thegreatfuldead Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 (edited) Little bit of a sticky situation. Meet girl, we click quick, start dating. Everything is fine, mostly. Still very new relationship (couple months, we are both adults, taking things slow) Well, she has a habit of being very flakey. I do ask about it, and she informs me her mom has mental health issues, and she is over there alot. I dont pry, or atleast try not to as when she is ready she will tell me. We work opposite schedules, and see eachother when we can. I'm not too about being attached at the hip 24/7, and its really seeming to work. Making future plans, etc. Except, the flakiness increases to, completely being blown off. After the 5th (not exaggerating) time, and I mean not "hey im busy, can we try again" these are being blown off without a text or a call or anything. This was also a date night, we had plans to go out. I'm starting to think maybe I should take a step back, reevaluate whats going on. I very plainly ask, alittle communication and clarity would be nice, and its not asking alot. She responds with her family issues, taking care of her mom, etc. None of my business anyway, too early for that. This is where things get tricky. She found out her mom was diagnosed with Cancer. Im not sure when, or what type. She approached me and almost broke down. My mother had mental issues as well, caused by a cancerous tumor in her frontal lobe. I can relate, and told her if she needs anything, I will be here, and will support and help her out however she needs. Also offered if anything needs to be done because times like this are hard (house work, errands, etc.) She has fallen off the face of the planet. I've taken a step back from messaging her, as she generally doesn't reply. After about a week, I finally get an apology message, she is recognizing that she is pushing me away, and its not fair to me and etc. I told her I understand. This is bigger then me, however being completely ignored does suck, its understandable. So, I send her a text every few days, perhaps. Usually no reply, or if there is any context (I ask a question, see how she is doing) it is generally brushed off. I have been through it, it sucks. On the receiving end, but I am giving her room, not blowing her up and certainly not asking to see her. None of this is about me. It is frustrating, but that's a petty feeling that I can get over. I also understand the relationship, which is not at all a priority at this time, may very well be over already. Though, I'm certainly not going to bring it up. So I sit and wait, and wonder if I have done everything I can. Is there anything else I should be doing? Is there anything I shouldn't be doing? Edited February 4, 2018 by thegreatfuldead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 You didn't do anything wrong, it's just that you need to move on that is all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 yeah dont waste your time... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 What she told you might be true or not. You need to consider it could be a lie, for what you know. One thing for sure: she's using that health problem as an excuse. As you said, she could just text a couple words, but she doesn't. She goes MIA. She could have issues of her own... but the bottom line is she's not respecting you and your feelings. You are in the very early stages of this relationship. Like others suggested, I'd just let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Streetlight23 Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 (edited) Sadly, there really is nothing you can do. I am going through something like this with a girl I was dating and the bottom line is, and I hate to say it, its pretty much over. Its extremely frustrating. The thing you should take away from this is this has nothing to do with you. Its nothing you did wrong or what you could have done differently to change the outcome. This is her issue and how she is choosing to handle it has nothing to do with you. Hell you could be Brad Pitt riding in on a white horse with a dozen roses and it wouldnt make a difference. She has shut down emotionally (partially) to not be overwhelmed by the emotions of her situation and so the idea of a relationship was killed the moment that happened. If you want to be optimistic (I dont think you should but sometimes hope helps) all you can do is wait and see if she reaches out. Please do not contact her. Edited February 5, 2018 by Streetlight23 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 Her priorities lie elsewhere. Continue to send supportive texts if you like but assume you are released from any commitments. Suggest she get back in touch when things settle down in her life but assure her you will be there if she needs you (assuming that is true). Otherwise just fade away. Link to post Share on other sites
rickwman Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Flakey = red flags many times. I appreciate that you give her space, time to deal with her Mom or other issues. Have you both shared about your expectations of one another? I'll stand with you that your future with her is on solid ground and you both have the freedom and love to share your needs with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thegreatfuldead Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 just an update she is still texting me. but its half conversations then she dissapears again. All i did was send her a text saying idk whats going on anymore. The lack of communication isnt okay, and its left me i limbo. That is all. Im still play to support you and care about you, but you need to take care of yourself, and have an actual conversation with me and not dissapear. anyway. Said my peace. Ive been at the end of my rope for awhile now. Something isnt adding up. Especially she went on a day trip, sent snapchat stories all day, and didnt say a word to me. Speaks Volumes. