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Feeling Like I'm Going Crazy Now


lm0905

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For a background, you can check out my last post (tl;dr: BF is on vacation and told me about some girl he met that was hitting on him and his friend 'D', and girl added both friend and BF on instagram)

 

So I talked to my boyfriend yesterday on FaceTime and this was the conversation, where the Italian girl got brought up (his dad, who him and I get along so well, was in the room, so I don't think he thought it was incriminating or anything):

 

Me: What does she look like?

 

BF: Here, I have a picture

 

Me: Oh you added her on Instagram?

 

BF: Yes, is that ok? It's just a way to connect with other people... Anyways, she started texting me, but then it got weird, so I just gave her D's number and told her to text him

 

Me: wait why does she have your number and not ask for D's since you said she was hitting on him?

 

BF: She just asked for it so I gave it

 

Me: Weird that you'd give her your number, especially since you're not going to see her again

 

BF: Exactly, so I don't know why it's weird

 

Me: Does she know that you have a girlfriend?

 

BF: No, it never came up

 

Ok am I crazy for thinking that that would have been the best time for my boyfriend to say 'Oh sorry, I have a girlfriend. But D can give you his number'?? My boyfriend is usually super friendly/nice to people he first meets, so maybe he feels bad shutting them down but still.

 

I have always trusted him, but this makes me feel like I can't really trust him. Yes, I get that it's nice for someone to flirt and stroke your ego a bit, but if she takes it to the next level by asking for his phone number, he should have shut it down right??

 

Like I get that it's good that my BF told me about this girl right after it happened, but it makes me feel like I can't trust my boyfriend to shut girls down when they flirt with him. Which makes me feel bad because he's never given me a reason to not trust him.

 

And another problem is that it's one of those things if the roles were reversed, my BF would literally not care and wouldn't mind if I gave my number to a guy because he 10000% trusts me.

 

When he gets home in a week, would it be out of line to say something along the lines of 'I have never had a reason to give you any boundaries because I've always trusted you, but if a girl that has been hitting on you asks for your number, I need you to shut it down and say you have a girlfriend"

 

I don't think he cheated or anything, because he was only out for about 1 hour, and was also with two of his brothers, and one of his girl cousins (who all know about me), so even if he were to cheat, I don't think he's stupid enough to do it in front of them.

 

Am I crazy right now? I don't want to be the crazy girlfriend, but I also don't want my boyfriend to be giving out his number to every girl that asks

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You are not crazy.

And as your BF, he should know what things make you feel insecure and avoid doing them.

Why not just tell him how you feel? Maybe he is not getting it.

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You are not crazy.

And as your BF, he should know what things make you feel insecure and avoid doing them.

Why not just tell him how you feel? Maybe he is not getting it.

 

Yeah him giving out his number to a girl that's asked him hasn't come up in our relationship before, so I don't think he knows that it bothers me.

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Cookiesandough

I don’t know why he would have mentioned her to you. Maybe as smackie said to cover his ass about the new girl on his insta. It sounds fishy to me

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It is concerning when a guy doesn't take the opportunity to shut down a woman because I mean, why not? If they're getting to know each other, wouldn't that be the first thing she ought to know? He doesn't expect to see her again, so that's his justification, but at the same time sounds like he's keeping her in reserve kind of. it's not a huge breach because he did sic her on his friend, and I wouldn't make a huge issue of it since he'll never see her again unless something changes. But I'd keep it in mind for when it's happening with someone local and draw the line there.

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I don’t know why he would have mentioned her to you. Maybe as smackie said to cover his ass about the new girl on his insta. It sounds fishy to me

 

 

I can see that, but I'd rather him be open and honest about all this than literally never tell me anything

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Cookiesandough

I agree, but if it were insignificant why would he? Like if it was just a friend he added to Instagram why did he mention this Italian girl came up and wanted his friend(who did not add her Instagram)

 

Sorry I’m not helping

 

Hey has your bf ever given you a reason not to trust him? How long have you been together?

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I agree, but if it were insignificant why would he? Like if it was just a friend he added to Instagram why did he mention this Italian girl came up and wanted his friend(who did not add her Instagram)

 

Sorry I’m not helping

 

Hey has your bf ever given you a reason not to trust him? How long have you been together?

