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He gave me HIS number?


danasmett

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I was at a bar a few nights ago with some friends and ended up chatting with this guy for a while. At the end of the night I gave him my number, then he asked for my phone and put his number into mine as well.

 

On the one hand, I feel like it’s good he gave me his number because it means he doesn’t think I’m some crazy person and theoretically would be okay with hearing from me. On the other hand, it’s making me feel weird now because I feel some sort of weird obligation to text him first if I want to talk to him since he knows I can. Whereas if he had just taken my number I’d wait and assume no interest if I didn’t hear from him within a reasonable time frame.

 

I felt like he was pretty into me while we were out, but now I’m doubting myself since I haven’t heard anything from him. I know I probably sound like I’m insanely overthinking this, but I’ve actually had a crush on this guy for a while and only just worked up the nerve to talk to him. Normally I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t care about who texts who first and just goes for it if I want to, but in my past two casual relationships I’ve come on too strong in the beginning, leaving me completely uncertain of their interest levels, which bred insecurity and caused the whole thing to break down.

 

I guess I’m just wondering . . . (1) do you think it’s a positive sign he gave me his number too or am I just overthinking that, (2) am I right to wait for him to text me instead of texting him, (3) should I assume he’s not that interested if I haven’t heard from him within the next week, and (4) when I see him out again (which I will since we live in a small community), should I just wait for him to approach me?

 

Thanks and please excuse the extreme overthinking

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If you want to be pursued and be sure of his interest, then yes, let him text you first.

I would assume he's not very interested if he doesn't contact you in the next couple of days.

In my experience, interested guys message the same day or the next.

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I guess I’m just wondering . . . (1) do you think it’s a positive sign he gave me his number too or am I just overthinking that, (2) am I right to wait for him to text me instead of texting him, (3) should I assume he’s not that interested if I haven’t heard from him within the next week, and (4) when I see him out again (which I will since we live in a small community), should I just wait for him to approach me?

 

Thanks and please excuse the extreme overthinking

 

Yes it's a positive sign. I don't necessarily believe that a women needs to wait for the man to be the one to make the first move(as you were saying), so if you don't hear from him soon I don't see a problem with sending him a small text just to see how he is doing. If he doesn't contact you fairly soon it could be for a number of things. He could also be thinking the exact same things you are and just afraid to contact you. If you see him I think it would be good to approach him if you felt comfortable. If he shows signs of disinterest then you have your answer. The less complicated things have to be when finding out if someone is interested the better.

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Normally I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t care about who texts who first and just goes for it if I want to, but in my past two casual relationships I’ve come on too strong in the beginning, leaving me completely uncertain of their interest levels, which bred insecurity and caused the whole thing to break down.

 

I know there is always the worry that if you come on too strong it might give the guy the wrong impression. But if you are able to connect with this guy just get to know him to see if there is compatibility. At least you can protect your heart in the process.

Edited by starflower
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Yes, you can do the passive wait. Or you can do the assertive 'go after what you want'. Given your history, I think that you're more the assertive type ...and I also think that it's wise to be true to yourself.

 

That said, if you are assertive the first time, let him approach the second time. Taking turns is a good way to ascertain his interest level.

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Cookiesandough

It sounds like being assertive/pursuer hasn’t worked well for you in the past. I’m not surprised. It’s not that men don’t like to be pursued. It strokes their ego and makes things a lot easier for them. Unfortunately, with the way things are set up, the predominate male-pursuer model, it makes a lot of men think that you may be a bit desperate/ flawed in some way. Men have this notion women who are desirable are pursued on the regular. If he isn’t able to see past that (there’s a chance he might) and how awesome you are, he might think he can do a bit better than you(a girl who didn’t chase him). There’s also the other problem I’ve seen guys talk about where since many men are a lot less likely to be chased, when they are, they’ll just go for it because it’s easy and they don’t want to miss out on the rare opportunity. It says nothing on their interest lvl. Maybe just thinking it could be an easy lay

 

There’s also a chance he will find the assertiveness sexy, but I think it’s less common and even when they do they often still have the other thoughts in their head. I think it benefits women to not chase a man. Show interest, but a little less , not more, than he does. For example, if he intiates 2 dates, you initiate one

 

 

Jmo..

 

Also, I don’t know if giving you his number is a good sign. It’s not necessarily a bad sign, but it seems more like” I don’t know if I’ll text you, but you can text me if you want “

 

Trust me. If a guy is interested and you give him your number he WILL contact you. Even the shy guys. You gave your number which in a way is pursuing him

 

Gl

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Did you just give him your number or did he ASK for your number? You just giving it to him (with no exchange) would leave you in the same spot you are now...he's not contacting you. You took a chance and offered it up, and he's not biting. You could contact him, but if his reciprocation is lax, possibly nonexistent, then again, you have your answer. It will be awkward no matter what when you bump into him. Such is life. Just be nice and say hi and go about your day. The sun doesn't rise and set on him. In other words, talk to him and treat him like you would before any of this happened with the phone numbers.

