Dating someone you don't find pretty

[tamir302]

Hi guys,

So I went on a date a few days ago with a woman I met on Tinder. The date was great, there was an immediate connection (at least I think so on my part), the conversation flowed and there was physical contact.

Later when I drove her back home we even spent an hour or so making out in the car, which is something that usually doesn't happen to me on the first date.

 

The only problem is and it may sound strange- I don't think she's pretty. Maybe not even average looking. When I look at her pictures or even sometimes during the evening, I couldn't help but think like this. However, I do think I am attracted to her, since making out with her was fun and exciting.

 

Does it make sense? We set a second date to the weekend, and I'm not sure what to make of this situation.

 

Thanks,

T.

[d0nnivain]

No it doesn't make sense. If you are not attracted to her, why did you get physical with her? It reads like you were using her.

 

 

Do take another look with your heart not your eyes but if you can't see yourself being her biggest fan leave her be. She doesn't need a luke warm guy who's settling.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I assume when you write you don't think she's pretty you mean you don't think she's attractive.

 

Is there no physical attraction there for you at all? If not, I wouldn't lead her on. At some point it's going to be a problem, imo.

[basil67]

I've always been far more attracted to personality over looks, so it makes perfect sense to me. It's the personality which drives the sexual attraction.

[SevenCity]

It can go one of two ways. Either you will start to find her more attractive through getting to know her, or she will become less attractive as you do.

 

You like her enough for a second date so see how that goes.

[Space Ritual]

Hi guys,

So I went on a date a few days ago with a woman I met on Tinder. The date was great, there was an immediate connection (at least I think so on my part), the conversation flowed and there was physical contact.

Later when I drove her back home we even spent an hour or so making out in the car, which is something that usually doesn't happen to me on the first date.

 

The only problem is and it may sound strange- I don't think she's pretty. Maybe not even average looking. When I look at her pictures or even sometimes during the evening, I couldn't help but think like this. However, I do think I am attracted to her, since making out with her was fun and exciting.

 

Does it make sense? We set a second date to the weekend, and I'm not sure what to make of this situation.

 

Thanks,

T.

 

I understand your plight, Back in my drinking days I on occasion thought one may be "Good from far, but far from good". But that's just my experience.

 

 

On a lighter note .....

Your conundrum may have an answer contained somewhere in this video.

 

[joseb]

Yeah, like Space Ritual, in my past I have made some choices while inebriated that I regretted the next day.

 

I'm confused though -are you attracted to her (turned on, want to kiss her and be with her) and just don't think she is classically pretty?

 

Or do you not find her that attractive.

 

I've dated girls that may not have been very pretty, but I found them super attractive (chemistry, nice body, voice, smell, way of carrying themselves, personality, etc)

[todreaminblue]

let this girl find someoen who sees her as a goddess..whose eyes are for her only...who truly finds her beautiful inside and out......she isnt for you...let her go.....dont use her for your own physical gratification or because you dont want to be alone....its wrong..dont waste her time or yours......deb

[tamir302]

Yeah, like Space Ritual, in my past I have made some choices while inebriated that I regretted the next day.

 

I'm confused though -are you attracted to her (turned on, want to kiss her and be with her) and just don't think she is classically pretty?

 

Or do you not find her that attractive.

 

I've dated girls that may not have been very pretty, but I found them super attractive (chemistry, nice body, voice, smell, way of carrying themselves, personality, etc)

 

I think I am attracted to her on some level, just not by her overall looks. And I find it conflicting.

 

I guess I'll try another date and see how it goes.

[Gaeta]

I remember going on a date with a man I found ugly from the second I laid eyes on him. I stayed for the date and later I called my adult daughter and told her I had just met the ugliest man but somehow I was totally into him and wanted to see him again. We dated 3 months. He was ugly but ugly like the star-trek-villain ugly, strong and confident, I was fascinated by him.

[kendahke]

If you are attracted enough to kiss her/make out in the car, then she can't be all that unattractive.

 

I agree with todreaminblue--don't use her to mark time. That's being cruel and unfair.

[FilterCoffee]

Don’t date a girl if you can’t find anything physically attractive about her. That’s my view at least.

[smackie9]

i've been in your shoes....but it's called putting them into the friends zone. I've had lots of emotional connections with guys when I was dating....it could never get past that level tho, even tho I wanted it to.

[CptInsano]

I see two possible scenarios here, and based on the OP's posts I'm not sure which one applies.

 

a) He actually considers her looks a problem, and it's not just a lack of attraction based on looks alone. If he can't get over it, he should end it soon.

 

b) Looks don't work in her favor, but he is intrigued by the overall package. That has happened to me several times, and has worked out more than it has not.

 

I'm just curious which one it is.

[Annalie]

Hi guys,

So I went on a date a few days ago with a woman I met on Tinder. The date was great, there was an immediate connection (at least I think so on my part), the conversation flowed and there was physical contact.

Later when I drove her back home we even spent an hour or so making out in the car, which is something that usually doesn't happen to me on the first date.

 

The only problem is and it may sound strange- I don't think she's pretty. Maybe not even average looking. When I look at her pictures or even sometimes during the evening, I couldn't help but think like this. However, I do think I am attracted to her, since making out with her was fun and exciting.

 

Does it make sense? We set a second date to the weekend, and I'm not sure what to make of this situation.

 

Thanks,

T.

I have been in this situation before but I am a girl and they say girls don't focus so much on the looks. The guy was simply ugly, but he was persistent. He ended up taking me to different places, i have tried a lot of new things with him. He was incredibly confident and I fell (or almost fell) in love with him. I was embarrassed to show my friends a picture of him, but every time he would text me, I was over the moon. He ended up hurting me.

