sour_pikle Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 So, Ive recently started dating someone. Became FB official yesterday. Of course the public declaration of our relationship meant that my ex and her family (whom I assumed I was on good terms with) saw that I was seeing someone new. I've now started to receive minor threats through messages on FB from my ex's brother (who's psycho fyi). not sure why exactly, I can only assume his sister is upset and possibly getting him fired up out of spite knowing hes a hot head. I ended the relationship with my ex in October 2017 (dated for a year) and started seeing the new woman around the holidays. Anyone have experience with this sort of thing? The last I spoke with my ex it seemed like we had mutually ended things with no real hard feelings. I waited three months before letting anyone know that I was dating out of respect for her and her family because I didn't want anyone to get insulted. Any advice would be helpful! Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 go to the Police about the threats, keep a record Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Block the ex and her family from seeing anything on your FB wall and then you won't have this problem anymore. I would also keep a record of the brother's threats just in case they escalate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sour_pikle Posted February 2, 2018 Author Share Posted February 2, 2018 go to the Police about the threats, keep a record Thanks, I'm not so much worried about the threats but more trying to understand why the ex's family would be upset finding out im moving on. Like we ended things because it just wasn't a good fit and we both knew it. was no cheating or harsh endings here so im kind of baffled right now. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 What's the bro saying to you? I'm not so much worried about the threats but more trying to understand why the ex's family would be upset finding out im moving on. Like we ended things because it just wasn't a good fit and we both knew it. was no cheating or harsh endings here so im kind of baffled right now. Are you dating someone you knew while you were in a relationship with your ex? If so, maybe she thinks you did cheat on her, at least emotionally while you were together. If you just went FB official, she probably did the math and sees that you moved on quickly. That may have upset her, or just the fact that you moved on before she did, who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 Before you jump the gun, this is not her entire family doing this, it's only one phycho brother and he probably did this on his own, phycho people don't need their sister to crank them up. If your ex knew he did this she would probably be mad at him. Block him only and life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sour_pikle Posted February 2, 2018 Author Share Posted February 2, 2018 What's the bro saying to you? Are you dating someone you knew while you were in a relationship with your ex? If so, maybe she thinks you did cheat on her, at least emotionally while you were together. If you just went FB official, she probably did the math and sees that you moved on quickly. That may have upset her, or just the fact that you moved on before she did, who knows. I did not know her whatsoever. we met at a local band thing and hit it off. like I said, this was a no drama split, or so I thought anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 This seems obvious, but maybe it's not. When you break up with the girl, you break up with their family too. Get them off your social media, all of them and her too! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 I don't know why you still have her and her family still on your social media. They should all have been dropped. If you maintain that great a friendship, there's a way to block certain people from seeing certain posts. I use this when I don't want the minor children to see certain posts and when I don't want my mother to see certain posts. Make use of this feature if you must maintain FB friendships with these people. Block the brother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Take threats to the police. Understand that her and her family's inability to get over you moving on since you and your ex ended things last year has nothing to do with you. You are not obligated to remain single until your ex finds someone first. It's time to remove them all from all social avenues and block them. They aren't your relatives. They all need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Thanks, I'm not so much worried about the threats but more trying to understand why the ex's family would be upset finding out im moving on. Like we ended things because it just wasn't a good fit and we both knew it. was no cheating or harsh endings here so im kind of baffled right now. They didn't expect for you to move on--maybe they thought you should have told them before you announced it --- you didn't--but some people have an inflated sense of their own self-importance sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sour_pikle Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 I guess I just hoped we could all remain civil since nothing bad happened that ended the relationship. I posted on here years ago and didn’t take the advice I was given...I’ve learned my lesson. Thanks for the good info. I guess some people just can’t be adult about these things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sour_pikle Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 I’ve been thinking hard about this, just seems to me I keep loosing friends after very break up. My last LTR saw me loose a great deal of friends and pretty much pushed me out of my own social circle after the break up. It seems to be happening again. That’s probably why I hoped to keep them on social media, I just don’t want to have to go through all that bull**** again Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 OP, why do you want to remain "civil" with a person you describe as "psycho"? You're looking for civility and maturity from the wrong person here. Block him and be done with it. You can't understand an unstable person if you're not unstable yourself. Most exes drift out of each other's lives anyway. I am not sure what you really stand to gain by keeping her family on your social media. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 it’s facebook not your bank account or birth certificate. Block them all or deactivate your account for a few months until the dust settles Link to post Share on other sites
