I think I may be a bit jealous...

[heavenonearth]

Hey guys and gals,

 

so I am not usually jealous in my relationship, and I must say that my boyfriend does not ever give me a reason to be jealous at all.

 

But... there is this best friend of my boyfriend. The best friend lives with his girlfriend. The best friend is currently going through a deep depression. This is why my boyfriend and his best friend haven't spent much time together in the past year - and I have thus not met best friend + girlfriend yet.

 

Girlfriend of best friend is, of course, also good friends with my boyfriend. In the past two months there were a few times where she wanted to meet up with my boyfriend to 'talk about best friend's situation', and urgh, I don't know why, but it freaks me out. My boyfriend doesn't ever hang out with girls one on one, most of his friends are guy friends anyway.

 

I don't know this girl, because I never met her. I feel that maybe I would not feel jealous if I would know her. But I know what she looks like and she's really pretty and I can't help but feel jealous that they are meeting up tonight to 'discuss best friend'.

 

Am I overreacting?

I really don't know why I feel this way, I usually don't get jealous in this relationship.

[Gaeta]

 

I don't know this girl, because I never met her. I feel that maybe I would not feel jealous if I would know her. But I know what she looks like and she's really pretty and I can't help but feel jealous that they are meeting up tonight to 'discuss best friend'.

 

The important is not to know her but to know your boyfriend, and I think you do and he comes across as a man with integrity. This girl is at the end of her rope and in need of advice from someone that knows her boyfriend well. They're meeting in a restaurant?

[heavenonearth]

The important is not to know her but to know your boyfriend, and I think you do and he comes across as a man with integrity. This girl is at the end of her rope and in need of advice from someone that knows her boyfriend well. They're meeting in a restaurant?

 

No, they actually went ice skating :/ URHGGGGG

[Highndry]

No, they actually went ice skating :/ URHGGGGG

 

I think your concern is valid. That's not meeting up to discuss something, that's going out to do something fun together. That's more like a date, and I think it's very inappropriate.

[heavenonearth]

I think your concern is valid. That's not meeting up to discuss something, that's going out to do something fun together. That's more like a date, and I think it's very inappropriate.

 

Yeah that is what i was thinking.

It made me quite jealous.

[olivetree]

I find it weird they are meeting up to discuss his best friend at all.

 

Could you imagine if your best friend met up with your bf to talk about your mental health (even if they were friends)?

 

And yeah, the skating just kinda makes the whole thing seem like an excuse to hang out.

[heavenonearth]

I find it weird they are meeting up to discuss his best friend at all.

 

Could you imagine if your best friend met up with your bf to talk about your mental health (even if they were friends)?

 

And yeah, the skating just kinda makes the whole thing seem like an excuse to hang out.

 

Well he is also friends with her, not just the best friend. The best friend and her have been together for a decade and he has known her since then as well. So even though the guy is his best friend, best friend’s girlfriend is also his friend.

[olivetree]

Well he is also friends with her, not just the best friend. The best friend and her have been together for a decade and he has known her since then as well. So even though the guy is his best friend, best friend’s girlfriend is also his friend.

 

Yeah I know that's why I said "even if they were friends."

 

I'm saying that I would not want my best friend and my bf to get together and talk about my mental health... I could give two ****s if they are friends.

 

Who wants to be talked about like that?

 

The whole scenario is odd.

[heavenonearth]

Yeah I know that's why I said "even if they were friends."

 

I'm saying that I would not want my best friend and my bf to get together and talk about my mental health... I could give two ****s if they are friends.

 

Who wants to be talked about like that?

 

The whole scenario is odd.

 

 

At first they were supposed to meet all three of them but best friend felt ****ty (because he’s in a tough place as usual) and my boyfriend suggest to meet best friends girlfriend at a bar nearby (their houses are close to one another’s) and then she suggested the skating thing.

 

i don’t know. I didn’t want to be jealous but i did tell him i thought it sounded romantic. He said “it would be romantic if i went with you. But i went with a friend - that’s not romantic. That’s spending time with a friend” ....

 

He said even though best friend is his friend in the first place, he still wants to be there for best friends girlfriend, as the situation is also difficult for her. He also said both were there for him when he went through tough time, so yeah.

