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Delayed response.. possible hint she's not interested?


cereal_dater

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cereal_dater

Been talking to this girl since late January, went on our 2nd date last Wednesday. Met and took my car downtown for a comedy show and food. Excellent conversation. Felt really comfortable around each other. She remarked we "really click" and even asked if I was dating other girls. I sent a "had a good time" follow up text Thurs night and she responded as she usually does. She initiated a text Sat night. All seemed fine.

 

So Sunday I text her saying "Let's plan another fun date this week" but no reply from her until yesterday, simply saying "Sorry did not get back to you, been super busy". I replied No Prob and left it there.

 

Is that a clue she's not interested, or should I take her response at face value since she's always been very prompt otherwise? Guess I'll reach out tonight and invite her out this weekend again if she seems receptive. If this was another other girl I wouldn't think twice, but we share some common interests and core values that make her a standout. Plus we just have really fun chemistry, I thought. We're both early 30's professionals. Thank you.

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Yeah I think it's a bad sign that she basically ignored your question about hanging out again, plus taking her time to reply to you. I think if she was really into you, she would've agreed and you could've arranged a date already.

 

You could try again and actually suggest something this time, (And ask when she's available) but there's a chance this might be done. If it was me, I wouldn't contact her again. I would "wait" for her to reach out and bring up the next date herself, since she obviously read that last text.

Edited by Erik30
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Interstellar

When it comes to dating if you keep your expectations super low, you will never be disappointed.

 

I know we’re only humans and all that so I would start keeping my interest level under control. I think she’s rude, no manners and has low interest level. Try pulling that to a woman and it’s the same thing. She could’ve replied to you the next day. That’s considerate. Did you notice her reply? “I’ve been super busy.” The word “busy” means I don’t have time for you and if that was Leonardo DiCaprio or Derek Jeter she would be waiting every minute of everyday of every second. And that’s what you want. A girl that’s enthusiastic. Someone who’s amiable to your charm.

 

With me, I’ll drop her. Block and delete. Next!

Edited by Interstellar
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I'd ask her one more time when she was free to get together. If she avoids that....move on.

 

Yes. It's always possible that she may have been really busy/upset/stressed/ill or any other thing not related to you, and it's always worth asking ONCE more. No more than that, though.

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I'veseenbetterlol

Any guy who was truly interested in me didn't take more then a couple hours to respond. Everyone else who took more then a day wasn't interested. No one is that busy, plus everyone is glued to their phone 24/7.

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newyorker11356

Yeah, OP, it doesn't look good. The fact that she didn't suggest an alternative time while sending that text makes it look even less good.

 

She seems odd, though. Why bother telling you that you two seem to click and asking if you're dating other girls if she wasn't into you? Some women (people in general) are just weird.

 

That being said, I think you were definitely very vague in your text. When you make date plans, make CONCRETE date plans. All you did was say "Let's plan another fun date this week." That's so general and vague.

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Delayed response is pretty much always low interest or playing games. Find a gal who's enthusiastic and wants you.

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cereal_dater

Update:

 

Text her last night. She was very receptive and we chit chatted for a bit before I asked her out again. She agreed on Saturday night, told her I'd brainstorm a few ideas and get back to her today.

 

Text this afternoon, she's immediately responsive, doesn't like my first idea, we're sending playful fun texts, she's replying every couple minutes, then I send another few date ideas, and it's been over an hour with no response. I can just feel she's not going to respond. Maybe I'm overreacting but it's so damn frustrating :mad: :mad: :mad:

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Update:

 

Text her last night. She was very receptive and we chit chatted for a bit before I asked her out again. She agreed on Saturday night, told her I'd brainstorm a few ideas and get back to her today.

 

Text this afternoon, she's immediately responsive, doesn't like my first idea, we're sending playful fun texts, she's replying every couple minutes, then I send another few date ideas, and it's been over an hour with no response. I can just feel she's not going to respond. Maybe I'm overreacting but it's so damn frustrating :mad: :mad: :mad:

 

 

You are the man....stop throwing out ideas and ask her to do something specific. Something most normal people like doing... It's not going to go well, if you keep up that technique.

