AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 So I'm recently divorced from an 11 year marriage and I met a woman on POF that seems perfect for me, she's my age (1 year younger), she adventurous, outgoing, affectionate, we get along great when we are together, but recently she seems needy to me. For example, I text her a couple of times during the days when I'm at work, I text her a couple of times after I get home (around 5:30pm), and I don't text her the rest of the night, she texts me, "Good Night" around 9pm, I don't answer until the next day with "Good morning". I says she was worried she didn't hear from me, and that how will we get to know one another if we only communicate when we see each other. It's not like I disappeared for days, it was 4 hours from her last text to when she want to bed, I didn't bother to respond to her good night because I didn't see it at least a hour after she sent it. Anyway this is new territory for me, on the one hand I feel she's a little too needy, but on the other hand, she seems like a good match. The only other downside is she doesn't drive due to her poor long distance eyesight. Any suggestions how I handle this? She prefers texting because the cell reception isn't the good where she lives, calls get dropped, but texting always works, also at work, I can text her and she can see it when she returns to her office (she can't carry her phone around at work). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 tell her you prefer to get to know people in person & you find it difficult if not impossible to get to know somebody through text. Ask if an occasional phone call would help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 if the sex is good you can overlook these items Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Always reply to a good night. It's just common courtesy. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Always reply to a good night. It's just common courtesy. what if you are already asleep? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 I don’t see her as needy at all. She likes you and wants to get to know you better as well feel like you want to get to know her better. If your dates are many days apart, she wants to feel like there is some kind of connection in between. There is nothing wrong with that. You should always reply to a goodnight text (or initiate) even if it’s an hour later. I’d be put off by the nonresponse. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 what if you are already asleep? That's alright and easy to explained, it's better than I didn't reply cause I saw your message 1 hour later. That sucks. If I don't get the good night right away then I see it in the morning and it's nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Just curious: Why can't she wear glasses or contact lenses if she's near-sighted? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 (edited) Just curious: Why can't she wear glasses or contact lenses if she's near-sighted? That's a good question, she never drove, she always relied on someone else to drive her around. She relies on her daughter to drive her 45 minutes to/from work everyday. She's also color blind, but I just think it's an excuse not to drive. When she lived closer to the city, she used public transportation, so it wasn't as much of an issue, but now that she lives in a more rural area, it is. I didn't press the issue, if she's not motivated to learn to drive at 48 years old, don't think some guy she's dated for two months is going to make her change her mind about it. It does make me think, what happens if we move into together, will I have to get up earlier every day to drive her to work and pick her up after. Drive her to work when I have off for a holiday, but she has to work. Edited January 30, 2018 by AngryGromit Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 That's a good question, she never drove, she always relied on someone else to drive her around. She relies on her daughter to drive her 45 minutes to/from work everyday. She's also color blind, but I just think it's an excuse not to drive. When she lived closer to the city, she used public transportation, so it wasn't as much of an issue, but now that she lives in a more rural area, it is. I didn't press the issue, if she's not motivated to learn to drive at 48 years old, don't think some guy she's dated for two months is going to make her change her mind about it. It does make me think, what happens if we move into together, will I have to get up earlier every day to drive her to work and pick her up after. Drive her to work when I have off for a holiday, but she has to work. This sounds more like an excuse or a phobia. I think she should live in a place where public transportation is not an issue, instead of imposing such a burden on others. Is her workplace on the way of her daughter's workplace? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 It does make me think, what happens if we move into together, will I have to get up earlier every day to drive her to work and pick her up after. yes you will, if you want the second income Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 (edited) Is her workplace on the way of her daughter's workplace? Her daughter has a mobile grooming business, so in theory it can be some of the time, depending on where she has appointments, but most of the time, no, it's an inconvenience for her daughter. It's working for her now because Mom help to pays many of her bills, but this is certainly not a long term solution. Sooner or later her daughter will have a boyfriend / husband and have her own life. In order to take the bus from where she lives now, she would have to walk 4 miles to get a highway with a bus route, take that back to the main terminal and another bus to the town where she works, don't know how far her workplace is from a bus line