[Gaeta]

No, they actually went ice skating :/ URHGGGGG

 

Woah!! I did not expect that one. Ice skating?? I would definitely frawn upon that.

 

Personally I have nothing against meeting a friend to discuss about a personal matter that bothers them, that's what friends are for. I would expect them to meet in a restaurant or coffee place though.

[olivetree]

At first they were supposed to meet all three of them but best friend felt ****ty (because he’s in a tough place as usual) and my boyfriend suggest to meet best friends girlfriend at a bar nearby (their houses are close to one another’s) and then she suggested the skating thing.

 

i don’t know. I didn’t want to be jealous but i did tell him i thought it sounded romantic. He said “it would be romantic if i went with you. But i went with a friend - that’s not romantic. That’s spending time with a friend” ....

 

He said even though best friend is his friend in the first place, he still wants to be there for best friends girlfriend, as the situation is also difficult for her. He also said both were there for him when he went through tough time, so yeah.

 

Ok so he's offering her emotional support and they went ice skating.

I guess if his buddy is okay with that then it is what it is.

 

Your bf probably thinks that it's perfectly okay because not only is she taken, she's taken by his best friend.

 

I can see why you'd be jealous.

I think it's perfectly okay for you to admit that it makes you a little uncomfortable/jealous.

[heavenonearth]

Woah!! I did not expect that one. Ice skating?? I would definitely frawn upon that.

 

Personally I have nothing against meeting a friend to discuss about a personal matter that bothers them, that's what friends are for. I would expect them to meet in a restaurant or coffee place though.

 

Yes and i must say it bothers me because it sounds like a romantic thing to do.

He did deny that of course (see what i wrote above).

 

I was already kinda jealous last time he met with her alone (they went to a movie about two months back).

 

I also told him then that it sounds like a “date”. And he denied it saying he was just meeting a friend. (It was the same situation then - she had two cinema tickets, her boyfriend was too depressed to go, so she asked my boyfriend to go with her instead).

[heavenonearth]

Ok so he's offering her emotional support and they went ice skating.

I guess if his buddy is okay with that then it is what it is.

 

Your bf probably thinks that it's perfectly okay because not only is she taken, she's taken by his best friend.

 

I can see why you'd be jealous.

I think it's perfectly okay for you to admit that it makes you a little uncomfortable/jealous.

 

Yes and i did admit it to him and he said “i figured you’d be” (as i also voiced my concern back when he went to the movies with her).

He said that he’d not be jealous if i went to the movies or ice skating with a male friend, because he trusts me.

 

I told him that it’s not so much about not trusting but about the fact that he’s spending time with another woman doing something kinda romantic. And that i of course envy her for being able to do this with him when i am at home cooking myself dinner :/

 

Now he said he wants to take me there for my birthday (to the ice skating ring). Urghhh.

[Gaeta]

Well...Here is what a confident intellgent and territorial woman would do ;-) Tell your boyfriend to pick a date to invite them both for dinner, you and bf will host a dinner to officially introduce you. If best friend is too depressed then invite her alone.

[heavenonearth]

Well...Here is what a confident intellgent and territorial woman would do ;-) Tell your boyfriend to pick a date to invite them both for dinner, you and bf will host a dinner to officially introduce you. If best friend is too depressed then invite her alone.

 

Yes. He wanted me to meet them for a good while now.

Thing is i am seldom in his city (usually he comes to me on weekends)

I do think it’s long overdue though.

He kinda blames it on me because i prefer when we meet in my city.

 

I will definitely push for a double date Asap.

I guess i have to jump over my shadow and go see him for a weekend.

(I have to admit the reason why i dislike it is because it’s so cold in his house at night haha).

[Gaeta]

I guess i have to jump over my shadow and go see him for a weekend.

(I have to admit the reason why i dislike it is because it’s so cold in his house at night haha).

 

Put that double date on your agenda, tell him to turn up the thermostat before your arrival! lol

[heavenonearth]

Put that double date on your agenda, tell him to turn up the thermostat before your arrival! lol

 

It’s so weird because i never met these people but i know so much about them from stories and i even went to their house once to feed their cat when they were not home (together with my boyfriend of course).

It really is about time to meet them.