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 just an update she is still texting me. but its half conversations then she dissapears again. All i did was send her a text saying idk whats going on anymore. The lack of communication isnt okay, and its left me i limbo. That is all. Im still play to support you and care about you, but you need to take care of yourself, and have an actual conversation with me and not dissapear. anyway. Said my peace. Ive been at the end of my rope for awhile now. Something isnt adding up. Especially she went on a day trip, sent snapchat stories all day, and didnt say a word to me. Speaks Volumes. Indeed. Anytime a woman says “It’s not fair to you” it means she’s not interested. This had little to do with her mother and everything to do with her lack of interest. Happens to all of us so don’t feel bad. Just don’t waste anymore of your time or effort on her. Another thing I’ve noticed: anytime you have to ask if a woman’s behavior is indicating disinterest, it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 just an update she is still texting me. but its half conversations then she dissapears again. All i did was send her a text saying idk whats going on anymore. The lack of communication isnt okay, and its left me i limbo. That is all. Im still play to support you and care about you, but you need to take care of yourself, and have an actual conversation with me and not dissapear. anyway. Said my peace. Ive been at the end of my rope for awhile now. Something isnt adding up. Especially she went on a day trip, sent snapchat stories all day, and didnt say a word to me. Speaks Volumes. Unfortunately it seems she has been hiding her disinterest behind her mother's cancer. In future, don't continue to support someone who doesn't make it clear she wants you in her life. And ditch anyone who shows a pattern of flaky behaviour - it's another sign of low interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thegreatfuldead Posted February 7, 2018 Author Share Posted February 7, 2018 At this point, I am literally begging, or at least it sounds like, for my own girlfriend to talk to me. And that is absolutely pathetic. I'm going to man up and move on from the situation. I understand the gravity of the situation, so I'm already feeling guilty for even feeling this way. However, something isn't adding up, and I'm not going to wait around to find out. Thanks guys. Always here when I need yall. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 I agree it doesn't add up. If the situation with her mother isn't preventing her being on Snapchat all day, then it shouldn't prevent her responding to your texts. I think you're making the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 7, 2018 Share Posted February 7, 2018 At this point, I am literally begging, or at least it sounds like, for my own girlfriend to talk to me. And that is absolutely pathetic. I'm going to man up and move on from the situation. I understand the gravity of the situation, so I'm already feeling guilty for even feeling this way. However, something isn't adding up, and I'm not going to wait around to find out. Thanks guys. Always here when I need yall. In my experience, the only thing you should beg for from a woman is a break from sex because your willy is too sore. Although that is often met with mixed results as well Point is it's not this hard. When a woman is into you she makes demands on YOUR time, not the reverse. I've fallen short on this demand due to my lack of interest and have upset many a woman as a result. Most of these times I preferred to sit on my couch with my dog and watch TV rather than see them. When you find a girl that digs you, she will be jumping at the chance to spend time with you. You'll not put up with flakiness when you've had a woman who is rearranging her schedule for you. Keep looking brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thegreatfuldead Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 So i decided to stick it out until the dreaded vday. and to my dismay, she stood me up. We finally talked, said i still had plans for us on vday, and she said it would be great. lets do it. day before, send a text, hey let me know if youre busy, any plans etc. nothing back vday hey, let me know if when youre up and about. nothing 6pm rolls around, nothing. i cancel all the reservations. go to the bar. get hammered. 10pm rolls around, get a text. she apologizes, said she has been with her mom all day. K. well. you coulda sent me a message, you know, earlier. instead of standing me up. and I laid into her. Via text. i feel bad, i wasnt vulgar, but I definetly let her know her communication sucks, she stood me up, and had all the time in the world to send a message. I also, very petty, said i shouldn't have bothered and I knew she was going to stand me up again. I knew she was. and why did I bother? And to my surprise, no response. dropping her stuff off today. Cheers gents, going out with no weight in my shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Why would you even bother to drop her stuff off? How much humiliation does it take to piss you off? Just text and let her know which dumpster. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 I'm sorry she was so rude but as you already know you are better off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thegreatfuldead Posted February 16, 2018 Author Share Posted February 16, 2018 Youre probably right, but being as I wont bring myself to that level, just going to drop it off. Dont really care if she is there or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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