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This woman I hooked up has gotten way too clingy, or is it just me?


ironpony

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Basically this woman who messaged me on a dating site, said she wanted to hook up, or have sex as she put it, not too long after she met me. We didn't do it till a little later after talking more, cause I wanted to to talk to her some more to find out if she was legit and it wasn't a set up or anything.

 

But she kept talking online about how much she wanted it was talking quite naughty about it. So I took a chance and hooked up with her.

 

But now, the next day she is saying how she has feelings for me that she never felt before, and wants to date and everything. But she talks to me in a very clingy way about it I feel and feel she has developed feelings that I didn't intend for her to.

 

Or maybe she wanted me all along this way after meeting and talking beforehand, but she just acted like she wanted to hook up and wasn't being honest.

 

But I feel guilty now, and not sure what to do, cause when I tried to tell her, that maybe she was jumping the gun and should slow down, she got upset. What do you think?

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ExpatInItaly

You need to be firm on your own boundaries, and clear in your intentions.

 

If you don't want to date her, be honest. Tell her. How she reacts is not your problem. I agree that she is coming too strong, and I realize she got upset when you suggested as much, but that isn't your issue to solve for her.

 

How long have have you actually known her, and have you only met in person the one time?

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Basically she said she wanted to hook up when we had more time, cause she was busy with work, as was I, so we talked to each other for a few weeks during, but never about relationship stuff I felt. Mostly sexual, and I asked certain questions to confirm things about her to feel safer as did she, but we kept the talk mostly to that I felt.

 

We only met in person the one time, after that.

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It sounds like her people picker is broken and this is how she goes about it, she also seems to have strings attached to the NSA sex and you are finding out about those strings now that you hooked up.

 

You already mentioned clingy, while not always a horrible thing this close to getting to know one another clingy can be suffocating.

 

I doubt you can slow her down and make something out of this you will be happy with, she is obviously looking for more than a hookup.. unless you are okay with that.

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This is more about you and your boundaries. If you only want casual and hookups, and you need to maintain that. When they start to want more, it's time to break things off. You don't want to string anyone along and cause pain. Of course breaking it off will hurt them and you'll feel bad about that, but you can't control how they feel and if they go and change the rules. Her being clingy is even more reason to just end it. It's not what you want, and definitely not clingy. This type of behavior has the potential to get seriously worse as time goes on, even if you were seeking long term.

 

With dating, even with hookups, there is the potential that feelings will develop by one or the other person. The only thing they can do is bring that up and see if you're on board with it. If you're not, then it will be time to end it.

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I think she is desperate for male attention & was willing to say / do anything to get it hoping that sex would equal love for the guy too. She does not understand that she's not wired for NSA sex.

 

Tell her that while you were initially down for NSA sex because that is what she offered you are not interested in a relationship, then walk away. Doing anything else sends mixed messages. Spending one night with you should not be enough to cause feelings she has never felt before. This is an immature person who does not know her own mind.

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Redguitar35
Basically this woman who messaged me on a dating site, said she wanted to hook up, or have sex as she put it, not too long after she met me.

 

Sounds like my type of lady :laugh::laugh:

 

Seriously though, I've had this happen with a women I hooked up with. We met at a cafe then went back to her place for sex. I never liked her personality, and knew after i went home I didn't want a relationship with her. But she texted me all day the next day talking about future plans. I had to tell her we had a nice time but I'd rather leave things at last night. That's all you have to do. Now she can go find some other male that will maybe be relationship material.

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Millie the Cat

I would text her that you are sorry for her misunderstanding, but you had understood the evening to be a one-night hookup per your conversations prior with her, and really didn't plan it to go further. Tell her you are in no way interested in a relationship with her, dating her, or "hanging out" with her.

 

If she keeps contacting you and pleading, then you should tell her one more time "no, I'm sorry, I don't want to meet up again" and block her from your phone, social media, etc.

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Well basically I understood it to be a FWB thing more than a ONS, but FWBS do not tell each other that they have developed feelings that they have never felt before after the first night and all...

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My guess is she just got dumped and is looking for distraction(s). But the sooner you tell her, the better.

 

Good Luck :)

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Millie the Cat

So ironpony, are you saying you are still wanting to see her again as FWBs, just not have a relationship?

If that is true, you will have to tolerate her clingyness and pressure to have a relationship, and possiby lots of tears and drama just to have some no-strings sex.

I guess that's up to you.

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No I am not saying I still want to see her, I am just saying that is what I thought she wanted, as oppose to a ONS.

 

I can tell her that I was under the impression that is what she wanted since she told me, and was not interested in anything more, but I feel bad and hate hurting the feelings of such a sensitive, desperate person, that she seems to be.

 

But I don't want to continue with her if she is going to have feelings like this.

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Millie the Cat

I think I would in a nice way tell her that you feel you are only making her sad, and disappointing her, and it would be better if you not continue communicating any longer, again clarifying that you don't want a relationship with her. Apologize that you have made her unhappy, but your communication should end.

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