LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

The signs - is he a player or does he want something more


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree36Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 9th February 2018, 12:32 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 20
The signs - is he a player or does he want something more

If you see a man who on the first date does not want to take you out, and instead jokingly asks what you are cooking and invites himself over saying "he's sooo hungry", what would you make of it. Is he looking for something long term or is he just a player and a user. After you turn him down from coming over and eating your food, and he finally agrees to take you out, but really pushes you into coming over to his house for the first date for dinner/movie is he just in it for the sex. If he's super handsy and he keeps telling you that you are reserved and jumpy and this is like the second date and he acts shocked that you wont go to his house, is this a player? Or is he looking for something long term or just a one night thing?

Also this is a man who never tells anything about himself or asks questions to get to know me.
GreenTea937 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 12:36 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Jj66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 1,081
If he doesn't try to get to know you that is a sure sign he already knows everything he wants to know about you: that you have a vagina. Next.
__________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."
George Eliot
Jj66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 12:38 AM   #3
Established Member
 
rightondude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: deep south
Posts: 281
uh, yeah sister, he wants to pump and dump
rightondude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 12:45 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 333
I fell for the same issue. Yeah dump the home date guy.
fieldoflavender is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th February 2018, 7:29 AM   #5
Established Member
 
act00's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,275
It sounds like he's more interested in getting you into bed and not the least bit interested in spending any money in the process, let alone learning who you are as a human being and getting to know each other. There is no courtship, it sounds like. I don't mind affection at all, even on a first date, but "super handsy" is a lot, even for me...and then the accusations..."You're so jumpy." Just pawing at you suggests where his mind is at and what his goals are. He doesn't seem worth your time. Move on.
act00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 10:09 AM   #6
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 20
I had another gf who dated the same guy. They met online. She says he never pawed at her. She was the one who ghosted him b/c she was not interested. He leaned in for a kiss when they were watching TV on the couch. And she saw his little hands and feet and ran out of there. I just dont understand why the pawing over me, and no touching with her. I do not come off as easy in the least bit. So why was he right from the beginning acting like this around me. I am not the type of girl who looks like is easy to get into bed.
GreenTea937 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 10:10 AM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 20
Also, this guy never would kiss. Or when he would you would stop kissing him b/c his tongue just lays in his mouth and he never moves it.
GreenTea937 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 10:46 AM   #8
Established Member
 
act00's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,275
Who knows the differences on approaches. It could be that your overall demeanor is more open, so he felt more comfortable touching (pawing/handsy is a different story). It could be that throughout his dating experience, some women were more affectionate from the start, and he became more comfortable being more affectionate sooner, rather than hands off, head straight ahead, don't make a move for 2.4 dates. Maybe he made the personal decision to be more bold because he wants a more affectionate woman, or maybe he figured this would be a way to figure out if a woman was interested in fast sex. There's no way to know. The thing is, moving fast to the sofa and a movie with no real courting and not even planning a nice meal is lazy and almost like he's giving up, so "here's me, take it or leave it, I won't invest much because it's always a failure anyway....let's have sex."

I don't know. Just how everything played out in your post, it doesn't seem promising. I love affection, but not the handsy, manhandling, so no. Bad kissing can hopefully be corrected, but even that isn't the biggest deal breaker if everything else is awesome.

I went out with a handful of men who hugged upon meeting and one planted a kiss on me on the lips right from the start...I little different, and I liked it (the smacker I can do without until the end). I'm an affectionate person, so this taught me that it's okay to put out that hug when you meet, or not, but I guess this is to say that people are going to adjust their behaviors based on what works and what doesn't and what they like or don't like, and the environment, circumstances, and person they are with can cause an adjustment. Him continuously manhandling and then saying you're reserved and jumpy...he's not adjusting, just pawing, and somehow making it your issue, not his.
act00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 10:54 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,870
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jj66 View Post
If he doesn't try to get to know you that is a sure sign he already knows everything he wants to know about you: that you have a vagina. Next.


Oh man , ya cracked me up.
Chilli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 10:57 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,870
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenTea937 View Post
Also, this guy never would kiss. Or when he would you would stop kissing him b/c his tongue just lays in his mouth and he never moves it.

Wth does that mean , you mean he won't tongue kiss ya and that's pissing you off that much ?

Man if a chick dives her tongue in on me , that's it l'm off for good . Can't stand that shyt especially when you don't even know someone .
Chilli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 10:58 AM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 32
So, he isn't willing to take you out, he doesn't show some respect for your personal space, he's boring in conversation and on top of that doesn't kiss. Even if he was interested I bet that you'd get sick of him within a month (and with good reason!)
gone_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 10:59 AM   #12
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 26,865
He's not a player Players are smooth & suave.

He's pushy & cheap.

I'd take a pass all the way around.

Frankly you'd be better off with a player because you would at least get a great date out of it.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 1:34 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Cookiesandough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 5,181
He's tryna bang and not playing any games about it
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 2:43 PM   #14
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 12,556
He's no player, he's just looking for a hookup. "Hungry" or "Thirsty" are terms used of really wanting sex.

D0nnivian is right. Players are smooth operators that use different tactics to make you think they are interested in something more serious...telling you what you want to hear, love bombing, etc.

This guy is using code simply wanting to have sex. Pretty straight forward.
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th February 2018, 5:06 PM   #15
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 12,556
The thing about players isn't just about sex, but the ability to have emotional control over women. To have women feel an insatiable desire for them. They have a need to feed their egos with this.
oasis likes this.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Signs he's a PLAYER? veganpilot Dating 34 6th July 2015 1:16 AM
Are these signs of a man player? Letitsnow Dating 23 14th December 2013 10:04 AM
Signs of a player yellowhibiscus Dating 29 16th February 2011 1:19 PM
Are these signs he is player and fading away on me ? Nagini Dating 33 23rd August 2009 6:40 AM
Telltale signs of a 'player' HurtinginVA Dating 3 22nd June 2004 11:09 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:00 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.