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Should I stop talking to this girl I went on a date with?


Oladeji123

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So i was supposed to go on a date on Saturday with this girl i met online.. But on friday, she texted me asking to reschedule, she immediately suggested either Monday or Tuesday (she knows im free at those times). Her reason for canceling was that she was going out for her friends bday and was afraid she would get a major hangover and didn't want to meet me in such a state.. I think this is totaly reasonable but I've been reading on other forums with guys saying that if a girl cancels on you, then she isn't interested. She apologized several times for rescheduling..When we first started talking, she had told me that the reason her previous relationships didnt work was due to scheduling conflicts and guys not being patient with her. She also travels a lot so shes quite an active girl..If she reschedules again, i dont want to seem like a chump by accepting but at the same time this could just be what she meant by guys not being patient with her.

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It's not ideal. She has some ability to control how drunk / how hungover she gets. She is choosing not to exercise that self control which in & of itself is a problem.

 

To me there is also something significantly different about a Saturday night date vs a Monday / Tuesday with the latter being far less desirable. I'm kind of shocked that she initially agreed to a Saturday night 1st meet off OLD in the first place but now she's dialing it back. She has already made a judgment call that you are not worth it.

 

Do still go on the date because she sounds young & clearly she's making these assessments without any facts but keep your emotions in check. She's backing off from where I sit.

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I think you have two red flags here...

 

She has already told you to expect that she has a full and busy life... she may not have the time she needs for a relationship. You need to manage your expectations and if spending a lot of time together is something that is important to you in a relationship, she may not be the girl for you.

 

The other red flag is the fact that she is going drinking with her girlfriends and expects to be so hungover the next day that she can't go out on a date. If this is a frequent occurrence, that is probably not a good thing either. I would think that you would want to date someone who is mature enough to drink responsibly.

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I think you have two red flags here...

 

She has already told you to expect that she has a full and busy life... she may not have the time she needs for a relationship. You need to manage your expectations and if spending a lot of time together is something that is important to you in a relationship, she may not be the girl for you.

 

The other red flag is the fact that she is going drinking with her girlfriends and expects to be so hungover the next day that she can't go out on a date. If this is a frequent occurrence, that is probably not a good thing either. I would think that you would want to date someone who is mature enough to drink responsibly.

 

Shes told me that shes normally a responsible drinker and doesnt get drunk that often but i assumed that since its her friends bday then that would be a reasonable excuse

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It's not ideal. She has some ability to control how drunk / how hungover she gets. She is choosing not to exercise that self control which in & of itself is a problem.

 

To me there is also something significantly different about a Saturday night date vs a Monday / Tuesday with the latter being far less desirable. I'm kind of shocked that she initially agreed to a Saturday night 1st meet off OLD in the first place but now she's dialing it back. She has already made a judgment call that you are not worth it.

 

Do still go on the date because she sounds young & clearly she's making these assessments without any facts but keep your emotions in check. She's backing off from where I sit.

 

Could you expand on the tuesday not being as desirable as saturday? If she has madfe a judgement call that im not worth it then it was strange of her to appear very sorry about it.. Plus i think the reason he suggested those days was because she knew i was free that week, plus im guessing she probably didnt have much free time except on those days

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Saturday night is the classic date night.

 

Monday & Tuesday are just days of the week. Many restaurants are closed on Monday for this very reason.

 

Of course you are right that she suggested those because she knew you were free but it still feels like her saying you are not a priority.

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I think it is perfectly reasonable for her to want to celebrate her friend's birthday and is planning for her hangover. You want to be your best for a first date. Plus a lot of girls take their birthdays very seriously which involves lots of planning, drinking and dancing. I am not much of a drinker but when it is a friend's bday, or MY bday for that matter, it's party time lol

 

Also, I like weekday dates. Other than the fact I have to get up for work in the morning the next day. I'm not sure where you live but for me I like it bc places are less crowded, you can actually hear your date talk, less traffic and you can find parking (city problems) lol

 

Bottom line, I wouldn't classify this as a red flag yet. :)

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Saturday night is the classic date night.

 

Monday & Tuesday are just days of the week. Many restaurants are closed on Monday for this very reason.

 

Of course you are right that she suggested those because she knew you were free but it still feels like her saying you are not a priority.

