Histrionic personality disorder - Would you want to know?

[Origin]

Hello,

 

Don't even know were to post this but since its dating related i guess it has to go here. (maybe loveshack should have a new section dealing with victims of personality disorder's and those who have different disorders themselves?)

 

My self discovery has lead me down a strange path. I always suspected something was off with me when it came to certain things. From very young age i was able to read people and figure them out in seconds, only so i can carefully approach them and manipulate them. You see each person would require me to talk to them in a different way and i could always figure it out. Different tone, different approach i was always good at it. I used this to manipulate alot of things to go my way in life. I was never aware of this until now. Researching different personality disorders due to last relationship i was in has been one hell of a roller coaster ride for me. Researching it has caused me to self diagnose myself as somebody having HPD.

 

Yes, i know I'm not a doctor but i hit every single trait HARD. I can literally unwind my life backwards and see how everything unfolded. What i did, why i did it, and what people told me.

 

Without going into a lot of details my question is this.

 

As a new partner. Would you want to know? I've been dating somebody for the past 6 months and I'm wondering if she deserves to know. If you knew...would you change the way you look at that person? Would you leave that person?

 

 

Brief symptoms of HPD:

 

Behavioral: preoccupation with physical appearance, seeks to be the center of attention, or talks dramatically

Psychological: considers relationships closer than they are, easily influenced by others, or depression

Also common: inappropriately sexual or provocative behavior or rapid shifts in emotion

 

 

What i found interesting is that people with hpd jump from relationship to relationship. And yes, looking back at it now i did that all the time. It seemed once i completed the "goal" of being with that person i lost interest and i wanted something new. Manipulation is certainly a skill I'm familiar with..

 

Please go easy on me. I'm still discovering some things and all of this is new to me but the writing on the wall is there, it has been for a very long time.

[donotmicrowave]

Doesn't sound like you're here for much advice, sounds to me like you just want to be congratulated. So, congratulations.

 

I'd still suggest seeing a professional though.

[salparadise]

Yes, you need to have a professional administer the MMPI-2 for diagnosis. Self diagnosis is not reliable. The cluster B disorders are seldom discrete; more often comorbid or a blend of two or more.

 

But to answer your question, yes, the person you're dating deserves to know if you get an actual diagnosis. It would affect the way I look at a person, but that's probably because I've experienced it before. Informing them of your diagnosis will help them understand that it's not them.

 

Would you really tell her? Aren't you afraid that it would interfere with your ability to manipulate?

[MidwestUSA]

I have nothing

 

except

 

a good read for you

 

Crazy Love, by Johnson and Murray. Look it up. Because everyone needs love.

[basil67]

I can't give advice without knowing how you feel now that you know.

 

Are you seeking therapy to try and change the way you interact with others....or do you plan to manipulate her like the others in your past?

[Origin]

Doesn't sound like you're here for much advice, sounds to me like you just want to be congratulated. So, congratulations.

 

I'd still suggest seeing a professional though.

 

Thank you so much for the congratulation....i guess the saying "unless you got something nice to say its best to say nothing" comes from posts like yours. You don't know me, so please don't project on me. I know what I am and what I'm not. I didn't come for people to congratulate me on anything. I asked a simple question but you took it in a different direction.

 

Yes, you need to have a professional administer the MMPI-2 for diagnosis. Self diagnosis is not reliable. The cluster B disorders are seldom discrete; more often comorbid or a blend of two or more.

 

But to answer your question, yes, the person you're dating deserves to know if you get an actual diagnosis. It would affect the way I look at a person, but that's probably because I've experienced it before. Informing them of your diagnosis will help them understand that it's not them.

 

Would you really tell her? Aren't you afraid that it would interfere with your ability to manipulate?

Yes, i do need a professional help for true diagnosis. As far as being discrete. I remember learning very early on that i cant push people to much or they will leave. So I had to adopt and not be the way i am all the time...NO I AM NOT EVEN REALIZING I'M DOING ANY OF THIS ON PURPOSE. That's the scary part and the one everybody else cant wrap their head around.

 

I want to tell her but I'm afraid, very much so. I mean a stranger on the internet can easily trigger me and make me go 1 to 100(no offense to donotmicrowave - just using as an example). A vindictive person with this information can hurt me really badly very easily. Hence me being on this forum asking questions. I don't wanna be look at as if I'm sick because in my eyes on not, I'm normal. I really am not aware when i am doing certain things. I AM NOW and i do care about the person I'm with and i don't want to hurt her. I feel because i have the knowledge i can use it so i don't hurt her and I'm just debating if i should tell her or not. I appreciate your reply. You're right - the first step would be professional diagnosis.

 

I can't give advice without knowing how you feel now that you know.

 

Are you seeking therapy to try and change the way you interact with others....or do you plan to manipulate her like the others in your past?

 

How i feel?? I'm sacred, very much so. The manipulating part...i never knew i was doing it before. I was aware i was doing the manipulation but it never clicked to me why I was doing it or that I'm hurting people.

