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Am i overthinking again?


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Old 4th February 2018, 1:54 PM   #46
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You consider all that crying and begging a good thing, while it actually isn't. It's his unresolved issues speaking not love and fear of losing you. Be very wary of someone is that attached and emotional over you after just a few months of dating. Maybe you're having all these doubts because deep inside you know he isn't fully healed yet.
The crying and begging part also alarmed me. It says to me "I can't bear to be alone."
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Old 4th February 2018, 2:15 PM   #47
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The crying & begging after such a short time knowing Rebecca is unhealthy on the BF's part. It doesn't tell me he loves Rebecca or that he wants his EX back. I do agree with Jj66. It seems like he can't be alone, which is not good either. However, the BF is also young & maybe he is sincere. I'm not saying break up with him. I am saying, Rebecca you need to believe in yourself more and you need to keep your eyes & ears open around your BF. Don't be paranoid or suspicious, just observant.
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Old 4th February 2018, 2:16 PM   #48
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The crying and begging part also alarmed me. It says to me "I can't bear to be alone."
Ya I get the feeling he's a bit of a cling-on....in love with the idea of being in a relaitonship that's leading towards marriage and kids, but not in love with the actual person he is with. I totally understand why the OP has reservations about what comes out of his mouth.

Keep your eyes wide open OP....be careful. IMO I smell the bs too, even from here.

If it's too good to be true, then it is.
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Old 4th February 2018, 2:27 PM   #49
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In what ways has he seemed "off" since the baby was born, OP?
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Old 4th February 2018, 2:31 PM   #50
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In what ways has he seemed "off" since the baby was born, OP?
Im not entirely sure how to put it. When were together he seems fine but when were apart he seems distant while were texting.

Also the boy that his ex got pregnant by is African American and hes made a few comments about me leaving him for a black guy
So that makes me think hes not over it
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Old 4th February 2018, 2:55 PM   #51
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Also the boy that his ex got pregnant by is African American and hes made a few comments about me leaving him for a black guy
So that makes me think hes not over it
It makes me think that you are both insecure and lacking in self confidence...
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Old 4th February 2018, 5:43 PM   #52
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I think it he shows other signs it might cause concern. Does he talk about her? Even if it's Just as friends? How long has he known her. I wouldn't put too much thought into it unless it becomes more often. A lot of people pictures on facebook without having attraction.
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Old 4th February 2018, 5:53 PM   #53
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No. He doesn't want her back. He's afraid. Just like you think he's like your EXs & will cheat on you, he thinks you are like her & will eventually cheat on him too.
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Old 4th February 2018, 7:25 PM   #54
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He’s never given me a reason not to trust him. I’ve literally held his phone in my hand and played on it and he didn’t mind. I’ve seen his text messages and his Snapchat (not because i made him show me, but because he got on them both in front of me) and there were no other girls on there except a random one on Snapchat. But he explained to me that she snapped him and he didn’t respond. (Again i didn’t ask him about her, he just felt the need to explain why she was on there i guess)

Why do you bother about his snapchat or text messages? This is now what trust looks like.
My boyfriend and me have been together for 8 months and I would never dare to take his phone and do stuff on it or read his texts. That's his privacy. And I trust him, so there is no need for me to 'check' anything.
Let alone have this be an issue to begin with.

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Second, sometimes i feel like our text messages are lessening as well. I know we’ve pretty much gotten to know eachother now so there is less to talk ahout. He still sends me long Goodmorning messages telling me he hopes i have a good day and that he loves me and other sweet things, but this is something that has also messed with my head.
Am i getting boring??
Is he losing interest??
The better you get to know each other, the more there should be to talk about... it's the greatest thing to become so comfortable with another person that you love, that you can talk about everything without feeling weird about it.

In my relationship, my boyfriend and me are now more chatty with each other than we were 8 months ago.


