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Everything he says is Perfect - Am I being played?


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Old 9th February 2018, 4:49 AM   #46
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Be careful. He sounds emotionally unstable at best and like a narcissist at worst. I see some narcissist red flags in here, personally. Guys who pressure you to accept gifts and money early on can 1. want to make you feel obligated 2. have nothing else to really offer you so need to flatter you and buy you off before you figure out who they really are. Love bombing was already mentioned. Little digs at you and saying weird things about controlling something about you may slowly start to escalate. Making you feel intense intimacy immediately, in spite of not actually knowing each other yet, and pushing for commitment really soon (let's get off the dating app!) can be big red flags with this kind of person.

I agree with posters who say to put down firm boundaries and stick to them. Nothing unreasonable or games to test him, but he's pushing your boundaries right now and it sounds like you know where your comfort zone actually is. If he's truly bad news, which I believe he is from your gut telling you something is off, he won't be able to tolerate any boundaries you have for very long. He'll be pushing at them or even guilt tripping you if his actions are actually all about him and not about his feelings for you. If he respects you and has your best intentions at heart, he'll want to do what's right for you and what makes you feel comfortable.

I hope he's for real for your sake, but I've been in bad love bombing situations before and this sounds too familiar (though, with way more money!). Once that controlling side comes out more, the honeymoon period quickly becomes not worth it. It can be easy for anyone to get sucked in, more so for people who may feel lonely or insecure. I've learned that those stronger boundaries early on are the best protection.
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Old 9th February 2018, 5:31 AM   #47
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I don't think he sounds too good to be true at all - quite the opposite, actually.

I think he sounds completely bizarre and his behaviour is off-putting. In my mind, a "perfect" man also maintains some sense moderation and self-control. This guy lacks that. A guy who is truly a good catch can strike the right balance between showing interest and excitement, and employing sound judgement and taking his time to get to know a woman for who she is. Again, not present here.

Him being a player would not be my only concern here. He is showing some serious red flags that could indicate a host of other problems. Personally, I'd give him a hard pass and focus instead on finding a guy who has a more grounded, stable approach. That is what is likely to bring long-term success.
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Old 9th February 2018, 6:38 AM   #48
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To me, it sounds like a very inexperienced man.
Like his only way to seduce a woman is with money.
Also, a guy that is successful and experienced doesnt get involved with someone who lives that far away. That may be because he has zero sexual experience (that doesn't necessarily means he's bad at it, it just means he doesn't know how to seduce a woman)

All that you tell about him is so awcquard it just makes me laugh.

I'd run, fast. This guy seems like a weirdo, not a dangerous one, just a problematic one.
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:24 AM   #49
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Reading more and more...sleeping with you while you were sick as a dog - wanting you to wear certain outfits...this guy is a submissive and he wants you to dominate him. Maybe not physically but probably that way as well. OOC, what was he like in bed? Was he a take control type or the opposite (and not, I'm not trolling for details, just broad strokes, no pun intended)?

You might just ask him if that's what he's into. Then, if he is, you have to decide how you feel about that. Just understand that people who have fetishes don't ever really let go of that fetish so if it's true, don't expect it to be a phase.

Still, it could be worse. At least you get treated decently if this were true. More than decently, really.
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Old 9th February 2018, 9:52 PM   #50
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Reading more and more...sleeping with you while you were sick as a dog - wanting you to wear certain outfits...this guy is a submissive and he wants you to dominate him. Maybe not physically but probably that way as well. OOC, what was he like in bed? Was he a take control type or the opposite (and not, I'm not trolling for details, just broad strokes, no pun intended)?

You might just ask him if that's what he's into. Then, if he is, you have to decide how you feel about that. Just understand that people who have fetishes don't ever really let go of that fetish so if it's true, don't expect it to be a phase.

Still, it could be worse. At least you get treated decently if this were true. More than decently, really.
yes i agree with you - i think its clear he is a closet submissive. i think in his work he has to be sort of alpha - lots of quick life changing decisions. some of my friends were joking i was gonna be a dom. never really been with someone like this before. funny thing is its not really my personality but with him its kinda fun bc he will just do what i say.

i have a question about the submissive personality thing. imo he comes off as fairly confident, not in any way insecure, etc. socially, i would say he is engaging but not overly. he is good at blending into different scenarios. i guess the sub personality type is common for a semi 'alpha' guy or is that less common? i just find it interesting. im trying to figure him out.

when i was sick he didn't have a condom so the sex was not full on if you will. but we also did everything else. i would say it was pretty even split but the first time we were together only i was pleasured. tmi? in general though i can be pretty demanding in bed so maybe that will be good for him.

also, is him wanting me to wear certain outfits part of the submissive thing? wouldn't it be other way around? other day he said i could pick his underwear for him lol. he has asked me about my fantasies and role play but i don't think hes been fully honest yet. my friend highlighted today that technically we've been on like 4 dates total.

he wrote me today telling me hes close to getting all the time off to come visit.

Last edited by paloma22; 9th February 2018 at 9:59 PM..
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:03 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by lurker74 View Post
Reading more and more...sleeping with you while you were sick as a dog - wanting you to wear certain outfits...this guy is a submissive and he wants you to dominate him. Maybe not physically but probably that way as well. OOC, what was he like in bed? Was he a take control type or the opposite (and not, I'm not trolling for details, just broad strokes, no pun intended)?

