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I think I'm kind of interested in a girl who cuts my hair...


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...The first time was last year and I just got her at random as “first available”. She just seemed really… almost sensual about the way she worked, plus she was easy to talk to. I left that day feeling awesome, which was a welcome break from the depression I’d been dealing with since the divorce. I didn’t get her name while I was there, but fortunately the store provided it as part of my survey, or e-receipt or something they emailed me. Anyway, every time I’ve gone back since, I requested her by name, and she never disappoints.

 

And I’m usually not very good at conversation, but with her sometimes it just flows so well. When she dyed her own hair purple, I mentioned that she reminds me of Ramona from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, and she said that’s one of her favorite movies. When she mentioned an interest in Indian food, I suggested a restaurant that she should try. When she talked about the difficulties of being nearsighted and unable to find her glasses, I mentioned the trick of using your phone’s camera to see, and she was floored by that idea.

 

When we discovered that I work near where she lives and we both love a Mexican restaurant in that area, I suggested that on days when she’s home during my lunch hour we could meet for lunch somewhere, and she seemed completely receptive to that.

 

So yes, she makes me feel great, but I know that's part of her job. Maybe she’s just really good at it. So, how can I tell if she’s truly interested or if it’s all an act? For all I know, her employer could have even trained her on a set of procedures and boundaries for stylists interacting with clients who seem a little too interested.

 

The signs that seem positive...

  • She remembered the Indian restaurant I had suggested, and mentioned on my next visit that she had tried it and liked it too.
  • She seems a bit goofy around me sometimes. Once she struggled with the spray bottle’s nozzle that was shooting a stream instead of a mist, so she (accidentally?) demonstrated by spraying the wall with it, giggling quietly that she’ll get kicked out. Another time at check-out they were doing some kind of scratch-off promotion to find out what kind of discount I’ll get, and she scratched at least 20 cards looking for one that would give me a bigger discount but they were all small ones so she kept trying, then finally gave up and used a small one, and gathered all the wasted cards and threw them out to “hide the evidence.”
  • When I finally asked if she’d like to call me to meet for lunch sometime, she wrote down and gave me HER number.
  • When she asked how I like my new car, she mentioned that she watched me drive away after my last visit.
  • When she mentioned that she went out of town for Valentine’s Day, she seemed to quickly add that she was accompanying a friend who was getting a tattoo there.
  • Without even asking my name or checking the list, her coworkers knew when they saw me walk in that I had requested her. Is she talking to them about me?

 

The signs that seem negative…

  • Every attempt so far to arrange meeting for lunch was missed for various reasons, like when she didn’t see my voicemail until 2 days later, or when she forgot to hit send on her text reply. She seems sorry and embarrassed, but couldn’t that easily be part of the act?
  • She has only texted me in response (albeit very delayed at times), but never initiated on her own. She did warn me that she’s the “world’s worst texter” though.
  • It’s hard to tell, but she could be anywhere from a few to way too many years younger than me.
  • I might have caught her in a white lie when I brought up the Olympics. First she said she wasn't watching any of it because she doesn't have cable or an antenna. Then when I said I watched a little bit of curling, she said excitedly, "so did I!" But sure, it's just small talk and she probably has to fake engaging conversation with guys all day long so there's bound to be a slip here or there. I'm just wondering how fake she is with me compared to the rest. This is where I hope seeing her outside of her workplace should help.

 

So, where should I go from here? Keep trying to set up a lunch?

 

A few months ago I purchased two tickets to a concert in hopes that I would have somebody to bring with me by now. I still don’t, so I took the bold step of offering the extra ticket to her. Unfortunately she has to work too late that day to make it. Probably for the best; we should stick to trying to set up a simple lunch for now, right?

 

And if we do start meeting for lunch and maybe seeing each other more, what happens with my hair cuts? Do I need to find another stylist? (Didn’t Seinfeld do an episode about this?)

 

I guess the big question is what do I want right now. And the best response I have is that for now I just want to keep feeling the way she makes me feel, and hopefully find that I’m doing something similar for her.

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Right now you are in danger of becoming infatuated with this girl as she is showing some friendly interest.

 

Firstly it sounds like she does enjoy your company, but remember she is probably like that with most people as in that line of business repeat customers are important.