Author sour_pikle Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 I hoped to gain some sort of maturity after the break up and be able to remain civil with people that came into my life as a result of that relationship...I don’t get why the only option after a break up is to delete everyone from your life...I may also add I live in a small town so I can block them all I want, I’m going to run into them frequently. I’ll pretty much have to become a hermit to avoid them and her friends. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Again, what is the point of remaining civil with the brother you describe as psycho? Unless you have a very strong need to be liked by others, I can't fathom why you care what this loon thinks of you. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 I’ve been thinking hard about this, just seems to me I keep loosing friends after very break up. My last LTR saw me loose a great deal of friends and pretty much pushed me out of my own social circle after the break up. It seems to be happening again. That’s probably why I hoped to keep them on social media, I just don’t want to have to go through all that bull**** again You'll find, as you get older, that your social circle ebbs and flows--not everyone is supposed to remain in your life for your entire life. Some people have to be allowed to go, some have to be cut out of your life because they no longer have anything worthwhile and supportive to offer your relationship with them. In the future, cultivate your own circle of friends who are loyal to you---never go into any relationship thinking that your partner's friends are your friends, too. On the surface and in a very shallow way, yes, they're being friendly, cordial and well mannered. However, the truth is: their loyalty is to your partner, not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Also, OP, who else besides the brother is giving you a hard time about this? You say in your thread title that your new girlfriend, your ex and her family are all upset with you. So what have the others said or done in response to you posting your relationship status? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 .I don’t get why the only option after a break up is to delete everyone from your life...I may also add I live in a small town so I can block them all I want, I’m going to run into them frequently. I’ll pretty much have to become a hermit to avoid them and her friends. This situation isn't a result of anything you've done other than live your life post her. This whole situation is a result of them not accepting that you and she have split up and she apparently not telling them what she's been telling you.... otherwise, why such a colossal disconnect? If things were amicable between you two, why is she firing up her brother with lies? See, I think your ex is the genesis of all the eff-ery you're experiencing right now---she's the common denominator in all of this. And yes, being in a small town you're bound to run into them, but that doesn't mean you can't keep it courteous while you're keeping it moving. It's like entering the lobby of a hotel--that's as far as they get--they don't get to ride the elevator up to a room and go in. Same thing here--they aren't entitled to any long, drawn out explanation from you about anything--it's not fit for them to know. "Hello", "S-up?", or a head nod is really all they are entitled to. In the meantime, I'd be focusing more on my new girlfriend and a little less on people who, in the grand scheme of things, really don't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Also, if you're finding yourself losing your friends over break ups, then that has to do with what your ex has been telling everyone--and it's not necessarily the truth, but people will use whatever tool at their disposal to manipulate others and a lie will do just as well as the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 How old are you and your Ex? Anyway...block him and report threats to the police. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sour_pikle Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 How old are you and your Ex? Anyway...block him and report threats to the police. I’m 33 my ex is 27. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sour_pikle Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 Also, OP, who else besides the brother is giving you a hard time about this? You say in your thread title that your new girlfriend, your ex and her family are all upset with you. So what have the others said or done in response to you posting your relationship status? Both her parents and one of her friends deleted me off fb and the brother sent me. A “see you soon pos” message. I’m focusing on the new relationship but at the same time I’m worried that if my ex is causing all this the next thing she’ll be messaging my new gf to metle in my business that way. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 Both her parents and one of her friends deleted me off fb and the brother sent me. A “see you soon pos” message. I’m focusing on the new relationship but at the same time I’m worried that if my ex is causing all this the next thing she’ll be messaging my new gf to metle in my business that way. Let's imagine for a moment that this happens. If your new girlfriend is rational and alert to the possibility that your ex could stir up drama, then she will also know to ignore any incoming contact from her or anyone connected to her. And if your ex's parents and friends choose to delete you from social media, it's their prerogative. You know you have done nothing wrong, and you don't need to prove yourself to them. Might they have gotten the wrong impression that you left your ex for this new girl? Possibly. But is their opinion of you that important to you? The only person I would actually be concerned about is the one making a direct threat - her brother. Block him, but keep a record of his threat. Do not communicate with him or anyone in her circle at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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