 

I think if he was really into you, he wouldn't have skipped a beat in contacting you. Maybe he's shy. He's your crush. You don't know if you are his. I have to agree with Cookie on some of the thought processes and attitude of men at times, and you probably need to just let him reach out, especially if you volunteered your number, and he didn't ask. You made your move.

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I will tell you this...mostly insecure/uncertain guys will do this. Some do this to try and weed out the uninterested. But the key point here is, HE IS INTERESTED. Just send him a simple text acknowledging him and that you would like to hang out sometime. Then leave it at that. The rest should be up to him.

 

Now as a warning there are players that do this too. They rather have the girl chase after him, and make her do all the heavy lifting. You will find out what kind of guy he is after a few texts what his game plan is.

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The less you care, the more likely you are to do the normal thing. Think of him as just a friend. If you text him with that mindset, he will not mistake it for desperation. It's when you overthink, that the guy can tell this matters to you way too much. Is it really that bad to care? I think not. It is the truth, for now. You may very well lose interest when you get to know him.

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mortensorchid

Did he ask for your number first? Did you add him to your phone and then do a confirmation text between the two so that he has the number? If so, then he has your number.

 

If you asked for his number and he gave it to you, don't text him. Make him work for it. If he hasn't contacted within 48 hours the trail will go cold, and you'll move on. It hurts, I know, especially if you had a thing for him, but ... It's what it is. Life goes on.

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He gave you his number... are you interested? If so, text him! I don't see much point in following these rules if all it does is make people anxious.

 

If he's interested in you (or not), then the way he responds to your text will tell you everything. Good luck!

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If you like the guy just send hime a quick, cheerful text. Just that simple. No games or subterfuge or gender crap. Just two people. There's nothing wrong with a woman green lighting a guy she's interested in.

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MaleIntuition

I don’t think the problem with your previous relationships where that you came on to strong but rather; they where really never that interested.

 

Of course it’s more convenient to have someone chasing you than the other way around. But the true reason girls convince themselves that chasing men is bad is because they fear rejection. All justification are just that; justifications to not having to face ones fear. It’s simply not true that all interested men always will chase.

 

Furthermore chasing can be interpreted both as positive (confidence) and negative (needy). So, at the end of the day, doesn’t really matter.

 

If you text him and he ends up rejecting you: It wasn’t because of the text.

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Cookiesandough
I don’t think the problem with your previous relationships where that you came on to strong but rather; they where really never that interested.

 

Of course it’s more convenient to have someone chasing you than the other way around. But the true reason girls convince themselves that chasing men is bad is because they fear rejection. All justification are just that; justifications to not having to face ones fear. It’s simply not true that all interested men always will chase.

 

Furthermore chasing can be interpreted both as positive (confidence) and negative (needy). So, at the end of the day, doesn’t really matter.

 

If you text him and he ends up rejecting you: It wasn’t because of the text.

 

I don’t know about that. You get rejected as a woman taking the passive role(as expected) just as much as the active or pursuer role. The difference is instead of being turned down for a second date you just aren’t asked for one.

 

It’s probably hard to get rejected chasing a passive or lukewarm man. Benched for sure, but not refused. A lot will agree to go on a date with just because they don’t need to do anything, it’s flattery most aren’t used to, most men find majority of women at least attractive enough to sleep with and since she’s interested enough to break gender norms to chase him, sleeping with her is probably on the table not too far down the line lol

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Let go of your fears, insecurities and doubts. Text him. Don't be passive. Go after what you want.

 

If the whole thing leads to nothing then who cares. You got valuable experience and you move on.

 

Don't pin all your world hopes on it as if you would die if it didn't work out.

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Wow! Thanks everyone for the answers!

 

I’m actually not really afraid of rejection which is why I’ve typically been so forward in the past. I’ve always been a go for it kind of person, figuring the worst that can happen is rejection which isn’t that big of a deal if it happens right off the bat. But I think Cookiesandough really hit the nail on the head . . . I HATE feeling strung along, “benched but not refused”, and constantly wondering where I stand, THEN receiving the “let’s just be friends” talk months down the line after floating through the in between for so long and actually starting to develop feelings. And in my experience, that’s exactly what guys do when they find themselves with a girl who’s obviously super into them as long as they at least marginally find her attractive. And to make matters worse even when I can see that happening I’m notoriously bad at cutting myself off. So I guess THAT’S the real fear I’m feeling.

 

I feel like the moment has kind of passed now for me to just randomly text him. I suppose I could text him before I go out next weekend to see if he’s going again? I’m just really unsure.

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