 

What you need to do is stop going there for this friendly chit chat. You already have her number so arrange a meetup. No not a concert, something light like lunch or drinks.

 

If she continues to make excuses, and does not offer alternative dates, then shes just not that into you.

 

Do update us.

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Sorry mate, this is pretty much normal hairdresser repertoire.

 

A good hairdresser is a master of small talk, the keeper of secrets, remembers stuff about us and is expert at making us feel special and remembered It's why too many of us pay far too much for a haircut.

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Right now you are in danger of becoming infatuated with this girl as she is showing some friendly interest.

 

Firstly it sounds like she does enjoy your company, but remember she is probably like that with most people as in that line of business repeat customers are important.

 

What you need to do is stop going there for this friendly chit chat. You already have her number so arrange a meetup. No not a concert, something light like lunch or drinks.

 

If she continues to make excuses, and does not offer alternative dates, then shes just not that into you.

 

Do update us.

 

 

I agree with the above comments. You have to remember she is at work and sees you as another client/customer. She may be friendly to you because of her job but it doesn't mean she is romantically linked to you.

 

 

Also don't go overboard by asking a near stranger out to lunch or a concert. These are grans gestures but only maybe use them it you are dating them.

 

 

Smart off small first by asking her for her number and if she decliens then you know where you stand. Its best to ask them out earlier than later because she could just see you as another customer or being friend zoned,.

 

 

Now, good luck out there.

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Sorry mate, this is pretty much normal hairdresser repertoire.

 

A good hairdresser is a master of small talk, the keeper of secrets, remembers stuff about us and is expert at making us feel special and remembered It's why too many of us pay far too much for a haircut.

 

Guys pay less for a haircut, but in essence the above is true. Just watch the hairdresser interact with other clients and you should have a good idea of how it works.

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I think you are misinterpreting good customer service for genuine interest.

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littleblackheart

You think you're kind of interested? The title of your thread suggests you're not quite sure whether you like her yourself...

 

Maybe it's just you showing the first promising signs that you are moving on from your divorce and you're trialling these new feelings (testing you've still got what it takes in an indirect way) to a near-improbable prospect?

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Based on how lengthy your post is, I’d say you’re way too obsessed over this One girl, which is a bad place to be in.

 

You’ve made attempts to ask her to do stuff with you and she’s never agreeing, always saying she’s busy and being dodgy. If you had any chance at all, you missed your chance. Should have asked her out right away, instead it sounds like you texted her way too much and chit-chatted. Also, a lunch isn’t a good first date, it comes off as too much of “friendzone” kind of thing. Always try to go get drinks or do an activity at evening/night so it’s very clear that it’s a “date” and not just a friendly thing.

 

Your best chance to get back into having a chance with this girl is to move on. Stop texting her completely and just treat her as you would a hairdresser you have no interest in. If you’re lucky and she’s still into it, she might wonder why you suddenly cut contact and become interested again.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I can't for the life of me remember who it is right now, but I know I know someone who ended up marrying their hairdresser. Although I think the relationship started as an affair. Obviously, I don't know this person well since I can't recall who it is!

 

Anyway, I think the only really positive sign here is that she gave you her phone number. The negatives are how many times she's come up with excuses to not actually go on any kind of date with you (two tries for lunch and one try for the concert).

 

I'd stop trying at this point and see if she initiates anything other than what hairdressers are trained to do....remember minute details of their clients' lives in order to make conversation and/or provide therapy ;) (Just me? ok...;) )

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Digital devices make life way too easy to bail out when you want too without having to face the human, hurting someone selfishly is so much easier these days because you don't have to feel the awkward guilt when they don't exist except in your phone contacts list. I don't like it at all and yet here I am typing on the internet with complete strangers. ;)

 

"I forgot to hit send" What the hell is that excuse? Lame.

 

Next time you see her I'd look at her directly in the eyes and tell her you want a proper date. I wouldn't ask either. I'd say something like,

 

"When do you get off on XXXX day? I have something planned for us".

 

If she dodges that, let it go. she's eluding for some reason.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Digital devices make life way too easy to bail out when you want too without having to face the human, hurting someone selfishly is so much easier these days because you don't have to feel the awkward guilt when they don't exist except in your phone contacts list. I don't like it at all and yet here I am typing on the internet with complete strangers. ;)

 

"I forgot to hit send" What the hell is that excuse? Lame.

