Am I paranoid or is she disrespecting me majorly?

[soundman97]

I met a girl on a dating site about a month ago. She's very pretty, the kind of girl who gets 200+ likes on her photos, a challenge. She lives far away. I went and visited her last weekend. We hit it off majorly. I can say that in my 34 years of life it was the best mental and physical connection I ever had. Super romantic ****. We agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. We agreed, that although long distance, we would see eachother once a month until the day we are together, always. Sidenote, she lives in Tijuana. I've always found women there tend to live double lives.

 

She added me on her FB, currently a photo of me is her cover photo. Her FB name has my name next to her's in parentheses. Out of all the women I have been with no woman has ever done that before. It's proof she is showing high interest and really digs me. She is making sure everyone on her FB, literally almost 5,000 friends and over 5,000 more followers sees that. But last night she ignored me for almost 5 hours. But in between that time she posted a sexy picture of her self. Her boss, a doctor puts a heart like on the photo and says "Are you here pretty?" She replies "Yes Dr. Handsome" with a blushing face emoticon next to that. Am I wrong to think that is flirting and extremely disrespectful to do when she has a boyfriend?

 

Now here's the crazy part. She told me last weekend that at her hospital all the doctors have sex with the patients. She said most the patients at her clinic are sex workers who come in to get their weekly checkups so that they are allowed to work in the TJ sex clubs. She said the doctors **** them in the hospital rooms and give them a clean bill of health without even checking them. She also said a lot of her coworkers **** the doctors. I asked what the benefit is. She said they all get raises, get all the time off they need, etc. She said she doesn't so she has to work 7 days a week. But since I've known her she's had off a lot of nights. Heck she got 2.5 days off to spend with me. Would you think it's very possible this is a guy she is ****ing for benefits at work? It throws me off because she literally has that photo of me as her cover photo and my name connected with her name. But she does have her FB set to "Single." She craves attention and posts many sexual memes and sexy pictures of herself all the time. She's 21. I'm 34. I know at her age I have to come to accept some types of behavior I'm not used to for that age group. But man, something isn't sitting right. Before I make a drastic decision, such as dropping her from my life, I wanted some opinions.

 

Thanks, in advance, for your opinions!!!

[Gaeta]

That's what you get when you date a super pretty girl, the kind of girl who gets 200+ likes on her photos, and feels like a challenge to you.

 

You were the flavor of the week.

 

At 34 I am surprised you fell for such a young juvenile woman that is still acting like a teen girl.

[soundman97]

That's what you get when you date a super pretty girl, the kind of girl who gets 200+ likes on her photos, and feels like a challenge to you.

 

You were the flavor of the week.

 

At 34 I am surprised you fell for such a young juvenile woman that is still acting like a teen girl.

 

Very true. I normally am very great with avoiding women with any bad traits. I was single for 2 years prior to her. The fact that she has me all over her FB and social media is what threw me off. It has caused me to think she sincerely likes me and wants me. But then she calls dude Dr. Handsome.

[kendahke]

I would be horrified if someone, who lives far away from me, who I'd only met once one month ago, had my picture and name plastered all over their facebook page.

 

I don't care how pretty/handsome they were or how long ago my last date was--I'd block and run. That's not sane.

[KBarletta]

Honestly, for me, her adding your name to her Facebook after a month would be a huge red flag, not a good sign. But that's just me. That would indicate that she's someone who develops attachments too quickly and probably loses them just as quickly. I could be wrong, but I'd have been really stunned by something like that at this early stage, regardless of how strongly you "connect."

 

As for her work situation, again, knowing someone a month isn't all that long to develop the kind of trust in a relationship that you need long term. You barely know each other and you're wondering about her workplace flirtations. Impossible to say, really.

 

Honestly, if you like her, I would still take a step back, not necessarily drop her from your life but take things slow, find out who she really is, get to know her and don't make any rash decisions either way.

 

The other thing is - a 13 year difference at that stage of life is a major one. The difference between 21-34 is huge compared to say 31-44. People grow a ton in their 20s. She sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.

 

Be careful.

[soundman97]

I would be horrified if someone, who lives far away from me, who I'd only met once one month ago, had my picture and name plastered all over their facebook page.

 

I don't care how pretty/handsome they were or how long ago my last date was--I'd block and run. That's not sane.

 

I guess I got myself blinded by the fact that she was so proud to display me to all those people on her FB, including her family, coworkers, and friends. But yet flirts with her boss right in front of me on that very same FB.

[Gaeta]

Very true. I normally am very great with avoiding women with any bad traits. I was single for 2 years prior to her. The fact that she has me all over her FB and social media is what threw me off. It has caused me to think she sincerely likes me and wants me. But then she calls dude Dr. Handsome.