[Flame Aura]

When my girlfriend went to meet a guy friend who shes known a lot longer than me, as he is going through a bad time, I had no problem with it as I completely trust her.

 

I didn't even know where exactly they went until after when she said they went to a restaurant for a meal.

 

I think you need to trust your boyfriend more. Unless he has given you any reason not to.

[heavenonearth]

When my girlfriend went to meet a guy friend who shes known a lot longer than me, as he is going through a bad time, I had no problem with it as I completely trust her.

 

I didn't even know where exactly they went until after when she said they went to a restaurant for a meal.

 

I think you need to trust your boyfriend more. Unless he has given you any reason not to.

 

Yes i do trust him - i don’t think he’d cheat on me with this girl or with anyone else for that matter.

I just get envious of others when they get to spend time with him and i cannot.

Especially when it is such a romantic activity.

It makes me sort of sad i can’t do that with him right now.

[lana-banana]

This raises alarm bells for me too. I see nothing wrong with meeting someone for coffee or even dinner, but ice skating? Nobody has any kind of serious conversation while ice skating. I wouldn't be jealous, I'd be insulted at being played for a fool.

I can't say with any certainty what's going in here, but it's more than a little suspicious. You need to communicate that you aren't comfortable with this and ensure it doesn't happen again.

 

I'm also somewhat concerned that your boyfriend's response wasn't to suggest something else or invite you automatically. By the one-year mark my husband and I were a package deal, and even if the other person couldn't make it, they were always invited. And besides, he should have your back on this. He should be putting his girlfriend's concerns first but instead he's going on movie and ice skating dates. It's not right.

[Yosemite]

They went to the movies and ice skating? They’re dating.

 

You went to their house to feed their cat while they were out with your boyfriend? What? You’re good enough to feed their cat but not good enough to go out with them or even meet them?

 

They can’t talk during a movie and you can’t really have a serious conversation during ice skating. Trust is one thing, playing the fool is another. Not trying to hurt your feelings, but this is way out of bounds.

[heavenonearth]

This raises alarm bells for me too. I see nothing wrong with meeting someone for coffee or even dinner, but ice skating? Nobody has any kind of serious conversation while ice skating. I wouldn't be jealous, I'd be insulted at being played for a fool.

I can't say with any certainty what's going in here, but it's more than a little suspicious. You need to communicate that you aren't comfortable with this and ensure it doesn't happen again.

 

I'm also somewhat concerned that your boyfriend's response wasn't to suggest something else or invite you automatically. By the one-year mark my husband and I were a package deal, and even if the other person couldn't make it, they were always invited. And besides, he should have your back on this. He should be putting his girlfriend's concerns first but instead he's going on movie and ice skating dates. It's not right.

 

Well he couldn’t invite me because we don’t live in the same city.

[heavenonearth]

They went to the movies and ice skating? They’re dating.

 

You went to their house to feed their cat while they were out with your boyfriend? What? You’re good enough to feed their cat but not good enough to go out with them or even meet them?

 

They can’t talk during a movie and you can’t really have a serious conversation during ice skating. Trust is one thing, playing the fool is another. Not trying to hurt your feelings, but this is way out of bounds.

 

That’s what i was thinking - it’s a dating activity.

 

No i did not feed their cat while they were out with my boyfriend.

They were on vacation and my boyfriend was supposed to feed their cat during the weekend. I was at my boyfriends place that weekend and then i went with him to feed the cat.

 

And again, it’s not about being “not good enough” to meet them, the only reason i haven’t met them yet is because i barely ever visit my boyfriend and when i do, they haven’t had time this far.

[heavenonearth]

So i just texted my boyfriend that i did some thinking and that i thought it made me uncomfortable that he did these dating activities with her.

 

He just wrote “you’re wrong. at the dentist now. Have a nice day. ” and turned off his phone after

 

I think he’s mad now.

[FilterCoffee]

Yeah, he’s mad. But who goes ice skating when they want to talk? Your bf might not feel the same way but I think she’s into him. I don’t think there’s much you can do other than wait and see what happens. You could fight over this but that would be pointless and could get really bad because you live in different countries. By being insecure, you’re probably reminding him of his ex and you don’t want him thinking of you that way. Just trust him and leave him be. If something funny happens, you’ll be able to sense it so until then just forget about it.