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Difficulty with online dating


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I’ve recently gotten back into the dating scene and trying the apps like Tender and Okcupid (and others) but not a lot of luck. I think my profile is pretty solid. I’m well educated, solid career, and most people I know personally say I have a great personality. I have not gotten any responses and no women have tried to contact me. I don’t think I’m a bad looking dude, but wondering if that is the problem. My avatar pic is one of the photos I use. Curious if you all think I’m just that unattractive or maybe I’m just doing it wrong?

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You didn't do it wrong. It's just OLD & not as easy as people think it is. It's a numbers game -- you have to send out a lot of initial contacts hoping 1 gets back to you.

 

Use it as a single unreliable tool & include many ways to meet people IRL as part of your daily routine.

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You can have the best personality in the world and it doesn’t matter on OLD. Only thing that helps is your pics.

 

From your avatar you seem like a handsome dude but I’m a guy so doesn’t matter what I think.

 

Another poster here turned me into photofeeler. I got some great feedback from women in my dating target range. I changed up my main photo by cropping another one I used and got more hits as a result.

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If your avatar is your OLD photo you have to realize that some percentage of women will not date you because you are military. They may dislike the institution or they may support our troops but have no interest in the lifestyle -- all the different postings & the possibility that you will be both gone & in harm's way routinely. My husband is a Marine vet. We met when he was already out. I don't think I could have handled being married to him while he was deployed. The worry would have been too much for me.

 

So at a minimum, change your photo & don't lead with your service

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Another poster here turned me into photofeeler. I got some great feedback from women in my dating target range. I changed up my main photo by cropping another one I used and got more hits as a result.

 

Thanks! I will check this out

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If your avatar is your OLD photo you have to realize that some percentage of women will not date you because you are military. They may dislike the institution or they may support our troops but have no interest in the lifestyle

 

Good point! But, I’m probably not going to be interested in someone with that attitude anyway. I agree though that I probably cuts down the number of possibilities.

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Granted & I am not suggesting that you hide your vocation, just don't lead with it. Post a picture in civilian clothes. That's all. Obviously you are not going to abandon your career for someone you just met & you will need a supportive partner but give her a few seconds to learn about the man before she has to deal with the soldier.

 

Does your post or base have any singles events? Every base I have been on has advertisements for official sponsored singles events. Have you attended any of them? The ones I saw did appear to be targeted more to the under 21 crowd but they must have something for the career guys too. The military is recognizing that having connections back home is important for the member's mental health.

 

Since I didn't say it -- thank you for your service & happy hunting!

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Thanks for the support! I am actually no longer in the military. It is just one of my better pics. I see what you’re saying, though. I may take that one down for a little while and see what happens

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It is a good picture in that it exudes strength & confidence. You were probably a good leader for your troops. A potential GF doesn't care about that skill set. She wants a warm, sweet man who is kissable & who makes her feel needed, protected too but not to a military grade level.

 

When I get nutty my husband reverts to what I call Marine mode. He gets more still & more quiet, like a grunt standing at attention while being dressed down by a DI. Makes me crazier. Over the years it has now forced me to dial it down & take some deep breaths before I continue with whatever is bothering me. But even after 10 years of marriage sometimes I find it hard to see the warm wonderful man I love when I look into the unseeing thousand yard stare from some of his active duty pictures.

 

Does that make sense?

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MaleIntuition

A few tips;

 

1. Pictures. It’s all about the pictures. Photofeeler is a great tool. You can also use the built in Tinder feature “auto-photos” in order to try to beat your previous best pictures. If you have a friend with a decent camera, ask him/her for a photo-session, high quality pictures tend to perform slightly better. Remember that girls are Much pickier when they swipe, so don’t be discouraged.

 

2. Profile text: keep it short and funny. If you are tall, consider putting it in there (girls commonly try to assess your heigh by using references in your pictures). I think the text sometimes can tip the scale, but to much can seem a bit to “try-hard”-ish.

