deesw8 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I met a guy who is a doctor, and we met when I was his patient. We talked quite a bit in the office, and I do feel a genuine connection. I originally put him in the friend zone, like I treated him like I would treat a girlfriend. He has a quite feminine side, and soft spoken, gentle, I guess that's why my mind auto-piloted to put him in that category. Actually, he has qualities I look for in a good friend so I was planning to after my sessions are over to befriend him. However, the very last time I saw him, he seemed to no longer able to take me putting him in the friend zone, he suddenly changed his communication style, and showed clear interest. This was a surprise to me. It took me a few days after to realize it. Now, I feel a bit confused. I guess in a way this is just one guy, and I can always try to date him. He is a nice guy, I actually have him on my mind quite a bit lately. But I guess how do you really decide if someone like that is right for you for dating though? The thing is, I don't want it to happen that if we won't work in dating, I also lose a potential good friend? Like, it's such a weird feeling that on one hand I feel like I cannot picture sleeping with this person, on the other hand I kind of wonder about it too. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 As long as he wants more, you can't be true friends anyway. If you're curious, give it a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 If the thought of kissing him repulses you, leave him in the doctor-zone and move on to other prospects. If ambivalent, and he's sufficiently interested to ask you on a date, see how you feel at that time. FWIW, now pushing six decades on the planet, I've only met one male doctor who was single (unmarried) and he was gay and a gastroenterologist in Wellington, NZ. Great guy and catch for some guy who was also gay. Never met a hetero doctor who wasn't married. You've got a rare bird there, IME, if he's verifiably single. Doesn't matter if you're not attracted though. Link to post Share on other sites
Contrariwise Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Is it possible that you are misreading him? I ask because I am a doctor and it is generally considered taboo, unprofessional and borderline unethical to pursue a romantic relationship with a patient. Most of us would extend that to former patients as well. We even try to establish clear boundaries with patients who are just regular friends. The risk is too high for a conflict of interest. I am also guessing that his specialty is behavioral medicine since you referred to "sessions". I would be careful not to confuse his caring and interest in your life with romantic interest. He could just be doing his job. If he is showing genuine romantic interest, I think you are better off looking somewhere else for his sake. Good luck! 10 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I also question his ethics. Did he reach out to you as a friend or with romance before the sessions had finished? You mention worrying about losing a good friend. Please remind yourself that he's made it clear that he doesn't want to be your friend. It's all or nothing if you pursue a relationship with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 What was the 'clear interest'? What did he do exactly? Was he working at the time or were you two out and about as friends? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Read up on the concept of transference. It's when patients develop crushes on their doctors. It's almost never reciprocated by the medical professional. Unless the doctor tells you that you have to stop being his patient so he can date you, it's all in your head & not real. The doctor would not risk his medical license for you. It's illegal in most states for a doctor to date a patient. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Is it possible that you are misreading him? I ask because I am a doctor and it is generally considered taboo, unprofessional and borderline unethical to pursue a romantic relationship with a patient. Most of us would extend that to former patients as well. ! LOL. Outside of psychiatry, that has not been what I've witnessed. Actively treating? OK - refer her to a colleague. Former patient? Fair game. The only deeper dating pool I've seen among doctors is the nursing staff. Of course, most docs that are dating are divorced as TBH, they usually arrive to residency married. As for the OP, I don't think it matters too much how you met him (as long as he's not your shrink). The question is one of attraction. Some of the best relationships start out as being something you would never have contemplated. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I also question his ethics. Me, too. At least he should drop you as a patient if he's going to cross this line, but this is inappropriate on his part. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Me, too. At least he should drop you as a patient if he's going to cross this line, but this is inappropriate on his part. But the doctor is not being inappropriate. The OP perceived a change in his demeanor at his last session / treatment of her. But she also didn't realize it until days later. It was her plan to befriend him after she stopped treating with him. He's done nothing except me her doctor. From where I sit he has no interest in being anything other than her doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbyb82 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I met a guy who is a doctor, and we met when I was his patient. We talked quite a bit in the office, and I do feel a genuine connection. I originally put him in the friend zone, like I treated him like I would treat a girlfriend. He has a quite feminine side, and soft spoken, gentle, I guess that's why my mind auto-piloted to put him in that category. Actually, he has qualities I look for in a good friend so I was planning to after my sessions are over to befriend him. However, the very last time I saw him, he seemed to no longer able to take me putting him in the friend zone, he suddenly changed his communication style, and showed clear interest. This was a surprise to me. It took me a few days after to realize it. Now, I feel a bit confused. I guess in a way this is just one guy, and I can always try to date him. He is a nice guy, I actually have him on my mind quite a bit lately. But I guess how do you really decide if someone like that is right for you for dating though? The thing is, I don't want it to happen that if we won't work in dating, I also lose a potential good friend? Like, it's such a weird feeling that on one hand I feel like I cannot picture sleeping with this person, on the other hand I kind of wonder about it too. What did he change/say to show clearer intent? It had a big effect on you, it’d be worth hearing about. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts