Women ignoring me after dates.

[Kevinehv]

I'm just trying to figure out what went wrong because it has happened to me twice in one week now, both were online dates.

 

With the first date I managed to talk me into getting invited by her to her house within the same day and she would cook for me. Perhaps not the best choice since I would have nightshift that day and had to go early.

 

We did not have time to escalate because I had to go but I thought things went pretty well but if she did not like me it's obviously harder to just kick someone out. The day after I messaged her that I had a good time, she said she did aswell and asked how my work day was and asked if she was home already from work but got no response to that. On a later time I invited her to have drinks together but still no answer and I never got any answer.

 

 

But the second date is the one that is bugging me the most. Yesterday I had a few drinks with this woman and everything seemed to be great. We basically talked non stop, she stroked the neck of her glass of wine etc. and the date took 2,5 hours. Perhaps a bit too long but it was mainly because she took a hell of a long time drinking her wine. She also made several comments about 'a next time' so I thought things were fine.

 

We both took the bus to the center of the city, so at the end of the date we walked to the busstation. She said she could take the bus stop near there but still wanted to walk with me to the busstation even though she could've just left there if she did not like me.

 

I did not see a good opportunity to kiss her so I just kissed her on the cheeks and said goodbye to her.

 

It was pretty late so I just asked if she arrived home safely but she did not respond to that untill the next day saying "I did, thanks for asking" then I messaged her that I had a great time and would like to meet her again.

 

And.... yes you've guessed it , no response to that. I messaged this 9 hours ago now.

 

You know, I can take a rejection, it's not a big deal for me. What I don't like is hearing nothing back from them. Just tell me that you don't like me, that's all.

[newyorker11356]

Welcome to dating 101.

 

Even when you think things are going good, you never know what the other person is truly thinking.

[gbe2015]

I don't think you did anything wrong. You're trying to keep the dates short which is good too. Maybe when you first contact them after a date say I had a great time with you, let's get together next (friday/saturday). But don't read too much into a non-response, they just aren't interested, just keep at it until you find someone who is. There are 3 billion women on this planet, lots of them to choose from, if one or two don't like you it really doesn't matter

Edited February 17, 2018 by gbe2015

[FOBolous]

I think these two girls were looking to "hit it and quit it." All they wanted was one night stand. When it didnt happen, they moved on.

 

Happened to me twice before when i didn't take the opportunity. Thinking back, it was obvious but i was trying to be a nice guy/gentleman by not going for it on the first date. One girl never talked to me again. The other girl texted me again a couple of months later, hooked up a few times, and that was it.

 

What I learned from those experiences is that if you feel like the date is going well, just make a move and go in for a kiss. Girls who wants to hook up will passionately make out with you back and girls who aren't looking for a one night stand will politely kiss you back and you'll be in a good starting for a second date cause you've already broken the touch/intimacy barrier.

Edited February 17, 2018 by FOBolous

[wolf123]

sorry man. just move on and find somebody hotter than they are. haha

[Kevinehv]

I think these two girls were looking to "hit it and quit it." All they wanted was one night stand. When it didnt happen, they moved on.

 

Happened to me twice before when i didn't take the opportunity. Thinking back, it was obvious but i was trying to be a nice guy/gentleman by not going for it on the first date. One girl never talked to me again. The other girl texted me again a couple of months later, hooked up a few times, and that was it.

 

What I learned from those experiences is that if you feel like the date is going well, just make a move and go in for a kiss. Girls who wants to hook up will passionately make out with you back and girls who aren't looking for a one night stand will politely kiss you back and you'll be in a good starting for a second date cause you've already broken the touch/intimacy barrier.

 

Yes I was thinking about that aswell, shows that I've still got a lot to learn. Especially the first one accepted me at her place.

 

Not sure about the second one though. I never really got a good opportunity as we were sitting in cross each other with a table between us + she really took her time to get her wine finished and to go somewhere else. She litterally drank 2 glasses in 2,5 hours.

[Kevinehv]

I think these two girls were looking to "hit it and quit it." All they wanted was one night stand. When it didnt happen, they moved on.

