Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 7 months after my third ever relationship and probably most serious ( at 33, I might add) I finally met a guy who wants the big C. Commitment. Phew. There is a god! However, I am with this new guy and we are quite opposite. He's quite proper and is in very fear of the word poop. I'm an early childhood teacher I deal with poop regularly. He wants children but cannot talk about diapers and poop, to me, that's strange. He thinks I'm sure of myself and carefree which he's attracted to me for, which is great. I'm not entirely physically attracted to him but I feel like its a good thing because I'm able to focus more on his awesome qualities like his sense of humour and old-fashioned chivalry. He's nice and kind and I think that's what most women want to settle down with. My question is, does anyone have a story of things working out with someone who's quite opposite to them? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) With magnets? Sure....People? Not usually.. My guess is if you proceed, and/or eventually marry him, then you will be laying in bed and dreading this guy you're not really physically attracted to having sex with you, while you think how hot it would be if it was the guy that is doing construction work in your house instead... Then you will be back on here asking what you should do about it.... "Nice and kind" without a lot of the other stuff, wont stand the test of time, in many cases anyway... Who knows, though? Maybe you will be different...Just my .02 TFY Edited March 9, 2018 by thefooloftheyear 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 With magnets? Sure....People? Not usually.. My guess is if you proceed, and/or eventually marry him, then you will be laying in bed and dreading this guy you're not really physically attracted to having sex with you, while you think how hot it would be if it was the guy that is doing construction work in your house instead... Then you will be back on here asking what you should do about it.... TFY Yes, exactly! I think people can complement each other (one's Type A and anxious and the other's a hippie at heart), but when it comes to things like physical attraction....if that's not there at the beginning, it's unlikely to build or become a "plus" as the relationship progresses. In fact, as his quirks start to annoy you as you get to know each other better, the fact that he's not getting your engine revved up is only going to become a bigger deal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 9, 2018 Author Share Posted March 9, 2018 All I know about chemistry is that it's a load of baloney. Most guys I have chemistry for and are attracted to usually end up dumping me only to find someone a few months later that they actually like and have respect for. I'd rather have a nice guy that wants a commitment and makes me a priority in their lives as we put each other first. Yeah, we are opposite, doesn't like me with pink hair etc... But is very nice to me which is relieving! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 What do you have in common? Do you have similar values? Similar goals in life (ie. It sounds like it is important to you to have kids, does he feel the same way?). Do you have similar communication styles and sense of humor? Do you have common interests? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 What are those big opposites? the poop? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 All I know about chemistry is that it's a load of baloney. Most guys I have chemistry for and are attracted to usually end up dumping me only to find someone a few months later that they actually like and have respect for. I'd rather have a nice guy that wants a commitment and makes me a priority in their lives as we put each other first. Yeah, we are opposite, doesn't like me with pink hair etc... But is very nice to me which is relieving! I disagree that chemistry is a load of baloney. I would not be able to be physically intimate with someone I didn't have chemistry with. I think my next door neighbor who shoveled me out the other day without me asking is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. But I can't imagine ever having sex with him! Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 (edited) 7 months after my third ever relationship and probably most serious ( at 33, I might add) I finally met a guy who wants the big C. Commitment. Phew. There is a god! However, I am with this new guy and we are quite opposite. He's quite proper and is in very fear of the word poop. I'm an early childhood teacher I deal with poop regularly. He wants children but cannot talk about diapers and poop, to me, that's strange. He thinks I'm sure of myself and carefree which he's attracted to me for, which is great. I'm not entirely physically attracted to him but I feel like its a good thing because I'm able to focus more on his awesome qualities like his sense of humour and old-fashioned chivalry. He's nice and kind and I think that's what most women want to settle down with. My question is, does anyone have a story of things working out with someone who's quite opposite to them? I can only answer from my own experience. My boyfriend and I are polar opposites, and he, also has the qualities that you mentioned, great sense of humor, and old fashioned chivalry. Oddly, he has a weak stomach (poop) as well. I don't and my strengths compliment his weaknesses. I wasn't initially attracted to him physically, and quite possibly he wasn't to me either. The one thing we shared, was our long time,friendship. We've been a couple for five years now and still going strong. Like any relationship, it takes a mutual desire to make it work.He and I have a strong desire to have a lasting relationship and strive to communicate well together. I hope this helps and answers your question about opposites attracting. We are in our fifties and this might be to our advantage. We've lived long enough, to have learned ,to embrace our differences and not try and change one another. Edited March 9, 2018 by skywriter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 When my boyfriend and I met, we thought we were literally the same person. We have sooo much in common when it comes to humor, the way we act silly, the way we judge people, the way we imagine a perfect world, the way we enjoy board games, the way we give each other comfort, the way we care for others, the way we seek affection, the way our bodies completely merge when we make love... it was an instant match. At the very same time, we also are total opposites. I am a vegan, he is an omnivore. He's an artist, I work in human rights (although I am also artistic by nature). He's been in a 15 year relationship before we met, I have been dating around frequently for the past ten years. He's into cycling, I hate sports. He's a bit arrogant and extroverted, I am super introverted and