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Can you fall in love with someone but not see a future together?


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CautiouslyOptimistic

I think you can develop a very deep affection and love for someone but not see a future together, yes. There are a lot of factors that go into making a perfect partnership, and sometimes love is not enough to make it work.

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I'veseenbetterlol
Does this kind of thing happen?

 

Yes this does happen. I fell deeply in love w/my ex despite having opposite religious and political beliefs. At 1st I was naïve thinking that we could work through all that, but eventually I realized we would be screwed long term. Much better to find someone you are compatible w/cause I can tell you breaking that relationship was very difficult.

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My ex says he is on the fence about loving his new partner... and wants to meet with me in six months and says if I change my negative reactions to things then we could work out. But in the meantime he will try to make things work with this girl and he says he may love her but isn’t sure.

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You really, really need to be NC with this guy. You're obsessing about his every move, every past action, and trying to assign intentions where there are probably none.

 

He has no business discussing his new 'love' with you. It may be breadcrumbs, who knows. But if you were NC, you'd be blissfully unaware and moving on.

 

Why would you even consider waiting around for a guy who treats his new partner like this?

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TheFinalWord
My ex says he is on the fence about loving his new partner... and wants to meet with me in six months and says if I change my negative reactions to things then we could work out. But in the meantime he will try to make things work with this girl and he says he may love her but isn’t sure.

 

No way should you tolerate that. He is giving you false hope and using you as a back up option. He knows how to emotionally manipulate you. If it works out with this new girl, he can tell you that he told you that might happen. If not, then he knows he can get back with you anytime. Do you want to be a back-up option for this guy? He doesn't have any respect for you. For your own mental health, please go "no contact."

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There's a part of him hoping to make you jealous. He has someone, you don't. He wants it to cause you to take him back or try, where he can dangle her in front of you and say "you had your chance."

 

I don't recall any history, but judging from the prior posts here, you need to go NC. There is no reason to tell you about dating or feelings for new partners. I don't know if this is supposed to be "but we can still be friends" type of a breakup or not, but clearly it's not working. You don't need this. Time to make a full break.

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todreaminblue

loving someone isnt enough to maintain a lasting committed relationship ...its when you dislike their behavior or in the middle of the roughest week and arguments but don't want to be with anyone else that you know there's future...

 

people hardly ever break up when they are both loving one another ... break ups are when a relationship becomes distant and broken in times of trouble or worse than trouble in the break up stakes...is the land of indifference .love is still there ...other factors though over shadow any love ...like life and its currents rips and dumping waves..

 

.wanting a future with someone personally for me ..depends on the ability to weather storms temptation and loving someone while loathing their snores at night...still sleeping in the same bed and working on solutions to help the snorer......its the ability to be a team....you and them standing true and solid side by side...you have their back they have yours...no matter if you are wrong or right... through everything knowing love is there always...........and that love...is just one thread in a patchwork quilt of a future that takes hours and hours and hours and hours days months years to create....and you keep at it....there is no finish line....no statue at the end..no trophy wife or husband......only...togetherness and knowing that you were always true........to each other.......maybe that in its entirety is a real definition of eternal love........deb

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My ex says he is on the fence about loving his new partner... and wants to meet with me in six months and says if I change my negative reactions to things then we could work out. But in the meantime he will try to make things work with this girl and he says he may love her but isn’t sure.

 

Why! would you ever wait around for this guy while he tries to see if it works with another girl? Women who have self respect don't do this.

 

Tell this guy to take a hike and find somebody better to date... Really, is there absolutely nobody else that you can date?

 

To answer your original question, yes. You can have affection for someone but not want to see a future.

 

Good luck.

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My ex says he is on the fence about loving his new partner... and wants to meet with me in six months and says if I change my negative reactions to things then we could work out. But in the meantime he will try to make things work with this girl and he says he may love her but isn’t sure.

 

I get really upset with him when he lies and I say mean things to him.

 

 

Your EX is a master manipulator.

 

He's not in love with her or you. He does enjoy toying with your emotions. You have to stop letting him.

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Your EX is a master manipulator.

 

He's not in love with her or you. He does enjoy toying with your emotions. You have to stop letting him.

 

She's been asking the same question for months now...

 

Not sure what kind of a hold he has on OP or why she is willing to settle for so little... But yes, this is not love.

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Since everyone defines 'in love' individually, it's tough to generalize. However, I first learned about it in my early 20's with MW's who enjoyed the 'in love' feelings of the moment but had no interest in upsetting their children or husbands. Purely a thing of the moment, sometimes repeated periodically. It really wasn't about the man, rather how they felt. Men are interchangeable.

 

With this guy it's sex with his 'partner'. He can wet his noodle and not love her, or you, and not see a future together with either of you. It's all about him, his dopamine, his serotonin, his buzz in the balls. Sure, he might give you a chance to love him again if you do things just right, you know, fix all those personal defects. Sound healthy to you?

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OP isn't really helping us understand the full story, just posting one liners. I'm guessing there are a lot more issues going on here...

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This sounds more like you've fallen in love with how you feel when you're with that person, not that person, necessarily.

 

That's what most people mean in the early stages when it's impossible to know the other person well enough yet to make that determination.

 

But I gather this has nothing to do with that and more to do with you don't know what to do with yourself because your ex has moved on to someone and he's acting like she means something to him.

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OP isn't really helping us understand the full story, just posting one liners. I'm guessing there are a lot more issues going on here...

 

You'd need to go back thru her history, and see that she's hung up on a loser who broke up with her a year ago.

 

She's still trying to figure him out.

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Will he probably ask for me back when he has seen that I have moved on?

 

 

You didn't move on though, you are merely posting cryptic thread after cryptic thread on LS. And probably not explaining your full story because deep down you know that if everyone knew the full story you'd get an answer your wouldn't like.

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Will he probably ask for me back when he has seen that I have moved on?

 

Probably because he likes playing with your emotions. You won't really have moved on. He'll come back. You will fall for it again. He'll cheat & lie some more then leave you again once he has you & this will start all over again.

 

If you were well & truly done, all the begging & apologies in the world would not move you to reconcile with him. He's a terrible BF. Be kinder to yourself then to take his sorry butt back.

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