 

It means nothing to a 20 year old to have you all over her FB. It's all about show.

 

When you date a woman for a couple of months, when she takes the time to get to know you and THEN she puts you on her social media THEN it means something because she got to know your qualities and character and to her it's worthy to put public.

 

This girl here put you there because she thought it was a hot thing to do, nothing more. It has no value.

[soundman97]

It means nothing to a 20 year old to have you all over her FB. It's all about show.

 

When you date a woman for a couple of months, when she takes the time to get to know you and THEN she puts you on her social media THEN it means something because she got to know your qualities and character and to her it's worthy to put public.

 

This girl here put you there because she thought it was a hot thing to do, nothing more. It has no value.

 

I respect this answer! Thank you.

 

So the question is, do I be a gentleman and just message her and tell her I only want to be her friend and no longer her boyfriend. And not explain the reasons. Or do I disappear off the face of the Earth?

[Gaeta]

Honestly, for me, her adding your name to her Facebook after a month would be a huge red flag,

 

They did not date a month. They spoke online and met only once last week.

[soundman97]

Honestly, for me, her adding your name to her Facebook after a month would be a huge red flag, not a good sign. But that's just me. That would indicate that she's someone who develops attachments too quickly and probably loses them just as quickly. I could be wrong, but I'd have been really stunned by something like that at this early stage, regardless of how strongly you "connect."

 

As for her work situation, again, knowing someone a month isn't all that long to develop the kind of trust in a relationship that you need long term. You barely know each other and you're wondering about her workplace flirtations. Impossible to say, really.

 

Honestly, if you like her, I would still take a step back, not necessarily drop her from your life but take things slow, find out who she really is, get to know her and don't make any rash decisions either way.

 

The other thing is - a 13 year difference at that stage of life is a major one. The difference between 21-34 is huge compared to say 31-44. People grow a ton in their 20s. She sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.

 

Be careful.

 

Very true. The 20's is a whole different lifepath than the 30's. They are still figuring out what they want in life and experimenting.

[bathtub-row]

Very true. I normally am very great with avoiding women with any bad traits. I was single for 2 years prior to her. The fact that she has me all over her FB and social media is what threw me off. It has caused me to think she sincerely likes me and wants me. But then she calls dude Dr. Handsome.

 

Honestly, even that — putting you all over Facebook - is extremely juvenile behavior. This girl is an attention monger. I don’t think it’s in her personality to be faithful. At least, not for many years to come.

[Gaeta]

I respect this answer! Thank you.

 

So the question is, do I be a gentleman and just message her and tell her I only want to be her friend and no longer her boyfriend. And not explain the reasons. Or do I disappear off the face of the Earth?

 

What kind of man do you want to be? Just send her a message that unfortunately it will not work between you 2 and wish her luck, then block and delete.

[soundman97]

What kind of man do you want to be? Just send her a message that unfortunately it will not work between you 2 and wish her luck, then block and delete.

 

The time we shared was seriously amazing. We spent two and half days just staring into eachother's eyes. We slept under a tree for hours in the park. It was a super romantic time. I don't want to be mean or cruel about it.

 

The question is.... Do I just tell her it's not gonna work out. Or do I explain to her exactly why I"m leaving her? I know her. When I call her out on the Dr Handsome thing she will just say it's a friendly nickname they call eachother. She will play it off like it's nothing. But I don't care what country you live in or nationality you are, I think it's wrong.

[Gaeta]

The time we shared was seriously amazing. We spent two and half days just staring into eachother's eyes. We slept under a tree for hours in the park. It was a super romantic time. I don't want to be mean or cruel about it.

 

The question is.... Do I just tell her it's not gonna work out. Or do I explain to her exactly why I"m leaving her? I know her. When I call her out on the Dr Handsome thing she will just say it's a friendly nickname they call eachother. She will play it off like it's nothing. But I don't care what country you live in or nationality you are, I think it's wrong.

 

Do you really want to debate with a 20 year old who sees nothing wrong in publicly flirting while in a relationship? You will exhaust yourself trying. It's not even her fault, a 20 her frontal brain isn't fully developed and it's the part of our brain we use to think rational. Be nice in your wording, tell her it was nice meeting her, you had a good time but you do not wish to pursue any further and good luck. In 2 days she will have completely forgotten about you.

[soundman97]

Do you really want to debate with a 20 year old who sees nothing wrong in publicly flirting while in a relationship? You will exhaust yourself trying. It's not even her fault, a 20 her frontal brain isn't fully developed and it's the part of our brain we use to think rational. Be nice in your wording, tell her it was nice meeting her, you had a good time but you do not wish to pursue any further and good luck. In 2 days she will have completely forgotten about you.