route. Probably talking a 2 hour daily commute each way. On the bright side, she rents, so she can move closer to a bus line that goes directly to and from her workplace, or better yet walking distance to work. Edited January 30, 2018 by AngryGromit Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Why did she decide to move to such a remote area knowing she doesn't drive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 (edited) Why did she decide to move to such a remote area knowing she doesn't drive? She followed her one daughter when she moved to this area, she moved with her other daughter that she was living with. She also got a better job that pays better, but she was able to walk to work before. She just has to move one town west and she will be on the same route the bus travels to and from her workplace, which should cut her commute down to 30 minutes each way. Edited January 30, 2018 by AngryGromit Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 I always find it off-putting when an adult doesn't drive and doesn't have the desire to, unless of course they live in a metropolitan area. I don't think she's needy because of desiring a "goodnight" text, but I think there are definitely some neediness red flags here with the driving thing. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Angry Gromit -- Given the number of details you know about this woman's situation I think she's being ridiculous to say that you can't get to know each other because you didn't text GoodNight. You clearly have been paying attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 She followed her one daughter when she moved to this area, she moved with her other daughter that drives her around most of the time. Why did she move in with her daughter, did the daughter need assistance with something? If she moved with her daughter because her daughter is her only mean of transportation than is that the kind of adult you want to date? I don't know where you're from but where I am I would expect a person of 48 years old to have more stability than to be moving around and I would not expect them to be living with a child. There isn't much difference between I live with my parents and I live with my children. She's probably cute and kind but she risks being an extra weight on your shoulders that you will eventually resent. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 She's excited about you, like being a kid in high school. If you feel things are going way too fast for you, then say something....you like her very much yes, but you are not into texting every single day...you are not there yet, that you are still getting to know her. Then ask her what her expectations are with communication, and discuss what is reasonable for the both of you, then adjust to everyone's satisfaction. Simple communication, and compromise....two very important aspects of a relationship. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Responsiveness is really important in a relationship. It will cost you two seconds to say good night back and that simple acknowledgement (that she can see when she wakes up) will do a lot in terms of building safety and security. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 yes you will, if you want the second income Don't need it, I earn a good living without an extra income, I guess she could be a stay at home girlfriend. Certainly more appealing then having to worry about getting her to and from work everyday. With a little planning, I'm sure it's some thing than can be overcome, it's just a matter of restricting living location to a bus route that travels to can from the town her work is in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 Responsiveness is really important in a relationship. It will cost you two seconds to say good night back and that simple acknowledgement (that she can see when she wakes up) will do a lot in terms of building safety and security. Thank you, I'll make a point in doing this for now on. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 I'm not sure how she can be "outgoing and adventurous" if she's fine with being crippled by her driving situation. Perhaps you should take her on a fun date in a big parking lot or a remote area on a quiet Sun morning and give her a free driving lesson. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Why do you wait so long to reply to her? If she sends you good night its just plain rude to not at least say good night too if you are still awake. It takes about 10 seconds to send a text...she's not being needy at all...if anything you are showing she is not your priority if you only have time to send a few messages a day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Don't need it, I earn a good living without an extra income, I guess she could be a stay at home girlfriend. Certainly more appealing then having to worry about getting her to and from work everyday. With a little planning, I'm sure it's some thing than can be overcome, it's just a matter of restricting living location to a bus route that travels to can from the town her work is in. I've come across some shared ride app. Perhaps she can use some of the money from helping her daughter to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Share Posted January 30, 2018 (edited) There isn't much difference between I live with my parents and I live with my children. To be fair, I live with my parents at the moment, so I can't complain too much on this point. Living with my parents has allowed be to pay off 30k in expenses related to my divorce in under 5 months. Given another 4 to 6 months I plan to save 20 to 30k before I get my own place again. IT would have taken me at least twice as long to get back on my feet again if I rented a place. Edited January 30, 2018 by AngryGromit Link to post Share on other sites
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