 

well weve never met in person so of course i wont be a priority in her life..but i feel that i must at least give her some chances especially if she is the kind of person that requires patience...plus im a very patient guy so waiting has never been an issue for me

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I think it is perfectly reasonable for her to want to celebrate her friend's birthday and is planning for her hangover. You want to be your best for a first date. Plus a lot of girls take their birthdays very seriously which involves lots of planning, drinking and dancing. I am not much of a drinker but when it is a friend's bday, or MY bday for that matter, it's party time lol

 

Also, I like weekday dates. Other than the fact I have to get up for work in the morning the next day. I'm not sure where you live but for me I like it bc places are less crowded, you can actually hear your date talk, less traffic and you can find parking (city problems) lol

 

Bottom line, I wouldn't classify this as a red flag yet. :)

 

 

thanks for the bit of reassurance lol...We're meeting on tuesday afternoon so people would be at work and the it wont be as crowded in places. She also goes to uni so shes very busy herself with lectures, assignments, extra curricular activities. We were supposed to meet for a coffee but she mentioned that she may take me to some bookstores that she thinks ill like.. So our conversations has shown that she has some sort of interest in me..she loves guys that read and knows im a reader so she said she would even lend me a book shes currently reading. Thats a sign that she at least intends to see me again if she does lend me her book

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At least she countered. Trust her word this time. If she flakes again, move on.

 

i would but what if this is what she meant by guys not being patient with her due to her busy schedules.. she may be interested but due to one thing or another, things just didnt go according to plan and she just wants someone that understands this

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well weve never met in person so of course i wont be a priority in her life..but i feel that i must at least give her some chances especially if she is the kind of person that requires patience...plus im a very patient guy so waiting has never been an issue for me

 

I think your is a perfectly reasonable response. Had she suggested Monday initially that would have been fine too. My concern is 1). she agreed to Saturday at first; 2). at the time she accepted the date with you she presumably knew about the friend's birthday and 3). It's a pretty lame excuse IMO. She can control her own drinking but if she can't that is a problem.

 

I bet what happened is something as innocuous as her friends talking her out of the Saturday date with you which makes her a follower / someone who doesn't know her own mind but that doesn't mean you two won't have a great time.

 

All I'm saying to you is don't initially give your heart away to this chick.

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Start off by taking it at face value. The fact she's rescheduling is a bonus.

 

Here's where I fall flat:

  • She's planning on drinking so much that she has to plan an entire day to recover due to hangover. I've had plenty of hangovers in my day, and only one was so bad it knocked me out for two days...never again. How about she drink responsibly, and even if she has a hangover in the morning, some water and a nap would cure it, maybe some "hair of the dog."
  • She has already expressed she is super busy, and your very first planned date was thwarted by other plans. This is the first of many.

 

Your choices are to give it a try and see what happens or don't bother. Maybe after you meet, you will become a higher priority, but don't hold your breath. She has already set the stage. She stated that past relationships have failed because men aren't "patient with her." She's fishing for someone who will put up with her not putting in any effort. "This is me, take it or leave it." She has presented she's busy all the time and bailed on your first date for something else. She has set the stage. Proceed with caution.

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In my experience, a cancel without an immediate idea about rescheduling is a red flag. However, she immediately suggested rescheduling which is a good thing. Don't worry yet.

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Start off by taking it at face value. The fact she's rescheduling is a bonus.

 

Here's where I fall flat:

  • She's planning on drinking so much that she has to plan an entire day to recover due to hangover. I've had plenty of hangovers in my day, and only one was so bad it knocked me out for two days...never again. How about she drink responsibly, and even if she has a hangover in the morning, some water and a nap would cure it, maybe some "hair of the dog."
  • She has already expressed she is super busy, and your very first planned date was thwarted by other plans. This is the first of many.

 

Your choices are to give it a try and see what happens or don't bother. Maybe after you meet, you will become a higher priority, but don't hold your breath. She has already set the stage. She stated that past relationships have failed because men aren't "patient with her." She's fishing for someone who will put up with her not putting in any effort. "This is me, take it or leave it." She has presented she's busy all the time and bailed on your first date for something else. She has set the stage. Proceed with caution.

 

hmmm, you may be right...i will certainly approach with caution..

