CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Hey everyone how’s it going? Over the past couple of years I have really grown in my dating life. I went from barely having the courage to get numbers from girls to being able to get numbers fairly easy. I’m also great at setting first dates and engaging a women’s interest up until that point. But my main issue, that I am finding a repeated struggle with, is the girls that I am interested in taking out on a second date tend to push me away. Here is my current situation and I am looking for any type of constructive criticism that any of you can give. So I met this girl almost two years ago. We had night classes at a community college together. At the time, she had a boyfriend and I made no moves on her. I moved to a different college and we are about an hour away from each other. I saw her online and messaged her on Instagram and eventually got her number and took her out yesterday. We hardly ever text, for I have found that usually leads to attraction being killed. But we send each other about one a day. (We even talked about it on the date and she liked it that way as well). So, because she lives lives an hour away, we met at a place halfway between us and had dinner. She loved the place(waited until the day of to tel her where we were going) and I surprised her by saying after dinner we are going to another place to which she thought aaa “cute” and fun. We then went to a brewery and got sample flights of drinks and hung out. We played a game where we closed eyes and had to guess which drink, etc. She was doing a lot of the talking and kept like flicking her hair (which i have read is submissive behavior. Idk what you guys think about that) and i made her laugh a few times. At the end of the date, we kissed and she told me to text her when I got home. When I got home, she ended up texting me. Saying “I'm home now! Thanks for dinner and the beer, had a great time tonight ” (usually I text back right away in the past, but I waited until the morning, again because I’m trying to critic my game because of failures in the past). I texted her back around 11am, “That was the goal, go out, meet each other and have a fun night and I'd say we accomplished that lol” and then “When are you free again? We just got a glimpse of each other and i would love to see you again“ And I still haven’t heard from her. I know she works until 9:30, but earlier she was online liking posts so i know she got the texts. So basically I am low key nervous as f*** because I am clearly into her and I feel like she is into me. I don’t know if by texting her back in the morning instead of at night was a bad move. I’m basically thinking worst case scenario for everything. So what do you guys think? I don’t want to text her again and look clingy. She’s a beautiful girl and I am willing to bet she gets all sorts of attention usually like this from guys. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Don't assume that just because she's beautiful that she gets all the things she wants from others. You would be surprised how that doesn't work for people. But I digress ... Wait a bit and see if she responds. That's all I can say. You have clearly stated your interest in her but she has not reciprocated yet to say yes or no. I think you have done your part, so wait it out. If she has not responded in 48 hours, the trail goes cold and that's that. And if that's that, well, you know this is in the Not pile and life goes on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 Don't assume that just because she's beautiful that she gets all the things she wants from others. You would be surprised how that doesn't work for people. But I digress ... Wait a bit and see if she responds. That's all I can say. You have clearly stated your interest in her but she has not reciprocated yet to say yes or no. I think you have done your part, so wait it out. If she has not responded in 48 hours, the trail goes cold and that's that. And if that's that, well, you know this is in the Not pile and life goes on. I can’t tell if that’s you or someone else in that picture. But do you think i did wrong by waiting until the morning to respond ? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I can’t tell if that’s you or someone else in that picture. But do you think i did wrong by waiting until the morning to respond ? I don't think it was wrong per se but it was a bit of game playing especially if you have your phone with you all the time and are typically very responsive. So she might just be doing it back. Don't worry. Sounds like she had fun. She also and in conjunction could be waiting until she finishes work so she can figure out what to say better than she can if she is in the middle of a workday. She also might be hopeful that if she texts you when she is off that there is more of a likelihood that you can have more of a text convo or even talk on the phone. It's true she might be dating other guys and have other options. You just need to keep your confidence up and proceed like you are the best option she would have and see if she is that for you as well. You can't worry about it and have it affect you running your best game. Ok, go do that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 I don't think it was wrong per se but it was a bit of game playing especially if you have your phone with you all the time and are typically very responsive. So she might just be doing it back. Don't worry. Sounds like she had fun. She also and in conjunction could be waiting until she finishes work so she can figure out what to say better than she can if she is in the middle of a workday. She also might be hopeful that if she texts you when she is off that there is more of a likelihood that you can have more of a text convo or even talk on the phone. It's true she might be dating other guys and have other options. You just need to keep your confidence up and proceed like you are the best option she would have and see if she is that for you as well. You can't worry about it and have it affect you running your best game. Ok, go do that! Thanks for your input 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I don't think it was wrong per se but it was a bit of game playing especially if you have your phone with you all the time and are typically very responsive. So she might just be doing it back. Don't worry. Sounds like she had fun. Exactly! If you had a genuine reason due to which you could not respond back, that is okay, but not responding back without any reason, is stupid and immature. And responding at 11 means you intentionally decided to not respond. She knows that and who knows how she interpreted it. At least you should have added - "hey sorry for late response". At this point, you can only wait. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 The girl went to the trouble of letting you know she got home safely, and you couldn't do the same. Are you familiar with the saying 'strike while the iron's hot'? You'll never know what that conversation might have been if you'd return texted while she was enthusiastic and throwing out smiley faces. You might have landed date two. Then again, maybe she was relieved to not hear from you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I get what you were trying to do, but I think it would've been better to text her back that same night to let her know you also had a great time. After that you could've waited a day or two to arrange a second date. Your last text was a question, so now you just have to wait and see if she gets back to you Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I'm with Midwest. Boundaries are one thing so not texting all day is important (as it can become a boring obligation) but there is also room for spontaneous interest instead of solely measured interest being shown. I would have replied to the text that night. You will just need to wait and see now though as your question is out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Furthermore, she 'told you to text her when you got home'. Because she went ahead and texted first, you gave her crickets? WTF? I'm going to go so far as to say you won't hear from her. There's nothing wrong with matching texting enthusiasm in the moment. Lesson learned. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 She told you to text her when you got back, I assume you agreed? Playing games just pisses some people off, especially when it’s so obvious that’s what you where doing. And yes, it was obvious, especially since your first response was to ask her out again. The theory behind waiting games is to introduce uncertainty (we want what we can’t have, blabla); but we also want to feel good. Anxiety and uncertainty are not positive feelings. A fun date? Perfect! A light thanks for the date text? Yeah, reassuring. If the girl liked you, she will already be slightly anxious about whether or not you will ask her on a second date. I’m not telling you to drop everything you do to answer a text or to be super eager. That’s not the point. She might still respond. But since you came back pretty strong, she is most likely using the time to process whether or not she want a second date with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 She did say she was out of a year and a half relationship for like two months. Also, she did mention her ex a couple times and even apologized for it. This could be the main issue. But for future cases, I guess I should text a women back that night after she reaches out then ask her out on a date a few days after. I don’t know, I just can’t fathom the sole reason why I did not get a response was because of those two texts. And the fact I waited until the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 She did say she was out of a year and a half relationship for like two months. Also, she did mention her ex a couple times and even apologized for it. This could be the main issue. But for future cases, I guess I should text a women back that night after she reaches out then ask her out on a date a few days after. I don’t know, I just can’t fathom the sole reason why I did not get a response was because of those two texts. And the fact I waited until the morning. Look, ditch Corey Wayne, he's not helping you. It's courteous to let someone know you made it home okay, especially so when you've discussed it before hand. Didn't you say she's an hour away, and you met in the middle? It's game playing. And if she wants to play too, by ignoring you for as long as you did her, or longer, well I guess that's what you've got coming. Yea, maybe she's comparing you to her ex, thinking 'at least ex would have texted when he got home', LOL! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 Look, ditch Corey Wayne, he's not helping you. It's courteous to let someone know you made it home okay, especially so when you've discussed it before hand. Didn't you say she's an hour away, and you met in the middle? It's game playing. And if she wants to play too, by ignoring you for as long as you did her, or longer, well I guess that's what you've got coming. Yea, maybe she's comparing you to her ex, thinking 'at least ex would have texted when he got home', LOL! Wait, is there something Corey Wayne about my last response? I have been reading his stuff but my last response was nothing he says Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Wait, is there something Corey Wayne about my last response? I have been reading his stuff but my last response was nothing he says No, not your last response. Just the whole 'don't appear too keen' thing as it applies to texting. The game playing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 No, not your last response. Just the whole 'don't appear too keen' thing as it applies to texting. The game playing. So when you text someone after a date, you expect them to text back right away, especially in a situation like mine? And asking the person right away when they are free like that was too soon? Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 About the text, you have both established communication that works for you and you're happy with, then it seems you did an about face. You both agreed to text when you got home, and you didn't, suggesting non-interest. It sounds like you did a change as a "test" and game playing, which she may see as obvious and not attractive, or she determined you're too aloof and not serious. She wrote you right away, and you did something different - waited until 11 o'clock the next day. You got the text. You just got home and you were awake, and you didn't like her enough or enjoy the date enough to write when you got home and say so and that you got home okay. Who knows if she's tossing the waiting game back at you at this point. It's reasonable that she's waiting until after work when she's free for a call or a more in depth texting conversation. Granted, it would be nice to hit you up during her break or something...see how it feels? She seems interested. She had a great time, that you can tell. She'll more than likely take that second date, but don't play games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 About the text, you have both established communication that works for you and you're happy with, then it seems you did an about face. You both agreed to text when you got home, and you didn't, suggesting non-interest. It sounds like you did a change as a "test" and game playing, which she may see as obvious and not attractive, or she determined you're too aloof and not serious. She wrote you right away, and you did something different - waited until 11 o'clock the next day. You got the text. You just got home and you were awake, and you didn't like her enough or enjoy the date enough to write when you got home and say so and that you got home okay. Who knows if she's tossing the waiting game back at you at this point. It's reasonable that she's waiting until after work when she's free for a call or a more in depth texting conversation. Granted, it would be nice to hit you up during her break or something...see how it feels? She seems interested. She had a great time, that you can tell. She'll more than likely take that second date, but don't play games. Yeah it’s been almost 24hrs and i still haven’t heard from her. So yea, might have messed this one up Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Your name is CasualDude so this shouldn’t bother you, right? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Yeah it’s been almost 24hrs and i still haven’t heard from her. So yea, might have messed this one up Here's what I find a bit interesting- She texted you at the end of the night, you waited, on purpose, 12 hours or so, and now you are stressing her slow response? I think not texting her back that night was a mistake or in the least didn't help your cause any. Put yourself in her place and let's say you texted her that you had a nice time and she waited until 1/2 way through the next day to respond. You'd be on here stressing what it meant that she didn't care enough to take 5 seconds to respond to your text right after a date. I mean if you take a slow response from her as a bad sign, how do you expect she took your initial slow response? What's more likely for her to think "this guy took several hours to respond, he's not desperate that's a good thing" or "I just texted right after a date when I know he is available and told him I had a nice time and the guy couldn't even take 5 seconds to respond. He's not interested"...? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Ugh, I hate "game" and Corey Wayne. Basically, all you really need to know is this: develop good boundaries and get a life so you're not desperate/overly available and you will naturally be more attractive. Always be real, genuine and responsive. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Look, ditch Corey Wayne, he's not helping you. It's courteous to let someone know you made it home okay, especially so when you've discussed it before hand. Didn't you say she's an hour away, and you met in the middle? It's game playing. And if she wants to play too, by ignoring you for as long as you did her, or longer, well I guess that's what you've got coming. Yea, maybe she's comparing you to her ex, thinking 'at least ex would have texted when he got home', LOL! This bolded, to me, is the most vital part. Also there was momentum. If she is gun-shy due to just getting out of a serious relationship 2 months ago, she could get skittish too or worry that you are. People like reciprocal.. And agree with "strike when the iron is hot". If somehow someone seems like they are wavering or playing games, then your mind gets defensive and you start playing games back. I don't think she will disappear on you. However, I think the best relationships seem to capitalize on good momentum without ego-b.s. creeping in. and yes corey wayne is doing no guy any favors. good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 This bolded, to me, is the most vital part. Also there was momentum. If she is gun-shy due to just getting out of a serious relationship 2 months ago, she could get skittish too or worry that you are. People like reciprocal.. And agree with "strike when the iron is hot". If somehow someone seems like they are wavering or playing games, then your mind gets defensive and you start playing games back. I don't think she will disappear on you. However, I think the best relationships seem to capitalize on good momentum without ego-b.s. creeping in. and yes corey wayne is doing no guy any favors. good luck If she doesn’t end up getting back to me, do you think i should i reach out one more time? Or just chalk it up as a learning experience and move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author CasualDude10 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 Well, she just texted me this “Hey I'm sorry I didn't text sooner I was trying to figure out my schedule. But yes I agree! I work Friday and Saturday. And I get my schedule for next week, tomorrow. What days are you free?” Looks like I didn’t completely f this up ?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Well, she just texted me this “Hey I'm sorry I didn't text sooner I was trying to figure out my schedule. But yes I agree! I work Friday and Saturday. And I get my schedule for next week, tomorrow. What days are you free?” Looks like I didn’t completely f this up ?? She played the game back at you. Figuring out schedule... yeah right!! Lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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