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Went on a first date with a busy girl on Sunday night, she contacted me and told me she was going to be free and we went out for drinks. I thought it was a fantastic date. We were both clearly attracted and into each other. She was asking a lot of questions, laughing etc, no silences or anything just a really great naturally flowing date. We made out during the date and after at the end.

 

She texted me about 20 minutes after the date saying “thanks again. Tonight was fun!” I replied “yeah you’re awesome, I had a really fun time too, glad you got home safe”

 

I figured for sure date two should be in store. For once I thought I literally did nothing wrong. I felt really good about this date one of the first dates I’ve had in long time that went this well. Well, I didn’t text at all the following day, neither did she, just let the initial date pass.

 

I texted her today (2 Days after) and asked her how her week was and then asked if she could as available to go out again this weekend (came up with the plan, date and time). No response though it said she read my message it’s been over 6 hours. I had also sent her a video on Instagram I found that reminded me of our date conversation and joked around—she also read that but did not respond.

 

There were only two possible things that stood out to me on the date. #1) she did go to the bathroom a good deal with her phone—3-4 times during the 4 hour date. She said it because she was drinking a lot of water (which she was). However, she also mentioned that she was supposed to be hearing from her dance instructor (who’s a guy) and that they were supposed to meet up (which I thought was weird, who meets up with someone after 10pm on a Sunday unless you’re hooking up?) but she said he never contacted her. Date ended because she had to wake up early for work the next day. Which is understandable. I thought I did nothing wrong. Perhaps there were times I got a little too touchy feelt like scratching her back and stuff and going in for kisses maybe when she wasn’t quite prepared but she reciprocated and continued the kiss into a make out each time.

 

So an example of a perfect date that has now ended up in me being ghosted. Only thing I can think of is that she’s seeing someone else, and maybe decided that she’s going to stay with him? I’m very confused because I thought I played my cards right and thought for sure there was reciprocated interest.

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rightondude

did you meet online or did you know her beforehand?

 

Definitely sounds like there are other fish in the sea, including the late night (horizontal) dance instructor...

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did you meet online or did you know her beforehand?

 

Definitely sounds like there are other fish in the sea, including the late night (horizontal) dance instructor...

 

Online (Tinder), she's been a hard person to get to go out with, she kind of blew me off for a few weeks saying she was really busy, but eventually texted me asking if I could meet up and she would constantly like my stuff on Instagram so I knew there was interest there. Since last night she stopped liking things, and now she's gone totally cold. Yeah, most likely other guys in the picture that maybe she has some feelings for.

 

The problem is that there are always other guys in the picture with good looking women, so not sure how to overcome that. I guess it's a lot about timing and luck.

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It’s not normal to go to the bathroom 3-4 times on a date. Did she bring her phone into the bathroom? Sounds like she has other and better options.

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keep your hands and lips to yourself on date #1

 

That's the first piece of advice you've given that I don't agree with.

 

Please explain...

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Online (Tinder), she's been a hard person to get to go out with, she kind of blew me off for a few weeks saying she was really busy, but eventually texted me asking if I could meet up and she would constantly like my stuff on Instagram so I knew there was interest there. Since last night she stopped liking things, and now she's gone totally cold. Yeah, most likely other guys in the picture that maybe she has some feelings for.

 

The problem is that there are always other guys in the picture with good looking women, so not sure how to overcome that. I guess it's a lot about timing and luck.

 

One thing you have to learn......even if you do everything right, sometimes it still goes to crap.

 

First, good for you to objectively look at your behavior on dates. You only know if you are doing things right if you can admit when you've done things wrong. It's good practice and will benefit you in the future.

 

But I can point out a couple of areas for improvement:

1) the fact that she was "too busy" means you are not her first choice. Try to focus on women who are REALLY into you. You'll work less and have more fun. A LOT more fun.

 

2) you reached out several times without asking her out. Liking posts/glad you got home texts.

 

3) Keep other women in the rotation until you find one worth getting rid of the others.

 

Women are funny nowadays. They have no qualms with fooling around with you and never talking to you again. In my youth, kissing someone was a big deal. Now it's on par with a hand shake. I've now been able to pretty much guess if I'll see a girl again depending on how she kissed me.

 

You win some, you lose some. The more you try the more you'll win.