You might just ask him if that's what he's into. Then, if he is, you have to decide how you feel about that. Just understand that people who have fetishes don't ever really let go of that fetish so if it's true, don't expect it to be a phase.

Still, it could be worse. At least you get treated decently if this were true. More than decently, really.
just googled the femdom stuff. its bang on again. in fact it even talks about how they love women in high heels - he often talks about how much he loves girls in heels. WEIRD.

I secretly love the idea of this. its just.. new.
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Old 9th February 2018, 10:39 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by lurker74 View Post
Reading more and more...sleeping with you while you were sick as a dog - wanting you to wear certain outfits...this guy is a submissive and he wants you to dominate him. Maybe not physically but probably that way as well. OOC, what was he like in bed? Was he a take control type or the opposite (and not, I'm not trolling for details, just broad strokes, no pun intended)?

You might just ask him if that's what he's into. Then, if he is, you have to decide how you feel about that. Just understand that people who have fetishes don't ever really let go of that fetish so if it's true, don't expect it to be a phase.

Still, it could be worse. At least you get treated decently if this were true. More than decently, really.
oh ya, hes also said he wants me to make him into 'my perfect man'.
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Old 10th February 2018, 1:38 PM   #53
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So, he's essentially looking for someone to fulfill a specific role for him.

This is likely not going to result in a so-called "traditional" relationship, if that's what you're looking for. He appears to be lot more interested in what you can do for him rather than in you as a person.
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Old 10th February 2018, 2:08 PM   #54
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When I read this I thought that he's one of these guys that like to be humiliated/dominated. And it wasn;t a very serious thought.. until I read that others thought the same thing as I did!
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Old 10th February 2018, 2:14 PM   #55
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He is a weirdo.
Why would a smart, well educated girl with a great future waste time on something that is so obviously messy? Who cares what his deal is?
Get rid of him and get your mental peace back.
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Old 10th February 2018, 2:15 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
So, he's essentially looking for someone to fulfill a specific role for him.

This is likely not going to result in a so-called "traditional" relationship, if that's what you're looking for. He appears to be lot more interested in what you can do for him rather than in you as a person.
Yeah its obvious this is not LOVE.
He is just looking for someone to fulfill his weird fetish. He has a sugar daddy fetish.. ha ha.
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Old 10th February 2018, 2:19 PM   #57
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just googled the femdom stuff. its bang on again. in fact it even talks about how they love women in high heels - he often talks about how much he loves girls in heels. WEIRD.

I secretly love the idea of this. its just.. new.
Just the fact that you are still talking to him is good enough evidence that you are indeed enjoying the attention. Which in turn shows that you have some issues yourself... maybe you really need a man to date? Or you are so impressed by his achievements that you are putting up with bunch of BS?
I don't know... because a normal smart woman would get rid of such a guy asap.

Also warning, if you break up with him, he may turn into a stalker and harass you. I have bit of an experience with such a guy.
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Old 10th February 2018, 2:26 PM   #58
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I suspect he has other irons in the fire. Anyways he's grooming you. If you want to play along that's fine because he isn't being harmful. Enjoy it while it lasts.
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Old 11th February 2018, 1:24 AM   #59
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I suspect he has other irons in the fire. Anyways he's grooming you. If you want to play along that's fine because he isn't being harmful. Enjoy it while it lasts.
what do you mean by this?

also, i should add i did double check that he did delete/inactivate and not unmatch me on the dating app we met on.

also, i now have his credit card info, he also gave me access to his net worth, which is quite a lot for someone our age. i don't know why he wanted to share this info but i finally let him bc he seemed adamant about it (does this make me a bad person?) he still wants me to buy myself and him things on his dime, and now i understand why he seems ok with it (he has $ to spare).

its all weirding me out, but even yesterday we had a long chat about the feasibility of this relationship and he continued to reassure me constantly that he wants to try. he even said he wasn't against moving here...

again, i agree. still skeptical but i do believe he's being upfront/honest. i want to walk away but i really have no real reason to yet? i haven't really met anyone around where i currently live/its a small town.

yesterday he said he wants to be my bf. he even asked for assurance that if he books his flight i wont cancel on him last minute. so he's obviously got human/emotional concerns too...

maybe dating someone like him makes me a weirdo too, or maybe it illustrates my own 'issues' but tbh i kind of appreciate the absolute blunt transparency of all of it. its refreshing, albeit i do realize some of this a bit extreme.

in the meantime, i am not closing my eyes to other opportunities out there. he is going on a boys trip south soon and while many of the friends hes going with are married, i have no control over what he does over there and he has none over what i do here.

Last edited by paloma22; 11th February 2018 at 1:30 AM..
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Old 11th February 2018, 9:42 AM   #60
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I agree with what cookies said. I think he has a fetish.

Some guys get off buying girls stuff.

My guess would be this is also part of some kind of role play. Some people like being dominated in bed, while others enjoy being bossed around in day to day life.

I guess it depends if you're ok with his fetish or not. If you're cool with this kind of power dynamic, why not.

Last edited by 2much4; 11th February 2018 at 9:46 AM..
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