 

I think he was just telling me that it was funny that this random girl came up to the group of them at the bar and started hitting on him. Possibly because a couple of weeks before he left, we were talking about whether or not a girl has ever straight-up approached him at a bar

 

The friend 'D' did add her on Instagram.

 

No, he really has never. And that's why this makes me feel bad and crazy.

 

We've been together for over a year

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I think he was just telling me that it was funny that this random girl came up to the group of them at the bar and started hitting on him. Possibly because a couple of weeks before he left, we were talking about whether or not a girl has ever straight-up approached him at a bar

 

The friend 'D' did add her on Instagram.

 

No, he really has never. And that's why this makes me feel bad and crazy.

 

We've been together for over a year

 

 

You are not crazy...

 

Your Boyfriend is so full of crap his teeth are floating

 

Your relationship is at the 1 year mark....first stress test. He gets a D-. I;d give him an F but he must have some redeeming quality for you to date him.

 

He is showing you who he is...be vigilant and keep your eyes open.

 

Sorry, but I've seen too many posts here over the last nine years that start out pretty much the same way yours did.

 

And you know what? I can count in my hand the number I have seen that had a been nothing but coincidence and that ended happily,

 

Life is too short. Go find another one guy who won't play selective memory games when asked something.

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LivingWaterPlease

I think it's possible he was flattered by her attention so gave her his number, had second thoughts so sent her to D, then told you about it because of guilt or because he was still enjoying the flattery and couldn't keep it to himself.

 

I do think it's possible to get into a random tight spot with someone where it appears like what it is not. It's happened to me before. One time a married guy (I'm single) at church whom I'd been encouraging because of his depression asked me for my phone number. Thinking nothing of it I wrote my number on a slip of paper and gave it to him. Later on I was aghast thinking what if his wife found the paper and thought I was hitting on her husband. One reason I felt free to give my # to him was because I have zero attraction to him and he's much younger than I. He ended up calling me and asking me out so I was able to put that to rest right then and there!

 

In your case I'd tell your bf about your feelings when knowing he gave his number to the other girl.

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I think it's possible he was flattered by her attention so gave her his number, had second thoughts so sent her to D, then told you about it because of guilt or because he was still enjoying the flattery and couldn't keep it to himself.

 

I do think it's possible to get into a random tight spot with someone where it appears like what it is not. It's happened to me before. One time a married guy (I'm single) at church whom I'd been encouraging because of his depression asked me for my phone number. Thinking nothing of it I wrote my number on a slip of paper and gave it to him. Later on I was aghast thinking what if his wife found the paper and thought I was hitting on her husband. One reason I felt free to give my # to him was because I have zero attraction to him and he's much younger than I. He ended up calling me and asking me out so I was able to put that to rest right then and there!

 

In your case I'd tell your bf about your feelings when knowing he gave his number to the other girl.

 

I think I plan on bringing this up to my boyfriend a couple of days after he comes home, if she gets brought up.

 

You're right, I think that because he was in a group of people with this girl, it probably would have looked weird and make the scene awkward if he completely shut her down and was awkward about not giving her his phone number.

 

I recognize I should feel happy that he was open to me about this girl

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Since he'll not see her again after he comes back, I would not mention her again. It'd be too easy for him to deflect that one because you weren't there.

 

Instead, keep your eyes open on his behaviour. You are past the honeymoon phase and as a previous poster said, this is when many relationships fall apart. If there are changes in him, you'll see it in several areas, with the thing with the Italian girl being just one of many concerns.

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Since he'll not see her again after he comes back, I would not mention her again. It'd be too easy for him to deflect that one because you weren't there.

 

Instead, keep your eyes open on his behaviour. You are past the honeymoon phase and as a previous poster said, this is when many relationships fall apart. If there are changes in him, you'll see it in several areas, with the thing with the Italian girl being just one of many concerns.

 

We've definitely been out of the honeymoon phase for awhile. I think I want to believe that nothing happened with this girl because 1. He would never have told me about her in the first place, and 2. He was talking about her and the phone number thing in front of his dad yesterday while on FaceTime, so I'd want to think he'd never want to talk about anything incriminating like that in front of his dad

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