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After the date, she reached out, you did not. You replied, but you did not initiate. So it was your turn, and you did not reach out until 2 days later. So even if she's going to reply, she won't do it until maybe 1-2 days later. You made her wait. Now it's your turn to wait. Kind of silly isn't it?

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newyorker11356
That's the first piece of advice you've given that I don't agree with.

 

Please explain...

 

Yeah, I don't agree with that either.

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After the date, she reached out, you did not. You replied, but you did not initiate. So it was your turn, and you did not reach out until 2 days later. So even if she's going to reply, she won't do it until maybe 1-2 days later. You made her wait. Now it's your turn to wait. Kind of silly isn't it?

 

I agree with this. He blew it by not contacting her at all the next day. If I like a gal, I'm contacting her the evening of the first date to say "thanks, had fun" or whatever, and I'm touching base the following day, too.

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keep your hands and lips to yourself on date #1

 

This never works for me, I've done that before and they either think I'm not interested, I'm scared, or they claim "no romantic feelings or connection". Either way, it seems that 9/10 times, first dates won't go to a second and I think that's a proven statistic, so I've learned to try and push as much as I can on the first date sexually without over stepping boundaries because you're probably never going to hear from them again anyways.

 

She clearly has other options, she's still on Tinder obviously, and it took her forever to actually go out with me, probably got pissed at one of the guys she's been seeing so she decided she'd try out someone else, hence our date. Still think it's rude that she's totally ghosting though, even though I know it's common. She's definitely done with me as an option, because she would have responded and at least say she's busy or something like she's been doing, the fact that she gave no reply at all, she made up her mind. I just really shocked, because that was a super smooth date on my part and we both had so much fun. She even said herself she had a good time. We were having so much fun that even other couples and people working at the bar too notice and seemed like they wanted to get in on what was making us jive.

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I agree with this. He blew it by not contacting her at all the next day. If I like a gal, I'm contacting her the evening of the first date to say "thanks, had fun" or whatever, and I'm touching base the following day, too.

 

She could have texted me the following day too. She's a very busy girl, she works 4 jobs and in previous text encounters could take literally hours to respond, so I don't think me waiting was a big deal. I went an entire 10 days without saying anything to her, asked her out again and she said yes. On the date she even said she really appreciated that I just cut right to the chase and didn't blow up her phone like most dudes. So, I'm actually thinking I may have asked her too quickly. But you're right I could have reached out the following day, but the same thing could have easily happened.

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After the date, she reached out, you did not. You replied, but you did not initiate. So it was your turn, and you did not reach out until 2 days later. So even if she's going to reply, she won't do it until maybe 1-2 days later. You made her wait. Now it's your turn to wait. Kind of silly isn't it?

 

This would be a good scenario, but she's 31, I don't think she's going to play those kinds of games. She would have given me some type of response if she were still interested. I used to think positively but I've encountered enough situations now to know when it's done I think. Sent her a text and an instagram message to no response (like I mentioned). I don't like to give up entirely when I'm keen on a girl though unless they specifically tell me they're not interested. I would have never met this girl and went on a date with her at all if I didn't persistently try to ask her out multiple times. I don't view that method as really chasing, but kind of cycling back to them and maybe you get lucky that they're in a good mood that day. Perhaps she's dangling a lot of guys right now and has to make up her mind on who to drop and is having a tough time.

 

So I'll wait another full week (in the meantime talk to and date other women), and if I don't hear from her, I'll text her again and check in. Might say, "Hey haven't heard from you, guess the date didn't go as well as thought huh?" or maybe not even mention it. See ladies, this is the benefit of telling us directly that you're not interested, because if you don't, us guys still think there's some hope and will consistently cycle back to you if you don't.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I agree with this. He blew it by not contacting her at all the next day. If I like a gal, I'm contacting her the evening of the first date to say "thanks, had fun" or whatever, and I'm touching base the following day, too.

 

But you're probably not following the advice of this Corey Wayne character I keep hearing about, and instead just following the gut of Highndry, am I right?