 

Lead

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Update:

 

Text her last night. She was very receptive and we chit chatted for a bit before I asked her out again. She agreed on Saturday night, told her I'd brainstorm a few ideas and get back to her today.

 

Text this afternoon, she's immediately responsive, doesn't like my first idea, we're sending playful fun texts, she's replying every couple minutes, then I send another few date ideas, and it's been over an hour with no response. I can just feel she's not going to respond. Maybe I'm overreacting but it's so damn frustrating :mad: :mad: :mad:

 

That's another sign, she didn't like your first idea? Unless it was Netflix and chill she should be happy to see you no matter what you are doing.

 

Anytime on old I got other than an enthusiastic yes to date offer I blocked and deleted. And I have had a couple of them ignore the request.

 

Concentrate on the women who are interested. This one will be future problems if you even get another date.

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cereal_dater
reach out once more but that's it

 

yeah friend I'm with told me to try once more, asking what she wanted to do. She responded immediately with "you know me, I like small local shopping, boring huh". We sent a few more texts about a weekend trip to Chicago she had brought up texting earlier, didn't think she was serious, but she asked about ticket prices?

 

Told her I was heading to dinner with friends and would call later to nail down plans. If she doesn't answer/call back I'll have my answer and can walk away satisfied.

 

Of course the boss thing to do would be not call until tomorrow :bunny:

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yeah friend I'm with told me to try once more, asking what she wanted to do. She responded immediately with "you know me, I like small local shopping, boring huh". We sent a few more texts about a weekend trip to Chicago she had brought up texting earlier, didn't think she was serious, but she asked about ticket prices?

 

Told her I was heading to dinner with friends and would call later to nail down plans. If she doesn't answer/call back I'll have my answer and can walk away satisfied.

 

Of course the boss thing to do would be not call until tomorrow :bunny:

 

I'm curious to see how it works out. I don't try one more time as most suggest because they have already given me my answer.

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yeah friend I'm with told me to try once more, asking what she wanted to do. She responded immediately with "you know me, I like small local shopping, boring huh". We sent a few more texts about a weekend trip to Chicago she had brought up texting earlier, didn't think she was serious, but she asked about ticket prices?

 

Told her I was heading to dinner with friends and would call later to nail down plans. If she doesn't answer/call back I'll have my answer and can walk away satisfied.

 

Of course the boss thing to do would be not call until tomorrow :bunny:

 

Call tonight if you can. Artificial delays in order to be "boss" are game playing. Dating would be a lot better if we were all authentic and didn't play games.

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Call tonight if you can. Artificial delays in order to be "boss" are game playing. Dating would be a lot better if we were all authentic and didn't play games.

 

What's funny about this game-playing is the women are totally privy to it. All it serves to do is drive the good ones away. These guys think they've discovered some magic elixir and then they're left wondering aloud why the women aren't responding anymore. Duh - you basically told/showed her she's not very important to you.

 

For lack of a better analogy, dating a woman is kind of like fishing. You throw your line in the water and wait for a nibble. When you get a nibble you firmly set the hook, then reel the fish in. The two things you DON'T do are:

 

1) immediately jerk the pole so hard your rip the hook out of the fish's mouth

2) don't bother setting the hook and just stand around on the shore waiting for the fish to do all the work

 

Blowing up a woman's phone immediately after the first date is of course a no-no, and would be the equivalent of #1. But maintaining dialogue and contact after a great first date is paramount.

 

Putting a woman on ice for 36 or more hours after a first meeting is the equivalent of #2, and is just as bad as #1. Men need to do a bit more of the work in the beginning, in my opinion.

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LivingWaterPlease
You are the man....stop throwing out ideas and ask her to do something specific. Something most normal people like doing... It's not going to go well, if you keep up that technique.

 

Lead

 

I agree with this. Ask her to dinner.

 

I have been emailing (I know, no one does it anymore) with a high school bf (we're way past high school age) and it has been progressing. The last email I got from him he told me he might call me about something we were writing about regarding our upcoming high school reunion. It was a personal thing and amusing and the email felt like he was fishing for a reply in order to know if I wanted a call or not. I usually answer his emails but didn't answer this one as

 

1. I was ready for a phone call and tired of emailing

 

2. Didn't want to say, "Yes, call me" but didn't want to ignore

 

3. Wanted to know he had the testosterone to call me even if I didn't respond to his email.

 

He didn't call.