 

3. Opening text: It’s your job. Put some effort into it: a simple “hi” is not enough. See if you can find something from her profile to ask about. Light and fun.

 

4. The goal is to meet in real life. Don’t wait to long to ask her out on a simple, low effort, meeting. Coffee, drinks, a walk in the park? A fullscale date with someone you’ve never met is a bit overkill in my opinion.

 

5. Don’t forget that a picture is just an approximation or what we look like. We are never perfectly still, we are alive - some more than others. OLD is just one tool among others!

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Tbh , if l was a chick and guys sent me the good old internet list of how to replies, l couldn't find delete quick enough myself and on my site some of the girls actually say that , right there on their page.

 

l also don't get the numbers thing , why would l wanna send out to 100 girls when l'm only interested in one of them.

Mind you l was only on it for a short while but l only contacted a few women because they were the only ones l was interested in but all but 1 got back to me.

l don;t have a pic on my page, they're on private, only a contact see's them.

 

So l dunno , don't get any of the stuff that goes around on the net , l;m very individual person be damned if l'm gonna be just like tom dick or harry. How the hell does anyone worthwhile even notice anyone anyway doing exactly the same as everyone else.

 

So l dunno man , ya wanna meet sheeple , do what everyone else does, you wanna meet someone special , just be you.

Edited by Chilli
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A few tips<snip>

 

This is excellent advice. It may have been you who recommended photofeeler in a prior post.

 

If so, your typed words may be responsible for getting me some new [women]. Many thanks!

 

The power of the internet!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote and edit for language
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Cookiesandough

I can’t really expand upon the awesome advice advice MI gave other to say it sounds interesting there’s a group of people who’ve taken it upon themselves to rate stranger’s pictures in order for free(if I got that right).

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Also, what is your age range set at? I've been messaged or 'liked' by older men that wont date women their age or even a few years younger. It always put me off them that they wont consider or even want to see women their age in their search results. Anyone that prioritizes age over more important factors like personality, how caring someone is, humor, intelligence, etc isnt someone I'm interested in. I've always thought they're probably missing out on some incredible, beautiful women that way.

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Due to a report moderation stopped by to clean up some language and a meta-discussion and we'll remind members that LoveShack.org is not a 'rate my profile' site or a dating site, rather an interpersonal relationship discussion site, and we recommend members protect their anonymity by keeping personal information and pictures to a minimum, if any. Once published, it's out there, for better or worse. Thanks and please continue to assist this member with their difficulties in online dating!

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Just be yourself...don't let a computer site change the things you stand for. Don't worry about impressing everybody online--there are a lot of flakes--I flaked on my first meet up--was not ready for it--still feel awful about it-learned my lesson, though.

Keep an open mind, there may be some good ones out there, so do not get jaded...but, let's just say, that military training is going to come in handy for you--...keep your calm, have fun, watch your back, and don't try to change to much for people you haven't even met yet...they may or may not be worth it. The most helpful advice I can think of is to research online dating etiquette, how to spot scams, and to use your own good judgement. It's a whole different world out there now. Good luck.

I don't know about any one else, but in times gone by, women liked a man in uniform. It could also attract the wrong crowd. Just be cautious and ask friends or community online for advice if you feel like you might need to share your experiences and sort out any details that you stumble upon. Don't go it alone, that is for sure!

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Also, what is your age range set at? I've been messaged or 'liked' by older men that wont date women their age or even a few years younger. It always put me off them that they wont consider or even want to see women their age in their search results. Anyone that prioritizes age over more important factors like personality, how caring someone is, humor, intelligence, etc isnt someone I'm interested in. I've always thought they're probably missing out on some incredible, beautiful women that way.

 

Good point. I set my ranges to about 7 years younger than me and 2-4 years older than me. I admit that I do aim for a younger date, but that is largely because I would like to have kids down the road and that is a riskier position for women my age or older. There are definitely attractive women out there my age and older, but the decision making is a little more complex when I see women my age.

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