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CautiouslyOptimistic
This would be a good scenario, but she's 31, I don't think she's going to play those kinds of games. She would have given me some type of response if she were still interested. I used to think positively but I've encountered enough situations now to know when it's done I think. Sent her a text and an instagram message to no response (like I mentioned). I don't like to give up entirely when I'm keen on a girl though unless they specifically tell me they're not interested. I would have never met this girl and went on a date with her at all if I didn't persistently try to ask her out multiple times. I don't view that method as really chasing, but kind of cycling back to them and maybe you get lucky that they're in a good mood that day. Perhaps she's dangling a lot of guys right now and has to make up her mind on who to drop and is having a tough time.

 

So I'll wait another full week (in the meantime talk to and date other women), and if I don't hear from her, I'll text her again and check in. Might say, "Hey haven't heard from you, guess the date didn't go as well as thought huh?" or maybe not even mention it. See ladies, this is the benefit of telling us directly that you're not interested because if you don't, us guys still think there's some hope and will consistently cycle back to you if you don't.

 

The fact that she's 31 has nothing to do with anything. Are you assuming she is desperate due to being the old age of 31?

 

Also, never say anything to a woman like "I guess the date didn't go as well as I thought, huh?" That's so negative and burns bridges. Every interaction you have should be to NOT burn bridges....unless you want to of course.

 

Women like to feel like they have a RIGHT to not be interested in someone for any reason they choose.....because they do....just like men do.

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But you're probably not following the advice of this Corey Wayne character I keep hearing about, and instead just following the gut of Highndry, am I right?

 

Honestly though, I've watched his stuff and one thing that I tend to agree with that has worked is to play it cool and not show her your feelings too soon. Women like the chase, they'll even admit that themselves sometimes. When they know a guy likes them, it's no longer interesting and not fun. They have the validation they need knowing they could have them. People want what they can't have to an extent.

 

So, there's definitley a way to show you're interested and like them without being over-eager, and it's a fine line and kind of an artform. My last date that I posted about on here about a month ago, I took that direct approach on the second date and basically told her I was into her, and asked her out again the following day and she basically freaked out.

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newyorker11356
Honestly though, I've watched his stuff and one thing that I tend to agree with that has worked is to play it cool and not show her your feelings too soon. Women like the chase, they'll even admit that themselves sometimes. When they know a guy likes them, it's no longer interesting and not fun. They have the validation they need knowing they could have them. People want what they can't have to an extent.

 

So, there's definitley a way to show you're interested and like them without being over-eager, and it's a fine line and kind of an artform. My last date that I posted about on here about a month ago, I took that direct approach on the second date and basically told her I was into her, and asked her out again the following day and she basically freaked out.

 

That's because she wasn't really into you like that. If she was, that wouldn't have freaked her out.

 

Main point is, if a girl you're seriously dating likes you, then you can pretty much do no wrong, lol.

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I think what's been happening to me lately is that because I've had less options as of late, I'm acting way too keen on these first and second dates. I think initially women are physically attracted to me and find me really interesting but then when they meet me they've been getting weirded out that I'm into them and like them so much so quickly, at least it seems that way. Or maybe they think I'm only interested in sex or hooking up so they bail, though definitely didn't give off that vibe on this date. I did kind of go for a kiss at times when I shouldn't have, but I acted respectful, I paid for her, held the door, told her I was glad she was home safe, didn't try to convince her to go home with me or anything like that.

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That's because she wasn't really into you like that. If she was, that wouldn't have freaked her out.

 

Main point is, if a girl you're seriously dating likes you, then you can pretty much do no wrong, lol.

 

You're right it's definitely much much easier when the girl is extremely into you, they make everything easy for you and they don't nitpick and they reach out, respond and you usually don't have to do any guesswork. But, those kinds of women I haven't really found very often. And when I do, they aren't women I'm highly attracted to in any way. It's true that women that have a lot more options are much harder to court, you really have to have some luck and good timing.

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Recently I've been meeting a lot of women who make the initial approach and everything extremely easy--like even grabbing my phone and putting their number into it and telling me to call or text them to hang out, or rubbing against me making it blatantly obvious they want to talk, or even coming up and initiating the conversation themselves. But then when I hang out and go on a date with them, they change their mind in a heartbeat. So whatever I'm doing to attract them, I'm doing the opposite when we meet one on one on a date. I must somehow be acting different and don't realize it, becuase I don't get how they'll go from being that insanely into me to literally ditching me and ghosting the following day. I've been ghosted competley now by the last two women I've been on dates with, and to be honest that's happened to me maybe 3-4 times EVER in the last 2 years, and I've been on dates with over 50 women. Almost always we go on a second or third date or longer, or they tell me straight up they are not interested.