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Third, I’ve seen him like pictures of other girls on Facebook. Now i understand that this is childish to be upset over but on top of my already low self esteem and insecurities, this one hurt big time. I spoke with him and told him that it bothereded me and since i have not seen him like another girls photo up until the other day. It was a picture of her standing in front of a huge truck. (Which he’s country so I’m sure it had more to do with the oversized truck than the girl)

Again, what does this matter? It's facebook! My boyfriend likes all sorts of photos on facebook and so do i. How do you even know what he liked on facebook? Did you search for it? Why? Because you are snooping and controlling his moves. You have not an ounce of trust for the guy. I get it that the NYE thing may got you worried, but you need to move past this. It is still early in the relationship. People sometimes make mistakes, doesn't necessarily mean he did something that would jeapordize your relationship. He was just being a stupid person, but he didn't cheat and if he ever will, you will likely know and you can break up with him. But until this does not happen, you have nothing to worry about and should just enjoy your relationship as it is.
Spend time together, cherish that time, get to know each other better... and build some strong foundation.

First rule for that is: stop snooping, stop reading his social media or texts or snapchat and leave it all be, just put some trust in him!
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Old 4th February 2018, 7:30 PM   #55
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Again, what does this matter? It's facebook! My boyfriend likes all sorts of photos on facebook and so do i. How do you even know what he liked on facebook? Did you search for it? Why? Because you are snooping and controlling his moves.

First rule for that is: stop snooping, stop reading his social media or texts or snapchat and leave it all be, just put some trust in him![/QUOTE]

I dont snoop through his likes or go searching for it. As Im scrolling through Facebook and see one of my friends post a pic, underneath it says bfs name and 26 other people like this
I dont ever ask to go through his Snapchat, he just gets on it in front of me and shows me them. Same for his texts.
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Old 4th February 2018, 7:33 PM   #56
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I think it he shows other signs it might cause concern. Does he talk about her? Even if it's Just as friends? How long has he known her. I wouldn't put too much thought into it unless it becomes more often. A lot of people pictures on facebook without having attraction.
No me and her split up over a year ago. And Im glad we did because she was a cheater and i didnt find out until after we broke up

That is the only thing hes ever said about her. Other than that hes never brought her up.
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:38 PM   #57
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I would say that you should talk to him. If you can tell us, you should be able to tell him. What do you have to lose? Don't you want to know the truth? The real question is what are you going to do if you don't like what he says or if he doesn't say anything at all? A relationship won't be successful if its not built on trust. It can be very draining trying to interpret everything he says or does and trying to read into every one of his actions. Enjoy the relationship. If you are getting something positive out of it, that's great. If not, you have to decide if its worth staying in or getting out and finding someone else you can build a life with if that's what you are looking for.
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Old 9th February 2018, 6:57 AM   #58
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You are sabotaging this relationship with your stinking thinking. There is no magic formula to stopping this. You have to retrain your brain. When he says you're pretty, it's because he thinks you're pretty. Don't second guess him. Take it at face value, and the second that thought pops in your head that he's placating you, push it out and replace it. He thinks I'm pretty, and I am pretty. He has given you no reason to believe he's cheating and he treats you well. Enjoy this and your relationship and stop trying to interpret his every move as something shady. You'll push him away fast if you keep forcing him to prove himself. Seek counselling to deal with your issues around trust and insecurity. Clearly a great guy who treats you well isn't enough for you. It's difficult to live your life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Life isn't fair. Get over it. You will have a lot of regrets if you don't enjoy your time with him to the fullest, even if you ultimately break up...then you'll agonize over all the things you did wrong, like constantly being suspicious.

As for him, he has a nature about him that makes me think he just wants someone around and can't be alone. He'll jump from one relationship to the next and hold on for dear life. I would be very careful with this. You don't want a relationship that doesn't allow you to be your own person and even spend time apart. It's suffocating. Though maybe with your insecurities, having him attached to you at all times works for you.

You are not healthy, three identical posts later, maybe more...you need to work on yourself. If you can't afford counselling, at least try some self-help books. If you're a student, there should be free or reduced fee services available to you.
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