 

Happened to me twice before when i didn't take the opportunity. Thinking back, it was obvious but i was trying to be a nice guy/gentleman by not going for it on the first date. One girl never talked to me again. The other girl texted me again a couple of months later, hooked up a few times, and that was it.

 

What I learned from those experiences is that if you feel like the date is going well, just make a move and go in for a kiss. Girls who wants to hook up will passionately make out with you back and girls who aren't looking for a one night stand will politely kiss you back and you'll be in a good starting for a second date cause you've already broken the touch/intimacy barrier.

 

Oh yeah and one more question. Did you message these women after they ignored you? How did you handle the one you hooked up with eventually?

[act00]

First date - you state you somehow managed to talk her into inviting you to her place so she could cook for you and then you could rush out the door for other obligations.

 

I realize you had to work, but why did you force this invitation to go to her place so she could cook for you instead of planning a time that you had no other obligations, and just meet for a drink?

 

Am I misunderstanding what you tried to write?

 

I would be totally put off by this. I wouldn't have obliged, but this woman did, and I think the entire situation went over like a lead balloon after all was said and done. Start by courting a woman. Don't make yourself something she has to care for and provide for and then shroud that as some sort of romance as you rush out the door.

 

Why oh why is every gesture from a woman considered some sort of flirtation or sexual invitation, from playing with hair to touching the stem of a wine glass? I swear, I feel like it is a woman's responsibility to sit on their hands so they don't inadvertently throw some hint at a man, and sitting on their hands would be interpreted as something as well.

 

How is it you found the opportunity to kiss her on the cheek, but somehow you couldn't do lips? Did she turn her head and avoid?

 

She seemed to like you enough to walk to the next stop instead of going to the first. Was there a reason you couldn't extend the date to do something else to extend the date and still get home safely and the trains were still running? It seemed good, but something was broken somewhere. Maybe she's playing hard to get or doesn't want to seem too eager and clingy...you know how these things go. I mean, when touching the stem of your wine glass takes on profound meaning, you absolutely don't want to text too soon and give off the wrong signal.

 

Don't fret by no response. You'll never know why, and you can't change the world. There are a lot of people who don't let you know they're not interested. After one date, it would be nice, but I wouldn't call it a requirement. Just move on to the next.

[kendahke]

she stroked the neck of her glass of wine

What is the significance of that?

[carhill]

You know, I can take a rejection, it's not a big deal for me. What I don't like is hearing nothing back from them. Just tell me that you don't like me, that's all.

 

The good news is you're getting first meetings and dates.

 

IMO, enjoy those for what they are and, if you feel like asking the lady on another date, do that and leave it as the result of the good time you had. If she wants to date you there is very little short of death that will stop her. She's had a lifetime to hone the choosing process. She knows how to do it. Do your part and leave the rest and don't expect one good time to meld into another one. Sometimes a good time is just a good time. Try it yourself and see.

[Kevinehv]

First date - you state you somehow managed to talk her into inviting you to her place so she could cook for you and then you could rush out the door for other obligations.

 

I realize you had to work, but why did you force this invitation to go to her place so she could cook for you instead of planning a time that you had no other obligations, and just meet for a drink?

 

Am I misunderstanding what you tried to write?

 

I would be totally put off by this. I wouldn't have obliged, but this woman did, and I think the entire situation went over like a lead balloon after all was said and done. Start by courting a woman. Don't make yourself something she has to care for and provide for and then shroud that as some sort of romance as you rush out the door.

 

Why oh why is every gesture from a woman considered some sort of flirtation or sexual invitation, from playing with hair to touching the stem of a wine glass? I swear, I feel like it is a woman's responsibility to sit on their hands so they don't inadvertently throw some hint at a man, and sitting on their hands would be interpreted as something as well.

 

How is it you found the opportunity to kiss her on the cheek, but somehow you couldn't do lips? Did she turn her head and avoid?

 

She seemed to like you enough to walk to the next stop instead of going to the first. Was there a reason you couldn't extend the date to do something else to extend the date and still get home safely and the trains were still running? It seemed good, but something was broken somewhere. Maybe she's playing hard to get or doesn't want to seem too eager and clingy...you know how these things go. I mean, when touching the stem of your wine glass takes on profound meaning, you absolutely don't want to text too soon and give off the wrong signal.

