Jump to content

Dating someone with 8 kids? Yikes!!


MsHopeful0208201689

Recommended Posts

MsHopeful0208201689

So I am 29 years old (no kids, never married) and have been casually seeing a 39 year old man (he's divorced and says he has 8 kids; 6 with his ex wife and 2 with a woman he met after his divorce)... I met him in mid february... he's taken me out several times, gave me money to get my nails done,I stayed over his house several times, he's very attentive, and says how intriguing he finds me... all is good but the multiple kids kinda makes me rethink... I want a couple of children eventually and he says he isn't opposed to having 1 or 2 more children if he gets married again...

 

He's a cool guy... everytime I come into my hometown he asks to take me out and for me to stay over (I'm currently 2 hours away from my hometown and have been for the past year and a half but will be relocating back within the next month to be closer to family and save money due to the cost of living being much cheaper)...

 

Moving forward, what do you all think?

 

Would you date someone with this many children?

 

If it matters, his oldest child is almost 20 and the youngest is 6 years old

Edited by MsHopeful0208201689
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Moving forward, what do you all think?

Would you date someone with this many children?

 

 

A person's past behavior is the most accurate predictor of their future behavior.

 

Does this man pay child support for his 8 children? What kind of relationship does he have with the women who've bared his children? Does he spend quality time with his kids? Or does his try and blow off responsibility? What kind of father is he being to those children?

 

Do you want to be the "next" in line? Because if his past behavior is any indication, you could well end up being his next baby mumma, left with little support to raise his child on your own.

 

Just some food for thought.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue

yes i would date someone with eight kids......because ...it means he must love kids...i love kids....so match...i would want to know more about a man with eight kids........deb

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't have a rule about that, but it would sure make me pause. I have two children and I feel spread thin. I feel guilty that child number 2 hasn't gotten anywhere near the attention that child number 1 got. I can't imagine adding 5, 6, and 7. And then especially across families. So, Im sure there are some people that could totally handle that. I have two friends who each have four kids and they astonish me bc they're amazing moms and I think their kids have great lives. But I just feel like I would never see eye to eye with someone who purposely had that many kids and would consider more.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Moving forward, what do you all think?

 

Would you date someone with this many children?

 

If it matters, his oldest child is almost 20 and the youngest is 6 years old

 

1. You have lived to nearly 30 without kids, so you may have very little experience with children. Adding 1 or 2 more means you go from 0 to 10. Can you handle that? I can not answer that for you.

 

2. You haven't indicated any issues between you and him directly,...that's good. But you have only known him a month (mid-Feb to mid-March) and have already been sleeping with him,...and already asking opinions about marriage in this forum. That 's something to contemplate. I can't really give you real advice on this, I can only direct you to questions you need to ask yourself.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly

8 kids would be far too much for me, so no, I would not be the ideal partner for a man in this position.

Link to post
Share on other sites
heavenonearth

Personally it would be a dealbreaker to me. I always said i wouldn’t mind if my partner had previous kids. But now that i am getting close to wanting kids myself, i do not think that i want my partner to already have kids. I want me and my kid to be my partners only focus. It may sound selfish but that’s just my preference. I am happy my boyfriend does not have a child with his ex.

 

With 8 previous kids this anxiety i have would heighten. Would he be able to give our child utmost attention or will he always be running around caring for the others? And if he’d only take care of our kid and not the other 8, i also would feel bad. I don’t know; it just sounds super messy. Not saying it can’t work, but it would not be my preference.

 

1. You have lived to nearly 30 without kids, so you may have very little experience with children. Adding 1 or 2 more means you go from 0 to 10. Can you handle that? I can not answer that for you.

 

2. Having children at 30+ is medically dangerous. Your risk, your choice.

 

This post is super silly. 30 years without kids means a woman can not handle two of them now??? Are you serious? That’s an incredibly mysoginistic thing to proclaim. I think it makes sense that a woman at 30 is much more prepared to care for a child or two children than a woman at 20 Who is still half a child herself. Also, having children above 30 is not dangerous at all. In fact, 33 is the perfect age to have children, according to research. 40+ is a different issue.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

These are the guys who know what other men don’t - how to sweet talk, romance, and treat a lady. You keep getting that treatment and you will fall in love with him despite his flaws. Next thing you’ll know you’ll be having his baby #9.

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't believe you're even considering this. There's so many men out there, why would you get involved in something that's going to be SO much work. 8 Kids is insanely out of control in today's world especially with how the cost of living is--it's not even feasible. He clearly has a problem "keeping it in his pants", too many fish in the sea to ruin your life this way. I would never want to take care of any kid that's not mine, and especially not 8 of them. Good grief.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue
I can't believe you're even considering this. There's so many men out there, why would you get involved in something that's going to be SO much work. 8 Kids is insanely out of control in today's world especially with how the cost of living is--it's not even feasible. He clearly has a problem "keeping it in his pants", too many fish in the sea to ruin your life this way. I would never want to take care of any kid that's not mine, and especially not 8 of them. Good grief.