 

Next time you see her I'd look at her directly in the eyes and tell her you want a proper date. I wouldn't ask either. I'd say something like,

 

"When do you get off on XXXX day? I have something planned for us".

 

If she dodges that, let it go. she's eluding for some reason.

 

I think he should only use this approach if he's prepared to lose her as a hairdresser or if he doesn't care that it would be awkward to still have her as his stylist if she rejects him.

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I think he should only use this approach if he's prepared to lose her as a hairdresser or if he doesn't care that it would be awkward to still have her as his stylist if she rejects him.

 

 

Perhaps true. I would tend to agree with you.

I could personally deal with it and go back for professional purposes only. I'd certainly be changing my attitude and watched my body language closely as to not put off weird signals. Be polite, charming, friendly, but not overly personal.

You never really know what's in a person head or heart so if the pressure were off, something just might come of it. Probably not, but maybe.

 

It's ironic because this has actually happened to me. I found her super cute, funny, charming, sexy, smart, etc.....

I asked her out only to get a maybe. I got her number instead. Communicated some there to find out she has a LDR already. I don't want to be involved in all that so I stopped asking for dates. Still text her when I need a hair cut though.

Edited by Mr.Me
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If she was interested you would gone out by now. I would let this one go...

 

I am sure she does talk about you to her co workers, but not in the way you hope! likely more in the its so sweet this guy has a crush on me!

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So there's no doubt, call her one more time and ask her out for her day of choice. If she still makes excuses, she's not interested. Something like "I'd like to take you to a movie at your convenience next week? What do you think?"

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I’d say don’t call her, don’t text her and don’t go get a hair cut with her . Find another hair stylist and move on.

 

 

Since she has your number she might call you or text you if she doesn’t you’ve moved on

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I’d say don’t call her, don’t text her and don’t go get a hair cut with her . Find another hair stylist and move on.

 

 

Good hairstylists are harder to find then somebody to date. I'm not so sure I'd give up the professional relationship so easily.

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rightondude

Man I was thinking you had a shot, especially when you said she gave you her (real) #. Normally service workers just get yours and never call.

 

But those excuses after excuses indicate just the opposite.

 

If she wanted to go out with you, she would have offered an option after all those lame excuses (I'll have to remember, "I forgot to hit send!!!!" ... what, she never thought to check why you never replied?!), not just leave you flailing in the wind asking again ... and again ...

 

Sorry brother

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Wow, so many replies! Somehow I didn't get any notifications.

 

(see, excuses aren't always just excuses)

 

I appreciate all the feedback. To clarify my position a little, the only real reason I'm hesitant to officially ask her on a date is because I'm not sure if she's old enough for that to not be creepy of me. I guess I was hoping that by hanging out a little on more casual terms first I could come across that information in a less awkward way.

 

I do agree the concert idea was over the top. But I just hate the idea of missed opportunities. After all, I did buy the extra ticket specifically to bring an unknown someone I hoped to meet by then.

 

Some of you suggested that I should put the ball in her court now and let her initiate contact if she's truly interested, and maybe you're right. But I can't help thinking that everything I don't do is telling her I'm the one who isn't truly interested.

 

she's being nice/flirty with you because she works for tips

 

And no doubt it works. For Christmas I left her a 100% tip.

 

Still, I feel like she's going beyond the standard hairdresser repertoire of which some of you wrote. Giving me her number? Wouldn't it be easier for her to just tell me that's against the store's rules or something? Now she's replying to all my texts. If she does that with even a handful of other clients, that's a lot of homework to keep up on. Actually, I didn't even technically ask for her number. She volunteered it.

 

Should have asked her out right away, instead it sounds like you texted her way too much and chit-chatted. Also, a lunch isn’t a good first date, it comes off as too much of “friendzone” kind of thing. Always try to go get drinks or do an activity at evening/night so it’s very clear that it’s a “date” and not just a friendly thing.

 

Yeah, I might know nothing about dating. To me, asking someone out "right away" would feel too rapid-fire, like I'm just casting out hundreds of lines and hoping someone bites. That's not me, and it's not the impression I want to give, either.

