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What are the reasons for someone to love bomb you?


Ta222

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Do you think it is always a form of manipulation?

 

I believe my ex did this to me, he moved the relationship pretty fast. He wanted to meet my family two weeks into dating/knowing each other. He wanted to be exclusive and then after a month he told me he loved me. Then over the course of the next month he started mentioning marriage and kids talk. He mentioned throwing out my birth control and how I’d be a great mom. This man bought me really nice gifts, took me to Disneyland, bought my mom flowers and a cake for her birthday. He was very charming and seemed like the most caring guy in the world. He would bring me lunch to work a time or two if I didn’t have time to go.

 

Anyways the last two weeks he got distant out of nowhere. We were on a trip together as one of the last things we did together and it felt like he didn’t even really want to be there with me. He was very hot and cold. We come back and I was feeling a little insecure and I asked him if he still wants me to move in with him and he says yes so I’m feeling better. During this distant time he also a few times made some snide comments. He broke up with me three days after that conversation saying he doesn’t want me to move cities for him because when he graduates he doesn’t want to live here and would feel horrible if I moved for him like he moved for his ex and it was horrible and he was alone. He was crying and telling me im only the second person he’s loved and am the only person he cares about. He’s consoling me and then once he’s done he says..do you want to go eat now? Wth? Isn’t that weird to say?

 

Anyways we had dinner a week later to talk that was his idea only for him to tell me the same things. He acted like he was super concerned about me and that he doesn’t want to date for awhile etc etc. He deleted every picture or post associated with me and untagged himself in everything.

 

Well a couple weeks later I see him hiking with some woman on Snapchat then two weeks after that he is in a relationship with her. He met her family already and they have pictures up. At this time he proceeds to block me on Facebook and Instagram. He kept watching my Snapchats and Twitter for awhile but I eventually blocked him. I also found out he lied about moving away, he started that job out here already.

 

He also claims his ex cheated on him and was one of the first things he told me. That ex is his ex wife that he never said wife. He only mentioned ex. I think they were married four years. I am guessing I met him 3-4 months after they were divorced but I’m not entirely sure. He never acted really hung up on her or showed trust issues or any hesitancy and after these other lies I’m questioning if this was true because his ex still has their engagement photos up and they started following each other again on Instagram a week before we broke up.

 

I just don’t understand. I feel manipulated and used? I’ve posted on loveshack before talking about my story but this whole love bombing and moving the relationship so fast just for him to get distant and pull a 180?

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Sounds like emotional immaturity to me.

 

I have a lady friend who'll tell a man she loves him on their 2nd date. It's not that she is manipulative it's just that she has no control over how she feels. If she feels excited about someone she wants to see him all the time and do everything for him. She has no concept of dating step-by-step or getting to know someone. She thinks this fuzzy feeling she's experiencing after a few dates is love THEN most of the time she loses interest after 3 months. The newness is gone and she is searching for the next man that will make her feel all excited again. These people are often addicted to the new relationship energy and cannot see beyond.

 

Some men do love bombing on purpose to better be manipulative and others love bomb because it's how they feel at the time but have no emotional maturity to recognize it still take time to get to know someone and that amazing feeling is probably gonna die.

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What are the reasons for someone to love bomb you?

 

desperation

insecurity

fear

self loathing

not enough to do with their time

mental/emotional illness

 

He wanted to meet my family two weeks into dating/knowing each other.

He wanted to be exclusive and then after a month he told me he loved me.

Then over the course of the next month he started mentioning marriage and kids talk.

He mentioned throwing out my birth control and how I’d be a great mom.

Anyways the last two weeks he got distant out of nowhere... it felt like he didn’t even really want to be there with me.

He was very hot and cold.

During this distant time he also a few times made some snide comments.

He broke up with me three days after that conversation

Anyways we had dinner a week later... He acted like he was super concerned about me and that he doesn’t want to date for awhile etc etc.

He deleted every picture or post associated with me and untagged himself in everything.

 

He sound exactly like the guy I was seeing last year who was bi-polar. When he was in his right mind, he was coming at me fast and love bombing like crazy... when his manic side landed, he was the nastiest, meanest piece of work I'd come across in 57 years.

Edited by kendahke
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PrincessPeach

Falling for someone is not a rational thing, but can hit you really, really hard and really fast. It causes people to build up this ideal image of someone else in their mind and begin imagining all the reasons he or she is so great, regardless of whether or not it's true. We are unable to see their faults or reasons we might be incompatible. It's both wonderful and terrifying.

 

Then all that initial whirlwind of fantasy wears off and we realize that we fell for someone who isn't all the things we imagined. My guess is that something like this happened to him with you and is probably happening again with this next girl. Best to forget about him and be glad about it.

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Versacehottie

It's simple: it's in his nature.

 

Love bombers (hate labels but ok) are rarely single time offenders. They do it over and over again to different people--because it's in their nature.

 

So I agree--stop trying to figure it out so you can move on. That's the most important thing. Also if someone gives you attention or makes promises etc that seems disproportionate to the amount of time that you've known each other or been together in the future, take it with a grain of salt--maybe be a little on guard if it seems manic. It could just be excitement on the spectrum or it could be something not realistic and a red flag altogether. There is no reason to get bitter and totally swing the other way with your dating life but if it happens again try to bring the person down to earth or to a reasonable pace. Good luck

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Sometimes it's manipulation but many times it's a lack of depth in thinking and emotional introspection. And in some cases it's real.