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newyorker11356
Recently I've been meeting a lot of women who make the initial approach and everything extremely easy--like even grabbing my phone and putting their number into it and telling me to call or text them to hang out, or rubbing against me making it blatantly obvious they want to talk, or even coming up and initiating the conversation themselves. But then when I hang out and go on a date with them, they change their mind in a heartbeat. So whatever I'm doing to attract them, I'm doing the opposite when we meet one on one on a date. I must somehow be acting different and don't realize it, becuase I don't get how they'll go from being that insanely into me to literally ditching me and ghosting the following day. I've been ghosted competley now by the last two women I've been on dates with, and to be honest that's happened to me maybe 3-4 times EVER in the last 2 years, and I've been on dates with over 50 women. Almost always we go on a second or third date or longer, or they tell me straight up they are not interested.

 

Could just be as simple as they didn't feel any chemistry with you on the date.

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Could just be as simple as they didn't feel any chemistry with you on the date.

 

Except I usually can tell when that's the case. This girl really seemed like she was feeling chemistry. I can tell when they're not--well, I thought I could.

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I still don't understand your logic. You think she's not interested or playing games because you've had to wait 6 hours for her reply. But previously you were silent for 2 days. We are all human beings, we all have feelings. She texted you 20 minutes after the first date. Doesn't that count for something?

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So, there's definitley a way to show you're interested and like them without being over-eager, and it's a fine line and kind of an artform. My last date that I posted about on here about a month ago, I took that direct approach on the second date and basically told her I was into her, and asked her out again the following day and she basically freaked out.

 

I would never ever tell a girl I had just started dating "I was into them", and it's got nothing to do with playing games.

 

I assume they know I'm interested if I'm asking them out.

 

And i won't know if I'm really into them for some time.

I might really fancy them and be very attracted but I'm not going to be really into them after just 2 or 3 dates...

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TheFinalWord
Went on a first date with a busy girl on Sunday night, she contacted me and told me she was going to be free and we went out for drinks. I thought it was a fantastic date. We were both clearly attracted and into each other. She was asking a lot of questions, laughing etc, no silences or anything just a really great naturally flowing date. We made out during the date and after at the end.

 

She texted me about 20 minutes after the date saying “thanks again. Tonight was fun!” I replied “yeah you’re awesome, I had a really fun time too, glad you got home safe”

 

I figured for sure date two should be in store. For once I thought I literally did nothing wrong. I felt really good about this date one of the first dates I’ve had in long time that went this well. Well, I didn’t text at all the following day, neither did she, just let the initial date pass.

 

I texted her today (2 Days after) and asked her how her week was and then asked if she could as available to go out again this weekend (came up with the plan, date and time). No response though it said she read my message it’s been over 6 hours. I had also sent her a video on Instagram I found that reminded me of our date conversation and joked around—she also read that but did not respond.

 

There were only two possible things that stood out to me on the date. #1) she did go to the bathroom a good deal with her phone—3-4 times during the 4 hour date. She said it because she was drinking a lot of water (which she was). However, she also mentioned that she was supposed to be hearing from her dance instructor (who’s a guy) and that they were supposed to meet up (which I thought was weird, who meets up with someone after 10pm on a Sunday unless you’re hooking up?) but she said he never contacted her. Date ended because she had to wake up early for work the next day. Which is understandable. I thought I did nothing wrong. Perhaps there were times I got a little too touchy feelt like scratching her back and stuff and going in for kisses maybe when she wasn’t quite prepared but she reciprocated and continued the kiss into a make out each time.

 

So an example of a perfect date that has now ended up in me being ghosted. Only thing I can think of is that she’s seeing someone else, and maybe decided that she’s going to stay with him? I’m very confused because I thought I played my cards right and thought for sure there was reciprocated interest.

 

I don't know man. But to me if figuring a woman out is this much of a headache, I would not bother wanting to follow-up at this point. Maybe you waited too long to contact her, though she blew you off for weeks so I can't see that being a deal breaker. But I would probably not pursue if she was so hard to nail down.

 

If you contact her again, don't say "I guess the date didn't go as planned"...just ask her out again like nothing happened. Personally, I wouldn't bother. But to each their own.

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