 

 

i could add my five and then i would have almost a rugby team with reserves...sounds cool ..even cooler if it were a softball team.....or t ball....or half a beach..always wanted to have half a beach...ooh and then theres my three grandkids...so that makes ....sixteen ...coolness...

 

kids may be work...but theres work that at the end of the day you go ....glad today is over and hang for the weekend....and then there's work that you say .....i am glad i had today and the weekends feel the same..........deb

Edited by todreaminblue
Link to post
Share on other sites

Kids are expensive. On that level alone I'd be leery. Have you met any of these children?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear

Things must be really bad/thin for some young women that they would have to consider a much older guy, with an army of kids with 2 mothers as even remotely attractive......wow...

 

TFY

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you capable of loving children that aren't your own?

 

Are you certain you're able to have children?--because you may end up just being a step mom to his eight.

 

It all depends upon what your relationship boundaries are. I would think that after having sired 8 children, he'd be done creating more. I'm assuming, by what you says he's bought for you, that he takes care of his children well.

 

I wouldn't do this because I'm 58 and I don't want any small children under foot. They have to be grown and flown for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
littleblackheart
These are the guys who know what other men don’t - how to sweet talk, romance, and treat a lady. You keep getting that treatment and you will fall in love with him despite his flaws.

 

Agreed. This guy seems to know what to do to reel in a younger woman. It's less about the nuumber of kids he has than his well-rehearsed seduction technique.

 

How long-term do you think this relationship is, OP? What other attributes do you like about him (other than him taking you out and giving you money to get you nails done) ?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Things must be really bad/thin for some young women that they would have to consider a much older guy, with an army of kids with 2 mothers as even remotely attractive......wow...

 

TFY

 

Yes guys, geez louise, step up your game. Please.

Link to post
Share on other sites
yes i would date someone with eight kids......because ...it means he must love kids...i love kids....so match...i would want to know more about a man with eight kids........deb

 

Are you kidding me? My biological father had 7 kids with 3 different women and it sure as heck wasn't because he loved kids. It was because he loved having irresponsible sex with a variety of women and he didn't consider the kids as his problem. All his kids were raised by their mothers with little involvement from him.

 

OP is this guy rich? How is he taking financial responsibility for all of those kids? Does he actually parent any of these kids? Have you met any of them and does it seem like they have a close relationship with him?

 

I think you would be best to keep a safe distance from this guy until you know a lot more about this.

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
Are you kidding me? My biological father had 7 kids with 3 different women and it sure as heck wasn't because he loved kids. It was because he loved having irresponsible sex with a variety of women and he didn't consider the kids as his problem. All his kids were raised by their mothers with little involvement from him.

 

OP is this guy rich? How is he taking financial responsibility for all of those kids? Does he actually parent any of these kids? Have you met any of them and does it seem like they have a close relationship with him?

 

I think you would be best to keep a safe distance from this guy until you know a lot more about this.

 

It doesn't matter if he takes care of them. It's still a lot of baggage.

 

One of my best friends went with a guy who had 6 kids by 5 different women and he took care of all of them. It was still a mistake in my eyes. But to her, it wasn't her dream but she overlooked it because he spoiled her in every way. Now, 15 years later, they are still together (unmarried), she has had 2 kids by him and she is happy with his fathering, as he spoils the kids, but definitely not happy with him as a mate (he can't keep it in his pants). Yet she stays.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

At your age you deserve better. This man is using you as an escort, he pays for your nails and takes you out when you're in town. He's about to hit 40 and you make him feel better by having a younger woman interested in him.

 

This is not the dream relationship you've been hoping for. This man shouldn't be spending his weekends having sex and enjoying dates, he should be taking care of his children, each and everyone of them. Instead of dining out with you he should be teaching his youngest how to play baseball and head to the swimming pool with his girls.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MsHopeful0208201689
OP, I just read your other thread. Run from this man. Don't be a drama queen.

 

This is a different guy

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MsHopeful0208201689
Things must be really bad/thin for some young women that they would have to consider a much older guy, with an army of kids with 2 mothers as even remotely attractive......wow...

 

TFY

 

Definitely not desperate. I actually like men a little older than myself (but not opposed to my age or a guy as young as 25). The number of kids is the biggest factor for me.. for anything serious at least. So I am going to keep my distance

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh there's no freaking way I'd do that.

 

I used to be totally against dating anyone with kids, but I think I'd be open to my SO having 1 or 2.

 

Never 8. Not in a trillion years.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...