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Dinner and a walk date


max3732

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This week I'm going out to dinner and then for a walk with someone I met online. It's been a while since my last actual date and my problem in person with these dates is knowing how to initiate any kind of physical contact. I've asked about this before and the advice is usually to touch somewhere like her arm, but it's just unnatural for me.I'm certainly willing to give it a try though.

 

On a 1st date with someone you met online would it be expected to try and hold her hand as your walking or if we stop at a bench should I try and put my arm around her?

 

Afterwards what should I say if I'm interested vs. on the fence vs. not interested? I'd like to be as polite as possible while still getting my level of interest across.

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This week I'm going out to dinner and then for a walk with someone I met online. It's been a while since my last actual date and my problem in person with these dates is knowing how to initiate any kind of physical contact. I've asked about this before and the advice is usually to touch somewhere like her arm, but it's just unnatural for me.I'm certainly willing to give it a try though.

 

On a 1st date with someone you met online would it be expected to try and hold her hand as your walking or if we stop at a bench should I try and put my arm around her?

 

Afterwards what should I say if I'm interested vs. on the fence vs. not interested? I'd like to be as polite as possible while still getting my level of interest across.

 

If you have built up some rapport during the dinner it should be fine to initiate hand holding during the walk but you have to judge that in the moment. I did a dinner and walk date once (we ended up taking a walk through a cemetery believe it or not). Midway through I initiated hand holding, then a little later planted a brief kiss on her hand. That lit her on fire and she returned that with a passionate kiss that turned into a full on makeout session. But we had really clicked over dinner before then. Like I said, you have to judge in the moment and based on how much you’ve clicked so far.

 

Once the date is over, don’t feel you have to render a scorecard on the date. Just say you had a good time and we should do it again sometime (even if that isn’t true).

Edited by Redguitar35
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This week I'm going out to dinner and then for a walk with someone I met online. It's been a while since my last actual date and my problem in person with these dates is knowing how to initiate any kind of physical contact. I've asked about this before and the advice is usually to touch somewhere like her arm, but it's just unnatural for me.I'm certainly willing to give it a try though.
Seems to me the how isn't a problem, it's more the when. Reading social cues and body language.

 

On a 1st date with someone you met online would it be expected to try and hold her hand as your walking or if we stop at a bench should I try and put my arm around her?
Instead of a plan, why not go with the flow and see how the date goes? Some flow, others don't. If the like is mutual you'll be inadvertently bumping into each other or otherwise be in each others space without any real thought. It'll just happen.

 

Afterwards what should I say if I'm interested vs. on the fence vs. not interested? I'd like to be as polite as possible while still getting my level of interest across.
If you had a good time, ask her on another date before the current one ends. It's not serious, it's fun. Be flirty. Whatever her answer is, smile. You had a good time, right? That's the point of dating, good feelings with another human. Yeah, reproduction too but that's down the road. Nature has its timetable.
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There is unfortunately no guideline - you'll just have to go based on the vibes you're picking up from her and whether or not she seems interested.

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Make sure she knows there will be a walk. She needs to be wearing comfortable shoes, and if you're somewhere that's cold in February, she needs a warm coat.

 

If her feet hurt and she's cold, forget all your moves.

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As long as she's not acting unhappy during the date, the walk would be a good time just to put your hand on her back for a minute to guide her to a bench or show her the sunset. "Oh, look (hand on upper back momentarily), why don't we sit down and enjoy the view." Now, if she cringes at any point, it's just not going to happen, so don't go any further down that road. But as long as you're speaking easily and she seems happy and interested, take that first step, and then at the end of the night, a big hug or a quick peck on the mouth.

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Ruby Slippers
put your hand on her back for a minute to guide her to a bench or show her the sunset

Yes, I think the lower back touch before crossing the street, then if she was receptive to that, taking her hand, is the perfect warm-up to being touchy.

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Offer your arm like a gentleman when you go for a walk. Be respectful, and ask questions about her...focus on her, crack a joke or two, keep the conversation light and up beat. Reading her body language is key. That is how you know if she is warning up to you, or she won't have any of that. Gotta play it by ear.

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Yes, I think the lower back touch before crossing the street, then if she was receptive to that, taking her hand, is the perfect warm-up to being touchy.

 

if you don't like her the lower back touch can help push her into oncoming traffic :laugh:

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During your walk is a perfect time to hold her hand, or offer your arm to her. If she's receptive, she'll walk close. If not receptive, she'll keep a distance where hand holding is difficult. Put your arm around her on the bench. If she doesn't want touching, she'll sit far enough away. If you hold her hand and she doesn't want to, she'll find a way to disengage and won't initiate going back to it. Hopefully you can get a good read on body language. It really should just flow naturally. Hopefully she initiates some affection as well or makes herself very available to it.

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I agree with Smackie...offer your arm. It is a great way to lead to hand holding and then more if she is interested.

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Is this the 1st meet or did you do the coffee thing already & now you have arranged dinner?

 

Off OLD dinner is a huge investment for somebody you have not met in person yet. To be planning the after dinner walk is presumptuous. Those things happen spontaneously.

 

When you meet you break the touch barrier initially either by shaking hands (very formal & some people would say cold but I prefer it) or a quick peck on the cheek. If you can't hold hands or causally touch an arm, I suspect the social hello kiss would be too awkward for you.

 

Have dinner & talk. If you are enjoying each other's company offer an after dinner stroll. Take her hand as you walk.

 

If the vibes are there, go for a kiss.

 

If you aren't feeling it, as you part tell her you enjoyed meeting her but that you just don't think the 2 of you are compatible.

 

If you like her, suggest you'd like to see her again sometime but don't be specific. It's one of the few times I advocate vague. See how she responds. Ask her to let you know she got home safe. Again, you are testing her level of reciprocal interest. Hopefully she will text you when she gets home & thank you again for the date. If you get that, you are good to go. If you don't, it could be lack of interest or lack of manners. If you don't get a thank you text, the next afternoon you reach out to confirm she got home & again vaguely tell her you would be open to a 2nd date. If she doesn't respond to that you have been ghosted. Leave her alone. If she responds you move to voice & plan another date using specifics: place, time, date etc.

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I'd avoid any serious physical contact on the first date. Personally, I don't do it because the first date is just to get a feel for the person more (no pun intended)

 

Maybe if she says something funny you can grab her lightly on the shoulder as you're laughing or something like that, but that's about as far as I'd go. I save the physical stuff like more serious touching (holding hands, locking arms while walking) that type of stuff. Generally I go for the first kiss on a second date too, but that varies depending on the girl.

 

All and all I'd avoid anything other than a light shoulder touch. Get to know her first and if you like her and she likes you the physical stuff will just naturally manifest itself

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