Lobouspo Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 So my gf who is studying to be a nurse practitioner has a really tight work schedule (12 hour shifts), and sometimes picks extra shifts up. I've been helping her with writing papers as she is taking a theory class online. As English is her second language, I don't mind this. But now she's been asking me to do homework assignments because she's busy. These aren't huge assignments, just response papers basically. Do I need to set some boundaries with this? At what point do I tell her she just needs to manage her time better? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 No way. Happy to help (brainstorm, proof read or even research- together) but not if they’re off doing other things!! What is she busy with? I would offer to help with chores etc? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lobouspo Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 I mean it's mainly work. She will have a 12 hour shift and tell me her homework is due that day. I don't mind helping out, (proofreading, give her ideas) but I'm kinda starting to resent doing actual homework assignments. I feel a little taken advantage of tbh. I want to tell her she needs to manage her time better Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I have in the past done homework and courses for my son....it didnt help him at all and robbed him of the satisfaction of completing his endeavours....i would start off brainstorming with him and offering advice and heaps of ideas..... and then he would say i just have to go do this mum ill be back can you keep writing down ideas for me this is due tomorrow(he would have had the assignment a month) which i would immediately panic and have anxiety..because there would be art work and complex ideas to sort through .....and i would just end up doing the whole thing when he didnt return.. when i was at school i used to do book reports for kids...im a speed reader ....and i am thorough...comprehensive book reports......but i got busted because of how i write....my english teacher told me deb your writing and insight is unique I can spot your book reports a mile away..stop it or you will get detention....so i stopped....even though i actually enjoyed doing them.... chances are if you cave and do her reports or assignments or homework with english being her second language it will be noticeable to teachers that she didnt write them herself or plagiarized someone elses words ...you must let her do these tasks in her studies.... it will help her with english becoming easier for her to understand and more proficient at writing english if it isnt her native dialect.... as another poster suggested if she is busy offer to help her with other things to free her up some time so that she can and should be able to recognise english words in contextual ways..and become therefore more proficient in writing and faster at writing english too......then she will feel that full satisfaction of completing a course of study herself and will appreciate the support you offered to make that possible.....good luck ...deb Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 How long does she know about assignments before she says something like "I have to work a 12 hour shift and this homework is due tomorrow?" Sounds like poor planning. If she is TRULY unable to do the work due to a hectic work schedule, then she should not be in the class. If you do the work YOU are taking the class! As others have said, proofriding (hah, that's an intentional joke!) for her is fine, but doing it all. NO!!!!! This reminds me of my ex wife a bit. She was lousy with computers and, on a rare occasion, would have to do some online assignment to keep her credentials. She knew I went to bed by 10:00 at the latest. One night at 9:30 I'm heading up and she says, "I can't get this online thing to work! Please help!" I tell her, "Sure. But I'm exhausted. I'll help tomorrow." She says, "But it's due tonight!" ARGH! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Personally, I don't want to be treated by a nurse practitioner whose credentials were actually earned by her bf. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 (edited) Nursing is a very difficult program in and of itself and she wants to be an advanced nurse on top of the fact that English is her second language and she has 12+ hour work shifts. She’s probably under a lot of stress and her anxiety is very high. It’s triple the difficulty if english is your second language. You mentioned they aren’t huge assignments. Maybe she’s too embarrass to say that she’s having difficulty with comprehending english? I’ve worked with an esl student before and you have to be extra patient with them. Does the hw assignments involve writing essays? If it does then try to work with her so she won’t be seen as plagiarizing. That one she has to do with you. If it doesn’t then I would just do it since I’m already helping her. With the rest, I would be more understanding and help her any way I can. For her sake though I’d ask her if it’s possible if she can cut back a bit on the extra shifts at work. Tell her you’re concerned that she may not be getting enough sleep and you’re concerned about her well being. If she can’t then continue supporting and encouraging her. Love is patient and kind. She will take care of you when you get older too right? It’s not like she’s outside partying every weekend. Edited February 23, 2018 by Interstellar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I wouldn't do it. I don't mind proof-reading or translating, but there has to be SOME investment from the other person. I wouldn't tell her about time management or anything like that, just tell her you feel taken advantage of. Most people would understand. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 For the love of god NO! If she is overwhelmed she can talk to her instructor or school counselor to get an extension. She can get a tutor to help he out. She's not learning anything if you are doing her HW. If she gets busted, she loses any chance of getting her degree or work in her field. It's CHEATING. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 My wife and I started dating in college, and once I offered to write a history paper for her in an area I was interested in. I whipped it out in no time and she got an A. But it never became an expectation. If it did, that would be a problem and I think that's where you find yourself now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 why don't you just write ****ty papers so that she gets bad grades? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 But it never became an expectation. If it did, that would be a problem and I think that's where you find yourself now. Yes, hence feeling a bit used or taken advantage of! Not good. Which clinics will she be working at? I will make note to go elsewhere I get that it is tough, but I personally wouldn’t hesitate to tell her no and to do it herself. It is totally fair. Why are you feeling hesitant? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Nope! She's the one who is taking the classes. She is also the one taking on EXTRA shifts at work. She needs to drop the extra shifts and do her own homework. Where's her sense of personal responsibility when it comes to school & time management? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I occasionally edited my husband's papers when he was studying on line & often collaborated in that he'd discuss the classes with me to get my perspective but I never outright did his homework. Ironically when I was in junior high, my mother was going to junior college / secretarial school. I did all of her English and History homework but as a pre-teen how do you tell your mommy that you won't do her homework? In return she typed my I think you do need to set boundaries with your GF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 If she wants to be a nurse, she should do the work to be a nurse. Its not fair to her class mates, and like someone else mentioned, I sure as hell wouldn't want my life in the hands of someone who got a degree by their BF doing a good chunk of the work! Back when my husband was taking classes, I would proof papers for him, and I would go over the changes I made with him - you know, so that he could LEARN which is the whole point of doing the work in the first place. Expecting you to do the papers is not cool at all, and its fraud. If she gets caught cheating, she could be really putting her degree in jeopardy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 No you shouldnt do that. Help her? Sure. Do? No. She’s given those assignments for a reason. She needs to learn it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 ? At what point do I tell her she just needs to manage her time better? Now. When her professors call on her to explain the process of how she arrived at an answer, she's going to be caught out and they could then suspect her of cheating, so she either needs to get help with her English or she needs to manage her time better. It's for her own good. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sunny-face Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Yes, it does sound like your gf has a busy schedule! How kind of you to help her out with her homework assignments. I think boundaries are great. This allows you to keep control of a situations that could potentially spiral out of control. Communication is vital in a relationship so tell her how you are feeling in regards to her busy schedule and homework. She may not realize just how much she is relying on you nor how worn out you are feeling with the extra workload that she places on you. Sit down and have a quiet and calm heart to heart, over your favorite meal, and find some common-ground on work, school, and daily responsibilities. I hope the best for the both of you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Umm... I didn’t read this whole thread. But from what I read... Hell no would I do my bf/gf homework for them. ESPECIALLY if she is studying to be a nurse practitioner!! People’s lives are going to be in her hands. Look her work over, proofread, talk with her when she asks your opinions... but do her homework for her... NO EFFING WAY. I mean... maybe if it was something meaningless that was just busy work and didn’t matter. But being a nurse practitioner is not that. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Yes, I will and I have. I have done homework for people and they have done homework for me. The key is, that they would do it for you too. Link to post Share on other sites
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