unit1 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I m talking more with two men recently. I met one through online dating ,he is intelligent artistic and kind, ready to get into a serious relationship, he has a detail plan for his future with the partner, but he is not humourous. I like the topics we share we hit the deep level in thoughts. Another man was from therapy group, he had PTSD and just divorced,he is not as intelligent as the first but funny and has a lot new energy growing up from his recovery. He grows faster than mine. Right now I feel more connected with the second, he often makes me laugh.and more familiar since we already talked back and forth in the past, he was still in that marriage at that time. he isn't ready to enter a serious relationship since he needs healing from his current divorce. but he wants me to hang out there with him, he is working hard on his inner repair and his debts. Everyone will choose the first one ,so I don't understand why having more feelings with the second. and its difficult to talk to two same time...... Link to post Share on other sites
dangerous Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Why not go with the guy you like most? he also sounds sensible to be working on himself. But make sure he continues working on himself, so many give up. But what about YOU? You mention you had therapy recently, so are you ready for a relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBlingRing14 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Have you met Guy #1 yet? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 You probably like guy number two better because on some level you're attracted to the chaos of someone like that. Yeah, after he's had some time to recover and do self-work, he will be good, but he needs a little more time to cook. You could pick a third option, stop talking to either of them, and find someone who you connect with on both levels. No reason to see someone who doesn't excite you, but also not always a good idea to go for the needy, broken guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted February 17, 2018 Author Share Posted February 17, 2018 Why not go with the guy you like most? he also sounds sensible to be working on himself. But make sure he continues working on himself, so many give up. But what about YOU? You mention you had therapy recently, so are you ready for a relationship? yea.....but he also had alcoholic addiction, going to night clubs etc, not stable yet. I just know I m going to love my future partner unconditionally, but I don't know the detail yet, not sure if it is ready for a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted February 17, 2018 Author Share Posted February 17, 2018 TheBlingRing14 , I did video chat but no meeting in person yet with the first. losangelena, yes, I m thinking about the third option maybe the easy and best option, I don't need to settle for anything less than perfect. but same time I do have some feelings for the both of them right now. and they both keep messaging me very often, very sincere. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 "Everybody" will pick the first? No. You haven't met him yet and he has no sense of humor. He discusses deep issues only, and has a ticker-tape plan of action on his future. I want someone I can connect with deeply, and we connect on certain values and opinions, but if there's no fun and no humor and everything has to be deep and serious, I'm thinking no...add to that, you have to fit with some itinerary of future...not a catch. PTSD dude is messed up. You connect with a common bond through the support group...support group...and he's new with demons and debt he has to work through. He's not a catch. He's a friend. He's not relationship material. You are setting yourself up for failure...alcohol addiction, divorce, debt, support group...he's on the right path with seeking support, but relationship is not in the cards for him right now, despite how you feel for him and he, you. He is not in a right spot to be making relationship and dating choices right now. Meet with number one. If you can't connect personally, you have your answer. Neither of these guys seem like catches to me. Furthermore, meeting a man in support group while you are also in this support group, I question where you are in your personal life and if YOU are ready to embark on a relationship. Are you ready? Meeting someone in support can be a good thing, as you face the same demons, but you both have to be in the same place on recovery and moving forward. This PTSD dude is just starting to crawl out of this hole he fell to the bottom of. He's not in the same place as you. Meet DeepThoughts in person first. Go from there. I'm thinking neither. DeepThoughts isn't really tripping your trigger, but an in-person meeting would be worth a shot first. Maybe he's just bouncing his deep thoughts onto you, but the act of actual and real relationship is just an idea he likes, but is not pursuing. Make a date. If he hem-haws and won't commit to a date, drop the rope. He can be your deep thoughts penpal, don't expect more. Date other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unit1 Posted February 18, 2018 Author Share Posted February 18, 2018 act00, yes the PTSD man is messed up, but I have a pattern I tend to fell in love with this kind of men in my past, they r good looking but messed up, I somehow feel like same as me, if I m saving them I m saving myself, and I have a fantasy to die with same type man. I like those poems...... my heart is insane. I also feel if a man going thru the total crazy stuff, will become a hero when recovered. and those man have a different vibe , they can laugh. The first man had a regular life , school work etc,he did ask for meeting and having a few days together for travel during the valentines, but it is too fast for me, I only talked for one more week with him, I don't know how to handle. will see...... Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted February 18, 2018 Share Posted February 18, 2018 If you have to ask, and from what you have posted, you should give them both a miss. Link to post Share on other sites
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