N2017 Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 Hey everyone, I'm a student and I help out with a computer science class offered at my college. There's this guy that I sort of like and I think he might like me but I want to be sure, and I really need some input! He always smiles at me whenever I am explaining things on the board, and he's written in his assignments to the teacher how much he values my help, and when I offer outside of class help sessions for students he comes and walks with me out and asks me questions about my family and why I like computer science and things we're into. My fear is he's just sucking up so that I'll help him and he can pass the class, but at the same time he doesn't even need to because that's my role in the class. Thanks!! ps: thanks to everyone who helped me move on from the douchebag I was seeing. I posted a lot about it and all your advice was golden. I'm having a blast being single :-) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 What is your official role here? Do you have any influence on his grade? If so you can't do anything until this class ends. If you are just the tutor, there are no prohibitions. Alas there are not guarantees. He could like you. He could just be sucking up for a better grade / more attention. Perhaps suggest a one on one tutoring session & see how he behaves during that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author N2017 Posted February 10, 2018 Author Share Posted February 10, 2018 I don't have an influence on the grade. I just help during class and offer extra help outside of the class. There have been sessions where he is the last one who stays and he starts asking me questions about myself and what I like and talks about himself and his family. The last session he even walked with me out. On top of it, I had told him about my car and then one day I parked really crooked and he asked me if that was my car. I'm really happy and comfortable when I'm around him so far, I just wanted to ask the community to sanity check my intuition lol. Link to post Share on other sites
maxi105 Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 Hi N2017, you sound like a nice person and a genuine one too, so I hope this guy does like you; but my advice is if there is a way that someone else can tutor him then maybe it might be best to go for that option. not knowing this guy I couldn't say if he means to use you, it is highly possible because often people can get super competitive where grades and comparisons with people around getting graded are concerned and it's not always obvious with some people that is how they feel until you've been used!!!! I'm sure he's a nice guy and that your attraction probably was before the tuition role, however I think if he likes you really, he's gonna like you anyway. maybe you might be better to drop the tuition role for a while (even if it's just for a class or two) if you are the only tutor helper and just see how he reacts; i.e. is he sounding off to you and more cross that his grades will slip because you were not there? if he likes you, he can see you out of class or after the exams or course work is done. (and that might be better anyway for him if his interests are genuine in you as a potential date) as he won't be so distracted. glad you are in a better place and enjoying being single. maybe those with broken hearts right now can feel hope a bit of hope in that part of your post. I would hate you to get fooled, just when you are feeling good about yourself. if you want to carry on the tutoring regardless then maybe see if he can trade your time for him and help you in return with something so you don't feel too sure of to save yourself from doing all of the giving to him! not everyone is the same of course, some people really are thankful for help and value those that help them, but obviously there are also those in all walks of life and situations who feel no thought for anything other than just getting pass grades no matter who they walk over to get there. hhmmm....I wonder, how many people out there sat exams knowing a few people around them cheated to get where they got; when they had to struggle and put in everything they had only just to get a lower passed grade. so maybe think about that too, if you give this guy all of your attention, will it be at the expense of others who will be prepared to work for it because they want it but could do with a bit more of your time? but like I said, I don't know this guy. I do wish you well in this, just be careful; he obviously knows you are clever, and if he is someone that is just out to use you, there is also a chance he could be laughing at you behind your back and would probably cool things off the moment he's got what he wanted. sometimes helping people means you have to make them think for themselves a bit. (so even if you do stay as his tutor, make him work harder for you if he isn't already, then at least you won't have blindly given him everything to pass his grades for no returns). one last question: is this guy single? maybe next time he asks you lots of questions ask him why all of the questions, does he fancy you or something. (not always easy to do, but maybe ask why all the questions...at least it will be as it happens). good luck, just be careful, but I do hope things are ok for you and so glad you are having fun again. maxi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 Be desirable? be flirty. tease joke around, bring it onto a personal level....in other words make him comfortable with you enough to ask you out. Does he like you? we don't know....not until he asks you out. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 All this encouragement is presuming he is not underage and you are not "overage." Link to post Share on other sites
Author N2017 Posted February 11, 2018 Author Share Posted February 11, 2018 All this encouragement is presuming he is not underage and you are not "overage." lmao no we're both over 18 and the same age. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 So the next time he walks you out, ask him to get a cup of coffee with you. Very casual . . . just an excuse to the keep the conversation going. That should be enough encouragement to get him to ask you out over that coffee. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 There are no guarantees, and no way of knowing he's using you for a passing grade and extra help. It may not even be intentional, but that after the class ends, so does the spark, and off he goes. It would be nice to know for sure, but alas, we never know, we just have to give it a try. Maybe as d0nnivain suggests, ask him if he'd like to get a cup of coffee with you, and maybe from there he'll ask you out. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 You'll find out once the class is done and he's gotten his grade for the semester if he's sucking up or genuine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 Hey everyone, I'm a student and I help out with a computer science class offered at my college. There's this guy that I sort of like and I think he might like me but I want to be sure, and I really need some input! He always smiles at me whenever I am explaining things on the board, and he's written in his assignments to the teacher how much he values my help, and when I offer outside of class help sessions for students he comes and walks with me out and asks me questions about my family and why I like computer science and things we're into. My fear is he's just sucking up so that I'll help him and he can pass the class, but at the same time he doesn't even need to because that's my role in the class. Thanks!! ps: thanks to everyone who helped me move on from the douchebag I was seeing. I posted a lot about it and all your advice was golden. I'm having a blast being single :-) It can't be more obvious to me that he likes you. He's not going to suck up to you just to be tutored. He's probably feeling a bit conflicted being more forthright because, after all, you are his tutor and have a quasi-professional relationship. After the term ends and the tutor-tutee relationship is over he should show more interest. Give him your phone number in case he has any questions regarding the material you cover. If he's really scared, after the sessions are over, he'll still call you and ask about material you covered during the sessions. If he isn't scared he'll ask you out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 It can't be more obvious to me that he likes you. He's not going to suck up to you just to be tutored. He's probably feeling a bit conflicted being more forthright because, after all, you are his tutor and have a quasi-professional relationship. After the term ends and the tutor-tutee relationship is over he should show more interest. Give him your phone number in case he has any questions regarding the material you cover. If he's really scared, after the sessions are over, he'll still call you and ask about material you covered during the sessions. If he isn't scared he'll ask you out. I'm not sure I agree, but I sure hope you're right. The thing is, during the course and his need for tutoring, he is enamored, but after the semester ends, his crush could die with it, and that's not to say he is purposefully using her or anything AT ALL, but sometimes people come into our lives when we need them and then they are gone...and it's not intentional or malicious or calculated. I know this because I have done it...not on purpose, but after the semester was over, there was just nothing there. I still feel pangs of guilt over it, and this was some 20 years ago. It happens. So the OP does need to realize that this could be a fleeting moment...enjoy it, though. These little crushes and sparks of attraction can be a bright spot to trudging through the day. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author N2017 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 Be desirable? be flirty. tease joke around, bring it onto a personal level....in other words make him comfortable with you enough to ask you out. Does he like you? we don't know....not until he asks you out. Yeah, good, point. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author N2017 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 It can't be more obvious to me that he likes you. He's not going to suck up to you just to be tutored. He's probably feeling a bit conflicted being more forthright because, after all, you are his tutor and have a quasi-professional relationship. After the term ends and the tutor-tutee relationship is over he should show more interest. Give him your phone number in case he has any questions regarding the material you cover. If he's really scared, after the sessions are over, he'll still call you and ask about material you covered during the sessions. If he isn't scared he'll ask you out. Hey CrosstimersOkie, Thanks for your comment! This kinda made me happy to read haha.... I had a question tho, you don't think I'd come across too strong if I give him my number? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author N2017 Posted February 13, 2018 Author Share Posted February 13, 2018 I'm not sure I agree, but I sure hope you're right. The thing is, during the course and his need for tutoring, he is enamored, but after the semester ends, his crush could die with it, and that's not to say he is purposefully using her or anything AT ALL, but sometimes people come into our lives when we need them and then they are gone...and it's not intentional or malicious or calculated. I know this because I have done it...not on purpose, but after the semester was over, there was just nothing there. I still feel pangs of guilt over it, and this was some 20 years ago. It happens. So the OP does need to realize that this could be a fleeting moment...enjoy it, though. These little crushes and sparks of attraction can be a bright spot to trudging through the day. Time will tell. I definitely will enjoy it :-) Yeah it's fine if it ends after the semester, he's cute and I'm trying to keep it casual. It's hard tho haha Link to post Share on other sites
CrosstimbersOkie Posted February 13, 2018 Share Posted February 13, 2018 (edited) Hey CrosstimersOkie, Thanks for your comment! This kinda made me happy to read haha.... I had a question tho, you don't think I'd come across too strong if I give him my number? I hear that's hard for a girl to do. If he's scared, that may embolden him. But don't just 'give' him your number. Suggest that if he has any questions on the subject matter that he can call you if he likes. That gives him the opportunity to 'ask' for your number. It also gives you plausible deniability to back out of the situation if he turns out to be someone you don't want to associate with, because you only offered him your number for computer science purposes. Edited February 13, 2018 by CrosstimbersOkie Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 (edited) Your situation is a gender reverse role. I'll explain: Straight men typically like to be the one who's helping you. They like to feel needed. In your situation you're the tutor. You're helping him. When the tutoring session is over go over and ask him a question. Ask him to help you with something. For example: If he looks like a sports junkie and constantly wears his favorite teams jersey ask him a question related to that. Or tell him it's your favorite (male) cousin's birthday and you're looking for a great gift an awesome guy would want? a) If he likes you a little more than a friend he'll go out of his way to help you and engage you in flirty banter. b) If he tells you he saw some great guy gift ideas on the Ellen DeGeneres show or suddenly compliments your mascara he's probably gay (like me). c) If he tells you to Google it he's not into you Remember even gay men like me can come across as flirty, friendly, make eye contact and smile a lot. But we do it because we're totally comfortable around you and there is no sexual tension. If a guy is really into you you'll feel the vibe; it's undeniable. ;-) Edited February 16, 2018 by loverboy69 Link to post Share on other sites
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