 

I agree the lunch idea is a little weird, but it mostly came out of convenience, from the fact that I work near where she lives. But I can see how the friendzone thing comes into play and it would be difficult to transition from that.

 

Still, I feel like seeing her outside of work but not on an official date is the only way to truly get a feel for what's going on.

 

My cowokers are going out for happy hour tomorrow to the Mexican place we both love... would it be weird to invite her there? It really should be one-on-one the first time, I would think, or else it's full-on friendzone, right?

 

And part of me is ok if this goes no further than what it is now. Just seeing her for my haircuts does wonders for my mood. I had been fearing the day she leaves that job, but now I feel better having a way to keep in touch.

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I'veseenbetterlol

The negatives outweigh the positives. If someone rejects your attempts to ask them out or makes excuses, they aren't interested.

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Man I was thinking you had a shot, especially when you said she gave you her (real) #.

 

Exactly! I was fully prepared to hear a generic recording saying whoever gave me that number isn't interested.

 

If she wanted to go out with you, she would have offered an option after all those lame excuses (I'll have to remember, "I forgot to hit send!!!!" ... what, she never thought to check why you never replied?!)

 

I don't think the "if she wanted to go out with you" test is valid, because I haven't indicated that's my intent. She might be waiting for me to say it is.

 

And I overstated her excuses... I checked the history and she actually only made two. Once was my voice mail asking if she wanted to grab lunch. "...for some reason I'm just now getting your voicemail. I'm so sorry I missed your call" The other was when I texted her that I was thinking about going to the Mexican restaurant for lunch and asked if she wants to join me. With no response, the following week I just sent her a "Hi :)" and 3 hours later she replied "I can't believe I never pressed send on my last message! I was wondering why you didn't respond!"

 

But I totally believe that because I've done it myself before. Especially with emails to my coworkers. If you're a careful writer who reviews messages before sending them, it's easy for a distraction to interrupt you before you're done, and then you forget that you never finished it.

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My guess is that she doesn't date clients and she is trying to not upset/reject you to keep you as a client.

 

BTW, BTDT with dating hair stylists, never have them cut your hair when they are pissed off at you :laugh:

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And part of me is ok if this goes no further than what it is now. Just seeing her for my haircuts does wonders for my mood. I had been fearing the day she leaves that job, but now I feel better having a way to keep in touch.

 

Fearing the day she leaves her job?

 

But I totally believe that because I've done it myself before. Especially with emails to my coworkers. If you're a careful writer who reviews messages before sending them, it's easy for a distraction to interrupt you before you're done, and then you forget that you never finished it.

 

And now you are defending her. If she 'forgot' to hit send, surely she would have opened up your convo at least ONCE to check. Unless.. she just isn't interested.

 

This is a classic case of oneitis, putting this girl on a pedestal, as though she is the only girl in the world.

 

I'm not sure what the age difference here is as you have mentioned it being a possible issue more than once. But I don't get your 'go out but not on a proper date to get a feel of things' idea. Sounds like you are happy to just go straight into the friendzone? You say you are interested in her but are not acting like a man who is interested in a woman should be.

 

Make a decision what you want, then go for it.

 

And in the mean time carry on with life. Meet other women.

 

Personally I think she is just being friendly and is not interested.

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Fearing the day she leaves her job?

 

Before I got her number, yes, every time I left her sight I feared she wouldn't be there next time and I'd kick myself for waiting too long.

 

You say you are interested in her but are not acting like a man who is interested in a woman should be.

 

Yeah, I have issues. Acting like a man is one of them. But a lot of men are jerks so is that such a bad thing?

 

And my main issue is I don't know what I want. Not in specific enough terms to guide me through dating, anyway. I do know I'm usually attracted to women who show interest in me after no conscious effort of my own. Not because I love being the center of attention (I definitely do not) but more because I'm lazy and it feels like half the work is done if she already likes me? You'd think that would make me attracted to ANY girl who cuts my hair, showing interest in me being part of their job, but it hasn't worked out that way. With all the others, I could tell they were just making small talk and it wasn't true interest. This one is different. Either she's truly interested or she's crossing a line she's not supposed to in her profession.

 

Probably the latter. Unless she texts me out of the blue someday.

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