 

So when you say "or do you plan to manipulate her like the others in your past" i find the question not fair because you make it sound like i know what I'm doing and I'm doing it on purpose. I'm trying to explain to you that it just happens but i have no idea of the big picture. The stuff just HAPPENS.

 

But to answer your question - NO! I don't want to do anything that would hurt her. That's why i am seeking help and i appreciate your reply.

[smackie9]

You wouldn't get past the first date with me. I have been exposed to enough mental illness I would pick it up very quickly. I'm one of those people who has np reading and seeing through people. Anyways yes everyone would want to know so they can assess whether they can handle it themselves. It's only fair, don't you think?

 

As for your discovery....this is the first step in dealing with it...acknowledgement. I hope you have the courage to seek out proper treatment/therapy. Most people need an intervention, or hit rock bottom like attempted suicide before they seek help.

 

I suggest you get a doctor's diagnosis, and a clearer understanding of what is involved before you approach your partner. Knowledge is power. Have faith in the people around you. You only have one life, go for it.

Edited February 20, 2018 by smackie9

[fireleaf]

As a new partner. Would you want to know? I've been dating somebody for the past 6 months and I'm wondering if she deserves to know. If you knew...would you change the way you look at that person? Would you leave that person?

 

 

Yes you need to tell her. Cluster B disorders are largely revolved around a pathological fear of rejection due to some sort of abuse or neglect from childhood. I was diagnosed with bpd a few years ago. Find a good therapist that specializes in this. A healthy relationship is built on trust and honesty. I understand your fear, but this kind of fear can cause extreme selfishness and deceit. If you are up front with someone from the start it will help you to find a compatible partner. And the woman you are with may be just that.

Edited February 20, 2018 by fireleaf

[donotmicrowave]

Thank you so much for the congratulation....i guess the saying "unless you got something nice to say its best to say nothing" comes from posts like yours. You don't know me, so please don't project on me. I know what I am and what I'm not. I didn't come for people to congratulate me on anything. I asked a simple question but you took it in a different direction

 

You’re welcome.

I don’t know you, but the tone of your post makes it quite obvious.

 

And me “triggering” you, I am a stranger online on a discussion board. You claim, quite boastfully, to manipulate and hurt other people. Not a fan of hypocrisy.

[Origin]

You’re welcome.

I don’t know you, but the tone of your post makes it quite obvious.

 

And me “triggering” you, I am a stranger online on a discussion board. You claim, quite boastfully, to manipulate and hurt other people. Not a fan of hypocrisy.

 

My tone makes it what? You’re just assuming things but you don’t know. You think I’m glad that I can manipulate??? No im not. If I manipulate it’s because I’m not aware I’m doing it. I am now. I wrote about it in such way so people could understand and give me better advice on how should I approach my partner. I’m not trying to boast about it so I’m sorry you took it that way. It has nothing to do with any tone. I’m trying to do the right thing and get advice. I simply wanted to know if your current partner told you they have hpd would you treat them differently.

[Origin]

Yes you need to tell her. Cluster B disorders are largely revolved around a pathological fear of rejection due to some sort of abuse or neglect from childhood. I was diagnosed with bpd a few years ago. Find a good therapist that specializes in this. A healthy relationship is built on trust and honesty. I understand your fear, but this kind of fear can cause extreme selfishness and deceit. If you are up front with someone from the start it will help you to find a compatible partner. And the woman you are with may be just that.

 

Yes. The fear of her looking at me differently and treating me differently is real. But she does deserve to know. Thank you for your response.

[basil67]

OK, with further information: I would not consider dating you UNLESS you had been in therapy for a substantial amount of time and were making good headway in learning new ways to relate to others.

 

And even if all this was in place, if you manipulated me, I'd be out.

[Lorenza]

As a new partner, I would probably break up with anyone who thinks Google is a reliable source of diagnosing a personality disorder.

 

On a serious note, I've diagnosed myself with at least 3 different disorders when I was younger (at different points of my life, not at once). After a real, reliable, professional evaluation I came out with none of them. My psychiatrist explained, that personality traits similar (or even seemingly identical) to those of a certain personality disorder doesn't always indicate that you actually have it. It's an intricate procedure to figure that out. He also said that it's rare to have a 100% HPD or NPD or BPD and mostly a combination of those things with one being predominant.

 

"I know that I know nothing", like Socrates said, is a very good approach to self-diagnosing a personality disorder

[GemmaUK]

Here's a thought.

Why not stop all dating and take some actual responsibility and get some therapy.

Learn why you are doing this and learn not to.

[fireleaf]

Yes. The fear of her looking at me differently and treating me differently is real. But she does deserve to know. Thank you for your response.

 

No problem. I know you are making yourself vulnerable talking about your HPD traits here with a bunch of strangers and I commend you for being honest about it in the first place. It's terrifying to tell someone you have a personality disorder. Cluster B behavior makes a person quite infamous(depending on the severity) and people will run from you. Which then triggers the fear of abandonment that has nothing to do with them. This is why I went into therapy. I am so much better, but still pretty unhealthy. I knew I could not function in society without learning new skills. You just have to love yourself (and others) enough to face it.