shy. He's an amazing cook, I tend to screw things up. etc, etc... See, it truly depends on which characteristics you have in common. It is great if you have some opposing interests, if you have a life outside of your relationship. It is not so great if you have different morals, different expectations from life. In the end, it is all about balance. But the most important thing is: chemistry! If you don't have chemistry, everything else does not matter. You need to be able to 'smell' each other, as my mother always used to say. If you do not feel attracted to this guy in a sexual way - what's the point? I feel you are making excuses because you are scared you won't find someone better. But trust me -- you will find someone better. In fact, you will find the perfect person for you. Don't settle for less than what you're worth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 If you do not feel attracted to this guy in a sexual way - what's the point? . Agree. Sex is not ALL that is important in a relationship, but it is important, otherwise just be BFFs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 I'm not entirely physically attracted to him but I feel like its a good thing because I'm able to focus more on his awesome qualities like his sense of humour and old-fashioned chivalry. How do you think your sex life will be in 5, 10, or 20 years? If you are not physically attracted to him now, do you think that over time you will develop lust for him? In my experience, it is very important to make your partner feel sexy, desired and wanted physically. When father time starts picking away at your relationship, you need to make sure you have a very strong foundation to stand on. All I know about chemistry is that it's a load of baloney. Most guys I have chemistry for and are attracted to usually end up dumping me only to find someone a few months later that they actually like and have respect for. I'd rather have a nice guy that wants a commitment and makes me a priority in their lives as we put each other first. Yeah, we are opposite, doesn't like me with pink hair etc... But is very nice to me which is relieving! Chemistry should be a two way street. It should be a mix of compatible body language, humor, style, personality, sexual preference, and that invisible stuff like pheromones. For me, any sign of disrespect is a HUGE turn off, I wouldn't have chemistry with a man who didn't honestly respect me as a person. Hum, so he doesn't like your style. Do you think he will just grow to like it, or resent it? Will this be something that gives your relationship a shaky foundation? Does he RESPECT your pink hair? Does he think you have great style? Will he be proud to take you to family and work functions? Agree. Sex is not ALL that is important in a relationship, but it is important, otherwise just be BFFs. The importance of sex, drive etc should be compatible - that is very very important. If both partners place a very low priority on sex, good for them. If both partners have a high priority, then again, great, compatible. If one partner wants lots of sex, and is attracted to their mate, and the other is not attracted, and is just going through the motions, then it will most likely become a MAJOR issue in the marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 7 months after my third ever relationship and probably most serious ( at 33, I might add) I finally met a guy who wants the big C. Commitment. Phew. There is a god! However, I am with this new guy and we are quite opposite. He's quite proper and is in very fear of the word poop. I'm an early childhood teacher I deal with poop regularly. He wants children but cannot talk about diapers and poop, to me, that's strange. He thinks I'm sure of myself and carefree which he's attracted to me for, which is great. I'm not entirely physically attracted to him but I feel like its a good thing because I'm able to focus more on his awesome qualities like his sense of humour and old-fashioned chivalry. He's nice and kind and I think that's what most women want to settle down with. My question is, does anyone have a story of things working out with someone who's quite opposite to them? Lol at the word poop. All I have to do to get my fiance ruffled is to ask about a poopy dipe. Ok, if he wants a kid, he will need to change diapers, clean throw up...lot's of body fluids will happen.. It's not strange necessarily, for him to be turned off, however, it is telling that a man who wants kids is letting you know up front that he will not deal with the subsequent body fluids/baby. This guy is a 'new' guy. He is showing you who he is...listen! You aren't even attracted to him...what are you doing? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 Physical attraction and sex seems to be everyone's top priority in relationships. No wonder most of them fail. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 Physical attraction and sex seems to be everyone's top priority in relationships. No wonder most of them fail. I disagree that people are placing attraction and sex as top priority. Rather, it's on the checklist along with a half a dozen other essential personal attributes. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 If you have babies with him, please promise to video him dry retching when he changes a diaper. You might go viral! Anyway, my hubby and I are opposites in many ways - but none of them are deal breakers. However, in terms of core values, love and attraction we are the same. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 The importance of sex, drive etc should be compatible - that is very very important. If both partners place a very low priority on sex, good for them. If both partners have a high priority, then again, great, compatible. If one partner wants lots of sex, and is attracted to their mate, and the other is not attracted, and is just going through the motions, then it will most likely become a MAJOR issue in the marriage. Yes, well said. Two low drive people could probably be very happy in a marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 Lol at the word poop. All I have to do to get my fiance ruffled is to ask about a poopy dipe. Haha! I have a friend whose husband hates the word "cycle." So of course we are always sure to use it around him . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 (edited) Physical attraction and sex seems to be everyone's top priority in relationships. No wonder most of them fail. Yaknow , it's so refreshing to see at least just one. Yep , exactly , if that's their priority and all you have your gonna end up screwed in all the wrong places. It just amazes me that so many people think like that and just can't see it. Edited March 10, 2018 by Chilli 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 I disagree that people are placing attraction and sex as top priority. Rather, it's on the checklist along with a half a dozen other essential personal attributes. The OP says she likes the guy and is looking more at his other attributes than at the sexual component and believes his other attributes outweigh the other and would make him a good partner. So really, what's the problem? Yet, so many gasps! And way too much emphasis on the importance of it. I mean, no matter who you marry, the attraction will fade... better to have someone with a good character first and foremost. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 If a couple isn't compatible in many ways... then yes, a great sex life isn't going to keep them together. But I can't tell you how many marriages and relationships I see fail, or at least end up with one very unhappy partner because sex was not given a priority or importance. "she/he makes a great partner, but there is no passion in our lives, I miss it and I am thinking about [cheating] [divorcing] [leaving] [becoming vulnerable to the attention of others because I a starved for that sort of attention in my life]" There is just something, something for me at least, that a lustful stare can bring that really taps into a primal part of my ego. I couldn't imagine trying to live the rest of my life without it - and that is what many people do in relationships where the sex has dried up or was never there. Lack of passion / sex / lust etc really does a number on some relationships. I don't know that mine could have pulled through the hard times without that binding glue. For those who say sex isn't important - I am curious - are you currently in a happy, loving, long term relationship? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 OP it sounds like you are settling, just because he is willing to commit. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 The OP says she likes the guy and is looking more at his other attributes than at the sexual component and believes his other attributes outweigh the other and would make him a good partner. So really, what's the problem? Yet, so many gasps! And way too much emphasis on the importance of it. I mean, no matter who you marry, the attraction will fade... better to have someone with a good character first and foremost. Have you ever read the posts by men and women here who are so distressed because their partner doesn't want sex? That is the outcome of being with someone when the sexual attraction is missing. Yes, sexual attraction can wane over the years. Or frequently it doesn't and people have a long and healthy sex life. Can you imagine having sex with someone who you're not attracted to? Or having a partner who doesn't find you attractive and won't be intimate? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 7 months after my third ever relationship and probably most serious ( at 33, I might add) I finally met a guy who wants the big C. Commitment. Phew. There is a god! However, I am with this new guy and we are quite opposite. He's quite proper and is in very fear of the word poop. I'm an early childhood teacher I deal with poop regularly. He wants children but cannot talk about diapers and poop, to me, that's strange. He thinks I'm sure of myself and carefree which he's attracted to me for, which is great. I'm not entirely physically attracted to him but I feel like its a good thing because I'm able to focus more on his awesome qualities like his sense of humour and old-fashioned chivalry. He's nice and kind and I think that's what most women want to settle down with. My question is, does anyone have a story of things working out with someone who's quite opposite to them? The OP says she likes the guy and is looking more at his other attributes than at the sexual component and believes his other attributes outweigh the other and would make him a good partner. So really, what's the problem? Yet, so many gasps! And way too much emphasis on the importance of it. I mean, no matter who you marry, the attraction will fade... better to have someone with a good character first and foremost. The OP, hasn't said his attributes outweigh the sexual component. OP has posted because she is struggling in regard to a man who will not change a diaper yet wants kids and she is not sexually attracted. Daisy, this is not the man for you. Relationship aren't roses all the time, but on the issue of children, sexual compatibility and finances...being in a partnership is essential. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 I think people with different personality types can certainly be attracted to each other and work out, but I think they need to have common interests and general goals. Otherwise, there is no point of connection. Sounds like you'll be totally on your own if you have a baby. I'm kind of like him about stuff like that, squeamish. I didn't grow up with younger ones in the house, so I'm sure that's why, and I was repelled anytime I was visiting a household full of baby smell. I can deal with just about anything else. I also don't like babies with food on their faces or things coming out of them -- and that is, alas, babies. And for that reason, when someone says their kids helped cook dinner, unless their kids are over about 10 or at least in possession of themselves like my friend's daughter, I'm envisioning all kinds of mung in my meatloaf. So not saying he's the sane one or I am, but just remember that's how he was when you married him and it may not ever change. It may be "hands off," as it sometimes is with men until the kid can pitch. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted March 10, 2018 Share Posted March 10, 2018 The OP says she likes the guy and is looking more at his other attributes than at the sexual component and believes his other attributes outweigh the other and would make him a good partner. So really, what's the problem? Yet, so many gasps! And way too much emphasis on the importance of it. I mean, no matter who you marry, the attraction will fade... better to have someone with a good character first and foremost. Think about this for a minute.... Whether we like to admit it or not, money/finances may be as high on the list as anything else in relationships you can think of...Nothing starts more fights or creates more stress than money problems.. Having said that, I know a lot of people that are dead broke, don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, yet are thrilled to be together because they are crazy for one another.. Its that simple... And I know others that have money to burn, yet have more relationship problems than you can shake a stick at....Problems in the bedroom, etc.. I think more women fall for this than men... They think the guy's attractiveness will grow from being fed with all the "nice guy' stuff... It won't...The fact that she said she isn't attracted to him physically is really the kiss of death....For most anyway... TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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