 

Don't fret by no response. You'll never know why, and you can't change the world. There are a lot of people who don't let you know they're not interested. After one date, it would be nice, but I wouldn't call it a requirement. Just move on to the next.

 

Yes like I said the timing with the first woman was bad. I was just on Tinder joking about her cooking for me and didn't expect she would agree to it.

 

About the second one , I guess I could have kissed her but her bus just arrived at the same time so she had go. Just didn't feel right to do it there.

 

But you are right, the next time I should just go for it, there's nothing to lose anyways.

[Kevinehv]

The good news is you're getting first meetings and dates.

 

IMO, enjoy those for what they are and, if you feel like asking the lady on another date, do that and leave it as the result of the good time you had. If she wants to date you there is very little short of death that will stop her. She's had a lifetime to hone the choosing process. She knows how to do it. Do your part and leave the rest and don't expect one good time to meld into another one. Sometimes a good time is just a good time. Try it yourself and see.

 

I still had a great time and I appreciate it for what it is but ofcourse we always want more

[FOBolous]

Oh yeah and one more question. Did you message these women after they ignored you? How did you handle the one you hooked up with eventually?

 

Nothing you can really do if she decides she doesn't want to text you back. So don't text her anymore and move on. If you keep trying, you're just going to look needy and desperate. I got lucky when that one girl texted me out of nowhere a couple of months later.

 

The best thing to do is, again, just make a move if you feel like the date is going well. And then react based on her reaction. If she wants to hook up, she'll make out with you. If she's not looking to hook up but is interested in you, she'll politely kiss you back.

 

A girl who isn't interested typically wouldn't spend 1+ hours with you on a date. My female friends all have "exit strategies" if for some reason, they don't like their date. they'll look for an excuse to leave. They wouldnt sit in front of you and slowly sip on wine for 2 hours. They'll chug that glass, thank you for a good night, then leave.

Edited February 17, 2018 by FOBolous

[Kevinehv]

Nothing you can really do if she decides she doesn't want to text you back. So don't text her anymore and move on. If you keep trying, you're just going to look needy and desperate. I got lucky when that one girl texted me out of nowhere a couple of months later.

 

The best thing to do is, again, just make a move if you feel like the date is going well. And then react based on her reaction. If she wants to hook up, she'll make out with you. If she's not looking to hook up but is interested in you, she'll politely kiss you back.

 

A girl who isn't interested typically wouldn't spend 1+ hours with you on a date. My female friends all have "exit strategies" if for some reason, they don't like their date. they'll look for an excuse to leave. They wouldnt sit in front of you and slowly sip on wine for 2 hours. They'll chug that glass, thank you for a good night, then leave.

 

Yes that's what I was thinking aswell about spending that long with me but if she was interested there should still be some way to turn it around, don't you think ?

[FOBolous]

Yes that's what I was thinking aswell about spending that long with me but if she was interested there should still be some way to turn it around, don't you think ?

 

Lmk if you ever figure that out

[Sbla22]

This has happened to me countless times over the years. I am a 26 year old male. Been on around 30 first dates over the last 3 years, maybe more.

 

There's been times where I know nothing will go further maybe ten minutes into a date. There's been times where I was unsure. But there's been plenty of times where I really thought it was going well: the woman was laughing a lot, lots of eye contact, hair playing, never seemed bored or awkward. Then the next day ghosted for ever.

 

There's been maybe 8 or 9 occasions where I realised I wasn't attracted to my date very soon within meeting but I feel like I'm terrible at pretending for manners sake in these situations. I will never say or do anything rude and will try to have a nice time but I do obvious things to let the woman know I'm not interested. Typically I:

 

. Struggle for more conversation, not making as much effort as I usually would.

 

. Make sure the date ends as soon as possible, usually within an hour and a half.

 

.Don't imply any sort of second date

 

.Don't go anywhere near a kiss

 

.Genuinely unresponsive to any flirting etc

 

I think maybe women are better at faking all of the above so they don't hurt your feelings as they know you have paid for the evening more often than not.

