Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I have a guy at work (we are both teachers.) He stops by my classroom in the morning to chat nearly every day. He asked if I needed a ride to another state over Thanksgiving, and was going to give me a ride, but my plans fell through and I didn't end up needing a ride. He keeps stopping by to chat, and other teachers have noticed and asked if we are going out. I would LOVE to date him, but he hasn't asked for my number. I have given him hints that I like him, such as compliment his new shirt how impressive of a teacher he is, etc. But still has not asked me out it's getting to be painful to talk to him. Once I was out of the building for a conference for 3 days, and he asked where I was, and was all into seeing me that week (as far as stopping by and flirting/chatting). He is definitely single - divorced for 5 years with grown kids. He teases me sometimes about the parking lot space, me taking his space, or stupid things like that. He smiles at me and seems totally into me when we talk, but he never suggests we go out. One time he was walking down the hall with me and said he likes how I'm always positive and happy. He seems to have taken an interest in me, but hasn't made a "move." I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty sure he knows I like him. He knows that I am single, and like I said, when I am gone or not in my room that day, he stops by the next day. On Valentine's day last week he stopped by my room twice and was in a really good mood. Do you think that could be a sign? Does he like me or just enjoying my attention? Because the first thing he does is go to my room almost every morning to visit. He is 54 and I am 49 for reference. I am long divorced, no children. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 He might like you just as a friend. Or may not believe in dating coworkers. Or he's very beta and can't bring himself to make the move 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Some older men are like that. Extremely sluggish. I'm in my 50's, I know a guy I work with who is like that. We actually went out once and he introduced me to his friends but he hasn't changed. Still just kind of floating around dragging his feet. Kind of like the singles version of the married guy who won't get off the couch and do something. . If dating is like pulling teeth then forget it. I lost interest. So the guy is still lurking around me all the time but I just think of him as a friend now. Sometimes you have to just accept he has his reasons. These men are adults, they know what they're doing. It's not up to us to mother them. If you really like this guy, you can ask him out. Ask him if he wants to "get together" or go have coffee. If he says no, you have your answer. If he says yes, it still remains to see if he gets moving or sits back on the couch again passively. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Thank you so much. I think I may wait until the end of the school year to ask me out or see what he does, since he won't be returning. That is ineresting about men in their 50's. I know he finds me attractive because when he first started talking to me, which was on the last day of the school year last year, he said "I can't believe a woman like you isn't married" when he first started chatting with me. I was thinking of casually mentioning that I had a date in "such and such" and ask isn't that near where you live. Maybe that would motivate him to make a move? Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Well, why not just ask him out? It's 2018. Or would it be too awkward if he said no? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Also I agree, I don't want to date a man who doesn't make any moves to progress the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Yes, if he rejects me going out, I don't think I could handle the awkwardness and humiliation. Also since he has been so passive about asking me out, like Maggie said, do I want a guy who is going to be like this and be complacent. I'm willing to move on, if he stopped coming by and paying me all the attention, I could get over him, no problem, but he still keeps giving me the attention. I have given him hints. For example, he said that over the weekend he was in my town. I said "you should have stopped by." Smile. He said "I was with my daughter, we went hiking at XXX trail." I mean I made it clear that I would like to see him after hours. I guess I will wait for the next 3 1/2 months until school gets out, as he will not be returning, and see how he leaves things. Will he finally ask for my number or about getting together since he won't be seeing me on a daily basis anymore? Hmmm.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Contrariwise Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 You situation sounds very similar to my own until very recently. I shared an office space with a coworker and we became very good friends at work and even started spending time together outside of work. Long story short, I thought there was chemistry and told her how I felt. Little did I know, I was actually her best bud (friend zone). We tried to maintain our friendship, but it just got too difficult seeing each other in different ways. I ultimately had to move my office and now we only give the occasional "hello" or typical office chat as we go about our own day. I guess my point is, the friend zone is rough, but it is even harder when it is a coworker. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Yes, if he rejects me going out, I don't think I could handle the awkwardness and humiliation. Also since he has been so passive about asking me out, like Maggie said, do I want a guy who is going to be like this and be complacent. I'm willing to move on, if he stopped coming by and paying me all the attention, I could get over him, no problem, but he still keeps giving me the attention. I have given him hints. For example, he said that over the weekend he was in my town. I said "you should have stopped by." Smile. He said "I was with my daughter, we went hiking at XXX trail." I mean I made it clear that I would like to see him after hours. I guess I will wait for the next 3 1/2 months until school gets out, as he will not be returning, and see how he leaves things. Will he finally ask for my number or about getting together since he won't be seeing me on a daily basis anymore? Hmmm.... He could indeed be waiting till he's on his way out. If he asks you out now and it doesn't work, things would be doubly awkward. Who knows. He sounds nice tho. Best of luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Thank you. That's the thing, he's very nice. He hasn't done anything wrong, really, and enjoys my company. This gives me hope, thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 In any case, when school is out, you'll have an answer. Btw Millie, the guy I mentioned is in his 60s. I think older men become passive in dating because the sexual drive is lower. See, when they're young, what propelled them forward and drove them to risk rejection was the hormones. When that's gone... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Contrariwise Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Looks like I replied to the wrong post, lol. Looks like there is similar discussion on this one. Check out your other post if you are interested in another reply. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Thanks. Maybe I should just ask him if he thinks of me as just a friend? I was thinking about bringing up that I had a date, just slipping it into the conversation without being obvious what I'm trying to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Contrariwise Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Haha, It seems our minds operate very similarly. I tried this very same thing earlier before I just came out and asked her what her feeling were. I had mentioned that I had a date and for the life of me it seemed like she was jealous, saying things like,"You can't date some tramp, you have to hang out with me". I thought for sure this meant there had to be something between us, but in the end it just turned out that she was teasing me and doing what friends do. We fail to see the obvious when emotions are high. Not saying this will happen in your case! Just sharing my experience 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Ask him if he'd like to get a drink after school..that feels weird to type at my age. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 He isn't giving you mixed signals, he isn't interested in you. I would let it go, no point pursuing someone uninterested in you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I'm a hair over 40 and am still perplexed that people actually want to date in the workplace. That just sounds horrible to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Contrariwise Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I'm a hair over 40 and am still perplexed that people actually want to date in the workplace. That just sounds horrible to me. Same age as you. In my case, it was never planned. I don't think it was planned in the OP's case either. I have always thought work and romance should not mix, but sometimes, it finds you... or in my case, punches you in the face and runs away, hahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 (edited) Same age as you. In my case, it was never planned. I don't think it was planned in the OP's case either. I have always thought work and romance should not mix, but sometimes, it finds you... or in my case, punches you in the face and runs away, hahaha. Y'all do your thing..I actually started seeing an ex coworker after my divorce years ago and we still talk. She's cool,but I just couldn't work with someone I was dating myself. Make some moves on these people! Edit: I just read your post before that one..ouch. Sorry. But, I stand by my 'not dating coworkers rule' Edited February 19, 2018 by Praying4Daylight Link to post Share on other sites
Contrariwise Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Edit: I just read your post before that one..ouch. Sorry. But, I stand by my 'not dating coworkers rule' Oh believe me, I learned my lesson, lol. I should have stuck to my "no relationships with coworkers" rule, but I would not have minded if I proved myself wrong in that case. I'm finding it harder to have those hard and fast rules anymore, though. Right now I'd take it anywhere could I find it. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 Oh believe me, I learned my lesson, lol. I should have stuck to my "no relationships with coworkers" rule, but I would not have minded if I proved myself wrong in that case. I'm finding it harder to have those hard and fast rules anymore, though. Right now I'd take it anywhere could I find it. See if she has any single friends. You don't catch fish without bait in the water. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 Right now it’s infatuation. I like him. I knew who he was before, but he has taken an interest on me. I’d like to go out with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 He isn't giving you mixed signals' date=' he isn't interested in you. I would let it go, no point pursuing someone uninterested in you.[/quote'] So what should I do then when he stops in to see me at work? Should I be distant? I don’t want him to keep flirting and hanging out with me at work if he’s not interested in anything more. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDawg Posted February 19, 2018 Share Posted February 19, 2018 I know this may be high-schoolish, but do you have any other co-worker friends that can maybe prod a little and see if he is interested in you? That way, you avoid the awkwardness of asking him directly and get a firm answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie the Cat Posted February 19, 2018 Author Share Posted February 19, 2018 I might resort to that. I have shared with some trusted coworkers about the situation, especially the ones who have asked what was going on. Even some students have picked up that he is in my room a lot and have asked if we're going out lol. Maybe I'll have one of them ask. lol Link to post Share on other sites
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