PO'd at Boyfriend...need to vent

[innerconflict]

Hi everyone;

 

I am currently sitting here trying to keep my composure. I made a promise to my 17 yr old niece that I would attend her high school graduation tomorrrow. Ever since my bf and I have been together (7 months), we have only seen my side of the family about 2 or 3 times. Meanwhile, we are constantly visiting, doing activities with his family. Mind you, his family live within minutes of each other, and mine are about 2-3 hours outside of the city.

 

I get pretty lonely when I don't see my parents and siblings after awhile. So I told my bf that I wanted us to go visit them, and that I wanted him to come to the graduation/family celebration tomorrow. I felt that it is time he started getting to know my family better. Especially if he wants to have a future together. He agreed to come, but for some reason, I knew something will come up and he will back out.

 

Sure enough, he got a call this evening asking him to do some video work and that they want to meet tomorrow morning. The same time my sister is going to pick us up to leave the city. He runs his own video production company and money gets tight for us at times. Like right now.

 

I am pissed off because I rearrange my work schedule in order to attend funerals, family activities for him. He told me that he doesn't want me to miss out because of him, and that he needs the work. There is one contract that are slow in paying him, and he is stressing out over it. He said that he is afraid that he will miss out on the job if he doesn't go to the meeting.

 

When I get frustrated, I cry, and I have cried on and off in the other rooms. But I act like I am okay about it in front of him. I have done the higher person thing and went to kiss him, said that I am sorry that he can't come to the family gathering, and that he should do whatever he needs to do to get work. What I really want to do is give him heck as it feels like he is not pulling his share in regards to my family relations. I am really hurt and frustrated that he is not coming with me. But at the same time, I don't want him to feel guilty and changes mind. The last thing I want is for him is to resent me for missing out on work. Can someone give me some encouraging words or advice?? Thanks.

[Pyro]

Hi innerconflict

 

Do the two of you live together?

 

You said that money is tight. If something work wise does come up, you should let him work because he/ the both of you need the money.

 

I am sorry that you have to cry when you are frustrated. Talk to him about it. Tell him how much it means to you for him to visit your family. I know that he promised you that he would go, but the money factor came up.

 

Talk to him and tell him from now on not to make a promise and say that he will be there. Instead, tell him to promise that he will be there unless a job comes up because you two need the money.

 

I hope that I have been of some help. Good luck to you.

[centered]

You both have different priorities. He's working hard to be a provider and make his business go. You want to strengthen emotional connections with friends and family. Both are good and necessary parts of a healthy relationship. But you both need to acknowledge each other's needs and priorities.

 

Instead of getting frustrated at him and his business eating into your family time, recognize his efforts to be a good provider who is trying to be a stable and reliable partner for you. It's possible he's even thinking about marriage, and wants to save enough for a ring or downpayment on a house someday. His way of working hard and paying attention to the money-side of business is his way of showing his love for you. Acknowledge his gift to you.

 

And instead of choosing high-pressure family events like graduations for get-togethers with family, try a low-stress weekend where people really have time to relax and get to know each other. You'll all have more fun without the added stress, and he'll have a better opportunity to bond with your family when everyone is more relaxed.

[innerconflict]

Hi again, yes we have been living together since this past spring. I admit I am still somewhat upset over him not being able to come. But I do appreciate the responses made here. They have made me understand more on his need to provide and make money for us. Which IS a good thing for me.

 

I am not a very good communicator and tend to get frustrated easily. I guess one of the underlying factors of my frustration is from the beginning, I moved into his world and everything that came along with it. And I am now noticing that he hasn't really experienced mine. I would like to see more of a balance between us. When he had to stay for the meeting, it felt like he wasn't interested in my life and the people in it. It sounds bratty, but that's how I felt. I would like to express my feelings but don't want to offend or upset him. I would just like him to understand.