Edited February 20, 2018 by fireleaf

[todreaminblue]

everytime i read some form of mental illness i worry in my overthinkin' brain that i have that illness....i have never even heard of the one you said....but i am now wondering hmmm sounds like me...i went from one long term relationship straight into another then i remember hey...that one was for fifteen years...the one before for three years and both relationships i left because me exes were dishonest and cheated on me.... and i go phew ....i dont have that illness

 

you can google any number of mental illnesses and feel that you have them with the depression the dramatic talk... the ability to read people(since when is that a flaw if you use it the right way to help others and protect yourself... some might call it intuition or pyschic ability )

 

if you manipulate people when you read them and you know that you do ...just stop it...or read people and use it for good to help them to make them feel good when you know that they arent feeling good.......or use your ability to keep yourself safe that is not manipulation

 

years ago when mental illness was not so known or talked about a person with anxiety might have been considered highly strung....they never medicated that...those people learnt how to deal with it i guess...

 

people who talk dramatically...entered into the arts or public speaking and used their drama to incite change or entertain others.... with dramatic speech....or as i like to put it.....passion for the arts aka drama queen.....whatever you see as bad trait turn it good......your depression ....use it to understand others who live with the same issues.....and reach out to them make them feel unalone....

 

you can do all this before you see a shrink...try it and see if it works if you are self aware....you are aware of what needs to change inside you

 

as far as telling anyone you date your self diagnosis i would wait until you get diagnosed and try some therapy or get a job where they need people readers like the police force.....or social work or social justice with young offenders....put your skills that you consider ...mental illness...to work...that's what artists do....musicians.....literary writers do....they put so called mental illness to work....and create,......its only a suggestion....instead of concentrating on what you think you have as in regards to mental illness ...instead concentrate on what you can do to make a difference that is right and good....

 

you dont have to tell a date what you believe you have as a mental illness.....i truly believe that once you are diagnosed for real then yes...even then ...as a person with some form of mental disorder most likely disorder dissociative with ptsd and i have been diagnosed with clinical depression........

 

i have also been misdiagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and treated like a guinea pig basically with medications that dont work for me i have been in the mental health system for years done multitudes of treatments been electrocuted and made to feel sick as a dog court ordered to take medication that made me a walking zombie ..medication that made me gain a crap load of weight that spiraled me into wanting to actually die....pretty dramatic huh...wanting to die..its not dramatic speech its pure truth....and its clinical depression...........unable to do the art that i love or listen to music or to write poetry....or to walk down the street and i am ex military ...i used to be so fit..........and i do believe i was misdiagnosed...they told me i had delusions of grandeur because i believe god answers my heart when i pray and that i hear voices and i have seen ghosts....and that my grandfather came to me after he had died to let me know he had to go...i tried to get the doctors to call my mum and verify that it was all true i wasnt delusional....they never rang her....and my mum never followed it up for me ...with their arrogance i doubt they would have believed her anyway.....

 

do i think i am special...damn oath i think im special ...as special as any other human being....we all are we were all given gifts to do good....some people just dont want to do good and decide to be selfish....which i am also guilty of because as every other human we all are flawed and think of ourselves when we should be thinking of others....it is the best medication out...to think of others.....and serve them....that why in goal there are programs that put serious convicted felons with dogs to look after in the us of a...helping others or animals is rehab work ...and it works a treat.....

 

....there are holistic ways to treat your self....and put whatever your your mental illness is to use...mentally ill or not you have the brain capacity to do good.....so do it....and do good by the people that you date ...be honest be open .....but honestly...you dont really know what mental illness you have

 

 

you do know the difference from right and wrong though....

 

so treat people right.....and be honest if you are depressed....dont manipulate for personal gain other than physical and emotional safety and seek out to help others with the actual gifts you have been given..and i suggest....get a rescue dog from an animal shelter....and love that animal look after it.....and then move onto peoples....but dont forget the dog who loves you...i wish you well and i wish you peace...with who you are....deb.....

Edited February 21, 2018 by todreaminblue

[MsJayne]

It takes a lot of guts to acknowledge you have any sort of mental disorder and it's the first step towards positive change. Yes, you should tell potential partners that you have a problem, but only if you really have one. I wouldn't go self-diagnosing or announcing to friends and family that you have a personality disorder without a qualified professional opinion. If you do have a full blown personality disorder then your girlfriend probably has noticed that something's not right, unless she's blind and deaf. I have a parent with NPD and 20 years ago had a partner with the same disorder, and it's very rare that these people will ever admit to being mentally disturbed, simply because the illness itself does not allow introspection or criticism of the self, and this can also apply to other types of PD's because they need an imbalanced Id/super-ego/ego to thrive. That's why you need a professional opinion, because if you think you're crazy there's a good chance you're not.