 

I now only assume a first date went well if I'm meeting up for a second date within a week of the first one. This has only happened maybe 5 or 6 times out of 30 + in these 3 years or so. The rest of the time there was such obvious vibes that the second date wasn't happening which usually are:

 

. Completely different texting style and frequency to before first date.

 

.awkward and unresponsive to going in for the kiss (was physically pushed away from it once!

 

.flaking of any kind.

 

Any of the above and there's 0 chance you are seeing the girl again 99% of the time.

[newyorker11356]

A girl who isn't interested typically wouldn't spend 1+ hours with you on a date.

 

In my experience, that's not true. I've had dates go an hour plus, and never heard from them again.

[Cookiesandough]

I do a lot of OLD and even when I discover I'm not romantically attracted to my dates, I still enjoy my time with them. I mean I'm already dressed up, at the venue, and talking to this person. Sometimes it's fun to spend time with a person you would have otherwise never met. It's a lot better than making a stinkface all night, saying "Oh look at the time", running away like they have the plague, and then saying you aren't interested. I'd only do that if they were rude or revolting in some way. No, there's nothing wrong with spending some time and pleasant conversation with a stranger over drinks/dinner

 

Also, I stroke my cup and/or hair out of habit/nervous/boredom. I do it when I'm talking to my Aunt Emilia. I can't help if they're reading weird 'indicators of interest' online and come to their own conclusions. I feel like not following up on the second date will let them know I didn't feel a connect.

 

It happens. Back to the drawing board.

Edited February 17, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[carhill]

I still had a great time and I appreciate it for what it is but ofcourse we always want more

Once you work out that a woman can also have a great time and still not want to date you, it'll get easier. Linear thinking is a guy thing. We've got brains full of boxes

[SevenCity]

In my experience, that's not true. I've had dates go an hour plus, and never heard from them again.

 

Same here. I had one order food (but offer to pay after so it wasn't a freebie) yep was completely uninterested in me.

[SevenCity]

This has happened to me countless times over the years. I am a 26 year old male. Been on around 30 first dates over the last 3 years, maybe more.

 

There's been times where I know nothing will go further maybe ten minutes into a date. There's been times where I was unsure. But there's been plenty of times where I really thought it was going well: the woman was laughing a lot, lots of eye contact, hair playing, never seemed bored or awkward. Then the next day ghosted for ever.

 

There's been maybe 8 or 9 occasions where I realised I wasn't attracted to my date very soon within meeting but I feel like I'm terrible at pretending for manners sake in these situations. I will never say or do anything rude and will try to have a nice time but I do obvious things to let the woman know I'm not interested. Typically I:

 

. Struggle for more conversation, not making as much effort as I usually would.

 

. Make sure the date ends as soon as possible, usually within an hour and a half.

 

.Don't imply any sort of second date

 

.Don't go anywhere near a kiss

 

.Genuinely unresponsive to any flirting etc

 

I think maybe women are better at faking all of the above so they don't hurt your feelings as they know you have paid for the evening more often than not.

 

I now only assume a first date went well if I'm meeting up for a second date within a week of the first one. This has only happened maybe 5 or 6 times out of 30 + in these 3 years or so. The rest of the time there was such obvious vibes that the second date wasn't happening which usually are:

 

. Completely different texting style and frequency to before first date.

 

.awkward and unresponsive to going in for the kiss (was physically pushed away from it once!

 

.flaking of any kind.

 

Any of the above and there's 0 chance you are seeing the girl again 99% of the time.

 

This is good policy. I've had dates I thought well (and fooled around wih them) that went nowhere and dates where they refused to kiss me and ended up with sex on the 2nd or 3rd.

 

Now I just take it one date at a time but I've noticed women who are really into you tend to reach out after the date. Though I had one that did and that and refused another date.

 

Thing is you don't know the backstory. She could have another guy in the wings, could have regretted fooling around with you, decided she wasn't attracted to you, etc.

 

You are best served to entertain multiple women until one proves she will be around for a while.