JennFoss Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I got out of relationship over a month ago and it was an intense relationship and an intense breakup. I’ve been using this time to just focus on myself and I think I’m finally feeling better. My girl friend hooked me up with her BF’s best friend. He’s a pretty decent guy and he’s very respectful and I like him so far... we’ve been on a couple of dates. But then it hit me, could I be rebounding? Will this backfire in the end and make me miss my ex even more? Could this actually workout and last, or am I kidding myself? Please advise. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Are you having fun?? If so, don't worry about the future so much, enjoy yourself. If you like spending time with this new gentleman, then continue to date him. If it works out, great... If it doesn't you had some fun, you got to meet a new person and you enjoyed yourself (if only for a little while)... Don't worry about defining things like rebounds, etc. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 It is quick from your last relationship, and of course there are never guarantees that this will work out. Rebound is typically using a new person to get over the ex. This isn't necessarily an intentional act or thought process. Like you, they feel ready, when in reality, they are not. They project feelings and emotions onto this new person that once belonged to the ex. They want to fill a void. They want the intimacy. Things may not work out because this man just plain isn't your boyfriend. They don't do the same things or say the same things or understand those inside jokes, and maybe have quirks, a sense of humor, opinions that are not your boyfriend, and it bugs you, etc. He may not work out simply because he turns out to just not be what you want, but that's what dating is for...learn if you're compatible. I say that as long as you're not harboring intense feelings of loss and anger, and you are not still consumed with getting back together or longing for those days of past, you can freely dip your toes back into the pool. If you harbor intense feelings for your ex still, whether anger or longing, you might be best to stay single a little while longer. Overall, I think it's okay to enjoy dating for awhile and see where it goes. It may work out, it may not. If you feel ready, then try. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 So what if it does turn out to be a rebound, you are not the one taking the risk...he is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Are you having fun?? If so, don't worry about the future so much, enjoy yourself. If you like spending time with this new gentleman, then continue to date him. If it works out, great... If it doesn't you had some fun, you got to meet a new person and you enjoyed yourself (if only for a little while)... Don't worry about defining things like rebounds, etc. I am having fun, he’s definitely made me breathe again. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 It is quick from your last relationship, and of course there are never guarantees that this will work out. Rebound is typically using a new person to get over the ex. This isn't necessarily an intentional act or thought process. Like you, they feel ready, when in reality, they are not. They project feelings and emotions onto this new person that once belonged to the ex. They want to fill a void. They want the intimacy. Things may not work out because this man just plain isn't your boyfriend. They don't do the same things or say the same things or understand those inside jokes, and maybe have quirks, a sense of humor, opinions that are not your boyfriend, and it bugs you, etc. He may not work out simply because he turns out to just not be what you want, but that's what dating is for...learn if you're compatible. I say that as long as you're not harboring intense feelings of loss and anger, and you are not still consumed with getting back together or longing for those days of past, you can freely dip your toes back into the pool. If you harbor intense feelings for your ex still, whether anger or longing, you might be best to stay single a little while longer. Overall, I think it's okay to enjoy dating for awhile and see where it goes. It may work out, it may not. If you feel ready, then try. That’s such a wonderful reply. Thank you so much. It makes so much sense. I will remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 So what if it does turn out to be a rebound, you are not the one taking the risk...he is. That’s true, but I don’t want to hurt him or use him in the process... he’s also a friend of a friend so I can’t just use him like a random hookup. He knows all about my past though, so I’m going into it knowing he knows the risks. I am also worried about myself, cause if it ends up being a rebound, will it make me miss my ex even more? Like “there’s no one like him!” Kind of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Rebounding is a guideline. Not a rule. Generally, ask yourself if you are open to the idea of finding the love of your life now or if you are still pining away for your ex. It's ok to miss your ex - I still miss a couple of my exes from time to time. But you cannot want to get back with him. If you are not open to the idea of lasting love and you are still focused on your ex, yes, it is likely that you are rebounding. The next question is, do you care? And after that, the