 

In other words, you can choose to believe he's a bad guy or you can choose to believe that he's a child. I do not think you can choose to believe it was real, though, because sadly he was already talking to this other woman when he became distant. The real sociopathic part is him pretending to care about you after the break up. That is all about him not feeling guilty not about helping you.

 

But Mark Twain said (roughly) that we should be careful to get out of a experience only the wisdom that is in it lest we be like the cat that sits down on the hot stove lid...

 

I have been love bombed three times in the last two or three years and it's weird. But about 13 months ago, I met a woman that almost literally from the moment I met her I knew I was going to fall in love with. I didn't tell her for three or four months but within three weeks, I loved her. That love grew nearly every day over the next several months right up until the day our relationship ended. And I still love her. So it can be real and someday you will find someone with whom it is very real and the last thing that you will have to worry about, hopefully, is how quickly it happened.

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what's a "love bomb"??

 

A really great album by The Tubes :D

 

It's when someone goes from zero to 1,000,000,000,000 mph in a day. They live in the future without taking into account the restraints of the present.

 

Sometimes they catch themselves and sometimes they don't. When they don't, they just keep on and keep on living in the future in the present. When they do, they back up at breakneck speed.

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I wouldn't call this love bombing. I don't think he was manipulating you in any way. I see love bombing as more of a way to get people into a group or something along those lines, personal gain, like a religion I know of where people are super friendly and nice and even date (flirt to convert/date and dunk (baptism)) to get people to join and convert, and once someone converts, all the friendliness basically stops. That's lovebombing. I would see this as lovebombing if he was after something from you...money, get close to a friend or colleague through you...for some personal gain.

 

I think this guy is just emotionally immature and a "fly by the seat of his pants" kind of guy when it comes to relationships and loving feelings. He had genuine feelings for you, but those feelings weren't real love...you have to date someone weeks and months. If those feelings stick beyond the honeymoon phase, then you call it love. He just leapt in with both feet, but after two or three months, the normal time frame that many new relationships split, his feelings weren't quite what they were. Those hot, fresh, sparkly feelings were gone. He quickly moved on to the next girl and he's surely doing the same for her right now, talking marriage, babies, buying gifts. He may have walked out of his marriage as well for something newer and shinier or he cheated.

 

You may feel in love right from the start, but it would be wise to hold that back or not say it out loud until you exit the honeymoon phase and you go out awhile because those feelings can so easily be mixed up with infatuation and the newness and excitement, plus everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning. It's when the warts come out that you determine if it's real.

 

There's something telling about a guy who can't even tell you he was once married. It sounds like you just found out about it after the breakup.

 

You won't be able to figure out the why's and the what's. I think that he truly felt what he was feeling, but doesn't have the common sense or control to take a step back and take it step by step.

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It's like an attempt to just take over in some ways, to gain control. Can be motivated by different things ranging from he's deluded and thinks every woman is going to be the ideal woman in his head to he wants to get control right away because of his own insecurity, to just wanting to get sex asap.

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todreaminblue
what's a "love bomb"??

 

definition of love bomb

 

 

 

a ball of loveliness that dissolves when crumbled in water that you put in your bath that has cocoa butter, shea butter dried rose petals and essential oils that calm the body mind and spirit and glitter that when you get out makes you all shimmery and leaves you feeling angelic and very special....

 

a love bomb is this bath bomb gift given to your gf because you feel you love her muchly...th ebest bath bombs are found in lush shops which are kind to the environment by using natural products and biodegradable packaging.....love bombing is giving bath bombs to your gf every day for six weeks....and or till the novelty wears off....and you dump her...deb

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Falling for someone is not a rational thing, but can hit you really, really hard and really fast. It causes people to build up this ideal image of someone else in their mind and begin imagining all the reasons he or she is so great, regardless of whether or not it's true. We are unable to see their faults or reasons we might be incompatible. It's both wonderful and terrifying.

 

Then all that initial whirlwind of fantasy wears off and we realize that we fell for someone who isn't all the things we imagined. My guess is that something like this happened to him with you and is probably happening again with this next girl. Best to forget about him and be glad about it.

 

Is anyone supposed to live up to this fantasy? It seems unsustainable, I even told him while he was ending it like we can slow down I don’t need to do all these things so fast and he was having none of it. Probably already had his mind set on a new conquest. I know I was definitely infatuated but I fell for him more as time went on until he became distant and made me feel like sh**.

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  • 2 weeks later...
PrincessPeach
Is anyone supposed to live up to this fantasy? It seems unsustainable, I even told him while he was ending it like we can slow down I don’t need to do all these things so fast and he was having none of it. Probably already had his mind set on a new conquest. I know I was definitely infatuated but I fell for him more as time went on until he became distant and made me feel like sh**.

It's rough for sure, and most often does not work out. It's less about living up to the fantasy and just luckily sort of being what the other person finds attractive anyway, whether it's what they had been imagining or not.

 

If either myself or the guy is falling for the other too much early and seems to be living in a Disney movie, I now try to slow things down for both of our sake. It might be hard to convince someone of this as it's happening to them, but if wanting to take things slowly ruins a relationship or is unthinkable to the other person, it probably wasn't going to fare much better by going quickly.

 

That being said, falling for someone as time goes on I think is the more common way of falling for someone and developing a relationship (and probably creates a stronger relationship).

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