 

Again, not sure if guys can get past "below average looks" but it worked out for me. I had awesome time and strong emotions for this guy.

[carhill]

To use a line women often use, heh, give her a chance.

[Fair]

I wouldn't get all twisted up into a knot over this. I've been very attracted to a lot of guys due to personality alone.

 

Looks are superficial... they'll always fade no matter who you date or marry.... one day you'll wake up and they've changed. you want someone you can connect with... and you said you feel a connection with her. AND you think you're attracted to her. This is great news because it means you like HER ... for herself. Nothing superficial about it as it might otherwise be if you just thought she was hot.

 

You don't get that feeling of connection with just anybody. In fact, if you're like me, you hardly feel it with anyone at all so if you do find it you should hang onto it.

 

This will only be an issue if you let it become one.

 

What I've come to see on forums like these is that not everyone has a completely unbiased opinion even though they don't know you. I've made grave mistakes listening to forum advice a time or two. Sometimes even anonymous strangers don't want to see you happy. So be careful and listen to your gut most of all.

[normal person]

If you met her on Tinder, what'd you swipe right on her for?

[KBarletta]

Honestly, some of the women I've been the most attracted to in my life I didn't give a second look until I got to know them. As I spent more time with them and got to know them personally, they became more and more beautiful.

 

Also, there have been women I've met who I was immediately struck by how pretty they were but as I got to know them they became less and less attractive.

 

And other times, some women have so-so faces and perfect bodies, or vice versa.

 

It probably doesn't work that way with everyone, but I'd say give it another shot and see how you feel once you get to know her better.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm another one who will admit to having fallen head over heels more than once with men who would have never registered on my radar physically speaking.

 

Their personality, sense of humor and ability to carry a conversation have often been the thing that tipped the scales in their favor. And once I'm there...I'm in it...and hard...with both feet.

 

Suddenly they become the most attractive person in my universe, inside and out.

[Imajerk17]

I wouldn't get all twisted up into a knot over this. I've been very attracted to a lot of guys due to personality alone.

 

Looks are superficial... they'll always fade no matter who you date or marry.... one day you'll wake up and they've changed. you want someone you can connect with... and you said you feel a connection with her. AND you think you're attracted to her. This is great news because it means you like HER ... for herself. Nothing superficial about it as it might otherwise be if you just thought she was hot.

 

You don't get that feeling of connection with just anybody. In fact, if you're like me, you hardly feel it with anyone at all so if you do find it you should hang onto it.

 

This will only be an issue if you let it become one.

 

What I've come to see on forums like these is that not everyone has a completely unbiased opinion even though they don't know you. I've made grave mistakes listening to forum advice a time or two. Sometimes even anonymous strangers don't want to see you happy. So be careful and listen to your gut most of all.

 

I'm another one who will admit to having fallen head over heels more than once with men who would have never registered on my radar physically speaking.

 

Their personality, sense of humor and ability to carry a conversation have often been the thing that tipped the scales in their favor. And once I'm there...I'm in it...and hard...with both feet.

 

Suddenly they become the most attractive person in my universe, inside and out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, I think this is a difference between the genders though.

 

Many a woman has given a guy whose looks she didn't like, a chance, and discovered that the amazing connection more than made up for the lack of initial physical attraction. And then she just can't keep her hands off him.

 

Men generally don't work that way though.

 

 

 

 

Honestly, some of the women I've been the most attracted to in my life I didn't give a second look until I got to know them. As I spent more time with them and got to know them personally, they became more and more beautiful.

 

Also, there have been women I've met who I was immediately struck by how pretty they were but as I got to know them they became less and less attractive.

 

And other times, some women have so-so faces and perfect bodies, or vice versa.

 

It probably doesn't work that way with everyone, but I'd say give it another shot and see how you feel once you get to know her better.

 

 

 

I mean, we CAN suddenly feel sparks for someone we've known for a while not really noticing like that, but it's almost always NOT for someone whose looks we deem 'below average'.

 

It is why the OP is being told that he is stringing this woman along and that he needs to end it.

Edited February 15, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Cookiesandough]

The only problem is and it may sound strange- I don't think she's pretty. Maybe not even average looking. When I look at her pictures or even sometimes during the evening, I couldn't help but think like this. However, I do think I am attracted to her, since making out with her was fun and exciting.

 

 

What?! No,... It sounds like you are just horny/enjoy making out ... you’re not attracted to her. leave this poor girl alone

[Michelle ma Belle]

Well, I think this is a difference between the genders though.

 

Many a woman has given a guy whose looks she didn't like, a chance, and discovered that the amazing connection more than made up for the lack of initial physical attraction. And then she just can't keep her hands off him.

 

Men generally don't work that way though.

 

Amen to that

Edited February 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[mistycord]

Personally I think connecting on a physical as well as an emotional level is important. I don't think I could ever date someone I wasn't physically attracted to and I surely would not want to be with anyone who didn't think I was attractive. It kind of sounds like you're just using her for sex imo and that girl deserves to be with someone who's attracted to her. End things and find someone you don't feel like you're settling for for her sake and your own.

[PrincessPeach]

I am fairly plain, I'm not super pretty but think I look mostly nice, and have had a guy tell me some version of "You aren't what I find conventionally attractive, but am still completely drawn to and crazy about you."

 

For the record... don't tell her something like this. It isn't the best thing to hear.

 

I don't think anything is wrong with your position. I think it's natural for people to find others more attractive physically as they get closer to them emotionally, for both guys and girls. There is clearly something between you two in your short story and I think you should see where it takes you.