 

There's a part of me that want's to confront her about it very calmly, 0 anger, but firm. And show her that it's completely wrong. But as you said, she will have an excuse about why it's not wrong and how I'm just reading into things wrong. And I hate to believe that, but you're right. She will have forgotten me in 2 days.

Edited March 9, 2018 by soundman97

[smackie9]

Wasting your time. She is what she is and you can't change that unless you marry her and pay for the lavish lifestyle that she wants. "me love you long time" .......for a price.

[d0nnivain]

Discussing her behavior with her will not make her change her behavior. It will make her do these very same things behind your back. You can explain all you want. It won't change anything.

[kendahke]

The time we shared was seriously amazing. We spent two and half days just staring into eachother's eyes. We slept under a tree for hours in the park. It was a super romantic time. I don't want to be mean or cruel about it.

 

And yet, as soon as you were gone:

~she posted a sexy picture of her self.

~Her boss, a doctor puts a heart like on the photo and says "Are you here pretty?"

~She replies "Yes Dr. Handsome" with a blushing face emoticon next to that.

~She told me last weekend that at her hospital all the doctors have sex with the patients.

~She said the doctors **** them in the hospital rooms.

~She also said a lot of her coworkers **** the doctors.

 

Clearly, making googly eyes at each other all day meant nothing to her.

 

The question is.... Do I just tell her it's not gonna work out. Or do I explain to her exactly why I"m leaving her? I know her. When I call her out on the Dr Handsome thing she will just say it's a friendly nickname they call eachother. She will play it off like it's nothing. But I don't care what country you live in or nationality you are, I think it's wrong.

 

You don't know her.

 

You know what she wants you to know about her. Big difference.

 

If you think it's wrong, then it's wrong.

 

I don't think you need to tell her anything--just vanish. She's got more than enough men to fill the void. She won't miss you and you will be far better off.

 

Oh, and BTW--she's F-ing the doctors, too.

[ShyLove]

She's 21. I would bet almost anything she did all that stuff with your name and everything on fb to make the guy she really likes jealous and to get reactions. I have Facebook friends who do that in their 30s. And its pretty sad lol

[preraph]

Sounds like she's used to a very sleazy environment. That would be a big red flag to me.

[heavenonearth]

I do not understand what a 34 year old man sees in a 21 year old girl.

 

That's already a red flag to begin with.

 

My best friend is 29 and his girlfriend is 19. I thought that was super weird, too.

 

It just doesn't make sense to me.

[lurker74]

I do not understand what a 34 year old man sees in a 21 year old girl.

 

That's already a red flag to begin with.

 

My best friend is 29 and his girlfriend is 19. I thought that was super weird, too.

 

It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

Come on heaven - you don't see what a 34 year old man sees in a 21 year old attractive woman? We may try to be gentlemen but we aren't dead. Now, if you mean it's hard to check your ego and see the writing on the wall sometimes, I agree...in fact, I am dating someone 12 and a half years younger than me and I think it's going great but maybe I'm wrong! I hope not (I'm in my 40s and she in her 30s so that's different). I'm sure OP wants to believe it too.

 

The fact that she's 21 likely means that she's practically a child. But lots of people date younger because they like it or because they're deceiving themselves.

 

To the OP, I would probably text her and tell her it wasn't going to work out. It's not so that has the benefit of being true.

[soundman97]

Sounds like she's used to a very sleazy environment. That would be a big red flag to me.

 

That's true. I try not to judge her, though, because of where she lives or works. But Tijuana in general is a very sexual environment. Sex is the highest paying job. I have no proof of anything she has done wrong except for the fact that she told this doctor he is handsome.

[soundman97]

I do not understand what a 34 year old man sees in a 21 year old girl.

 

That's already a red flag to begin with.

 

My best friend is 29 and his girlfriend is 19. I thought that was super weird, too.

 

It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

I'll admit that it would be more stable to be one closer to one's own age. More in common. I guess it's maybe a physical thing for many of us guys.

[soundman97]

She's 21. I would bet almost anything she did all that stuff with your name and everything on fb to make the guy she really likes jealous and to get reactions. I have Facebook friends who do that in their 30s. And its pretty sad lol

 

Truth is. There is this guy she told me about. She told me he was an ******* and not a good guy. But 3 weeks before we met, there was a photo of him on her FB and it said "I miss his pretty eyes. He is so far away from me." It could very well be the situation you speak of. She wants him jealous.