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I think your is a perfectly reasonable response. Had she suggested Monday initially that would have been fine too. My concern is 1). she agreed to Saturday at first; 2). at the time she accepted the date with you she presumably knew about the friend's birthday and 3). It's a pretty lame excuse IMO. She can control her own drinking but if she can't that is a problem.

 

I bet what happened is something as innocuous as her friends talking her out of the Saturday date with you which makes her a follower / someone who doesn't know her own mind but that doesn't mean you two won't have a great time.

 

All I'm saying to you is don't initially give your heart away to this chick.

 

oh trust me, ive already lowered my expectations and quite frankly im not expecting anything to come out of this...

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Versacehottie
At least she countered. Trust her word this time. If she flakes again, move on.

 

I agree. It's not ideal but it just ultimately conveys that she is not super invested in a guy she hasn't met yet. To me, that's balanced but of course it would get a bad rap because it's the same thing that flakes, time wasters and bad-intentioned jugglers do--which of course may be the reason she is doing this or it may be the harmless honest truth as she has said. I'd give her one chance as Kentucky said. I mean there are people who fall on the spectrum between stage 5 clinger and not at all interested, right? Life is rarely black and white.

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Cookiesandough

People put up with way too much from clearly uninterested people here. HOWEVER, I think everyone should be allowed to reschedule a first date once, as long as they are the ones to do the rescheduling. For now, girl her a chance

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oh trust me, ive already lowered my expectations and quite frankly im not expecting anything to come out of this...

 

I honestly think this is how you should approach every first date. There is no point in having any expectations until after you at least meet someone.

 

 

OP, don't worry about this reschedule so much. Even if she turns out to be flakey, she's not your only option. Just keep an open mind and see what happens.

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She sounds flaky. If I wanted to meet a guy I would meet and keep our date. The only reason I would reached is ifvone ofmy kids were sick or done extremene family emergency.

 

If she reached the second time, blow her off.

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I honestly think this is how you should approach every first date. There is no point in having any expectations until after you at least meet someone.

 

 

OP, don't worry about this reschedule so much. Even if she turns out to be flakey, she's not your only option. Just keep an open mind and see what happens.

 

But thats the problem, shes sort of my only option right now lol...She was the only girl on this dating app that has consistently replied to me and actually carries the convo also..Funny enough, since we both exchanged facebook details, she hasnt been on that dating app as much. Part of the reason i signed up for online dating was because i dont really have that many opportunities to meet girls

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newyorker11356
But thats the problem, shes sort of my only option right now lol...She was the only girl on this dating app that has consistently replied to me and actually carries the convo also..Funny enough, since we both exchanged facebook details, she hasnt been on that dating app as much. Part of the reason i signed up for online dating was because i dont really have that many opportunities to meet girls

 

I'd give her one more chance after reading this. If she flakes again, then I'd probably move on.

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She sounds flaky. If I wanted to meet a guy I would meet and keep our date. The only reason I would reached is ifvone ofmy kids were sick or done extremene family emergency.

 

If she reached the second time, blow her off.

 

She may be, but i feel like that may just be how she is right now..she said her previous relationships didnt work because guys were not being patient with her and they always had scheduling issues..and by me blowing her off is she reschedules again could be what she meant by guys not being patient with her

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I'veseenbetterlol
I think you have two red flags here...

 

She has already told you to expect that she has a full and busy life... she may not have the time she needs for a relationship. You need to manage your expectations and if spending a lot of time together is something that is important to you in a relationship, she may not be the girl for you.

 

The other red flag is the fact that she is going drinking with her girlfriends and expects to be so hungover the next day that she can't go out on a date. If this is a frequent occurrence, that is probably not a good thing either. I would think that you would want to date someone who is mature enough to drink responsibly.

 

I think this is an excuse to reject you nicely. Anytime a guy has told me he had a busy life, wouldn't be able to manage a relationship etc, he didn't want to be w/me. Don't invest and continue dating others.

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I think this is an excuse to reject you nicely. Anytime a guy has told me he had a busy life' date=' wouldn't be able to manage a relationship etc, he didn't want to be w/me. Don't invest and continue dating others.[/quote']

 

If this is her rejecting me nicely then why would she go to the effort of asking if im free on tuesday..she could just say "ill tell you when im next free" but she didnt. She was the one who rescheduled and asked if i was free on a certain day..whats the point of doing that if shes tryin to reject me

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