 

I emailed him a week later and got the first tepid email from him I've gotten since we started communicating. Nothing since. Which is fine because I like a guy who is not easily discouraged.

 

Just read where you've been talking since the slow text response that one time and it was going well but she didn't like your date idea. Agree with the quoted above. If she puts you off for dinner, move on.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I agree with this. Ask her to dinner.

 

I have been emailing (I know, no one does it anymore) with a high school bf (we're way past high school age) and it has been progressing. The last email I got from him he told me he might call me about something we were writing about regarding our upcoming high school reunion. It was a personal thing and amusing and the email felt like he was fishing for a reply in order to know if I wanted a call or not. I usually answer his emails but didn't answer this one as

 

1. I was ready for a phone call and tired of emailing

 

2. Didn't want to say, "Yes, call me" but didn't want to ignore

 

3. Wanted to know he had the testosterone to call me even if I didn't respond to his email.

 

He didn't call.

 

I emailed him a week later and got the first tepid email from him I've gotten since we started communicating. Nothing since. Which is fine because I like a guy who is not easily discouraged.

 

Just read where you've been talking since the slow text response that one time and it was going well but she didn't like your date idea. Agree with the quoted above. If she puts you off for dinner, move on.

 

OT, but I thought you were married!

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cereal_dater

So I just need to calm down :laugh: She called me back being her usual sweet self and we're on for tomorrow. Like I said, on the first date we had a few common interests, core values and chemistry that almost made me fall out of my seat and I just got too attached. Thanks for bringing me back down to earth. Gotta stop jumping the gun.

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LivingWaterPlease
OT, but I thought you were married!

 

Not married. Maybe I write like an old married person, lol, J/K! Have been married and have been engaged (not at the same time!) but am single now. Good for you calling me out just in case! Gotta be accountable! :)

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cereal_dater

So another crazy update :laugh:

 

Had a 3rd date with this girl Saturday night. It went just like the first two dates with excellent flowing conversation and chemistry, laughing and smiling the entire time, she again commented how comfortable she felt with me, just overall felt like it went really well and we enjoy each others company.

 

Send her a follow-up text yesterday Sunday evening saying "Fun seeing you last night, here are those pics we were talking about (in reference to something from the date) and now it's Monday afternoon with no reply.

 

I just don't get it. Maybe I'm used to being chased and always having the woman initiate, this is definitely the opposite and has me out of my comfort zone. She is very traditional, hasn't dated much, no sex until marriage (which I was respectful of and agreed with). She reached out and was receptive after a few days last week so I assume she will again, but guess we'll see.

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I don't know about this no sex until marriage cereal dater. You might want to find a more liberal and open girl

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...and even asked if I was dating other girls.

 

What did you say to that one? It is a test question. "Yes" could mean you are cheating on someone,..."No" could mean you can't get a date and women don't see you as a valuable catch. The best answer is probably, "I'm dating,...but nothing exclusive",...and then move away from the question. It can also be a sign that she is a little insecure, otherwise she would have the common sense to know it is none of her business at that point

 

Is that a clue she's not interested

 

It is a clue that her interest has at least declined. Wait at least a week without contacting her. Then present her with a date opportunity. Notice I didn't say "ask". Say "Let's go <blah blah>" with a specific day/time/place. Nothing wishy-washy. If she turns it down without a counter offer don't try again unless she contacts you. Since you can't know in advance when she is available that makes the counter offer very important. If a woman wants to spend time with you she will help you accomplish that,...she didn't give a counter offer on the last try. You can try the "When are you available" line but that can also be taken as wishy-washy and non-specific.

 

Also keep in mind that you are very likely not the only guy in the picture,...remember, you didn't ask if she was dating anyone. I don't think you should have,...makes you seem weak,...but I'm just making a point.

 

wouldn't think twice, but we share some common interests and core values that make her a standout.

 

You're thinking like an analyst.

Women think about how you made them "feel" on the date.

They don't think about the other stuff till later on.

 

I realize I'm replying to things at the beginning of the story and more has transpired,...but I believe my comments to what is at the beginning still apply to the later things.

Edited by PRW
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