third question is, have you told him about the relationship? I agree with Smackie that it's his risk but I do believe it is appropriate to tell him what you want - and don't want. Having said that, you can be rebounding years later or not rebounding days later. The only one that can answer that is you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 That’s true, but I don’t want to hurt him or use him in the process... he’s also a friend of a friend so I can’t just use him like a random hookup. He knows all about my past though, so I’m going into it knowing he knows the risks. I am also worried about myself, cause if it ends up being a rebound, will it make me miss my ex even more? Like “there’s no one like him!” Kind of thing. It's much more likely you will hurt the guy (unless he knows it's just fun and is ok with that) All you can do is make him aware that you are still raw and probably my not really ready for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) That’s true, but I don’t want to hurt him or use him in the process... he’s also a friend of a friend so I can’t just use him like a random hookup. He knows all about my past though, so I’m going into it knowing he knows the risks. I am also worried about myself, cause if it ends up being a rebound, will it make me miss my ex even more? Like “there’s no one like him!” Kind of thing. That is all part of dating and relationships. Of course there will always be someone who gets hurt. It is what it is. Think about that for a sec. You try it out, if it doesn't work, you move onto the next...pretty simple stuff here. Edited February 24, 2018 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 It's much more likely you will hurt the guy (unless he knows it's just fun and is ok with that) All you can do is make him aware that you are still raw and probably my not really ready for a relationship. Why would I hurt him you think? I hope not but maybe if you explain it I can try to avoid it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Most likely what will happen is you will lose interest after awhile and think about your ex/break up more 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 25, 2018 Author Share Posted February 25, 2018 Most likely what will happen is you will lose interest after awhile and think about your ex/break up more Why? Can I do anything to avoid this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 (edited) It’s just unusual not to grieve or to grieve an emotionally tolling break up for such a short period There’s nothing that can be done to my knowledge. It’s a process that must be gone through But hey, you guys could be an exception!!! Edited February 25, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 (edited) Well, you're not marrying the guy I guess, the moment you feel you need to work on yourself you just end it. If you want to. I kinda thought rebounders know that they're rebounding like "there's a deep, dark emotional hole that I need a member of the opposite sex to fill, Que in hot local bartender". Edited February 25, 2018 by Daisy-oliviaWentcher Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 25, 2018 Author Share Posted February 25, 2018 Well, you're not marrying the guy I guess, the moment you feel you need to work on yourself you just end it. If you want to. I kinda thought rebounders know that they're rebounding like "there's a deep, dark emotional hole that I need a member of the opposite sex to fill, Que in hot local bartender". I don’t know, could I be fooling myself and trying to run away? He does seem to take my mind off things... but I can’t tell if I’m rebounding or if I’m really into him. I’m just going with the flow and letting the time show what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 I got out of relationship over a month ago and it was an intense relationship and an intense breakup. I’ve been using this time to just focus on myself and I think I’m finally feeling better. My girl friend hooked me up with her BF’s best friend. He’s a pretty decent guy and he’s very respectful and I like him so far... we’ve been on a couple of dates. But then it hit me, could I be rebounding? Will this backfire in the end and make me miss my ex even more? Could this actually workout and last, or am I kidding myself? Please advise. It could if your heart was into it? You sound like your in denial of your heart.If you want this to work then rethink your actions first then decide your next course of action. Be with her or not.. Then move on.. No one will be at fault, because if you don't feel one this to happen.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennFoss Posted February 25, 2018 Author Share Posted February 25, 2018 It could if your heart was into it? You sound like your in denial of your heart.If you want this to work then rethink your actions first then decide your next course of action. Be with her or not.. Then move on.. No one will be at fault, because if you don't feel one this to happen.. Denial about what exactly? Can you clarify? Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 Denial about what exactly? Can you clarify? I'm not cool-headed, but I think in denial that you are totally over your ex, have processed the breakup and are ready for another relationship, rather than just finding someone/anyone to take your mind off things... Link to post Share on other sites
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