasn't really been sexual with men, if at all. No sex until marriage. Very bubbly personality but naive about dating and flirting.

 

And just another example of how she operates. This was probably 3 or 4 weeks ago now, but I went the entire weekend and didn't initiate a text with her. When I finally sent her a text that Monday night she said "thought I had lost you for a minute". Makes me wonder if I should keep texting periodically to show interest..

 

Not your average girl which is why I'm treading carefully and don't want to just "next" for the usual reasons.

 

It's a case where you'll likely have to teach her about how dating generally works.

 

If you want to do that, then go for it.